NotSoRetro's Deferred Recruitment at a Private School

[NotSoRetro]

The next morning, we all just spill out of bed and head to accept/regret. I am so nervous because I really want to go back to Chicago and Atlanta. I am not wanting at all to go back to Boston or Los Angeles and am thinking that if I am not invited back to the two I want, I may only go to one pref party tonight instead of two.

But then again, Boston and Los Angeles are top houses and maybe yesterday was just a bad day. Who knows? I am all over the place, but am also feeling a sense of relief that there is just one more day left.

My PX calls my name and I sit down across the table from her. She's holding my list in her hands. I can kind of make out what it says through the other side... I am so anxious. She clears her throat a bit, and reads her little script, "Congratulations, you have been invited back to...."









Atlanta
and
Miami





My initial reaction was shock plain and simple. Yesterday I had six houses at accept/regret and had regretted with interest two. Now I only have two houses and one of them I had regretted. What was going on? And more importantly, what was I going to do?

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by NotSoRetro

I am not wanting at all to go back to Boston or Los Angeles and am thinking that if I am not invited back to the two I want, I may only go to one pref party tonight instead of two.

I'm confused. Why are you extremely against going back to Los Angeles? I thought you had good parties with them.

[Just interested]

Now you can have another look at Miami. Did you take them up on the invitation? I think you did.

[NotSoRetro]

ASTalumna06
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Erie, PA
Posts: 473


Quote:
Originally Posted by NotSoRetro
I am not wanting at all to go back to Boston or Los Angeles and am thinking that if I am not invited back to the two I want, I may only go to one pref party tonight instead of two.

I'm confused. Why are you extremely against going back to Los Angeles? I thought you had good parties with them.

I have typed this out twice, and lost it thanks to my lack of computer skills, so here's hoping that this time sticks!

I can't really describe why I did not want to go back to Boston and Los Angeles. I think maybe my feelings were a bit of self-preservation, because I sort of felt that the charade was up at those two skit parties. I wasn't as wealthy, as beautiful, as social, whatever as these girls. If I made myself too good for them, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if they released me. But, I don't think I ever really expected to be released by anyone. Maybe I did at the beginning of the week, but after coasting through the first two days, I was tremendously overconfident. I thought (mistakenly like many PNMs) that I got to make the decisions -- all of the decisions during recruitment. I didn't realize that although I would have a decision to make everyday, it would only be about those things that I could control.

After my PX read me my shockingly short list, I was stunned, hurt and embarassed all at the same time. I felt exactly the way you do when you fall in public... as much as I was shocked and hurting, I was too embarassed to think about that.

Why was I so embarassed?

I don't think I had necessarily bragged about my invites to my friends at school and at home, but I certainly wasn't humble. I felt like I was such a superstar, and this was a very public affirmation to me that I was no superstar. I couldn't imagine telling my best friend from home (who had a perfect rush at her school) that I went to pref at a house I had previously released.

I also thought going back to the Miami house would be really embarassing and humbling. I knew that if I went to pref there, there was definitely a chance I could get a bid there. What would it be like if my pledge sisters knew I released their house? Would they think I was a snob? Also, why had I been invited back there in the first place? I regretted with interest every other chapter throughout the week, and none of them had invited me back again. Did this mean that they were having a down year? Was my perception of their standing on campus incorrect?

I had so many questions and I knew my Rho Chi wouldn't be much help. She would tell me the normal, maximize your options, all chapters are strong, follow your heart stuff. I wanted to know the answers to these questions, but I didn't really have time. I had to make a decision.

So I decided to accept both invitations, because I knew that would maximize my chances for getting a bid. Although I liked Miami, I didn't really consider that I would accept a bid there, because of the humiliation factor. But, I had loved Atlanta all fall semester, loved the alumnae that I knew, and had a pretty solid rush experience there. I could go to both, pref Atlanta and more likely than not get Atlanta, because my pref card would run through the system more than once. The week wasn't a disaster, just today was.

[ZTA72]

I have a feeling this story ends with a twist.

[NotSoRetro]

So I head back to the dorms and then go with a bunch of friends to the supermarket to pick up some goodies for our lock-in at the student center (we had to wait there until all the sororities turned in their bid lists). While we were there, we ran into two Atlanta sophomores. It was obviously silence, so they just smiled and waived at first. But then one said to me, "Can't wait to see you tonight!" I thought that was a really good sign and it helped me stay positive too.

Back at the dorms, Tara (Lauren's unaffiliated roommate) had offered to help some of us with our hair and make up, which after yesterday's fashion fiasco, was a God-send. While she was curling my hair, she told me that she and Lauren had chatted about me going back to Miami. She was excited for me to give it another shot, and so was Lauren. Miami had done a lot for Lauren -- helped her find a place at our school. Tara also talked about how much fun she had with it all. I was trying to be sweet, so I listened and agreed, but I was still embarassed about going back (even if I did like the girls) and just couldn't see dealing with that embarassment I felt right now all through pledgeship, etc. You know, when you're 18, every momentary feeling seems as if it will never pass away!

I finish up with Tara and start getting dressed for pref. I had a really cool black silk dress with subtle sequins at the neckline. It was essentially two dresses, one layered over the other. The top dress was somewhat sheer and was a-line, with a defined waist. I loved it. I can remember shopping with my mom for my dress... we saw a beautiful winter white dress that I loved even more, but I felt like I couldn't wear it because Boston and Chicago wore white at preference. I had wanted to be a Boston before rush started, and so my mom said, if you pledge there, I will come back and get this for you for next year. I remembered this while getting ready, and it made me sad that I wouldn't need a white dress now. I wasn't entirely just sad that I wouldn't be a Boston or a Chicago, but also sad that this week wasn't really what I expected it to be right now.

Again, the emotions of an 18 year old run rampant!

[NotSoRetro]

Pref Night Parties

Miami - I was really nervous standing outside of Miami. I felt like everyone around me knew that I had this pity invite... also, I was nervous how the girls would treat me. Would they be glad I was back or consider me a lost cause and stick me in a corner? Would I be able to talk to Lauren? I hoped so. They came out in pairs, holding candles, singing a low and pretty song about their chapter. They ended up parting at the base of their porch and walked out onto their lawn to form a semi-circle.

Then, the last person out the door was their president (who I had met on Day 2). She opened a white book and began to read a verse about Miami. All of the sister recited the verse with her. When they were finished, the president began to welcome each girl into the house individually. When she called our names, a sister would step up and meet us. The sister that met me was someone I had never met before.

She was really nice and was aware of my situation. As we settled into their gorgeous living room, she told me that they were honored I was back. She asked if I had any lingering questions. I didn't really, but I think I made up a few to keep conversation going. A few minutes later, Lauren came by and the initial girl left. Lauren handed me several letters written by various sisters, including her. Each of the letters was sweet and told me how much I was wanted by Miami, but I still wasn't giving it much of a shot. Lauren told me again that she wanted me to follow my heart and that we would be friends no matter what. But this time she did say, can you imagine how great it would be to be sisters though? I could, but I knew I needed to join a chapter for more than just one person.

Next, they ushered us into a dimly lit room with tons of flowers, real candles, and their symbol. Their ceremony was brief, but touching. We passed candlelight around the room (like at a Christmas eve service) and then were given the opportunity to light an unlit candle that symbolize our place in their sisterhood. They sang some pretty songs and then it was over. Lauren picked me back up, I handed my letters and candle to a girl holding a tray and went outside.

The Miami's sang to us as the party ended. It was a slow beautiful song, and then they continue to sing as they walked back into their house. I had shut off emotion, but I really wanted to cry. I could see myself there, but I didn't want to see myself there. I wanted to see myself somewhere that I perceived to be better.

Atlanta - I went straight to the Atlanta house. While I was there, I realized that I knew more girls waiting outside than I did at Miami. I liked them more, could see myself being great friends with them. I was already feeling like this would definitely be my home. Like at Miami, the sisters came out singing. The sister who picked me up was the same one who I had on skit. She took me into their house through their back door, telling me that they do this on preference so that we can feel at home. Sisters don't need to use the front door or something like that!

I am immediately seated on a white chair, and my rusher sits at my feet. We are facing a large screen and there are twinkle lights and flowers all over the room. The remaining chapter members line the walls of the room, each holding a candle. Their ceremony is really nice. There's less singing than at Miami. It's more of a reflection of a year in the life of an Atlanta. They show us a slideshow of their last pledge class, from bid day through this year's rush. Then they talk about growth, sisterhood and their bond. I am loving it -- goosebumps all the way.

When the ceremony concludes, my rusher guides me into a very dimly lit room with tables. Another sister, a senior she tells me, is there waiting for me. On the table are two glasses of mock champagne, their flower and a copy of their symphony (beautifully illustrated and with my name on it). Why do sorority girls love to see our names on things so much, anyway??? I am in awe.

I have never met the senior member before, but I feel at home with her. She tells me that the reason I am there tonight is because I exemplify their values, their symphony, their motto. She says that her sisters want me (oral bid alert!) and have a place for me there. I tell her I want the same thing. She says you were born to be an Atlanta, you have always been an Atlanta at heart and tomorrow you can officially be one.

All of the things she is saying make me want to cry, because I want more than anything to be an Atlanta. I know that must be the reason why the sorority's alumnae were so helpful to me... they saw that I was an Atlanta too! I should be here. As they walk us out the door, she says to me in a whisper, I will see you tomorrow right? And of course, I say yes. And then she tells me to wait outside, they have one more song.

The chapter then starts to sign a really cute fun song, although quietly, about how much they have waited for us to be sisters. It is so cute, and tells me not only are the Atlanta's serious about their sisterhood, they are light hearted and fun too!


So I head back to the student center and get my pref card. I try to take a few minutes to think because it is a big decision. I know what I want to do, but I am waiting for some kind of sign that tells me I am right, because I feel like I had totally misjudged the Chicago thing, and I don't want to misjudge this too! I never get a sign, so I simply rank them as expected.

1. Atlanta
2. Miami

Remember that we had our little lock in? Well it lasted for forever because one chapter's list crashed and they had to start over again. While we were waiting, we all talked about what we had preffed and formed little groups based on that. I took tons of pictures with the other girls who had preffed Atlanta and we played games and ate pizza together.

[GammaPhi88]

I'm on pins and needles! Please update soon!

[groovypq]

me too! you're on a roll today, dare I to hope we'll get the finale?? :-) :-)

[LG20]

MORE! i need more! i can't wait to hear the ending!

[NotSoRetro]

I aim to please -- in fact, I would have finished yesterday but had to redo everything when I lost it.

For your reading pleasure....


Bid Day
It was a restless night for me. I had a dream that I got a bid to Miami... I don't remember the details, but I woke up with a sense of foreboding. I told my roommate, who interestingly enough had the same dream. She had gone to Los Angeles and New York, and preffed LA. Her dream was that she got New York, but she was happy about that saying she thought preffing LA was a mistake. Seeing her positive attitude made me jealous, and then it clicked, if I was happy about whatever I got, then no one would know it wasn't what I really wanted. So I got dressed and told her I was feeling like I had made a mistake too.
We walk to the student center to get our bids and I am repeating this story to other friends... saying things like two great options and how can I go wrong... all the while in my head saying, "Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta, please be Atlanta".
We get there and the atmosphere is exciting... lots of balloons, loud music, etc. We individually receive our bids from our PX. When she calls my name, I am shaking. She hands me the envelope and I can sort of read it through the envelope, but I need to be sure it says this. So I rip it open, and read:






You have been invited to join....



Miami



My heart literally skipped a beat. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but the truth was, I hadn't.

[LG20]

what did you do!?

[NotSoRetro]

Bid Day Part 2


My Rho Chi looks at me smiling, and asks me what it says. I tell her that I got a bid to Miami, trying to keep a smile on. She looks at me and says in a way that seems ingeniuine, "That's terrific! See you at PX Reveal in the park later!" I think, yeah right stupid Boston girl (very un-Panhellenic, but I was disappointed).


We then wait in a giant room until everyone opens their bid card. All the Atlanta pledges are screaming... so are the Chicagos, the Bostons and everyone else. I want to cry, but if they are screaming because they are excited, than I can too. I scramble to find some Miami pledges and try to get them excited. They are a bit dull, but we manage to pump it up a bit.

Then we are picked up and walked to our new house. There I see Lauren, who is my Bid Day Sis and who showers me with gifts. She tells me how excited she is that I am her sister and I start to cry. I lie, and say they are happy tears, because I don't want to hurt her at all. I go along with the flow and am pretty impressed by all the new people I meet.


Then, we head to the park for PX Reveal. A lot of them aren't surprises, but then my PX pulls off her Panhellenic shirt to reveal her letters and she's a Miami too! What? I must have had a really warped opinion of Miami... two other PX's I liked (and one I didn't too!) ended up being Miamis. It was definitely shaping up to be a stronger house than I had realized.

I saw some more Atlantas at the park and they didn't even acknowledge me. I don't know if they were embarassed they misled me or if they honestly just didn't care. It's still a mystery, but it's a good caution to PNM's to be wary of oral bids. They don't guarantee a thing!

[AOII Angel]

I'm so glad you were able to hold in your disappointment. I think the last thing a NM should do is cry at bid day. Yeah...you may be disappointed, but by crying, you make it that much harder to find your place in the chapter that gave you a bid.

[NotSoRetro]

Post-Bid Day

It ended up that although Bid Day went as well as expected, I couldn't shake some of the embarrasment I still felt about being a Miami. I can remember an acquaintance of mine (who ended up dropping out of recruitment because every house released her unfortunately) saw me in a Miami shirt a few days after Bid Day, and asked me if I was okay. It was such an insult, but what could I say. I smiled and said, do I look sick or something? She dropped it. I can also remember seeing guys at fraternity houses, and them saying, wow, I never would have guessed that. Each comment was a blow to my already shriveled ego!

On the positive side, and this is what kept me in Miami through pledgeship, is that I met new people who told me my house was on the up and up. I got closer to Lauren, who ended up being my big sis. I met friends in my pledge class... people I didn't even know on Bid Day that I now absolutely adored.

It wasn't the "best" chapter on my campus, but I ended up having one of the best Greek experiences and so did a lot of my Miami sisters. We didn't necessarily turn our chapter around into a top house, but we learned to embrace our chapter, our sisters and our bond. Being a Miami didn't make or break any of us in a social perspective, instead we did that for ourselves. In fact, I ended up marrying someone from a "higher tier" fraternity, something I just didn't think happened as a silly PNM. I became an officer in my chapter, lived in the chapter house, had my sisters in my wedding, went to our Convention, and am now an advisor to another chapter of Miami in a different state.

As for Atlanta...

Although I still have many close Atlanta friends, I think my experience shows that you can never know where you stand in a chapter unless you are a fly on the wall in MS and in bid matching. My alumna friends were probably helpful, but they couldn't seal the deal. I said and did everything I was supposed to, but in the end the system still exists, and although it didn't give me my first choice, or even my honest second, third, or fourth choices, it gave me a home and I am grateful for that.

I am also grateful for the genorosity and graciousness of Miami. I cannot imagine my life without its principles, values and friendship. I have gained much through my experience and can honestly say that Miami continually helps me to become the best version of myself. It accepts me for who I am, and challenges me to keep growing. And, it's also given me some of the best memories, most fun times and best sisters a girl could ever imagine.

I share my story because a sorority is so much bigger than a name and bigger than college itself. I know I preach to the choir, but I can only hope that my story encourages one discouraged little PNM (who was just like me) to stick through it and to put on a happy face, even when you just want to pull the covers over your head and pretend it's all a dream. The sisterhood of Miami was well worth the disappointments and tears it took for me to get there!

FYI -- Sorry to be no fun here, but I never promised to reveal any of the code and I probably won't now either... my campus has changed immensely in the 10 years since I went through. I would hate for anyone to take my perspective and view (particularly since much of it was negative and prematurely formed). I would never want to hurt another sorority's reputation, or the reputation of my own sorority.