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  #1  
Old 06-29-2017, 07:59 PM
7Silver17 7Silver17 is offline
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Question Thinking About Disaffiliation

Hello everyone!

I have been an active member of my sorority for the past four years. I had been very dedicated until becoming a recent alumna.

After doing some reflecting, I feel like being in the organization was more so like running a business than experiencing a sisterhood. I had always promoted Greek Life for what it has to offer and I definitely would not be in the professional opportunities I am experiencing now without being involved in Greek Life very heavily throughout my undergrad.

Reasons that I wish to disaffiliate mainly are from me disagreeing with our new member education as well as the fact that I do not believe my organization has anything to offer me as an alumna.

I feel like the only thing the sorority is benefiting me in is on paper on my resume, but that is all. I have few actual friends in such a small organization (chapter-wise & nationally) and am not sure if this was the sisterhood intended for me.

This is definitely something that has been on my mind for a few months. Any thoughts would greatly be appreciated. Thank you!
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  #2  
Old 06-29-2017, 08:08 PM
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thetalady thetalady is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 7Silver17 View Post
Hello everyone!

I have been an active member of my sorority for the past four years. I had been very dedicated until becoming a recent alumna.

After doing some reflecting, I feel like being in the organization was more so like running a business than experiencing a sisterhood. I had always promoted Greek Life for what it has to offer and I definitely would not be in the professional opportunities I am experiencing now without being involved in Greek Life very heavily throughout my undergrad.

Reasons that I wish to disaffiliate mainly are from me disagreeing with our new member education as well as the fact that I do not believe my organization has anything to offer me as an alumna.

I feel like the only thing the sorority is benefiting me in is on paper on my resume, but that is all. I have few actual friends in such a small organization (chapter-wise & nationally) and am not sure if this was the sisterhood intended for me.

This is definitely something that has been on my mind for a few months. Any thoughts would greatly be appreciated. Thank you!
I am really confused... why would you consider resigning your membership at this point, when there are little to no requirements of you? So what if the "only" benefit that you feel that you get currently is on your resume?

How about thinking down the road when you might have daughters or grand daughters who would be legacies? How about if you move to a new city and know absolutely no one there... you still have sisters that you can reach out to there. Don't dismiss the importance of that kind of friendship.

You say that your organization has nothing to offer you as an alumna, yet you acknowledge significant professional opportunities that you have as a result of your membership.

Unless you have some really significant, moral or ethical disagreement with the new member program, that seems to be a pretty minor reason for leaving.....
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  #3  
Old 06-29-2017, 08:28 PM
Cheerio Cheerio is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 7Silver17 View Post
Hello everyone!

I have been an active member of my sorority for the past four years. I had been very dedicated until becoming a recent alumna.

After doing some reflecting, I feel like being in the organization was more so like running a business than experiencing a sisterhood. I had always promoted Greek Life for what it has to offer and I definitely would not be in the professional opportunities I am experiencing now without being involved in Greek Life very heavily throughout my undergrad.

Reasons that I wish to disaffiliate mainly are from me disagreeing with our new member education as well as the fact that I do not believe my organization has anything to offer me as an alumna.

I feel like the only thing the sorority is benefiting me in is on paper on my resume, but that is all. I have few actual friends in such a small organization (chapter-wise & nationally) and am not sure if this was the sisterhood intended for me.

This is definitely something that has been on my mind for a few months. Any thoughts would greatly be appreciated. Thank you!
I am going to assume your organization is an NPC group, please correct me if I am wrong.

An after-college burnout from sorority life may be what you are experiencing. Four long years of dedication can become relief after graduation when sorority work is no longer one of your top priorities.

Have you thought about what you might do as an alumna to help your sorority group become both what it could be and what you know it should be? Not just at a local level, but with a focus toward national headquarters issues and concerns.

And please define how this is not the sisterhood intended for you, an initiate for life. Might connection with women in a local Panhellenic group be more appealing to your sensibilities?

Being a twenty-something college graduate is enough of a life issue for some people today. You may desire a current personal focus on non-sorority issues for awhile, stepping away from sorority involvement without releasing your bond.
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  #4  
Old 06-29-2017, 09:12 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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What everyone said above.

And be aware that collegiate and alumnae membership are two completely different things. As an alumna, some people stay heavily involved, some aren't involved at all. For some, it can be used to network professionally, and others use it for friends to go out with on a Friday night, or to swap babysitting duties for each other's kids. Even joining an alumnae chapter isn't a huge commitment. Minor dues payments (my national and local dues amount to less than $100/year), a few meetings (once a month at the most), no attendence requirements, positions with few duties and responsibilities, and fun, adult social events.

I would stick it out. As thetalady said, nothing is required of you right now. If all the sorority is to you is a line on a resume, that's ok. That's the case for most sorority members immediately after graduation. My last semester, I was so tired of it and ready to graduate. It could be exhausting. But since then, I've been my chapter's Recruitment Advisor, helped start our Erie, PA alumnae chapter, was the secretary in our Houston chapter, and I now volunteer as the Lead Editor for our national magazine.

I would urge you not to dismiss it so quickly. Take a break! A long one if you need to. Then reevaluate.
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  #5  
Old 06-29-2017, 09:21 PM
1964Alum 1964Alum is offline
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I am also confused as to why you would want to disaffiliate at this time as you can choose to be as active or inactive as you want to be as an alumna. I was initiated in 1964, a loooong time ago, and still remain in touch with several of my sisters. But right after graduation, we all pretty much scattered to the four winds and the four corners of the earth. Add in marriage, children, career, and all the other adult demands that come with being a young adult, most of us weren't active alums while we were establishing ourselves in our new roles and living far away from each other.

When our university's centennial rolled around some 20 years later, a pledge sister and I decided to organize a reunion for our pledge class and others before and after ours. We had a BLAST catching up with each other, and it was almost as if we hadn't had this hiatus at all. We sat at the football game with the adorable actives, and some guys from the school of the opposing team even tried to pick me and one of my sisters up LOL! (Lights were rather dim and they obviously had been drinking. LOL!) We had a large slumber party and felt like we were right back living in the house with each other. There was another small gathering on the opposite coast from where I live and was not able to attend. However, those who did thoroughly enjoyed it.

It was not long after that that our national contacted me to serve as rec chair for the southern part of my state, which I was happy to do and got involved again. I continued with that until DH and I retired and moved here. Someone had written a rec for me, and I was happy to be able to pass that on.

Your sisterhood is for life! I remember singing as an active "Chi Omega, yours forever, ever more to be..." That has certainly been the case for me and for tens of thousand others. As a recent graduate you may not feel that now, but you have a lifetime ahead of you.
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  #6  
Old 06-29-2017, 10:39 PM
Kevin Kevin is offline
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There are literally zero things you must do as an alumna. Dues are optional. Involvement with the chapter is optional. At some point you may have a daughter who would really rather be going through recruitment as a legacy. The new member program at your old chapter, unless they are doing illegal things, has no bearing on you. And even if they are doing illegal things, the question you should be asking is whether to report those things to your HQ (you should).
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  #7  
Old 06-29-2017, 11:19 PM
7Silver17 7Silver17 is offline
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Arrow Reply to current messages

Thank you, everyone!

To answer more specific & general questions, I am part of an MGC sorority. I am currently a newly employed individual at an FSL office and have discussed my situation with an Associate Director. As I have grown and matured more over the years, I do believe I never appropriately asked the right questions when inquiring about the organization.

More specifically, many practices that my sorority is doing, according to my AD, may be "indicative of hazing." Prior to joining Greek Life, I told myself that I would never stand for anything related to hazing. I currently feel a little broken, because I am having to deny parts of my identity/what I have basically built for the past 4 years because I do think that being in a professional role is forcing me to deny what my organization is practicing.

As for alumnae relations, if I would hypothetically move to another place, reaching out to a fellow sister is not on my mind. While we may be in the same sisterhood, we are still strangers. From my experience, I do think the concept of trust was in a way manipulated throughout the years. I am not really close to many sisters, just probably enough to count on my fingers. My entire undergrad I felt so alone and overly stressed trying to make everything work. I complain more about the organization than actually being happy about it.

Right now, I just feel like I missed out on another more meaningful organization out there when I was just burning myself out during undergrad. As an alumna, my organization is so small that there are no professional development or anything in place to help me as a professional. I have always spent time and dedicated myself to helping the organization grow and realized when my time in undergrad was almost up, that I actually received very little in return that I can truly be proud of.

Last edited by 7Silver17; 06-29-2017 at 11:24 PM.
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  #8  
Old 06-29-2017, 11:28 PM
7Silver17 7Silver17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin View Post
There are literally zero things you must do as an alumna. Dues are optional. Involvement with the chapter is optional. At some point you may have a daughter who would really rather be going through recruitment as a legacy. The new member program at your old chapter, unless they are doing illegal things, has no bearing on you. And even if they are doing illegal things, the question you should be asking is whether to report those things to your HQ (you should).
To Kevin,

The things that my organization is doing is a national issue. Reporting it to my nationals would not do any good as every chapter has been basically doing the same thing for almost 30 years.
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  #9  
Old 06-29-2017, 11:33 PM
7Silver17 7Silver17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ASTalumna06 View Post
What everyone said above.

And be aware that collegiate and alumnae membership are two completely different things. As an alumna, some people stay heavily involved, some aren't involved at all. For some, it can be used to network professionally, and others use it for friends to go out with on a Friday night, or to swap babysitting duties for each other's kids. Even joining an alumnae chapter isn't a huge commitment. Minor dues payments (my national and local dues amount to less than $100/year), a few meetings (once a month at the most), no attendence requirements, positions with few duties and responsibilities, and fun, adult social events.

I would stick it out. As thetalady said, nothing is required of you right now. If all the sorority is to you is a line on a resume, that's ok. That's the case for most sorority members immediately after graduation. My last semester, I was so tired of it and ready to graduate. It could be exhausting. But since then, I've been my chapter's Recruitment Advisor, helped start our Erie, PA alumnae chapter, was the secretary in our Houston chapter, and I now volunteer as the Lead Editor for our national magazine.

I would urge you not to dismiss it so quickly. Take a break! A long one if you need to. Then reevaluate.
ASTalumna06,

I really thought about sticking it out, but if something were to happen to the organization nationally, I do not want to be associated with it or be labelled as someone who supports what I know is wrong, especially as a a current pre-professional in the field. I am just beginning my life and want to secure myself and my career as well.
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  #10  
Old 06-30-2017, 12:34 AM
Kevin Kevin is offline
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Originally Posted by 7Silver17 View Post
To Kevin,

The things that my organization is doing is a national issue. Reporting it to my nationals would not do any good as every chapter has been basically doing the same thing for almost 30 years.
Maybe you should consider emailing your HQ (create a paper trail) and then reporting to law enforcement if they choose not to act in a manner befitting the crimes you think they are condoning. Hazing is illegal, not just immoral. You are an alumna of this organization. If you have problems with the way they are conducting themselves, I would encourage you to take a very public stand as the loyal opposition to hazing or whatever. Be a force for change within. Especially if you are considering a career in Greek Life.
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  #11  
Old 06-30-2017, 05:55 PM
7Silver17 7Silver17 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin View Post
Maybe you should consider emailing your HQ (create a paper trail) and then reporting to law enforcement if they choose not to act in a manner befitting the crimes you think they are condoning. Hazing is illegal, not just immoral. You are an alumna of this organization. If you have problems with the way they are conducting themselves, I would encourage you to take a very public stand as the loyal opposition to hazing or whatever. Be a force for change within. Especially if you are considering a career in Greek Life.
Hey Kevin,

I contacted my regionals last month and my message was forwarded to nationals and I never received a response back. Also, my organization always sets up phone calls and nothing is ever written on paper, so I unfortunately do not think a paper trail would work.
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  #12  
Old 06-30-2017, 05:59 PM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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MGC groups are not as regulated as NPC ones. Most of us here are NPC women so we just don't have much to offer you. Sorry you are dealing with this.
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  #13  
Old 06-30-2017, 09:40 PM
Kevin Kevin is offline
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Originally Posted by 7Silver17 View Post
Hey Kevin,

I contacted my regionals last month and my message was forwarded to nationals and I never received a response back. Also, my organization always sets up phone calls and nothing is ever written on paper, so I unfortunately do not think a paper trail would work.
If you can be a party to those calls, check with local attorneys as to the legal ramifications of recording phone conversations.
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  #14  
Old 06-30-2017, 11:29 PM
7Silver17 7Silver17 is offline
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Smile Final Thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin View Post
If you can be a party to those calls, check with local attorneys as to the legal ramifications of recording phone conversations.
I was definitely thinking of recording a conversation if the opportunity arises. Currently going to see if my chapter is willing to create some dialogue/conversation that may hopefully spark more opportunities to have these subjects discussed on a national level. Wish me luck!

Thank you all so much for your help thus far. It has been really hard to express my thoughts to people about all this for years and I felt that Greek Chat was the only space where I could get the most unbiased answers anonymously.
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  #15  
Old 07-01-2017, 03:00 AM
JonInKC JonInKC is offline
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So you want to disaffiliate because your chapter might be hazing? You are an alum, what does this have to do with you? Why is this a necessary thing to do? Doesn't make much sense to me, but it's your life.
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