D&R Random

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, since then, I'm back active on my PoF account. I've gone on a few dates since the break-up. But when I agree to meet up with these dates, I either run into a woman who's nice and friendly, and seems to have her head on straight, but is bigger than what I'm normally attracted to. Or they will look like the profile picture, attractive, etc. but just don't have it all there in the head. Or it will be someone I really like and someone I'm physically attracted to, but then she isn't interested in me.

I'm coming to the conclusion that people go on dates thinking the worst before they even meet the person. And if the conversation isn't going well on the first date, getting another with the same girl is next to impossible. It should not be this difficult to meet a decent mate. It really shouldn't. When I was in college, I had my pick. Now that I'm out of college, it seems like the really attractive, good ones are taken, and the ones that are left are unattractive. If they are attractive, they're demented or a little off in the head. I'm now starting to believe that dating is based on social class.

What made you realize that dating is based on social class? I would say that people stay within their social class even more than they stay within their race or religion.

[TexasViolet]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, since then, I'm back active on my PoF account.

Are you trying to meet people other places besides just PoF? Maybe there are tons of people that found the perfect person for them on that website, but I've just never heard any good stories.

What do you mean by dating is based on social class?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K

Sorry about your break up, but I feel you on what you're going through, meeting up with females who aren't who they say they are, as far as looks go. When my account was active, and I was still kickin it with random females, some would lie about what they looked like. They would post pictures from way back when, and then when we would agree to meet up, they would be big as hell. That used to get me upset because I had to sit through an entire date with a female who was fat as hell. I don't know why females lie like that. I usually can tell if she's big as hell because her face will be wide, but when they post an old picture when they were thin and looked good as hell, you automatically think she's going to look like that on the date.

I've never dated on any dating sites or had an account on those things, but I did go out on one blind date where the real person looked nothing like the picture. I knew something was funny about the picture, but I decided to meet up with her anyway. When I saw her coming, I said "Please don't let this be her, please don't let this be her".... It was her....

Talk about big... good Lord!

[Mizeree I2K]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I've never dated on any dating sites or had an account on those things, but I did go out on one blind date where the real person looked nothing like the picture. I knew something was funny about the picture, but I decided to meet up with her anyway. When I saw her coming, I said "Please don't let this be her, please don't let this be her".... It was her....

Talk about big... good Lord!

CTFU! goddamn, how big was she? What kind of picture did you see? Because I had some big females pull the same trick on me, but they were big enough where I could only see it slightly in the face. That made me think that maybe she lost some weight.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

It should not be this difficult to meet a decent mate.

What is it that you're looking for in a mate? I mean, do you think that what you might want is realistic?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K

CTFU! goddamn, how big was she?

Put it this way, if I told you she was a 36-24-36, I would be speaking of her forearm, neck, and thigh.

[AlwaysSAI]

Mr. KDR has not called me yet today. So, technically, since it's 1am he didn't call me at all today.

I wonder what he's doing. Probably working on his presentation for next week.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by Mizeree I2K

Sorry about your break up, but I feel you on what you're going through, meeting up with females who aren't who they say they are, as far as looks go. When my account was active, and I was still kickin it with random females, some would lie about what they looked like. They would post pictures from way back when, and then when we would agree to meet up, they would be big as hell. That used to get me upset because I had to sit through an entire date with a female who was fat as hell. I don't know why females lie like that. I usually can tell if she's big as hell because her face will be wide, but when they post an old picture when they were thin and looked good as hell, you automatically think she's going to look like that on the date.

I'm always leery when I see a face shot only.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

What made you realize that dating is based on social class? I would say that people stay within their social class even more than they stay within their race or religion.

I think it seems that way with women but not necessarily with men. Women seem to want men who are either on the same or higher financial level that they are on, if they are women with professional careers making money. With men, it could be a woman working an entry level job at McDonalds making pennies. But, if she's really attractive, and has her head on straight, a guy will still show interest, even if he is on a higher professional/financial level. I don't think we look at the whole social class thing like women do.

The problem with this is, as men, we're generally going to find the same women physically attractive. So, we'll go after the same women, but those women can pretty much have their pick, and because of that, they will choose the men who are professionals making decent money. The men who aren't on a high status level like that (financially) are left with the women that nobody wants, and that leaves the women I mentioned above. They are either unattractive, or if they are attractive, they're messed up in the head. That's what it seems like to me.

Originally Posted by TexasViolet

Are you trying to meet people other places besides just PoF? Maybe there are tons of people that found the perfect person for them on that website, but I've just never heard any good stories.

What do you mean by dating is based on social class?

I've tried Christian Mingle, and E-Harmony as well.

What I mean by social class, I'm talking about people having the same or similar economic/financial or educational status.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

What is it that you're looking for in a mate? I mean, do you think that what you might want is realistic?

That's a good question. I would like to think my expectations are realistic. I never really made a list out. I have in my mind what I want, but what I want, they're all taken. It kind of goes back to what I said before about it all being based on social class.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Put it this way, if I told you she was a 36-24-36, I would be speaking of her forearm, neck, and thigh.

Lol

[StealthMode]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

What I mean by social class, I'm talking about people having the same or similar economic/financial or educational status.

I will say it's typical for women to look at a man's financial status. There are lots of reasons for this but generally, she tends to be evaluating a man's ability to provide for a family when she is choosing a mate. Even if a man is thinking that far ahead about the person he's dating--and a lot of them aren't depending on their age--he will usually have the luxury of not needing to think about that.

From what you describe, it sounds like you're not "your type's type." What I mean is, it's more than just the women you're dating not meeting your expectations--it also sounds like you may also not meet the expectations of the women you would like to date. If you know the women who you find attractive and "together" (however you define that) tend to go for men who are of a certain status, look a certain way, live a certain lifestyle, etc. then do you fit those qualities? Could you? If you can't or aren't willing to then you might need to adjust your expectations to someone who is a better match. You deserve someone who will appreciate what you have to offer.

Also...I completely admit I don't know what kind of women you've run into but just because a woman is "bigger than you're normally attracted to" doesn't mean she's "unattractive." And a woman who is unattractive to you and single is not necessarily a "woman nobody wants." You used these phrases synonymously which may be part of the problem if they are an indication of what your expectations are like. I don't know how you define "messed up in the head" or "unattractive." But it may be a good idea to really write out what qualities you're looking for AND why they are important to you. It might be a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and maybe shed some light why you and that special someone keep missing each other.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Put it this way, if I told you she was a 36-24-36, I would be speaking of her forearm, neck, and thigh.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

I think it seems that way with women but not necessarily with men. Women seem to want men who are either on the same or higher financial level that they are on, if they are women with professional careers making money. With men, it could be a woman working an entry level job at McDonalds making pennies. But, if she's really attractive, and has her head on straight, a guy will still show interest, even if he is on a higher professional/financial level.

I can't blame you for wanting a companion you're going to be physically attracted to, but you made it seem as though women don't go after "looks" like men do. Initially, your appearance is just as important to a woman as her appearance is to you. After that, it is what you say and do that bears more weight.

You bring up finances which is cool, because they are important. But IMO, I think most women are attracted to men who have a sense of self and direction in their lives. When a man is unstable (not saying that you are) or unsettled concerning his career or what he wants to do with his life, it makes a woman nervous to some degree. If she's nervous, she cannot relax and entrust her heart to his hands. She's generally going to look to a man for stability, not necessarily having a ton of money, because many women are making more money than men are. So, be careful placing too much emphasis on money, although it is important.

Money/finances/career is a factor for some women, but what is also important to most women is his ability to commit to her. Men who are inconsistent cause her to question his intentions toward her. I think a lot of women are generally going to be at their best in relationships when she feels secure that her man's desire for her cannot be broken. She wants, above all, to be able to depend on him for the steady, willing supply of his very best -his sincere and demonstrated devotion and commitment to her. She wants to feel secure and safe.

You also mentioned that you want a decent woman, but both men and women say the same thing. They want a partner who is "about something". Yet, most people who say this are not really doing anything significant themselves. They're not willing to get the training and experience, be mentored, or work hard enough with their gifts and talents, so they settle for mediocre jobs that do not express who they really are. The key is being what you want to attract, man. A man who does not have his act together (not saying you), he will never be comfortable with a woman who does. He would only resent her accomplishments and feel belittled by them. Even if it doesn't matter to her, he would still imagine that it does. So in a sense, I understand why a woman would not be interested in a man who is not on her level financially, spiritually, and mentally, or who has no clue where he wants his life to go.

Good luck, I hope you meet that special someone who will make you happy and vice versa.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

That's a good question. I would like to think my expectations are realistic. I never really made a list out. I have in my mind what I want, but what I want, they're all taken. It kind of goes back to what I said before about it all being based on social class.

I just asked that question to see what your response was going to be, and based on your reply, it doesn't seem like you have given it much thought to even know what it is you want in a mate. Based on your posts, the only thoughts you are focused on are the outer trappings. That's your first mistake. There is nothing wrong with pursuing someone you are physically attracted to, but after you have become excited about the cover, read the contents.

You also need to understand that just like anything else, where you are right now is based on what season you are in and the choices you have made. Many people, both women and men have the order backwards --finding a mate first, making a life second. Most singles spend a lot of their time bemoaning the fact that they are single and fail to be productive. You can either pin your hopes on the way you would like things to be, or you can work with what is in front of you. Start making your life purposeful while you are alone by applying yourself to all you can do as a single man. Singleness is a gift, so now should be a time when you should be enjoying your freedom. You will never have more financial freedom or more time than right now, so take advantage of it, and start building a productive life by having activities already in place.

I can't speak for all women, but a man who is strong spiritually, sure of his purpose, and actively working toward the fulfillment of his destiny is the sexiest man on Earth, and is such a major turn on, to me. And I think this applies to many women.

And be careful not to miss the simplicity in the truth that we attract what we are or what we think we deserve. Since you have had a string of problem dates, you might want to check to see what you are portraying.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I can't blame you for wanting a companion you're going to be physically attracted to, but you made it seem as though women don't go after "looks" like men do. Initially, your appearance is just as important to a woman as her appearance is to you. After that, it is what you say and do that bears more weight.

I think most women are attracted to men who have a sense of self and direction in their lives.

[Mizeree I2K]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Put it this way, if I told you she was a 36-24-36, I would be speaking of her forearm, neck, and thigh.

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by StealthMode

I will say it's typical for women to look at a man's financial status. There are lots of reasons for this but generally, she tends to be evaluating a man's ability to provide for a family when she is choosing a mate. Even if a man is thinking that far ahead about the person he's dating--and a lot of them aren't depending on their age--he will usually have the luxury of not needing to think about that.

From what you describe, it sounds like you're not "your type's type." What I mean is, it's more than just the women you're dating not meeting your expectations--it also sounds like you may also not meet the expectations of the women you would like to date. If you know the women who you find attractive and "together" (however you define that) tend to go for men who are of a certain status, look a certain way, live a certain lifestyle, etc. then do you fit those qualities? Could you? If you can't or aren't willing to then you might need to adjust your expectations to someone who is a better match. You deserve someone who will appreciate what you have to offer.

Also...I completely admit I don't know what kind of women you've run into but just because a woman is "bigger than you're normally attracted to" doesn't mean she's "unattractive." And a woman who is unattractive to you and single is not necessarily a "woman nobody wants." You used these phrases synonymously which may be part of the problem if they are an indication of what your expectations are like. I don't know how you define "messed up in the head" or "unattractive." But it may be a good idea to really write out what qualities you're looking for AND why they are important to you. It might be a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and maybe shed some light why you and that special someone keep missing each other.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I can't blame you for wanting a companion you're going to be physically attracted to, but you made it seem as though women don't go after "looks" like men do. Initially, your appearance is just as important to a woman as her appearance is to you. After that, it is what you say and do that bears more weight.

You bring up finances which is cool, because they are important. But IMO, I think most women are attracted to men who have a sense of self and direction in their lives. When a man is unstable (not saying that you are) or unsettled concerning his career or what he wants to do with his life, it makes a woman nervous to some degree. If she's nervous, she cannot relax and entrust her heart to his hands. She's generally going to look to a man for stability, not necessarily having a ton of money, because many women are making more money than men are. So, be careful placing too much emphasis on money, although it is important.

Money/finances/career is a factor for some women, but what is also important to most women is his ability to commit to her. Men who are inconsistent cause her to question his intentions toward her. I think a lot of women are generally going to be at their best in relationships when she feels secure that her man's desire for her cannot be broken. She wants, above all, to be able to depend on him for the steady, willing supply of his very best -his sincere and demonstrated devotion and commitment to her. She wants to feel secure and safe.

You also mentioned that you want a decent woman, but both men and women say the same thing. They want a partner who is "about something". Yet, most people who say this are not really doing anything significant themselves. They're not willing to get the training and experience, be mentored, or work hard enough with their gifts and talents, so they settle for mediocre jobs that do not express who they really are. The key is being what you want to attract, man. A man who does not have his act together (not saying you), he will never be comfortable with a woman who does. He would only resent her accomplishments and feel belittled by them. Even if it doesn't matter to her, he would still imagine that it does. So in a sense, I understand why a woman would not be interested in a man who is not on her level financially, spiritually, and mentally, or who has no clue where he wants his life to go.

Good luck, I hope you meet that special someone who will make you happy and vice versa.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I just asked that question to see what your response was going to be, and based on your reply, it doesn't seem like you have given it much thought to even know what it is you want in a mate. Based on your posts, the only thoughts you are focused on are the outer trappings. That's your first mistake. There is nothing wrong with pursuing someone you are physically attracted to, but after you have become excited about the cover, read the contents.

You also need to understand that just like anything else, where you are right now is based on what season you are in and the choices you have made. Many people, both women and men have the order backwards --finding a mate first, making a life second. Most singles spend a lot of their time bemoaning the fact that they are single and fail to be productive. You can either pin your hopes on the way you would like things to be, or you can work with what is in front of you. Start making your life purposeful while you are alone by applying yourself to all you can do as a single man. Singleness is a gift, so now should be a time when you should be enjoying your freedom. You will never have more financial freedom or more time than right now, so take advantage of it, and start building a productive life by having activities already in place.

I can't speak for all women, but a man who is strong spiritually, sure of his purpose, and actively working toward the fulfillment of his destiny is the sexiest man on Earth, and is such a major turn on, to me. And I think this applies to many women.

And be careful not to miss the simplicity in the truth that we attract what we are or what we think we deserve. Since you have had a string of problem dates, you might want to check to see what you are portraying.

This is good advice, and good info to have. I agreed to meet up with someone I met from PoF this weekend for dinner. I'll keep this in mind.

Thanks.