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Old 06-15-2007, 08:36 PM
lyrelyre lyrelyre is offline
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"The Dreaded Phone Call"

As I mentioned on a retro recruitment thread, the Fraternity and Sorority Affairs Coordinator informed me that we were violating campus rules by notifying a member that their legacy had been released. My chapter had always called alumnae to let them know that their legacy would be/had been released. The Coordinator had valid reasons. She was concerned that the alumna may inform the PNM and the PNM would be upset and alone. She also felt that it violated silence rules. We obliged and waited to call until bids were revealed. However, it has caused a couple of problems. First, by Bid Day the alumna knows the legacy has been released and it seems less courteous. Second, often an upset alumna calls and wants to know why her legacy was released and why she was not notified.

I had thought about sending a letter before recruitment explaining that we are not allowed to make contact during recruitment with alumna family members of PNMs, but that seems callous and also may unnecessarily concern alumnae.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Additionally, what are your personal thoughts: If your daughter/sister were going through recruitment would you want/expect a phone call from your organization?
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Old 06-15-2007, 08:42 PM
susan314 susan314 is offline
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I know that I personally would want a phone call if I were the alumnae member in question. (Of course, I'm a reasonable person, and if the chapter called me after the fact explaining that Panhellenic prohibited them from contacting me, I'd understand. It wouldn't take away the hurt feelings I'd had for however many days prior to the chapter finally contacting me though.)

Honestly, I would contact your regional officer (or whatever the appropriate title for the sisters higher up the chain for you) to see what they recommend. If this is a situation that has come up with other chapters, your group might already have an official solution/policy that they'd like you to follow. If the situation hasn't yet come up with other chapters, then your Inter/nationals might want to be aware so that they could develop an official stance. (after all, if its happening on one campus, its only a matter of time before it might come up somewhere else...)

I personally don't believe that contating an alumnae member should constitute breaking silence...after all, alumnae assistance is a part of recruitment for crying out loud!
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Old 06-15-2007, 08:44 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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I don't know what's worse, getting the phone call or not getting it and hearing from your hysterical legacy. I know women who have had both happen to them and they're both awful. Yet all I can say is that if you have a legacy going through, try to prepare yourself for that possibility because legacy status surely doesn't seem to count for much anymore.
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Old 06-15-2007, 10:41 PM
SoCalGirl SoCalGirl is offline
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Can a CPH over rule National policy?
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Old 06-15-2007, 10:52 PM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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We always notified alumnae via phone if a legacy was released. We let them know AFTER the fact (i.e. the day after the legacy has been released). I think alumnae deserve the courtesy of a phone call, since they've taken the time out to send in a reference for their family member and make sure that we are aware of her.
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Old 06-16-2007, 12:39 AM
dgdramadawg dgdramadawg is offline
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I know that my mom was notified. Since she told me before recruitment that she would be called if I was cut by her house, I would have been shocked and very upset if I had shown up to get my schedule (thinking her house was on it) and found out I had been cut without the call we had both expected. I would personally expect to be contacted if a legacy of mine was cut at my house.

Have you contacted your HQ to find out how they would expect you to handle this? I'm not sure that your campus can expect you to violate a national alumnae relations rule.
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:19 AM
Glitter650 Glitter650 is offline
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Originally Posted by SoCalGirl View Post
Can a CPH over rule National policy?

That's what I was thinking because isn't it part of most NPC orgs legacy policy to notify the aunt/sister/mother alum member if they are released ??

Last edited by Glitter650; 06-18-2007 at 11:19 AM.
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Old 06-16-2007, 09:23 AM
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irishpipes irishpipes is offline
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I wouldn't think it would violate silence because you are discussing this with another initiated member of the sorority - just like you could discuss it with an adviser. As for the alumna telling the PNM, the PNM really wouldn't be alone if she didn't want to be - she has a rho chi.
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Old 06-16-2007, 09:27 AM
AlphaFrog AlphaFrog is offline
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You know, now that I see this discussion, I'm begining to see how conflicting policies COULD make it almost impossible to cut a legacy. If your national policy dictates that you MUST call the mom/sister/aunt before cutting a legacy, but local policy says that you can't do that, it puts you in a bit of a sticky situation. But I agree with IrishPipes, you're discussing sorority business with an initated member.
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Old 06-16-2007, 09:40 AM
ThetaPrincess24 ThetaPrincess24 is offline
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if/when my daughter goes through recruitment and the chapte3r decides to release her, I hope to hell they would call me before my daughter finds out about it so I can be prepared when she calls me upset.....I see both sides of the issue, but I think it's courteous to notify the alumnae family member if a legacy is cut.

I also agree with the previous statement that a PNM would not be alone if devasted about being cut from a legacy house (or any other) because they have their Rho Chi for support and guidance during recruitment. That is the job of the Rho Chi (or whatever they call them anymore).
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Old 06-16-2007, 10:18 AM
ZTA72 ZTA72 is offline
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phone call

I would have appreciated a call if my daughters had been released by my sorority. I read some experiences on the Zeta website of how recruitment may not turn out postively for the PNMs and I was basically prepared for anything to happen. My daughters went through recruitment last year at a very large southern university. I, also, went to a very large southern university but not this one. I really tried to keep an open mind and not influence their decision at all. They called me after each round and described the process to me which has really changed since my " rush" in the dark ages. Their ZTA pref party really was quite beautiful and brought back some really sweet memories went they were recounting it over the phone. I did get my hopes up after the pref round that maybe one of them would pledge ZTA. They were fortunate enough not to be released by any groups during the recruitment process and although they preffed ZTA, another group was their first choice. Was I sad? A little bit...although they are thrilled with their choice and for that reason so am I. Some of their high school friends did go ZTA at other schools which made me very happy.
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Old 06-16-2007, 10:21 AM
aephi alum aephi alum is offline
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I would appreciate the courtesy of a phone call if my hypothetical future daughter/granddaughter were released from AEPhi.

Maybe the best thing is for both the PNM and her sister/mother/grandmother/aunt to get the news at the same time - the chapter calls the mother (or whoever) at the same time that (a) the PNM gets her invite list and her legacy chapter isn't on it, or (b) the PNM's rho chi tells her she's been released entirely.
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Old 06-17-2007, 01:10 PM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
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While a phone call is nice, some things to consider... sometimes there are too many women coming through/legacies and not enough time to make those calls...

Our chapters (I think most sororities!) send acknowledgement cards to the recommenders when references and recommendations are received by the chapter. Usually, it's a "Thank you for your recommendation of [Patty PNM]. Best Wishes, ABC chapter of XYZ of sorority."

Adding onto that, this is a good opportunity to let the recommender's know that you may not be able to call them if their PNM is released and that not every legacy/recommended woman is guaranteed a bid. These acknowledgement cards are also an excellent opportunity to solicit volunteers and contributions to your chapter as well as update alumnae on what the chapter has accomplished over the prior school year.

If my imaginary future daughter chooses to go through recruitment, I know I'll be rooting for her to join her legacy sorority on the inside... and I can only imagine how upset she and I would be if she were cut... but the girls run that risk with every chapter at recruitment, not just their legacy chapter... you just have to hope for the best for her and expect the worst. It's one thing if my "kid" gets dropped by ADPi, but what if her heart is set on joining ASA and she is dropped by them? Either way, she's upset, you're upset and there's no advance warning from the non-legacy groups. I realize, it's easier to say that since I haven't been a mom with a kid going through recruitment... but you know what I'm getting at.
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Old 06-17-2007, 05:17 PM
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SWTXBelle SWTXBelle is offline
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As I mentioned in the other thread, Gamma Phi Beta policy is to allow the legacy to notify her mother/aunt/grandmother/sister. Because it is the International policy, everyone knows there will not be a phone call should the legacy be cut, so there are no hard feelings. I think the problem would be if the person sending her legacy through recruitment had different expectations than the chapter as to what would happen should the legacy be released. I have received notes from Gamma Phi chapters to whom I have sent recs thanking me and even telling me what the girl pledged. That was nice, and appreciated.
My 17 year old daughter's first choice college has no Greek system, so it may not be a problem for me. She's also not sure about joining a sorority - everyone pray for me! - were she to go to a school with a Greek system. I'd be thrilled were she to join any NPC org!!!
Oh, and when I saw the thread "the dreaded phone call " - I thought it was going to be about the "you were dropped by all houses" call.(!)
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Last edited by SWTXBelle; 06-17-2007 at 05:46 PM.
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Old 06-18-2007, 04:09 PM
AnchorAlumna AnchorAlumna is offline
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Originally Posted by ThetaPrincess24 View Post
if/when my daughter goes through recruitment and the chapter decides to release her, I hope to hell they would call me before my daughter finds out about it so I can be prepared when she calls me upset.....I see both sides of the issue, but I think it's courteous to notify the alumnae family member if a legacy is cut.
I agree...I'm just kinda REAL glad my chapter was no longer there when daughter went through and I didn't have to face rejection...on her part or theirs...
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