D&R Random

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

Dating to me means what it is...Dating. You go out, kick it, and try to get something established. If I'm not feeling her like that then I date somebody else.

Do you only date one woman at a time? If so, I'm sure you can see how that can result in a woman thinking you are more into her than you are.

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

That probably works for her, but that's much too complicated for me. The whole teams and numbers thing reminds me of football, not dating Lol.

If you only date one woman at a time then of course it would seem complicated to you.

But, I can't help but be humored at you forgetting why this discussion began. You were typing about this woman who you've been hanging out with but you don't really like her (why were you hanging out with her? were you bored? lonely?). You like this OTHER woman in your group of friends. You're trying to figure out how to drop the woman who likes you to get to the other woman. Uh...that doesn't sound complicated (and youngster) to you? LOL. Perhaps you are essentially trying to do the "team" thing but just suck horrendously at it. LOL.

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

Nothing against Dr. Phil and Munchkin, but what you and Tony06 are saying seems to be easier. If I didn't know the girl and I was starting from a clean slate, then I could see doing it the other way. That's actually the way I used to do it when I was on Plenty of Fish, but the one time it caused some drama and it was with the girl I wanted to continue to date. Thanks for the insight, I'll do it and let y'all know how it went.

No offense taken (although this discussion would probably be a lot different if we were men). I surpassed the dating thing years ago. The One knew that he wasn't dating a lonely and desperate woman. He knew he had some competition and he better act right.

With all due respect, you have used online dating sites which tends to be an online version of having a "team." I have never used dating sites and disagree with their existence. I need to meet in-person and have nothing but face-to-face interactions with men. What I was talking about is a lot easier than using a dating site.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It's only complicated because you're making it complicated. I'll make it in list form to make it even simpler:

1. Keep your options open. Don't put all your eggs in one basket but don't spread yourself so thin that you're not a fun date.
2. No sex until you're exclusive.
3. Exclusivity isn't assumed. It's agreed upon.

Essentially what the average man has always done. People only act confused when you discuss this but they don't act confused when they DO it. And this convo would be different if we were a bunch of hetero men shooting the shit about women.

I also advise Cen1aur to NOT go out with the other woman as "just friends" and try to use their mutual friends as a way to hang out with HER. Your intent is not just friendship. And stop using your mutual friends as a way IN. We are too grown to bullshit. THAT is complicated and much more complicated than having a "team." It's also a good way to confuse people (are we friends? do we like each other?).

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Essentially what the average man has always done. People only act confused when you discuss this but they don't act confused when they DO it. And this convo would be different if we were a bunch of hetero men shooting the shit about men.

Right...like I said before, the only people who are ever offended by this are men (because they're shocked that two can play that game) and prudish women (because they're shocked that a woman would do that).

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Essentially what the average man has always done. People only act confused when you discuss this but they don't act confused when they DO it. And this convo would be different if we were a bunch of hetero men shooting the shit about men.

I also advise Cen1aur to NOT go out with the other woman as "just friends" and try to use their mutual friends as a way to hang out with HER. Your intent is not just friendship. And stop using your mutual friends as a way IN. We are too grown to bullshit. THAT is complicated and much more complicated than having a "team." It's also a good way to confuse people (are we friends? do we like each other?).

Wow, this thread has taken a turn...

There was no "act" of confusion on my part. I didn't understand the "rule of
3" just like I didn't understand "teams." The subsequent explanations of each lifted the mist.

As this thread has obviously shown, people classify their dating in varying ways. I've always dated casually, but with a purpose in mind. I'm not one to hang out just to hang out, just burning up time. Either someone naturally sparks for you, captures your interest (fits within my spiritual, moral, compatibility construct) or they don't. I've generally dated that way, certainly without a group of 3-4 other women in the wings.

Other guys I know are cool just dating "in the moment," not necessarily caring if any permanance, short or long-term, might attach. To each his own.

I will admit that this "group dating" which I've minimally heard about associated with high schoolers (no disprespect to Cent1our or anyone else who rolls that way) was interesting to read about.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

There was no "act" of confusion on my part. I didn't understand the "rule of
3" just like I didn't understand "teams." The subsequent explanations of each lifted the mist.

Why do you think I am talking about you?

Munchkin03 and I are typing in general unless otherwise stated. LOL.

Munchkin03 and I are not humored by people not knowing terminology. It is humorous when people, men in particular, pretend not to know the dynamics. It's all the same thing regardless of the terminology used.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Right...like I said before, the only people who are ever offended by this are men (because they're shocked that two can play that game) ....

Don't know if this comment was directed at me or not, but if it was, I wasn't "offended." I just didn't know what you meant, thus the confusion I spoke about.

If it wasn't directed at me, please disregard the post. thanks.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Why do you think I am talking about you?

Munchkin03 and I are typing in general unless otherwise stated.

Becuase I'd expressed confusion in a post in close proximity to your comment. My bad.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Don't know if this comment was directed at me or not, but if it was, I wasn't "offended." I just didn't know what you meant, thus the confusion I spoke about.

If it wasn't directed at me, please disregard the post. thanks.

Correct. No one in this thread is offended. We can all breathe easy and sip some water or something.

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Becuase I'd expressed confusion in a post in close proximity to your comment. My bad.

LOL. You only asked for clarity of terms being used.

(ETA: Although you all were acting like this was complicated with equations and stuff. LOL. That's being dramatic.)

The confusion would be if you were like WHAT?! I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SOMEONE (read: WOMEN) OPENLY DATING MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT A TIME!!

All while getting dressed for your date with the 3rd woman in your life.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Correct. No one in this thread is offended. We can all breathe easy and sip some water or something.

Speak for yourself! I am super-tense right now. There's an "Arrested Development" (the show) reunion in the city next month and I'm in the "Virtual Waiting Room" for tickets! My "request has been queued" for nearly 30 minutes now.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Speak for yourself! I am super-tense right now. There's an "Arrested Development" (the show) reunion in the city next month and I'm in the "Virtual Waiting Room" for tickets! My "request has been queued" for nearly 30 minutes now.

I would only accept your super-tense if this was Arrested Development (the group). Your request for super-tense has been denied!

Next in line, please!!!

[KSig RC]

Also, I think there's a disparity in definition of "date" - for those uncomfortable with Munchkin's method, a "date" is a sign of capital-D "Dating" a person, a much more serious interaction than simply going on dates and having a good time.

A lot of times, those people are men with some dating insecurities (although obviously it's not a malady unique to dudes).

Also, the notion of "I didn't know it was a date!" (and similar) is pretty silly, because in an ideal scenario, it doesn't much matter what title is applied. The weight behind the title is disproportionate to the situation, which causes a lot of these problems.

Go have fun and tell the truth and be upfront and PAY ATTENTION and ignore The Secret and silly rules made by idiots about garbage like 'how many days to call.'

[DrPhil]

I never read The Secret. Just seeing the cover makes me cringe.

And oh yeah if someone is casually dating (going on dates with no commitment yet) that will sometimes lead to dating more than one person unless you are going to tell people "no thanks, I'm already in a non-committed dating interaction with someone." If that's the case, you need to make sure you understand the rules of engagement; and you know whether the person you are "non-committed dating" is dating other people. If you don't know, you can end up falling for someone who hasn't exclusively chosen you yet. That happens a lot and it mostly happens to women. LOL.

Communicate. Don't assume. Someone can be extremely attentive, spend a lot of time with you, emotionally available, and STILL be seeing other people. LOL.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

...If that's the case, you need to make sure you understand the rules of engagement; and you know whether the person you are "non-committed dating" is dating other people. If you don't know, you can end up falling for someone who hasn't exclusively chosen you yet. That happens a lot and it mostly happens to women. LOL.

Communicate. Don't assume. Someone can be extremely attentive, spend a lot of time with you, emotionally available, and STILL be seeing other people. LOL.

It's not real phase I sexy, but I always assume the other person is dating someone else, unless and until I hear the words, "I'm yours, you big Alpha Man."

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

I never looked at it this way. This makes sense. I've been cool with her for a minute, but I've only known her through the group. We all know each other through other folks in the group, so now that I think about it, I don't see why she and I can't hang. Nothing against Dr. Phil and Munchkin, but what you and Tony06 are saying seems to be easier. If I didn't know the girl and I was starting from a clean slate, then I could see doing it the other way. That's actually the way I used to do it when I was on Plenty of Fish, but the one time it caused some drama and it was with the girl I wanted to continue to date. Thanks for the insight, I'll do it and let y'all know how it went.

After reading your post, I think you might have a different purpose for it than what I have, and that’s okay. I mean, everyone has their own purpose for dating. I used to be totally against looking for my spouse with a mouse lol, even when I knew about some of the great success stories from others meeting people on dating sites. I mean, I’ve never dated on a “dating site” before, because I didn’t believe in it. Whichever way you choose, I just think that wisdom has to be exercised on the internet, just as wisdom has to be exercised when you meet someone in real life.

I don’t know your purpose Cen1aur 1963, but whatever your purpose is, just make sure whoever you date that she has the same purpose you have. Opposites attract but similarities remain. I just think that one of the things about dealing with people too, is seeing them in their surroundings. I mean, you don’t get to meet their friends, you don’t get to find out who their family is, you don’t get to know anything about them except for what they’re telling you. My relationship has to be Christ centered, so my purpose (when it comes to dating) is probably going to be different from a lot of people. There's nothing wrong with the way someone else chooses to date, depending on what that person's purpose is. But again, my purpose for courtship is probably different from yours. Either way, good luck to you. It's just that a friend to me is someone I am comfortable with, someone who's companionship I prefer. A friend is someone I can count on -not only for support, but for honesty, and this is not only the kind of relationship I have with my s/o, but what I also want in a husband.

Keep us posted.

Originally Posted by TonyB06

As this thread has obviously shown, people classify their dating in varying ways. I've always dated casually, but with a purpose in mind. I'm not one to hang out just to hang out, just burning up time. Either someone naturally sparks for you, captures your interest (fits within my spiritual, moral, compatibility construct) or they don't. I've generally dated that way, certainly without a group of 3-4 other women in the wings.

I agree with you 100%.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

It's not real phase I sexy, but I always assume the other person is dating someone else, unless and until I hear the words, "I'm yours, you big Alpha Man."

LOL. Okay, big Alpha Man.

Yes, you assume that she is dating someone just as she should assume that you are dating someone else. That's what Munchkin03 and I are saying regardless of how it is described. You aren't hanging out with people because you are bored. You are hanging out with people because you are enjoying each other; figuring out your likes and dislikes; and narrowing down your options before choosing The One for a commitment (or more than one if that's how you roll).

See that wasn't so complex afterall. People who choose to only date one person at a time (prior to becoming committed) are doing so because that's what they want to do. But, they also should know the pros and cons.