To Kill A Mockingbird Recruitment Story

[Kangamom]

I am writing the story of my daughter’s sorority recruitment. Please keep in mind that while I am publishing this story after the fact, I’m actually writing it in real time. So my impressions, thoughts and information (or lack of it) may show up. I have written it each day, so basically there are two portions to each day….before and after the sorority recruitment activities.

Numbers wise, Greek life is not hugely prevalent at her school, but it does appear to be quite active. Bridget (not her real name, it’s the name I wanted to name my daughter but my dear husband didn’t like it!!) talked about wanting to join a sorority in her junior year of high school, when we first started looking at colleges. Then by her senior year, she decided she didn’t have an interest in sorority life. By late spring of her senior year, the interest was there again. I started doing some research, because I wasn’t in a sorority in college and didn’t really know anyone in a sorority and didn’t really know anything about it and stumbled on Greek Chat. I learned Bridget needed recommendations and earnestly began determining if we knew anyone to write her a recommendation.

Bridget ended up with recommendation letters for four of the five houses. Four were from very close friends who have known her well and for a long time. One was someone who didn’t know her personally. Grade wise, Bridget has just above a 3.5 unweighted, and a 4.0 weighted GPA, and a high school transcript that was very academic (she came from a pretty competitive college prep private school). Her resume contains a sport that she is very competitive with (she has competed internationally twice), volunteering (with a program for children with autism over 6 years) and some leadership experience (serving as a student representative on the parish council). She pretty and has a cute figure (okay, I'm her mom and think so, but other people say she’s cute too!). From my perspective, she has the background that is required to be considered for sororities (meaning, these days, it seems you have to be quite strong just to have a chance, or so it seems). She does have one significant deficit-lack of connections. Her school has a strong alumni presence and draws big from a certain geographic area, so many people know lots of people when they arrive at school. Bridget is not from that geographic area. She knows no one Greek. In fact, she only knew 2 people on the entire campus when she arrived. In no possible way is she a legacy.

For this story, I am using characters from my favorite book of all time….To Kill a Mockingbird. So, the sororities are represented by these names: Scout, Jem, Atticus, Boo and Maudie.

If you are sure you know my daughters school, feel free to private message me if you want me to confirm your guess, but please don’t “out” the school. I know it will be after the fact, but I’m still funny that way!

[Kangamom]

Two weeks or so before…….
The first activity is an open house/house tours, which occurs a bit before formal recruitment. Girls who have already registered are invited to attend, and bring friends who have not registered. It was scheduled to run about 4 hours. At the earliest time, Bridget was at the appointed place for pick up, but no one else was there. After a few minutes, she saw another girl, who was also there for tours. Within 15 minutes, the Rho Gammas showed up and had a fun surprise-the girls were being transported in a hummer limo. Basically, the limo drive shuttled the girls back and forth. (You can guess from this, it’s not a University of Alabama or UGA kind of recruitment……….there are typically about 75 girls in total per house, with a quota of 25 or 30. I received a couple of cute texts with the girls in the car and posing outside it.

Bridget left liking Jem the best, with Scout a close second. These happened to be two of the sororities that she had recommendations written for her. For Jem, she had a close family friend we have known about 12 years. She also had her cousin, who was in an SEC sorority. For Scout, she had her coach (and confirmation sponsor), who has known her since she was 6. In third was Atticus. Bridget also had a good recommendation for this chapter, from someone who happens to be an alum from this same chapter and has known her 6 or 8 years. Bridget liked them, just not quite as much as Scout and Jem. She thought Boo was fine or okay, just not a favorite. I assume she does not have a recommendation for this chapter. She was supposed to but I don’t think the person ever sent it. She didn’t really like Maudie. Maudie is supposed to be a “top tier” group (along with Jem and Boo). She has a recommendation for Maudie, but not from someone she knows.

Bridget really didn’t have specifics as to why she felt as she did-it was just her impressions.

Here is the recruitment schedule:
Day 1: Welcome, orientation and meet with rho gammas
Day 2: Dinner, visit all five houses, meet with rho gammas
Day 3:Philanthrophy/Sisterhood, visit up to 4 houses, meet with rho gammas
Day 4: Preference, visit up to 2 houses, meet with rho gammas
Day 5: Bid Day

Day 2 Bridget has a conflict-she has a mandatory school activity that overlaps dinner and the beginning of the visits. She is hoping to be allowed to leave her activity a little early, so she can run back to the dorm and quickly shower and change. She will have to ask someone from her dorm for a ride over to the houses (typically, the girls will meet and walk to the houses together). I am hoping that since there are many more sessions than there are houses, she will be allowed to do this.

Bridget let me know that she “needed” (her words, mom thinks “wanted”) a new dress for preference, but given my budget this month it just wasn’t money I wanted to spend. So, Bridget went shopping in a friend’s closet who lives in the area and found an adorable dress. For the rest of the events, she felt she already had what she needed. Or planned to borrow from friends she met at school.

[Kangamom]

The beginning of the week before recruitment starts:
Bridget isn’t stressed or worried about recruitment at all. In fact, I’m not sure she “gets” that she may very well be cut from sororities she happens to like! I don’t think it’s really arrogance as to why she feels this way, but rather lack of knowledge of the process. I’m glad she’s not stressed, but as her mom, I hope that things go well for her! It just so happens that her birthday is the first night of recruitment…is that a good omen???

Other good news is her practice for Friday is cancelled, so she no longer has a conflict.

I know I am stressed and feel the need to have a good bottle of red wine on hand as I wait for word on how things went. My dh and I have big plans for Saturday, which is the longest day of recruitment, so I am glad I have something to take my mind off of things. DH works with a guy who has an awesome boat, and is taking a group of colleagues sailing on the bay. We’ve done this before and I know if will be the perfect antidote to keeping my mind off of things.

[Kangamom]

Orientation Night:
Bridget just called. She had her orientation meeting tonight. She is totally amped up. Excited, chatty, words tumbling out of her mouth. She received a cost list tonight but there is no info on what it pays for so the information is almost useless at this point.

Scout is almost triple what Boo costs and double over Jem. Atticus is cheaper than Scout but up there. Maudie is less than Atticus but still double over Boo. I am confused beyond belief! I understand that this fee is the highest the first semester and different groups may cover different things. Why can’t they just tell you what it covers, instead of throwing out a number? I told Bridget not to worry about the costs, because I can tell she is anxious. I tell her that the higher cost sorority probably covers everything and I may prefer that, so I’m paying once instead of all semester (and year). This seems to calm her down.

Bridget is quickly learning the lingo-she threw out Rho Gamma, mutual selection and letters like she was raised around someone who had a clue. She remains confident but I did broach the concept that you may not be invited back to your favorite and have to find a new favorite. I also mentioned that maybe she might decide she likes one sorority better after she attends an event or two and that her mind may change. She seemed open to both these ideas, but mentioned that Scout was her favorite (which was a change from 2 weeks ago) Bridget also told me that girls will be offered a bid to a sorority, as long as they just don’t want one particular one. However, she also told me that she was told not to just choose one or two groups to return to, which indicates to me she may not fully understand the concept of ranking.

I emailed the ladies who wrote her a recommendation, just letting them know that recruitment had started and just a few tidbits. I am going to try and do this each night, because I think they will be interested in the process as well. Her cousin is waiting to hear where she pledges, because she wants to be one of the first people to buy her something with her letters. She’s a cousin by marriage and lives far from us, and it pleases me no end that she is so excited by this. I have no horse in this race, but part of me would love Bridget to be a Jem, so these cousins would have this connection. But then I am hoping she might pledge Scout, because her longtime couch and confirmation sponsor is a Scout and I know it would mean a lot to her. I guess I’m lucky my mom or I weren’t in a sorority, or I’d probably feel strongly about carrying on that tradition. Do I sound scattered? I don’t mean to. I think it’s just anxiety and worry and stress and……….

[Kangamom]

Open Houses:
Bridget texted me a picture of herself and a friend before they were off. The dress guidelines stated: a t-shirt or blouse, jeans, skirt, shorts and comfortable shoes. Bridget wore blue jeans and nice blouse. The weather has been getting colder, so shorts and a skirt didn’t seem like a good option. Seems like she’s off to a great start! I, on the other hand, am feeling madder than a hornet! DH has been working crazy hours this week, as his department has testing (goes to work from 7ish to 12 or 1, comes home and naps an hour or two and back to work at 3 until 1 or 2 in the morning) Testing was supposed to finish today, with dh getting home at about 2 in the afternoon. Well, testing got postponed until tomorrow!! Which means no fun day on the boat, sailing the bay, taking my mind off Bridget’s recruitment. Rats and rats!! I am trying to come up with a Plan B, but obviously, it will be hard to find something to compare to that! (Somehow, cleaning the garage and doing laundry just doesn’t sound as good)

I got a second text about 7pm. Bridget had been to two parties: Boo and Maudie. She then had a 1 ½ hour break before her next parties. They were playing games so that’s all I got. It sounds like there are not the restrictions on cell phones and other items as there are at other schools. At the end of the evening, she had to rank four schools as #1, and one school as #2. She ranked Boo as #2. As a funny aside, she texted me that the houses for the groups were mansions!!! Of course, they are pretty ordinary, but after living in very old dorms for a month, they are looking pretty good to Bridget.

[Kangamom]

Philanthropy and Sisterhood Day:
I just got a few quick texts from Bridget this morning. She was invited back to 3 houses (there were a maximum of four). She was invited back to Scout, Jem and Boo. She was disappointed she wasn’t invited back to Atticus, but didn’t care too much about being dropped by Maudie. She wasn’t too upset about being asked back to only three groups. She noted a lot of girls were invited to three, a few to four and some only had two. However, she really indicated she didn’t really understand the whole concept of ranking schools, because she didn’t understand why she was asked back to Boo if she ranked them last. She thought it was because she knew the president (who is her zumba instructor)

Today the girls are served lunch by the local panhellenic alumni group, which seemed nice. The visits are 40 minutes.

The attire for today stated: A sundress, skirt or pant outfit and comfortable shoes. Bridget wore a high-low dress, but it wasn’t really dressy.

In an ironic twist of fate, after trying to figure out how to keep myself occupied today with my boat trip cancelled, I twisted my ankle driving my youngest son to robotics. Just stepped out of the car funny into a small pothole. It really hurts! So I spend much of the day watching college football with ice on my ankle. Sigh.

Bridget called me tonight. She had to rank the groups to be invited back for preference. She chose Scout as number 1, Jem as 2 and Boo as 3.

She said some girls were called this morning and not asked back at all. Made her even happier with her three.

Scout went well. She never had awkward pauses in the conversation with Scout. A friend of hers (Emily) is a good friend with a girl in Scout (Karen). She ended up being bumped to Karen and when they chatted, she found out that Karen was in her dorm in her exact room and bed 2 years ago. They talked about sports teams. The sorority had their philanthropy activity but Bridget never made it to the activity, because she kept getting introduced to other girls and having new conversations. Is that a good sign?

Jem also went well. Jem had a few awkward pauses in conversations but not too bad. At Jem, Bridget was introduced to an alum who also had a daughter named Bridget, so she thought that was funny. Jem’s philanthropy is Bridget’s major in college. They didn’t do a project, but showed a video and had an alum speak.

At Boo the girls were really nice. It’s the most diverse. Even though it’s her third choice, she would still probably pledge Boo. She liked the activity for philanthropy. It was a really good project. The girls worked together on making tie blankets, so you walked over and worked a bit and then moved on.

All the sororities were loud. She has a massive headache. While many of the conversation topics were the same at each house, girls seemed very interested in what she had to say. She said the prospective members can bring things with them to the house, but have to leave everything in a basket outside the house. (phones, sweaters, etc)

[Kangamom]

Preference Day:
Bridget texted me at 1:30 today, saying she hadn’t received a phone call releasing her. We both agree that she probably would have heard by now if she didn’t have any parties. Phew! She’s wearing an adorable red strapless dress for preference, courtesy of a friends closet. The attire stated: A nice dress and comfortable heels.She frenchbraided her hair across her head ending in a side pony tail that she curled. I think she looks very cute. Her photo she texts me is of a happy, confident young woman. Bridget has told me that people tended to be dressier than what is suggested on the website, so both yesterday and today she upped her outfit a bit.

There are boys in her dorm who have already been through fraternity recruitment, and were off to play dodge ball as Bridget was getting ready for Preference……getting dressed, doing her hair and make-up and so on. She comments that she’s jealous of the boys, because she is sure they didn’t have to go through all the prep that the girls do! She’s looking forward to being with girls in a house in yoga pants and a sweatshirt.

But, at the start of preference, while my phone was in the back bedroom, I received a terse text, “I didn’t get Scout”. (I had the wrong start time in my head, so was charging my phone in preparation) I frantically text her back, asking how she is, did she get one or two parties for preference and other such texts, but there is no response. I finally hear back. Bridget does have two parties, which is good, but now she desperately wants Jem. It was easier to like Boo when it was one of many choices, rather than now when it might really be THE ONE. She wasn’t that upset, actually, but just determined to make Jem like her tonight. This makes me worry, because I’m afraid she’ll seem desperate or trying too hard. I think this is like playing a sport and being a spectator. Sometimes it’s easier to actually be in the action, than watching from the sidelines.

I tried to text her positive comments (she can’t talk on the phone), that I am grateful she has two houses for preference and reminding her that she has always had a diverse group of friends and that Boo is similar that way. I also try and remind her that she has always liked Jem a lot.

I am realizing that dd’s school is a good example of a school that may not be competitive (it’s not Alabama!!!), but can be competitive in its own way for some girls. Girls got totally dropped after the first day and there were a number with just 2 houses (when they could have four). Girls got dropped today (for preference) and many only had 1 house. So while Bridget is disappointed, things could have been a lot worse.

I also am realizing that I am feeling so very bad about preference (despite my efforts to be positive for Bridget). If she had gotten asked back to Scout and Jem, I’d be confident that whatever house she was asked to pledge at (assuming, of course that this occurs) she’d be fine with. Now I am so scared that Bid Day will be a letdown and disappointment, with her making the best of it. Yes, I guess I am that “Special Snowflake” mom, because I am just so sad that she didn’t get the choices she wanted.

I text Bridget after I think things should be over and ask her if she can talk. She calls me and once again is full of energy and excitement. She really liked Jem and is optimistic that she will asked to pledge Jem. I ask about Boo and she is okay with them as well. She shares that some of the girls really seem to like her and I think she is flattered. She thought it was so fun that each house had cute drinks in martini and champagne glasses (non-alcoholic of course)-it was very festive.

I say that either one of them would be good, and you want to be where people really want you (yes, I have learned something from Greekchat!). She agrees and says that if Scout didn’t really want her then that’s okay. I refrain from noting that it may not be that Scout didn’t want her, that it may just be you can only ask so many girls and she just didn’t know enough people, because I want our conversational focus to be on the houses that are options for her and not the ones that are gone.

We don’t get to talk long, because she is out with friends for a late dinner (she didn’t eat before preference, I assume because of nerves) and I don’t want to take her mind away from her friends. I have tried hard not to be an interfering mom and part of that is not talking to her when she’s out with friends!

[Kangamom]

Bid Day:
Bid Day occurs in the evening and it’s another long day to wait for me. I have been told by friends that if she goes to Preference and maximizes her options, she should get one of them. This is general info, however, and not specific to her school. I pray they are correct. I was also told that at noncompetitive schools, you will probably get your first choice. Please be true, please be true!! I am the mommy and I want her to have her top choice from preference.

Bridget has already let her Rho Gamma know she’ll be late, as she has practice. Her late arrival has been approved, but means mom will have to wait even longer to hear!

I received a simple text, that had a photo, simply saying “ Jem cordially invites Bridget to become a member of their chapter”. Yeah, I’m so happy for Bridget. I never had this opportunity, because of my insecurity that I never even tried to rush, as well as for financial reasons. I’m grateful that I can offer this experience to her.

My daughter is now a member of Delta Zeta, joining her cousin and my dear friend!

[clemsongirl]

Congratulations to Bridget!! I loved reading her story and feeling your emotions, but being able to read it all at once

[ElieM]

Congratulations to Bridget. I'm sure she will make many happy memories with her sisters.

I also enjoyed being able to read the whole story at once.

[Katmandu]

Thanks for posting!! So delighted for your daughter and Delta Zeta. Now you get to buy pink and green items, develop a love for turtles and enjoy watching your daughter grow. The DZ badge is perfectly elegant and lovely~one of my faves.

[AOII Angel]

Good for Bridget! I'm glad you had all of the knowledge from GC to help her through to process. You did good, Mom!

[candygirl200413]

yay!! congrats to Bridget!!

[honorgal]

Great story with a happy ending! Congratulations to Bridget!

[WCsweet<3]

Congratulations!

When you said their philanthropy was her major I wondered if it was DZ. All the Delta Zetas I know have gone on to work in something involving audiology.