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  #1  
Old 06-07-2006, 04:58 PM
PerfectVerse06 PerfectVerse06 is offline
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Angry Ghetto Funerals

Funerals are a time for rememberance, celebration of life, and a time for peaceful mourning....but some folks take things TOO FAR.

Ever been to a funeral that left you shaking your head in shame?

I went to one that left me speechless.

I attended a funeral with a co-worker/friend. It was her cousin, who was shot by another woman over a man.

Ya'll, why was there a CRACKHEAD CHOIR???? Seriously, there was a group of people who acted and looked like they were on something singing 'His Eye is on the Sparrow' regardless of what the REAL CHOIR was singing. They had their arms interlocked around each other, singing, sniffling and snotting, and waving their tissues in the air like .

The church was packed like it was a club! People were spilling out into the streets. Girls, friends of the deceased woman, had on these t-shirts with the woman's picture on it and this funky looking writng. They were a hot mess!

Then they had the nerve to start showing out when the casket was being closed. Screaming and carrying on talking about, "The war ain't ova!! We gonna get her for you, girl! This s^$t ain't ovaaaaaaaaaa!!! LAWD, don't take my girl away from meeeeeeee!!!!!!"

And that's not all. Behind me, this one girl went to hug another girl, and the chick flipped out on her! She yelled, "Aw NAW, Don't you TOUCH ME!!!" I moved just in case they started scrapping up in there.

The pastor was HEATED at this display of ghettosopy. There was more fighting, cursing, yelling, etc. than a doggone party!!

The Crackhead Choir was the best behaved out of everyone there!!!! They sang through the entire thing, swaying back and forth like they were busting out a rendition of "We are the World" or something.

It was a HOT MESS!




So, share your stories...I know everyone's got one!
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  #2  
Old 06-07-2006, 08:29 PM
ladygreek ladygreek is offline
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Well my story doesn't touch yours.

My cousin died last year of diabetes. For the past two years, his girlfriend had been taken care of him.

Well at the hospital the doc ask my other cousin who was the next of kin. Doofus says R. had a wife. Most of us in the family never even knew he had married that girl and he hadn't been with her in 15 years.

The problem was my cousin was to be an organ donor. In turn the hospital would give the family $5,000 for the funeral. But the next of kin had to sign the papers for the actual harvesting.

So after being called by the hospital, in comes wifey (high as a kite off of crack) hysterical about losing her husband and telling the doc, she doesn't want to talk about such things right then, she was grieving. So the doc says if you can come back in 6 hours after you have had time to calm down that would be fine. But that was the window of opportunity for being able to take the organs--and they had three receipients waiting--for his heart, his liver, and his eyes. Well she never went back--so no organ donation.

So we have the Wake and afterwards when the funeral home director asked to speak with her, she came and got me. (The driector knew me from high school.) He told us that the funeral could not occur the next day if he didn't get payment.

So I told my cousin's brother, and uncle what was up. Every family member all said they had no money. (And I know they don't--but that's a whole 'nother story.) That's when I heard the story about the organ donation--everyone figured it was taken care of.

Luckily St. Louis has US BAnk, which is where I bank here in MN. I went the first thing the next money and got a cashier's check for the amount. (Since the director knew me he only charged me his cost for the funeral.)

Of course I have not seen one nickel from his brother or his uncle.

And I'll save the wifey/girlfriend drama for another time.
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Last edited by ladygreek; 06-07-2006 at 08:31 PM.
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  #3  
Old 06-07-2006, 09:10 PM
tld221 tld221 is offline
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i live a block away from a funeral home, and since i live in the hood, lemme share a story or two.

1. first of all, this is how you know i live in the hood--the funeral home is across the street from a supermarket, a 99cent store and a liquor store. the liquor store, for some reason, has a parking lot. so one day, i guess a funeral had just gotten out, and tell me why these fools decided to have a BBQ in the parking lot! they blew up a picture of the dude who passed (some uncle Leon type that everyone knew) and in the 15 minutes i waited for the bus at the bus stop, they were sending this little boy (clearly not over 21) back and forth to get liquor, cups and ice from the store.

what took the cake for me was this:right next to the blown-up picture of the guy who passed was a memorial--people stopped to put flowers and candles on the ground. this one dude walks past and pours out one from his 40--and he didnt even know dude!

2. this isnt as triflin, but i guess this one family didnt have enough money to rent a hearse, so all the guys of the family, on the way out the funeral hall, decides to carry out the casket out to one of the family members' station wagon! and of course the casket didnt fit all the way--these fools are tying twine around the back door.

SMH at it all, especially cause i live here. lawdy lawd help the hood out.
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  #4  
Old 06-07-2006, 10:34 PM
ladygreek ladygreek is offline
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^^^^okay, this had me rollin'

Girl, you know the BBQ was the repast, cuz Uncle Leon would have wanted it that way.
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  #5  
Old 06-07-2006, 10:46 PM
teena teena is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by tld221


2. this isnt as triflin, but i guess this one family didnt have enough money to rent a hearse, so all the guys of the family, on the way out the funeral hall, decides to carry out the casket out to one of the family members' station wagon! and of course the casket didnt fit all the way--these fools are tying twine around the back door.

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  #6  
Old 06-07-2006, 10:53 PM
ladygreek ladygreek is offline
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Now the wifey/girlfriend drama. It's not as good as PVs, because there was no crack choir or threats.

Wifey sits in the front pew in an ill-fitting Goodwill outfit along with my cousin's brother and his wife. She also has her four children including the second oldest who she claims is my cousin's (girlfriend obviously didn't know that cuz's diabetes has rendered him sterile in his teens.) She makes a show of having this teenage girl say good bye to her "Dad." The child is crying as if she really knew my cousin. And of course the family is meeting her for the first time.

I am in the second row with my cuz's nephews and the girlfriend is behind me. All I hear is this whispering and I tell GF just to be cool--the family knows who took care of him in his last years. So she chills out and after viewing the body goes over and offers condolences to wifey. Then during the funeral wifey has her children constantly turning around to see what GF is doing and report back to her. I don't think any of them heard the eulogy.

At the end of the ceremony, there is one limo (now remember I paid for this funeral.) Wifey gets in with her 4 kids and takes off to the cemetery, not inviting any family members to ride with her. Then at the end of the burial, she tries to grab all of the flowers, even the ones the GF and family members purchased. We all stayed cool.

There is no repast scheduled so wifey invites us all over to her house. GF says she wants us to come to her house. Half the family went to GF's house, the other half just went home. We haven't heard from wifey or "daughter" since.
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  #7  
Old 06-07-2006, 10:58 PM
teena teena is offline
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^^^that is wild

if it isnt too off topic....could someone give me their best guess as to why people make such a big deal about riding in the limo to the funeral? i see the main ones, momma daddy spouse. but other than that I dont see the big deal
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  #8  
Old 06-08-2006, 09:05 AM
PerfectVerse06 PerfectVerse06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by tld221
i live a block away from a funeral home, and since i live in the hood, lemme share a story or two.

1. first of all, this is how you know i live in the hood--the funeral home is across the street from a supermarket, a 99cent store and a liquor store. the liquor store, for some reason, has a parking lot. so one day, i guess a funeral had just gotten out, and tell me why these fools decided to have a BBQ in the parking lot! they blew up a picture of the dude who passed (some uncle Leon type that everyone knew) and in the 15 minutes i waited for the bus at the bus stop, they were sending this little boy (clearly not over 21) back and forth to get liquor, cups and ice from the store.

what took the cake for me was this:right next to the blown-up picture of the guy who passed was a memorial--people stopped to put flowers and candles on the ground. this one dude walks past and pours out one from his 40--and he didnt even know dude!

2. this isnt as triflin, but i guess this one family didnt have enough money to rent a hearse, so all the guys of the family, on the way out the funeral hall, decides to carry out the casket out to one of the family members' station wagon! and of course the casket didnt fit all the way--these fools are tying twine around the back door.

SMH at it all, especially cause i live here. lawdy lawd help the hood out.
Oh no!!!

That is hilarious!

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  #9  
Old 06-08-2006, 09:18 AM
mulattogyrl mulattogyrl is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by tld221
i live a block away from a funeral home, and since i live in the hood, lemme share a story or two.

1. first of all, this is how you know i live in the hood--the funeral home is across the street from a supermarket, a 99cent store and a liquor store. the liquor store, for some reason, has a parking lot. so one day, i guess a funeral had just gotten out, and tell me why these fools decided to have a BBQ in the parking lot! they blew up a picture of the dude who passed (some uncle Leon type that everyone knew) and in the 15 minutes i waited for the bus at the bus stop, they were sending this little boy (clearly not over 21) back and forth to get liquor, cups and ice from the store.

what took the cake for me was this:right next to the blown-up picture of the guy who passed was a memorial--people stopped to put flowers and candles on the ground. this one dude walks past and pours out one from his 40--and he didnt even know dude!

2. this isnt as triflin, but i guess this one family didnt have enough money to rent a hearse, so all the guys of the family, on the way out the funeral hall, decides to carry out the casket out to one of the family members' station wagon! and of course the casket didnt fit all the way--these fools are tying twine around the back door.

SMH at it all, especially cause i live here. lawdy lawd help the hood out.
Ok see, you live in the hood for real for real! LMAO!!
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  #10  
Old 06-08-2006, 09:22 AM
mccoyred mccoyred is offline
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When I think of ghetto funerals, I think of folks trying to climb into the coffin, esp when they barely knew the deceased. At my grandfather's funeral, his sister's son's Puerto Rican girlfriend tried to climb in the coffin with him; nevermind that she had never laid eyes on him until that moment!
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  #11  
Old 06-08-2006, 10:51 AM
RedefinedDiva RedefinedDiva is offline
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I know all about ghetto, but sometimes, I can't talk about how people react. I have been known to CUT UP at a funeral. Sometimes, you get so overwhelmed that you lose all sense of reality. You don't care if you look like a fool. You just know your pain and black everyone around you out. So, I cut some folks some slack, but then there is ALWAYS someone who is really doing it just to perform and get attention.

Funerals vary from state to state and across cultures. I don't know about any other place, but I know in New Orleans, your body won't even be cold and stiff before folks are gathering pictures from a t-shirt. I HATE them!! I can't stand to see those people, that I know are gone, staring back at me on a tee. I've seen them for everyone from babies to old folks, who could give a dayum if they got a memorial t-shirt in their "honor." I did get one for a friend who passed away about close to three years ago, but after one wear, I threw it away. I couldn't stand a memory like that.
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  #12  
Old 06-08-2006, 11:06 AM
PerfectVerse06 PerfectVerse06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
I know all about ghetto, but sometimes, I can't talk about how people react. I have been known to CUT UP at a funeral. Sometimes, you get so overwhelmed that you lose all sense of reality. You don't care if you look like a fool. You just know your pain and black everyone around you out. So, I cut some folks some slack, but then there is ALWAYS someone who is really doing it just to perform and get attention.
That's very true. But you can tell who's sincerly grieving and who's doing things for show. This is not the time to be trying to win an Oscar for 'Best Performance by a Mourner'.

Quote:

Funerals vary from state to state and across cultures. I don't know about any other place, but I know in New Orleans, your body won't even be cold and stiff before folks are gathering pictures from a t-shirt. I HATE them!! I can't stand to see those people, that I know are gone, staring back at me on a tee. I've seen them for everyone from babies to old folks, who could give a dayum if they got a memorial t-shirt in their "honor." I did get one for a friend who passed away about close to three years ago, but after one wear, I threw it away. I couldn't stand a memory like that.
Yeah, those t-shirts bother me a bit.

I've seen folks with pictures of their deceased relatives on license plates on the front of their cars. Tattoes of the deceased relative bother me too. But like you said, everyone grieves in different ways.

My grandparents have both passed away, and one of my cousins made lockets with a picture of the two of them for all of my aunts and uncles to have or wear. I think that is a good idea.
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  #13  
Old 06-08-2006, 11:19 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
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I have one...

My mother's oldest brother died several years ago. He was not married and had no children. He was basically a recluse after he stopped working.

As some of you know at country funerals they have people get up and give "rememberances of the decesed" (three minutes please). Anyway, I think one of his old drinking buddies got up and said something and a member or 2 from my grandmother's church basically taking about the family. Remember the man had no friends and only left the house to take my grandmother to the store or something.

Finally this lady that no one knew gets up and starts talking about what a good family man he was and how he loved his children and wife and what a man of God he was (he had not been to a church since my Grandfather died about 25 years earlier!). She just went on and on. My mother and one of my aunts was in front of me and I could see their shoulders shaking and my aunt started crying and choking, trying not to laugh. One of the ushers thought she was over come with emotions, so they came over to fan her, which made my mother laugh even more.

The minister final had to get up and say amen a couple of times to get her to sit down and shut up.

We thought the woman was at the wrong funeral, but one of my great aunts said she was a professional funeral go-er and would always try to say something, even if she did not know the person!
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  #14  
Old 06-14-2006, 01:09 PM
jojapeach jojapeach is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eclipse
...one of my great aunts said she was a professional funeral go-er and would always try to say something, even if she did not know the person!
Someone needs a hobby. What is someone gonna say about herI at her own funeral? Bless her. Her comments remind me of my great-aunt's funeral last year where someone said she minded her own business and never had a mean word to say. My mom was sniggling next to me because errybody knew that Aunt Lou will let you know how she felt about everything, even if it's not her business. She might have originated the phrase, "Keepin' it real." LOL

I agree about the t-shirts with the deceased's picture. I attended my cousin's funeral about two weeks ago. He died of natural causes at 33, but it was a complete shock to everyone because he was so healthy. So, plenty of people (including myself) were still in shock. Somebody wasn't too in shock to pull out shirts which were on sale for $10 at the funeral. I hope it wasn't a real moneymaking effort, but I had never heard of such a thing. I had never even been to a funeral where those shirts were worn during the service.

The interesting part is that the t-shirt wearing folks were his mother's country relatives that I never need to see again. One chick was dressed like she wanted to get one more wear out of her black and too much silver club gear from Saturday night (the funeral was Sunday afternoon) before returning it to the store. My cousin was conservative and more bourgeios (sp?) than I was. He had an MBA and was president of his condo association. Nothing ghetto about him. His father's side of the family was also more conservative so it was a trip to see the ghetto antics. It was still a lovely service

ETA: Both sides of my family came from the country, so I'm not discriminating against the country...completely. I have a country side, but not at weddings or funerals. Come on.
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Last edited by jojapeach; 06-14-2006 at 01:59 PM.
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  #15  
Old 06-14-2006, 01:13 PM
FeeFee FeeFee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eclipse
I have one...

My mother's oldest brother died several years ago. He was not married and had no children. He was basically a recluse after he stopped working.

As some of you know at country funerals they have people get up and give "rememberances of the decesed" (three minutes please). Anyway, I think one of his old drinking buddies got up and said something and a member or 2 from my grandmother's church basically taking about the family. Remember the man had no friends and only left the house to take my grandmother to the store or something.

Finally this lady that no one knew gets up and starts talking about what a good family man he was and how he loved his children and wife and what a man of God he was (he had not been to a church since my Grandfather died about 25 years earlier!). She just went on and on. My mother and one of my aunts was in front of me and I could see their shoulders shaking and my aunt started crying and choking, trying not to laugh. One of the ushers thought she was over come with emotions, so they came over to fan her, which made my mother laugh even more.

The minister final had to get up and say amen a couple of times to get her to sit down and shut up.

We thought the woman was at the wrong funeral, but one of my great aunts said she was a professional funeral go-er and would always try to say something, even if she did not know the person!
That woman just reminded me of Weeping Wanda from Good Times. She went to EVERYONE'S funeral, whether she knew the deceased person or not, lol.

Tld221 - those are hood funerals for real.

I don't have any ghetto funeral stories to tell. The ones I've attended have been your standard ones. No drama.
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