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Old 08-26-2005, 11:06 AM
Lindz928 Lindz928 is offline
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The most weird or stupid news story you heard today.

I thought we could use a thread for all of those "serious" news stories that are just a little bit weird, or maybe made you laugh. Here is mine for today:

British Police Crack Missing Gnome Case

British police crack missing gnome case
Two women charged after for pilfering from gardens in Central Scotland

Updated: 1:48 p.m. ET Aug. 24, 2005
In an apparent breakthrough in a series of mysterious garden raids in Scotland, police in Britain have charged two women after discovering a huge cache of garden gnomes, the BBC reported Wednesday.

Police reportedly found least 40 gnomes, hedgehogs, rabbits and furniture in a house in Alloa, Clackmannanshire in central Scotland in what they described as an Aladdin's cave of garden ornaments. They also unearthed more than 60 plant pots and 25 solar lights, according to the BBC.

People in Stirling, Clackmannanshire and Falkirk in Central Scotland had complained that gnomes, hedgehogs and rabbits had gone missing, it said.

The discovery was the culmination of an 11-day police investigation into the spate of thefts.

Cracking the case was described as a "significant achievement" by Detective Constable Roy Lake, but the challenge of making sure the gnomes had a home to go to remained, the BBC said.

"Our task now is to identify who the items belong to and ensure they are given back to their rightful owners," he was quoted as saying.

"an Aladdin's cave of garden ornaments." Hahaha.

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Old 08-26-2005, 12:07 PM
KSigkid KSigkid is offline
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This wasn't today...but I thought it was still kind of funny:

Apparently, a former member of the Marlins dared their batboy to drink a certain amount of milk in a short period of time. When the team found out, they suspended him for 6 games (roughly equivilent to what Raffy Palmeiro got for steroid use).
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Old 08-26-2005, 01:49 PM
OtterXO OtterXO is offline
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Originally posted by KSigkid
This wasn't today...but I thought it was still kind of funny:

Apparently, a former member of the Marlins dared their batboy to drink a certain amount of milk in a short period of time. When the team found out, they suspended him for 6 games (roughly equivilent to what Raffy Palmeiro got for steroid use).
How did they even see a need to suspend him for this??? LOL it's not like it was a fifth of vodka...can you be suspended for milk intoxication???
Chi Omega
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Old 08-26-2005, 02:12 PM
ZTABullwinkle ZTABullwinkle is offline
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Just more testament to the fact that the steroid policy isn't strong enough. I say ban them for the rest of the season, if not for life....

"Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon our hearts. Until against our will comes the wisdom of God."
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Old 08-29-2005, 09:54 PM
Dvyne Evolushun Dvyne Evolushun is offline
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Man Arrested in Practical Joke Gone Awry


SAVANNAH, Ga. - A Savannah man was arrested after he told a 13-year-old girl to hand a note to a bank teller threatening a holdup, police said.

Michael Lyons, 45, told police that he and a group of girls celebrating his daughter's birthday were trying to play a practical joke. The note said "Give me all of your money, this is a stick up," according to a police report.

While Lyons was getting money out of an ATM on Friday, the girl went into the bank and handed the note to a teller.

The teller sounded the bank's alarm and police and FBI surrounded the building searching for suspected burglars.

Instead, they found Lyons and the group of girls.

Lyons was charged with criminal attempt of robbery by intimidation, said Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police spokesman Bucky Burnsed.

"You can't yell fire in a crowded theater, can't joke about a bomb in your luggage at the airport, and you can't write notes to cashier that say 'This is a stick up,'" Burnsed said.

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Old 08-30-2005, 10:43 AM
FHwku FHwku is offline
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cell phone stories

washington post
Cell Phone Camera Fazes Flasher

By Robert MacMillan Staff Writer
Tuesday, August 30, 2005; 10:00 AM

I spend so much time knocking the obnoxious behavior of cell phone users that it's easy to forget that the phones themselves are good things...

Leaving aside the insidious schemes of Madison Avenue, I'd like to share some cell-phone stories I dug up during the past several days that made me laugh rather than shake my head.

* A cell phone photo taken on an uptown R train on August 19 helped police identify a flasher who has been targeting women on the subway system, the New York Daily News reported. The suspect flashed train rider Thao Nguyen who no doubt surprised him by snapping a picture of him in the act. More surprising still, perhaps, was the Daily News's Saturday front page, which showed off the photo to millions of readers.

The paper also carried Nguyen's story: "'I saw him massaging himself and then he unzipped and pulled it out. I thought, "I can't believe he's doing this in the middle of the day!"' The subway car was mostly empty and Nguyen felt nervous, so she pulled out her Samsung P777 cell phone, equipped with a 1.3 megapixel digital phone. 'I turned on the camera,' she said. 'He was still masturbating. I aimed it and quickly took the shot. As soon as I took it, he zipped up and got off the train.' Nguyen said she was disgusted by the incident and immediately reported it to a police officer at the 34th St. station. The next day she filled out an official complaint, and the following day a detective had her look at hundreds of photos of ex-cons. None of them was the culprit, but Nguyen wasn't about to give up. She posted the degenerate's photo on the Web sites Flickr and Craigslist, and bloggers began linking to her site."

The Daily News has since received tips on the suspect's identity, which it published in today's paper. Try riding the subway now, flasher man.

* ran its own story on cell-phone photos doubling as a smoking gun. New York resident John Clennan, 23, discovered that someone stole his handset from his unlocked car while he was working the nightshift at a convenience store: "Because the camera phone can only hold a limited number of images, Sprint lets subscribers upload photos from the device to a web account. 'I decided to go and check out the web space and see if there were any pictures uploaded to it, and he had taken almost 40 pictures and five movies and uploaded them all,' says Clennan. Most of the images show the same young man, flexing for the camera in various states of dress, kissing a young woman, posing with apparent friends and family members, and generally having a good time with a new toy. When Clennan checked the account's e-mail outbox, he found the new owner had forwarded some of the photos to a particular Yahoo e-mail account."

Clennan posted a note with some of the photos on a Long Island Web board. Most have been taken down, but the Suffolk County police force has copies.

* Seattle-Tacoma International Airport is considering an expansion of its "cell-phone lot," a parking lot where drivers waiting to pick up curbside arrivals can hang out for up to 30 minutes instead of having to circle the airport. The Seattle Times reported: "'We're kind of a victim of our own success,' said Michael Civitelli, operations manager at the airport. 'The lot is always full. It's used around the clock. We've come to the conclusion that it's too small and we need to do things to make it permanent.' ... Sea-Tac joins several other airports that have cellphone lots, including those in Phoenix and Philadelphia. Airport officials don't know how the lot has affected airport congestion. But they say a driver picking up someone at the airport circles the airport drive two to four times, so if 20 cars are idled in the waiting lot, that potentially eliminates 80 drives around the airport."

As someone who could earn substantial supplemental income picking up and dropping people off at airports, I can say without reservation that such parking lots are the best cell-phone accessory I can think of.
Somethin' Stupid

Don't forget, folks, the fun doesn't last much longer. As of Friday, Random Access turns into a pumpkin and you won't have old MacMillan to kick around anymore. That means it will be up to you to band together to share your stories of how cell phone yakkers have managed to accelerate the decline of world civilization.

Until then, of course, you have me to look around for this kind of thing. I came up with a good one too:

"At Monday night's Hollywood Bowl performance by James Taylor, for instance, the audience lighted up during the folk singer's classic 'Fire and Rain,'" the Los Angeles Times reported on August 24. "As smoking wanes and cellphone use skyrockets, 'the cellphone has replaced the lighter,' said Janette Baxa, spokeswoman for the Gibson Amphitheatre in Universal City. 'It's pretty incredible when you look around and see thousands of people light up.' At last year's 'Sound of Music' sing-along concert at the Bowl, most of the 18,000 patrons lighted up their cellphones as they sang and swayed to 'Edelweiss,' venue spokesman Mateo Velasco said. 'It's better than lighters because you see blue and green and other colors glowing,' he said. 'And it's safer.'"

I haven't been to an arena show in years, so someone needs to update me. Don't people get high at concerts anymore? As we all should know by now, marijuana's ill effects on health are overstated while cell phones will make you grow repulsive tumors in your head. So they say, anyway...
No More Kilt Fetish!

You wouldn't know it by the brilliant nature of today's column, but so far this is the slowest day of the slowest month when it comes to technology news. What's out there has been done before, so I have to cast my newsgathering nets all the way to Scotland -- a reliable warhorse when it comes to scaring up some tech stories.

I wasn't disappointed as I discovered a proposal to ban violent pornography on the Internet. The Scotsman reported: "A new offence of possession of violent and abusive pornography would mean any images acquired electronically would be illegal. Such images are already banned in traditional printed form under the Obscene Publications Act 1959. ... The plans were applauded by Metropolitan Police Commander and Association of Chief Police Officers' representative Dave Johnston. He said: 'The investigation into such matters proves to be very difficult due to the fact that many of the [Web] sites are abroad and outside the jurisdiction of UK law enforcement agencies. Creation of new offences to deal with these matters would assist greatly in preventing the spread of such material.'"

How is this so if the sites are located outside the United Kingdom?

Anyway, victims of spyware pop-ups can take heart, the BBC reported: "The new laws would not affect people who came into contact with pornographic material by accident." ... or, presumably, "investigators" such as Pete Townshend.
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Old 08-30-2005, 10:46 AM
RedRoseSAI RedRoseSAI is offline
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All the idiots who ignored the Katrina evacuation warnings and then called 911 to have someone come rescue them get my vote for stupid news story.
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"To be faithful over a few things"
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Old 08-30-2005, 01:22 PM
moe.ron moe.ron is offline
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Man runs off without paying bill for artificial leg: cops

What do I win?

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Old 08-30-2005, 11:21 PM
AOII_LB93 AOII_LB93 is offline
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Students can use 'f-word' up to 5 times per lesson

U.K. school tailors policy to foul mouths
Students can use 'f-word' up to 5 times per lesson

Updated: 3:32 p.m. ET Aug. 30, 2005
As children throughout the country head back to school, many of them are probably muttering a few choice words about the prospect of returning to the classroom and the expected onslaught of homework. But can they utter those choice words and swear at their teachers? If they’re heading back to school in one town in England, then yes, they can.

According to a report in the U.K.’s Daily Mail, one school in the town of Wellingborough is allowing pupils to swear at teachers, providing they only do so no more than five times in a class. A tally of how many times the f-word is used will be kept and if the class exceeds the limit, they will be “spoken” to, the newspaper reported.

The school believes the policy will improve behavior, but parents and parliamentary members have condemned the rule and warned it would backfire.

According to the Daily Mail, assistant headmaster Richard White said the policy was aimed at 15- and 16-year-olds in two classes which are considered troublesome.

"Within each lesson the teacher will initially tolerate (although not condone) the use of the f-word (or derivatives) five times and these will be tallied on the board so all students can see the running score," the Daily Mail quoted White as writing in a letter. "Over this number the class will be spoken to by the teacher at the end of the lesson."

According to the report, headmaster Alan Large said he had received no complaints about the policy.


Can I just say, had I EVER used the f-bomb in class especially toward a teacher, I would STILL be grounded...and probably for the rest of my natural life.

But Conservative member of parliament Ann Widdecombe said the policy was based on “Alice in Wonderland reasoning,” the Daily Mail reported. “What next? Do we allow people to speed five times or burgle five times? You don't improve something by allowing it, you improve something by discouraging it,” Widdecombe was quoted as saying.

The newspaper also reported that the 1,130-pupil school plans to send “praise postcards” to the parents of children who do not swear and who turn up on time for lessons.
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Old 08-31-2005, 04:12 PM
HBADPi HBADPi is offline
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Missing: 2 ft., 8 lb., monkey wearing blue pants

SPRINGDALE, Ohio - The bulletin issued by police in the southwest Ohio town of Springdale describes the subject as two feet tall, weighing eight pounds, clad only in blue pants and prone to sleeping in trees.

Dillion, a circus monkey, fled into a nearby woods early on Monday after being frightened by a train whistle from tracks near where the circus was performing in Springdale, in northern Hamilton County.

Trainer Philip Hendricks, who is part of the Hendricks Brothers Circus, says Dillion, who has a white face, brown body and is wearing a leash, is usually confident in new surroundings but the train whistle sent him scurrying.

The circus is leaving town Thursday morning and Hendricks is worried that his monkey won't be found before then.

Hendricks suggests that anyone who spots Dillion try to lure him with food. He's fond of apples, oranges, nuts, berries -- and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

ETA: Missing Monkey Found
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Old 09-01-2005, 01:50 AM
Tickled Pink 2 Tickled Pink 2 is offline
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Woman, 73, Accused of Shooting Husband

Oh my! Apparently, he had VD. **I had a laughing smiley until I finished the article. She was really trying to kill him.

AUBURN, W.Va. - A 73-year-old woman has been accused of shooting her 69-year-old husband because she believed he contracted a venereal disease while having an affair with a neighbor.

"He was treated a few weeks ago, apparently for a venereal disease. That's apparently where it (the shooting) came from," said Trooper J.E. Stout of the State Police's Harrisville detachment.

Mollie A. Hardbarger of Auburn is accused of shooting her husband Hallie once in the abdomen with a .22-caliber rifle on Tuesday. She was charged with malicious wounding.

Hallie Hardbarger was in critical condition Wednesday at St. Joseph's Hospital in Parkersburg, said hospital spokeswoman Jill Parsons.

Mollie Hardbarger complained of chest pains after she was arrested Tuesday and also was taken to the hospital, police said. She was in good condition Wednesday, Parsons said.

"She is under 24-hour guard at the hospital. We'll continue to do that until she's released," Stout said.

After she is released from the hospital, she will be arraigned in Wood County Magistrate Court.
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Old 09-01-2005, 11:53 PM
hoosier hoosier is offline
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Jesse Jackson arrives in New Orleans, solves all problems within 90 min., calls Larry King to report live on natl. TV.
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Old 09-01-2005, 11:54 PM
hoosier hoosier is offline
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Hurricane victim hospitalized with scalded mouth, tongue, and throat.

"I just followed directions to boil water before drinking."
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Old 09-05-2005, 03:31 PM
hoosier hoosier is offline
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NY Senator Chuckie Schumer suggests that Bush ask Sandra Day to stay on the court for a year or so, as "acting chief justice".

Does he think that in a year or so (and after the 2006 elections) the libs might control the Senate?
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Old 09-06-2005, 01:30 PM
hoosier hoosier is offline
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Fired for eating pizza, man wins contest

September 5, 2005


SAN FRANCISCO -- A computer engineer who lost his job because he ate two pieces of pepperoni pizza left over from a company meeting has been named the winner of an offbeat Internet contest that solicited stories about outrageous firings.

A panel of Silicon Valley judges assembled by Simply Hired, a Mountain View startup that sponsored the contest, picked Jim Garrison's strange tale from more than 1,000 entries submitted during the past month.

The reward: a free Caribbean cruise that will include passengers famously fired by Donald Trump on his popular TV show, "The Apprentice."

Garrison, 39, prevailed over some tough competition.

The runners-up included these bizarre stories: a furniture mover who got fired after he and a co-worker were caught fencing with some adult sex toys that they found in a customer's bedroom; a worker who misunderstood a manager's instructions to send some sensitive data to microfilm and e-mailed it to a "Michael Finn" instead; and a warehouse worker found doing perverse things with the prosthetics made by his employer.

It made for such fascinating reading that one woman posted an account about how she got fired for spending too much company time on

'I would have been happy to pay'

Garrison, who lives in Highlands Ranch, Colo., said he never dreamed he would be fired after he ate two of the six pieces of pepperoni pizza left over from a company meeting.

Although he didn't work in the department that held the meeting, Garrison figured the food was fair game since it looked like it was going to be wasted if it wasn't eaten. What he didn't know is that several other employees had already worked out a plan to take the leftover pizza home.

When they discovered one-third of the leftover pizza had been eaten, the employees reported Garrison to management, leading to his firing last November.

"If somebody had warned me, I would have been happy to pay for the pizza," Garrison said.

Garrison declined to identify his former employer. He is now happily employed as a programmer at a satellite TV company.

On the Web:
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