GreekChat.com Forums  

Go Back   GreekChat.com Forums > Recruitment > Sorority Recruitment
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Sorority Recruitment Recruitment event and bid day ideas, membership retention, publicity, recruitment policies, etc.

» GC Stats
Members: 329,701
Threads: 115,665
Posts: 2,204,906
Welcome to our newest member, ashleyyadext148
» Online Users: 1,497
0 members and 1,497 guests
No Members online
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:22 PM
GammaDelt GammaDelt is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 117
Help

I'm the president of a local sorority, and we don't have recognized Greek life on our campus. For rush, we have several events, and then we invite girls back to invitational, and then we hand out bids. This year it looks like everyone is a great fit, except for one. The sisters say they feel uncomfortable around her, but I would feel uncomfortable not giving her a bid, especially because she is overweight. I feel like not many of the sisters have talked to her much - most of them are saying they just get bad vibes. I'm unsure what to do in this situation. Although she is very quiet, I think she would be more open with us after we've spent more time getting to know her. Any outside insight?
__________________
"Go and set the world on fire."
-Saint Ignatius Loyola
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:29 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,137
Are you saying that you do NOT want to give her a bid, but are afraid to NOT give her one, for fear that she'll think it's because of her weight?

Let me ask you this, would you rather give her a bid just to spare her feelings and have NO ONE talk to her because they don't have anything in common with her?

__________________
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi

Lakers Nation.

Last edited by KSUViolet06; 02-09-2009 at 04:34 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:33 PM
GammaDelt GammaDelt is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 117
Yes and no. I do feel like she may not fit into the sorority because we are all very extroverted, but I also feel like she is reaching out to us, and I want us to be the ones to make her feel welcome. And yes, I am afraid that not giving her a bid will make her think it's because of her weight.
__________________
"Go and set the world on fire."
-Saint Ignatius Loyola
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:35 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,137
Consider this: Let me ask you this, would you rather give her a bid just to spare her feelings and have NO ONE talk to her because they don't have anything in common with her?
__________________
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi

Lakers Nation.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:36 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,137
I think it would be a good idea to TALK to your sisters and see what it is about this woman that they SPECIFICALLY do not like.

Not just "oh I get bad vibes." Like, specifics.

It's just really good to get that all out there.
__________________
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi

Lakers Nation.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:42 PM
TSteven TSteven is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 3,598
Quote:
Originally Posted by GammaDelt View Post
I'm the president of a local sorority, and we don't have recognized Greek life on our campus. For rush, we have several events, and then we invite girls back to invitational, and then we hand out bids. This year it looks like everyone is a great fit, except for one. The sisters say they feel uncomfortable around her, but I would feel uncomfortable not giving her a bid, especially because she is overweight. I feel like not many of the sisters have talked to her much - most of them are saying they just get bad vibes. I'm unsure what to do in this situation. Although she is very quiet, I think she would be more open with us after we've spent more time getting to know her. Any outside insight?
If possible, ask your sisters to explain what they mean by "bad vibes". Is it because she picks her teeth with a switch blade? Or perhaps that there has been little communication between the sisters and her.

ETA: I guess I am a slow typist cause I didn't see your reply KSUViolet06 when I started.

Last edited by TSteven; 02-09-2009 at 04:44 PM. Reason: slowness
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:49 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 6,291
Quote:
Originally Posted by GammaDelt View Post
Yes and no. I do feel like she may not fit into the sorority because we are all very extroverted, but I also feel like she is reaching out to us, and I want us to be the ones to make her feel welcome. And yes, I am afraid that not giving her a bid will make her think it's because of her weight.
I ran into a similar problem recently with my chapter (not that they had an issue concerning someone’s physical appearance, but because of other reasons). Some sisters would say, “But she’s so nice and it’s not like ASTs to exclude someone when they’re as nice as this girl is.” Sometimes, though, you have to remember that you’re trying to choose the best members for your sorority, and you’re bringing people in who, ideally, will be friends with most of your members. If there are sisters that aren’t comfortable with extending a bid to this PNM, then you have to accept that. PNMs have their feelings hurt all the time. Some of them think, “Did I screw up that conversation?” or, “Did I wear the wrong shirt?” or, “Did I offend that member when I didn’t take the food she offered me?” or, “What if I weigh too much?” It’s not your job or responsibility to analyze and be sensitive to every possible feeling of every potential member. If it was, you’d be a therapist and not a collegiate sorority member.
__________________
I believe in the values of friendship and fidelity to purpose

@~/~~~~
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:52 PM
AOII Angel AOII Angel is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Santa Monica/Beverly Hills
Posts: 8,634
Wow...it will be hard for any of us to advise you on how to accept members to your own organization. Do you usually let the president override the desires of the rest of the chapter? If you personally think that your sisters should give this girl another shot, maybe set up some smaller one on one activities with this girl. I would, however, not just give this girl a bid out of pity. You don't want her to feel like she isn't wanted around since technically she isn't! If you feel strongly, make an effort to get your sisters to look again, but don't force her on them!
__________________

AOII

One Motto, One Badge, One Bond and Singleness of Heart!




Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-09-2009, 04:56 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 6,291
Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel View Post
Wow...it will be hard for any of us to advise you on how to accept members to your own organization. Do you usually let the president override the desires of the rest of the chapter? If you personally think that your sisters should give this girl another shot, maybe set up some smaller one on one activities with this girl. I would, however, not just give this girl a bid out of pity. You don't want her to feel like she isn't wanted around since technically she isn't! If you feel strongly, make an effort to get your sisters to look again, but don't force her on them!
Exactly. I've seen this create tension with some chapters. All you can do is try to get your sisters to spend some time with her. But if they do, and they're set in their ways, don't push them. And remember, if this girl doesn't become a member of your sorority, it doesn't mean that you can't still be friends with her.
__________________
I believe in the values of friendship and fidelity to purpose

@~/~~~~
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-09-2009, 05:04 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,137
Also:

If you push your sisters to accept this woman, that could cause some real DRAMA in your chapter. Like, if she becomes a NM of your sorority and girls decide to exclude her or not talk to her because they feel like they shouldn't have to. Why? Because they never wanted her to get a bid in the first place.

Not saying that this is how someone should act, but just putting this out there.

__________________
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi

Lakers Nation.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 02-09-2009, 05:39 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Hotel Oceanview
Posts: 34,518
To be blunt...fat people can be assholes too. Don't assume that the "bad vibes" have a thing to do with her weight...especially if this hasn't been a factor in giving bids in the past.

I agree w/ AOIIAngel, try to get to know her a little better rather than forcing her on the chapter or confronting members about why they don't like her. Sometimes there IS just something you can't put your finger on.
__________________
It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 02-09-2009, 05:44 PM
LadyLonghorn LadyLonghorn is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 437
Since you are a local, do you have any leeway in giving out bids? Is it possible to let her know that not enough sisters felt like they got to know her through recruitment but you'd like to invite her to some more future events?
__________________
I do not reply to private messages from people I do not know. Thanks for understanding.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 02-09-2009, 06:17 PM
Zillini Zillini is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 1,008
Quote:
Originally Posted by AOII Angel View Post
Do you usually let the president override the desires of the rest of the chapter?
This bears repeating. If this is acceptable within your chapter I suggest you think long and hard about the implications of your decision. Fair or not, your sisters feel strongly this PNM would not fit in your organization. If you over rule them because you believe their reasons are frivolous or discriminatory or whatever, then there will be fallout that extends beyond this PNM and recruitment. You would basically be saying that your sisters' opinions do not matter, only your's counts.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:28 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.