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  #1  
Old 04-08-2007, 02:41 PM
als463 als463 is offline
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Can engaged/ married veterans rush???

Here's my question-and I hope it belongs in this thread-if not, then I apologize. I'm in an NPC sorority. I absolutely love it and am ready to graduate. My boyfriend, who is active navy, will be getting out of the Navy this june. He will be 25 this summer. By the time he is ready to finish at a major university (he is currently taking online courses at a major BIG TEN university and he may transfer elsewhere after he receives his Associate's from this place), he will be about 26 and engaged (he has the ring-trust me I know)...I've been telling him how great greek life is and he has helped my sorority do various philanthropy projects (he gets along w/ the girls great) and he loves it. We have talked about him joining a national fraternity (IFC) because it's a great way to make connections since he wants to go to Medical School...and he can stay active and really enjoy the college life!!! My question is this: At the age of about 26 (and engaged/ married), would a fraternity even consider him or are there rules against a guy who is engaged (or) married? I realize that the age may not be a big deal but, if we get engaged soon and married by next summer (that is our plan), will he be turned away? I really want to know what fraternities-IF ANY, would consider him because we are both really excited about this and I LOVE GREEK LIFE!!! Please, any fraternity member giving advice would be GREAT because he is an intelligent guy who has been to IRAQ TWICE as a Medic (so, it's an issue of military and age)....If your fraternity does not have a specific rule against that and you think he would be considered-please name your fraternity so we can make a list...Thanx everyone-any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
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  #2  
Old 04-08-2007, 03:46 PM
TSteven TSteven is offline
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Originally Posted by als463 View Post
Here's my question-and I hope it belongs in this thread-if not, then I apologize. I'm in an NPC sorority. I absolutely love it and am ready to graduate. My boyfriend, who is active navy, will be getting out of the Navy this june. He will be 25 this summer. By the time he is ready to finish at a major university (he is currently taking online courses at a major BIG TEN university and he may transfer elsewhere after he receives his Associate's from this place), he will be about 26 and engaged (he has the ring-trust me I know)...I've been telling him how great greek life is and he has helped my sorority do various philanthropy projects (he gets along w/ the girls great) and he loves it. We have talked about him joining a national fraternity (IFC) because it's a great way to make connections since he wants to go to Medical School...and he can stay active and really enjoy the college life!!! My question is this: At the age of about 26 (and engaged/ married), would a fraternity even consider him or are there rules against a guy who is engaged (or) married? I realize that the age may not be a big deal but, if we get engaged soon and married by next summer (that is our plan), will he be turned away? I really want to know what fraternities-IF ANY, would consider him because we are both really excited about this and I LOVE GREEK LIFE!!! Please, any fraternity member giving advice would be GREAT because he is an intelligent guy who has been to IRAQ TWICE as a Medic (so, it's an issue of military and age)....If your fraternity does not have a specific rule against that and you think he would be considered-please name your fraternity so we can make a list...Thanx everyone-any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
I'm not aware of any IFC/NIC fraternity that has any specific rule regarding age or marital status.

Generally speaking, a concern most chapters may have is how involved (dedicated) he will be with the chapter. How willing and able will he be to meet the obligations of being a member. As such, if a chapter feels he is worthy of a bid - i.e. likes him and feels he will meet the obligations of being a member etc. - they will extend him a bid. However, it will depend on the specific campus culture as well as the culture of each specific chapter as to how his age and marital status might affect him receiving a bid.

Age and marital status will most likely be an issue with most chapters that are comprised of "traditional" college students. Those whose members are most likely single and range in age from 18 to 22 years. Few chapters are presented with one of these "issues" (age and marital status) much less both. And as such, they might not be able to relate to him - as a "non-traditional" student - and decide not to extend him a bid.

But again, it doesn't mean he won't receive a bid. The IFC/NIC does not have a quota or total. Thus a chapter would not be giving up a spot if they were to extend him a bid. I would venture to guess that for many chapters, his service and maturity will be considered a plus. As for him being married, again, that would depend more on the culture of the chapter. The bottom line is that it will come down to if a chapter can relate to him as a brother.
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  #3  
Old 04-19-2007, 02:50 PM
Scones Scones is offline
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I know my house just bid a guy who has been married already. He's a brother, and what it comes down to is his dedication and character. Both of which are strong.
Currently we have a brother who just got engaged, we're not shunning him. I am certain that if your guy has the right reasons, he will be able to find a house that fits him perfectly. Sometimes, its not all about age, its about heart.
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  #4  
Old 04-19-2007, 04:34 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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There are not any in stone rules in all or most of the NIC GLOs.

The whole idea is that someone who joins will be able to spend time working with the Chapter and contribuating.

That would be the main question. Can he? Will he and would you be uset about time with out him?
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  #5  
Old 04-20-2007, 09:20 PM
techzbt techzbt is offline
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One of my chapter's founding fathers was a 37 year old Navy Vet, he was a great guy and we were all very sad when he flunked out. He served long enough to get his pension and therefore wasn't really motivated to do well in school and considering his age, it was hard for us to "make" him study. I guess that's one downside of having an older brother is that sometimes they don't think the rules apply to them.
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Old 04-20-2007, 10:19 PM
James James is offline
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Depends on the chapter and school.

If he is cool and people like him they shouldn't have a problem.

A lot of time resume factors are used to eliminate someone people just don't like that much or are considered marginal for whatever reason . . Fraternities don't have upper limts to membership so there is no space problem.
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Old 04-21-2007, 05:21 AM
Coramoor Coramoor is offline
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One semester my chapter had two pledges that were older than any of the brothers. One was active in the Marines for several years before going to college and the other...well, I don't know why he waited so long. The were both like 25 or so.

They made excellent brothers and are still very dedicated after graduation. They do have a little different of a mindset though. They have lived a few years and won't put up with the same shit a freshman will, BUT once they committed they would stick through just about anything.
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  #8  
Old 04-21-2007, 10:01 AM
JonInKC JonInKC is offline
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Only if he/she has a silver amulet. It gives you +5 charisma. It could mean the difference between a bid or a blackball.
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  #9  
Old 04-22-2007, 05:20 PM
als463 als463 is offline
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Thank you so much guys for the words of wisdom....He is totally dedicated and I know this because he is gonna' bust his butt to go to Medical School (he's very intelligent) so he would help with the chapter G.P.A. He has also helped out with my sorority's philanthropy events. At my school-we have the largest student run philanthrophy in the world and he has helped with that. He wants to make time for a fraternity because he knows that I would gladly help out w/ the fraternity with anything they would need because I love my greek experience and know he would too. I would never get upset if he had things he had to do with the chapter because as a greek from a national sorority-I would understand. I know it sounds horrible but, I'm really all about him joining a fraternity because I think so much higher of men who have shown commitment to an organization and a great group of other men. It shows they have drive and are willing to do philanthropy. My guy agrees and knows how strong I feel about this. My uncle was a Sig Chi at PSU and I have the uttmost respect for him because of that...I think the same about women in sororities....even if you aren't in mine...I have respect for you because it shows someone who is willing to stick to something....So-he and I aren't looking at "who's who on campus" the way we care about where he fits in and the guys treat him great!!! He has been to Iraq twice and he's good at what he does...now it's time for him to show he can be a soldier but, also a good college student and fraternity man...any suggestions would be nice guys-thanx for your help!!!!
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  #10  
Old 04-22-2007, 05:45 PM
texas*princess texas*princess is offline
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Thank you so much guys for the words of wisdom....He is totally dedicated and I know this because he is gonna' bust his butt to go to Medical School (he's very intelligent) so he would help with the chapter G.P.A. He has also helped out with my sorority's philanthropy events. At my school-we have the largest student run philanthrophy in the world and he has helped with that. He wants to make time for a fraternity because he knows that I would gladly help out w/ the fraternity with anything they would need because I love my greek experience and know he would too. I would never get upset if he had things he had to do with the chapter because as a greek from a national sorority-I would understand. I know it sounds horrible but, I'm really all about him joining a fraternity because I think so much higher of men who have shown commitment to an organization and a great group of other men. It shows they have drive and are willing to do philanthropy. My guy agrees and knows how strong I feel about this. My uncle was a Sig Chi at PSU and I have the uttmost respect for him because of that...I think the same about women in sororities....even if you aren't in mine...I have respect for you because it shows someone who is willing to stick to something....So-he and I aren't looking at "who's who on campus" the way we care about where he fits in and the guys treat him great!!! He has been to Iraq twice and he's good at what he does...now it's time for him to show he can be a soldier but, also a good college student and fraternity man...any suggestions would be nice guys-thanx for your help!!!!
I realize IFC is way different than NPC recruitment, and I know that while we generally look for the same things in members (good grades, involvement, etc), I don't think it would be too far off to say that in this case, it might also depend on the campus climate.

Being 25 right now, I feel like I've grown out of a lot of the things that I would have done as a 20-yr old new member. I can't really imagine just going into greek life at this point in my life... but I think a part of that is also because I've already got the whole career thing going on and I'm done w/ school.

I just think that there might be some things that he might not relate to with the 18-22 yr old pledge class that he might possibly end up with.

While I think Greek Life is great, I don't think you should think less of him if he doesn't join a fraternity. (You said "I think so much higher of men who have shown commitment to an organization and a great group of other men. It shows they have drive and are willing to do philanthropy.")

He's been to Iraq twice already.. that's more than enough to get a ton of respect from me! One of my dearest friends is on his third tour over there. I think by being in the military for as long as he has, that should already show some kind of commitment to a group of individuals and "drive".

There are also so many other ways to show a "drive" and are "willing to do philanthropy" outside of greek life. Just because someone is not in a fraternity does not mean they don't do philanthropic work. (Your bf is a perfect example, he's helped out your sorority and he's not even greek!)

Anyway, didn't want this to be such a downer, but I think for someone who is older than the other guys, and married, he might be in a different stage in his life (not even just age-wise but maturity wise) and might not be able to relate to the 18-yr olds. Just a thought... I wish you & your bf the best
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  #11  
Old 04-22-2007, 05:56 PM
als463 als463 is offline
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Thank you very much...I'm sorry-I didn't mean to make it sound as though I have little respect for him...I did not mean that...I mean-I've been to Iraq too doing things with my Army unit....I was just saying...it's something he wants to get involved with. You are right about the whole campus climate thing-so, I def. will take that into consideration....I know he won't def. be able to mesh w/ some guys on EVERYTHING but, he is very easy to get along with and he understands the importance of committment (as we've seen with the military). He just sees how much I love my experience and he wants the same thing for himself. He doesn't think that his age should deter him from joining or being accepted because he is very goal oriented and knows how important it is to be involved with activities (aside from having a great GPA). He has had the camraderie from his Navy buddies and he wants that same feeling with guys in college, too. We both come from a small area (we went to the same H.S.) where most people don't even go to college. Now, when we go home-it's so hard to find anything to talk to most of our friends that didn't go to college or go Greek because we're all at different places in our life...he would like to have other guys (whatever age/ all ages-because that's what fraternities are usually made up of) to talk with and connect with...it would be nice to get involved because I intend on being VERY INVOLVED with my alumnae chapter....so, I apologize if it came off as me being snooty since I wasn't trying to say that people who aren't greek don't deserve respect-that's not what I meant, so I am sorry. We are both just really excited and he's willing to be VERY COMMITTED!!! I know you may be at a different place in your life now...but, he feels sort of like he missed out on the college experience since he was away-in a sense he has told me he's a bit jealous because I've had that experience...now is his time to have that chance. I just wanted to know what other fraternity men thought about this situation. As I said before-I would never offend another member of the Greek system (intentionally) because I enjoy it so much and have the uttmost respect for people in it-I was complimenting people in it-not trying to down those not in it...so, I'm sorry-I just want to know how the Greek Climate for Fraternities at places like maybe U.Penn, Cornell, Johns Hopkins, etc. because he's most likely transferring there when he gets out of the Navy this summer.....Any guidance would be great guys (or girls)!!! Once again-thank you everyone for your advice!
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Old 04-22-2007, 06:22 PM
Kevin Kevin is offline
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Is he likely to be very committed because of you, or because he really wants to be?

I was always skeptical about these sorts of guys going through rush because their girlfriends told them to, or because they thought it'd bring them closer together.

Why is he really doing this? Is this your decision or his?

It sounds like with this guy's veteran status, he probably won't need too much more to put on his resume. Greek life won't be (and isn't for most people) that big a deal when entering the work force.

-- and yes, some organizations do have age caps. I'm pretty sure mine does (but I'd have to go to the books to tell you what it is).
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Old 04-22-2007, 06:32 PM
als463 als463 is offline
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No-he really wants to do this! He's really excited. I didn't mean to make it sound like it was my idea...I was just emphasizing how much he enjoyed doing things with my chapter and how he wants to do the same in a fraternity. This has nothing to do with getting "closer" or even building his "resume" because as you said-he already has lots on his resume to begin with. Joining a greek organization is important for so much more than resumes (which I'm sure you know being in one yourself)....this gives him the opportunity to get into the college mind set, aside from the work itself. He wants to make a big campus (which Cornell for example has a big greek system) seem smaller....I'm not pushing him-I def. stand behind him, though. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to join at 25 (it's not like he has children or he's in his 40's-not that I would look down on that, though)...I just wanted to know how most of the men on here would look at a guy interested in doing the Greek thing after being in the military....I wanted to see if they thought that would hold him back or if it would help him stand out in a crowd of other men who wanted to join their organizations...You'll have to excuse me on this one too because I don't really even know the process of joining a fraternity because sororities do it different.....
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Old 04-24-2007, 07:15 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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No-he really wants to do this! He's really excited. I didn't mean to make it sound like it was my idea...I was just emphasizing how much he enjoyed doing things with my chapter and how he wants to do the same in a fraternity. This has nothing to do with getting "closer" or even building his "resume" because as you said-he already has lots on his resume to begin with. Joining a greek organization is important for so much more than resumes (which I'm sure you know being in one yourself)....this gives him the opportunity to get into the college mind set, aside from the work itself. He wants to make a big campus (which Cornell for example has a big greek system) seem smaller....I'm not pushing him-I def. stand behind him, though. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to join at 25 (it's not like he has children or he's in his 40's-not that I would look down on that, though)...I just wanted to know how most of the men on here would look at a guy interested in doing the Greek thing after being in the military....I wanted to see if they thought that would hold him back or if it would help him stand out in a crowd of other men who wanted to join their organizations...You'll have to excuse me on this one too because I don't really even know the process of joining a fraternity because sororities do it different.....
If he is going to school, and it sounds like is of sound mind and somewhat adult, then while it may be hard to do the normal recruitment, He or you should help him to check our the GLOs on Campus with not only their web sites to see what their ideals are.

So, when he finds the one he feels most comforatable with, have him look at them and then talk with them.

There are really no bad GLOs, some do more stupid things and I do not actually feel He will put up with it from being a little older and what his background is!

Do I suggest Him looking YES!
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Old 04-24-2007, 07:41 PM
als463 als463 is offline
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Thank you so much for your advice Tom...I might send you a message later regarding this issue if that is alright with you. As I said before, ANY advice is welcome and thank you to all who have replied!!!
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