Interracial dating question

[White_Chocolate]

Originally posted by KDatUTC
HOLY CRAPEMS!!!!

NO you didn't!

I am an "asian" female and I can tell you right now I am not freaking "submissive". I don't take isht from ANYONE.

my sister in law will agree with you
she's japanese and laos and she married a black guy
she's far from submissive and speaks her mind about everything
in fact, some of her coworkers asked her about some asian cuisine and she was like, 'i don't eat that mess'
they were stunned and stuck to dairy queen
(her fave restaurant)

however, i will agree that you need to steer clear of the biracial babies are cuter
because i have seen some ugly biracial kids

[Optimist Prime]

its tight

[Jill1228]

What she said! Ya go with mutual attraction. I have dated interracially too (hell my husband is White). It wasn't about finding a good black, white or asian man...it was about finding a GOOD MAN. One who is good to me and treats me well.

As far as White women and Asian women being subservient. I gotta say Bull isht.

Y'all ain't met:
my husband's ex wife (Filipina)
My aunts (some are white and some are Filipina)

Originally posted by Sistermadly
Interracial couples are part of the norm here, no one even refers to them as interracial couples. I've seen all kinds of mixes here, and I think it just boils down to that you found someone who "gets you" and you decide to spend some time with them.

A couple of the more interesting mixes I've seen: A black female/asian male couple who live in my neighbourhood, and a Filipina female/Sikh (Indian) male couple who were featured in a newspaper feature about the "New Canada".

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by smiley21
my word people, i did not mean that biracial people are more beautiful. i just said that their skin has a beautiful tone. we are talking about interracial dating here. i just brought up biracial people. please dont make it look like i am implying that biracial people are more attractive. i said 'i like interracial couples. i love the skin complexions of biracial people'. where in there does it say that i think that there are more attractive than other ethnicities?! you guys read way too much in my statement. like i said before just because i compliment one doesnt mean i dont like the other. please dont make it look like i dont like people's color. i just like what comes out of the mix of different backgrounds. that being said, do i need to let it be known that like the color of people with one background? why should i? i do like their color but it is besides the point. we are talking about interracial dating, people. sorry if i sound mad (cause i am) but i take great offense at being indirectly called racist/prejudice. i am sticking by my first statement.

No one is trying to criticize you. Relax, relate, release.

[Imthachamp]

[Shelacious]

Originally posted by Dionysus
Why are there so many black male/white female and White male/Asian female couples?......opposed to the other way around.

I don't pretend to know any answers. This is just random speculation.

-Black women are still generally less comfortable dating outside of their ethnicity. Most black women feel they want a mate who can "understand" what they go through at work, etc., and since a lot of their problems may revolve around white guys and white women, they may have a difficult time seeking support and comfort from a guy of the same ethnicity that makes their work life stressful.

-Many black women are very attracted to black men, yet are not very attracted (or have been conditioned to be not very attracted) to white men. Therefore, it's a real stretch to want to date someone to whom you are not attracted.

-Some black women do not socialize in environments where they interact with many eligible white guys.

-Some black women remember that their great-grandmothers were sometimes raped by white men, bore children by a white man only to have those children treated like trash by their own fathers. Looking past the historic slave/slavemaster relationship between black women and white men is difficult for some black women.

-Other black women may be interested in dating white men/outside their ethnicity but are hindered by the traditional rules of dating. Men are still the pursuers, generally. You might be feeling a guy, but if he's not interested... Some black women might be receptive, but not quite receptive enough to actively pursue a white guy: if he's not actively making a power move to get your attention, that's that. These same women might be more comfortable doing a bit more pursuing with a black man, however.

I’m not a white guy, so I can just guess why there aren't so many pairings from their perspective.

Standard of beauty, at least currently in this country, is still pretty much blond hair, long hair and blue eyed, slender framed, (I think more because it’s the rarest combination than anything insidious, but I digress) etc. Many black women don't fit that mold. Therefore, maybe black women are not considered as physically attractive to some white men.

-White guys are not often in an environment (even less so than a black woman) where they are going to meet a lot of eligible black women.

-Maybe some white guys are a bit uncomfortable or intimated to date a black woman. Guys don't like rejection anymore than women do, so why would you approach what appears to be a disinterested black woman when there are easier "conquests" all around you?

-What is there to be gained from a white guy dating a black woman from a white guy's perspective? I don't mean to be controversial here, but really? I have dated four white guys in my life (two of them seriously) but all four had a serious preference for black women or women of color. *I* have run into far fewer white guys who happen to see a group of attractive women, both black and white, and think "gosh, something about Aisha really appeals to me more than anyone else there." Does this happen? Of course, but I'm just thinking that that it happens less often than the reverse. One of my best friends (black) is an attorney, married to another attorney (who happens to be white). This guy's goal is to be partner at his firm. We joke around that one of his only strikes against him is that he has a black wife, but the fact that she worked at a better known firm than his negates the strike. While we are being facetious, there is a hint of truth to it: I still think that when a successful white guy dates a black woman, some folks are wondering "why is he dating/married to her?" in the corner of their mind, while the question is less thought about when a successful black guy walks in with a white woman.

These are just some of my thoughts to your question.

[sugar and spice]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
No one is trying to criticize you. Relax, relate, release.

What she said.

If you re-read our posts, you'll see that neither of us were trying to put words in your mouth. But the thing is that there are plenty of people out there who would read what you said and think that you WERE saying that biracial children are more attractive than other children because of their "whiter" features -- because there are plenty of people who said what you said and actually mean that biracial children's features are "whiter" and thus more appealing. That's why it's a dangerous statement to make.

We were just trying to make sure you knew that before you run into some people who DON'T understand what you're trying to say.

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by KDatUTC
HOLY CRAPEMS!!!!

NO you didn't!

I am an "asian" female and I can tell you right now I am not freaking "submissive". I don't take isht from ANYONE.

I said I strongly disagreed w/ that stereotype, I repeated what I heard. Most of the Asian women I know are quite feisty...in the good way.

[cash78mere]

i find this topic interesting. i wonder if there is even a reason, or if it's just one of those things.

i have often thought that biracial children are just beautiful. they have beautiful features from both races. i really don't understand why people think that's controversial. there is just something very striking about many biracial children. not all, but many in my opinion. i also find many white/black/asian/etc babies beautiful, but not all! i have seen some ugly babies in my life!

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by Dionysus
Why are there so many black male/white female and White male/Asian female couples?......opposed to the other way around.

I suspect that this is an American-specific phenomenon. When I lived in and traveled around Europe, the white male/black female combination was the one I saw the most--I rarely, if ever, saw any black males with anyone other than black females. I've heard it's the same in Canada.

I don't believe that about Asian females being subservient, either. Filipina women (especially mothers) DON'T PLAY. I do know, however, that the stereotype of Asian women as being docile is what inspired many American (black and white) servicemen to take Japanese (after WWII), Korean, and Vietnamese wives. There was a series of interviews of American servicemen, and they basically admitted to this--keep in mind, this was a different time, so puh-lease don't shoot the messenger.

I do believe that there is more pressure on young black women to date and marry black men than there may be in other racial groups; there may be a sense of "letting the family down" if she decides to date or marry outside of her race. I know I felt this pressure, not from my parents but peripheral relatives and family friends. In talking to black male friends, that same pressure wasn't there for them, but was for their sisters.

Also--the issue of having to deal with tensions in the workplace could be a HUGE factor. In a conversation I had with my (bio) sister, she said that she was actually surprised that I was dating Mr Munch, since I've had to deal with so many negative situations in academia and the workplace with white men.

So, I don't know what to say. All I know is that I found MY Lloyd Dobler. Papa Munchkin treats me like a Princess, and Mr Munch treats me like a Queen. If you've got it like that, does color really matter?

[PM_Mama00]

I think it's geographical. I've never really seen any white male/black female relationships around here. Around here it's

Black male/white female
Arabic male/white female and very rarely the other way around

And with Asians and Whites it's pretty much whatever. My Asian female friend has a white boyfriend. My best friend who is the "all american girl" (I hate that saying) is dating a guy who is half Asian, half Polish. His dad is Asian and his mom is Polish. And he's hot.

I have another Asian male friend who is hot... his body is truly bangin!

I just want an Italian man. Apparently according to some of my family, we're a whole nother race. Sometimes I think we're from a whole nother planet!

[Shelacious]

Originally posted by cash78mere
i have often thought that biracial children are just beautiful. they have beautiful features from both races. i really don't understand why people think that's controversial. there is just something very striking about many biracial children. not all, but many in my opinion.

It's "controversial" when talking about black/white mixes particularly because throughout American history (South African history too), a dividing line was created between full Africans and Africans mixed with white. There has long been this subversive notion in America, and within the black American community as a result, that the more "white" or mixed race you have in you, the more attractive you are (especially for black women). It's called the color complex, and I would assume that all "minority" ethnicities have some version of it.

This is totally the subject of a different post, and is a HUGE subject and discussion, but just understand that it's controversial because from house slave/field slave times (the bi-racial Africans got to work in the "big house" doing domestic chores, "being able to imitate white folks' ways" while the dark Africans worked in the fields) to only light-skinned blacks (again, particularly women) getting roles as in early films or as dancers at Harlem's Cotton Club (Josephine Baker was considered too dark originally) to conducting the "paper bag test" on a person to see if they were light enough to be accepted into a particular club or society...skin color and racial features have played a big part in the relative level of privilege afford some groups. It is still a sensitive issue for many people, especially those who have felt the sting of people criticizing you because your hair is too nappy, your skin too dark, your features too African. Yes, sadly it still goes on to this day, particularly if you are a black woman.

[AlphaGam1019]

Originally posted by KDatUTC
I am an "asian" female and I can tell you right now I am not freaking "submissive". I don't take isht from ANYONE.

wait, I thought you were hapa ?

[DZHBrown]

I just thought about it after reading through the posts, but I really don't see much white male/black female relationships. I see a lot of black male/white female.

[starang21]

my woman is fine as hell...but i guess that makes sense, since she is a "pretty girl" and was probably the baddest one on campus. i've dated around the spectrum....the only physical attraction i have is to black women and asian women. don't know why, it's just one of them things.