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  #1846  
Old 07-18-2015, 11:18 AM
BAckbOwlsgIrl BAckbOwlsgIrl is offline
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Yes, I know that people weddings for holidays weekends to save money.

I did receive a Save The Date card a month or two ago. Initially, the wedding was going to be the week before Christmas. Another prime travel weekend. Not quite as bad but still expensive. I have booked an international vacation two days later. So, you get it; fly to wedding, back home, catch flight half way around the word. I had thought of taking everything with me to the wedding and just going. Then they changed the date.

This date has to do with 2015 being "AUSPICIOUS" for the Chinese, whatever that means. They just can't wait then 2016.

I think that the whole Chinese aspect of the wedding is fun. Just not the most busy weekend of the year.

My relative is offended that I questioned the date selection. If you are planning a wedding the busiest travel weekend of the year, HELL YA I AM GOING TO ASK WHY YOU PICKED THAT DATE.

Last edited by BAckbOwlsgIrl; 07-18-2015 at 01:07 PM.
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  #1847  
Old 07-31-2015, 11:52 AM
andthen andthen is offline
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Random wedding vent/rant. I tried to post this before but somehow my message disappeared. Grrr. So lets try this again.
First background: Me and Mr. Andthen got engaged in late April. We decided within a few weeks we’d like to get married in the fall. I told Mr. Andthen that I wanted to do a beach destination in a warm climate. He agreed with this plan because he knows happy wife, happy life. Why so soon, well frankly I hit the big 4-0 in early 2016 and really wanted to say I got married before I turned 40. We settled on a date and let friends and family know that it was happening in the fall. Once we got the venue and date settled I sent out an e-mail to friends and family with save the date and also requested mailing addresses. Now in the process of planning Mr. Andthen and I decided to keep the guest list small and we went into this knowing full well that if we got even 15 of the 50 people we invited it would be a miracle, because of the timing, cost, etc. for friends and family. The other reason for a destination wedding was twofold it was much more cost effective for us. Around where I live its silly expensive to get married and at this stage of my life I wanted something simple with not too much stress. Getting a honeymoon and a wedding all in one is just a bonus.

Now for the rub, I have a friend and a family member ironically with the same name. I’ll call her “Pearl”. First with family member Pearl. She talks up a big game early on she’s like oh I’m coming to your wedding, and will help etc. etc. I warn her that its not going to be in the US. She informs me her passport is expired. So I gently tell her if she wants to attend she should probably start working on getting her passport renewed. Fast forward to late June she calls and tells me she’s trying to see what her class schedule will be for the fall, and see if she can pull a favor with someone to get a buddy pass to fly on. She is going to school PT to finish her bachelor’s at a brick and mortar school, and she works full time at a large company (working business hours). Next yesterday rolls around and she tells me she can’t come because she’s got class on Monday and Friday. My wedding falls on a weekend. Afterwards Mr. Andthen gets home and I give him the news. I tell him that her “excuse” seems suspect to me. I tell him with family Pearl its one thing after the next. If she can’t come because money is tight then say so, I’d be more understanding if you were just honest instead of feeding me some line of stuff. I mean honestly I know I’ve been out of college for a while, but I highly doubt a Friday evening class would have high enough attendance to be offered. I think the part that perhaps threw me over the edge was that she asked if we were going to have a video of the wedding. I said no because it was an $500 on top of what we were already spending on photos. She says, How am I going to see your wedding? I say you’ll see it if you’re there. Honestly, with the wedding video, I’ve never gone back and watched my own vacation videos and for the Mr. and I we just didn’t see it as a good way to spend money. Of my friends who have gotten a wedding video they often only watch it when friends and family are over and there’s a request to see the video. I don’t need a $500 dust collector.

Now for friend Pearl. I do consider her a good friend but she sends back her reply card with a note saying sorry I’m not in a position to attend your happy day. Ok, not quite sure what that means. For her I know money is tight because we’ve had conversations about stuff happening in life and her overall goals and such. But I just don’t understand the notation she made, in a lot of respects I’ve felt her slowly backing out of my life since I met Mr. Andthen, even though I still initiate contact on a somewhat regular basis to check in and keep the connection there. Because she’s said to me multiple times that people from our old church haven’t kept in contact with her and she says with in a way what makes you think she’s somewhat hurt by this. But honestly things work both ways.
For family Pearl, no sense in calling her out, its not going to solve anything and perhaps create a wedge in the relationship. In some ways I’m kind of relieved she’s not coming because she the type of person you kind of have to keep entertained. For friend Pearl that’s the tougher thing, do I approach and see how she’s doing, ask if she feels like the friendship has changed? I don’t know, I do care for her but I’m a bit tired on some level of her making these statements expecting sympathy when in some respects she has control over the situation at hand.

It just seems like on both of our sides we’ve gotten flack about not doing something locally. But honestly it was a trade off. We understood that it was a big ask for people to travel, spend money, and take time off of work, and we knew that not everyone could swing it because we did this so quickly some don’t have the extra funds available on a few months notice and that’s ok. I think I’m just getting frustrated about the flack we’ve gotten from some about our decision. I’m not going to beg you to come to the wedding. If guest can come great, if not that’s ok, but I don’t want to hear people’s thoughts about doing a local thing unless they’re willing to shell out the money.
*ok end of rant.

Last edited by andthen; 07-31-2015 at 11:53 AM. Reason: spacing for paragraphs
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  #1848  
Old 07-31-2015, 04:57 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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When you opt for a destination event (particularly one that involves international travel), you have to:

1. Know your family and friend base. Some people's family and friends can drop $$$$ on tickets and stuff. Some can't. Not everyone's family and friends can swing it.

2. Decide if you're okay with the fact that not everyone can swing it. Ex: If like, half your friends are 23 and under and still in school, you can't have a destination event then simultaneously complain about people RSVPing no. Yes, discussing hypothetical destination events and actually having them are different. It's one thing for Suzy to be like "Oh I'll totally come to your not real Tulum event!!!" It's another for her to get a passport, ticket, etc.

3. Know that if people can't swing it, they're probably going to talk trash or guilt you. Again, you need to be okay with it. Example: You can't plan a Parisian destination event if your guest list is all college students or people working two jobs to pay bills, then be Pouty McPouterson because people are complaining/can't come/calling you selfish, etc. It's just the nature of the beast.

4. Understand that some people CAN come but don't want to.

If you're un-okay with any of the above things, you probably should have stayed stateside.

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Last edited by KSUViolet06; 07-31-2015 at 05:00 PM.
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  #1849  
Old 08-04-2015, 03:04 PM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Last weekend, I was talking to a friend (definitely on the shortlist, maybe even a bridesmaid) about potential venues and destinations. Since we live approximately 3000 miles from 95% of our guest list, it's a destination wedding for us.

I guess one of the locations that we are considering doesn't meet her requirements. She was grunting the whole time I mentioned our upcoming trip to scout out venues there. She said, "we'll see how I feel about going down to (the state in question)."

Well guess what--you don't have to come! :::: I couldn't believe the nerve. I've been inconvenienced by wedding destinations but I'd never have the chutzpah to mention it directly to the bride or groom. Are people really this brazen?

This is clearly a far cry from our parents, who have said that wherever and whenever we decide to have the wedding, they will be there. Which is great because my parents are the ones kicking in for this bad boy.
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  #1850  
Old 08-04-2015, 03:15 PM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 View Post
When you opt for a destination event (particularly one that involves international travel), you have to:

1. Know your family and friend base. Some people's family and friends can drop $$$$ on tickets and stuff. Some can't. Not everyone's family and friends can swing it.

2. Decide if you're okay with the fact that not everyone can swing it. Ex: If like, half your friends are 23 and under and still in school, you can't have a destination event then simultaneously complain about people RSVPing no. Yes, discussing hypothetical destination events and actually having them are different. It's one thing for Suzy to be like "Oh I'll totally come to your not real Tulum event!!!" It's another for her to get a passport, ticket, etc.

3. Know that if people can't swing it, they're probably going to talk trash or guilt you. Again, you need to be okay with it. Example: You can't plan a Parisian destination event if your guest list is all college students or people working two jobs to pay bills, then be Pouty McPouterson because people are complaining/can't come/calling you selfish, etc. It's just the nature of the beast.

4. Understand that some people CAN come but don't want to.

If you're un-okay with any of the above things, you probably should have stayed stateside.

Do 23 year olds even have destination weddings? I feel like everyone I know who got married under 30 got married fairly close to where they grew up (it makes sense since most people that young either met in college or high school and their parents are paying for it).

After 30, it doesn't seem like anyone has a wedding in their hometown unless they still live there.
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  #1851  
Old 08-04-2015, 04:50 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post
Do 23 year olds even have destination weddings? I feel like everyone I know who got married under 30 got married fairly close to where they grew up (it makes sense since most people that young either met in college or high school and their parents are paying for it).

After 30, it doesn't seem like anyone has a wedding in their hometown unless they still live there.
That's what I have found to be true. Although I did have a few friends in the 23 and married set do a destination event, but it was more of a Sandals/Dreams/whatever hotel package kind of deal than a huge destination weekend with tons of stuff (funded by parents.)

I've recently hit the stage in life where the majority of my best friends are out of state, so I couldn't tell you where I'd hold a hypothetical wedding, but most likely not in OH as a significant number of really important people in my life wouldn't be able to come.
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  #1852  
Old 08-04-2015, 09:59 PM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06 View Post
That's what I have found to be true. Although I did have a few friends in the 23 and married set do a destination event, but it was more of a Sandals/Dreams/whatever hotel package kind of deal than a huge destination weekend with tons of stuff (funded by parents.)

I've recently hit the stage in life where the majority of my best friends are out of state, so I couldn't tell you where I'd hold a hypothetical wedding, but most likely not in OH as a significant number of really important people in my life wouldn't be able to come.
Yep. California is nowhere on our list of places to get married. Anywhere between Florida and Maine, however, is up for grabs.
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  #1853  
Old 08-05-2015, 12:18 AM
candygirl200413 candygirl200413 is offline
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So I'm not in any shape or way to get married. But over the weekend I went to restaurant week with my sister and her friends. The restaurant was wonderful and they gave us a sampler of deserts. Both were cakes, one was vanilla cake with canoli filling top with almond frosting. The other was apricot topped with chocolate moose with flourless chocolate cake. I finished both and said "I'm like 100% sure this is going to be my wedding cake" And of course I went onto their website and they make wedding cakes in these flavors

I'm glad I already have my cake decided for a far future wedding.
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  #1854  
Old 08-05-2015, 09:36 AM
andthen andthen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post
Do 23 year olds even have destination weddings? I feel like everyone I know who got married under 30 got married fairly close to where they grew up (it makes sense since most people that young either met in college or high school and their parents are paying for it).

After 30, it doesn't seem like anyone has a wedding in their hometown unless they still live there.
Oddly enough my soon to be hubby and I still live in the same area where we grew up. Ours came down to cost and getting the best overall value.

At the place I'm going to it looked like in the promo photos they had couples under 30 getting married with others in the bridal party to appeared to be around the same age. I know a few years back when I was in Turks and Caicos we watched a wedding from afar and they were in their mid-20's which sort of surprised me because T & C was quiet at least where we were.

I think for younger couples who are from big cities where costs are outrageous (i.e. NYC or LA) it might be cheaper for the family, or who ever is footing the bill to do a destination wedding. But as KSU Violet mentioned up post, you have to look at all of the pros and cons.

Last edited by andthen; 08-05-2015 at 01:16 PM.
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  #1855  
Old 08-06-2015, 04:01 PM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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Originally Posted by AGDee View Post
And sometimes here people plan it for those weekends because out of town guests will have time off from work so that they CAN travel. That would apply to other long weekends though- Thanksgiving weekend is so expensive for flights. My daughter isn't coming home from college for Thanksgiving anymore because flights from New York City to Detroit that weekend are $850-950 when they are usually around $260.
In looking at venues, the event coordinators have been reminding us that certain days within our season are holidays--because people are already off of work! I guess it's more thoughtful than expecting people to take a vacation day, but I feel kind of weird about taking someone's holiday. Especially when it's a holiday that not everyone gets off.

We already have a wedding for Labor Day 2016. It's a couple we didn't have on our guest list, either.
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  #1856  
Old 08-07-2015, 07:57 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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^^^^For what it's worth, I have never minded attending holiday events and have never found them to be inconsiderate (I don't tend to make BIG plans on July 4th, Memorial Day, etc. though.) I am already off and I don't really mind.

However, if you want me to consider NOT attending, get married on a FRIDAY. There is nothing worse than doing a million miles per hour to get home, get ready, and get to your event after I've taught all day OR taking one of my personal days/leaving my kids with a sub so I can be on time.
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  #1857  
Old 09-14-2015, 12:24 PM
Munchkin03 Munchkin03 is offline
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I wish I could find a wedding-related message board that isn't crammed with a bunch of "pre-engaged" 19 year-olds who are posting photos of their dream rings. Ugh. What even is pre-engaged?

Wedding-related rant: everyone has an opinion that they feel entitled to share with us.
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  #1858  
Old 09-14-2015, 12:49 PM
honeychile honeychile is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post

Wedding-related rant: everyone has an opinion that they feel entitled to share with us.
Truth.
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  #1859  
Old 09-14-2015, 12:56 PM
joliebelle joliebelle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03 View Post
I wish I could find a wedding-related message board that isn't crammed with a bunch of "pre-engaged" 19 year-olds who are posting photos of their dream rings. Ugh. What even is pre-engaged?

Wedding-related rant: everyone has an opinion that they feel entitled to share with us.
Heh. Have you come across the ones "waiting" for an engagement? That's called dating, YWIA.
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  #1860  
Old 09-14-2015, 01:24 PM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
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Okay, I'm in a wedding and the bride said to wear whatever I want, as long as it is neutral and knee-length. Where do I look for dresses?
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