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  #1  
Old 05-13-2000, 10:30 AM
deja deja is offline
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Post DARK/LIGHT...SKIN COLOR.........Is this still an issue? Let's be honest Sorors & SF'

Is this an issue? I was in the mall a few days ago and a nice looking brother in his late 30's maybe early forties approached me. (Very nice looking Sorors) Any whooo, we were in engaged in a little small talk and all of a sudden I lost my hearing,,,,,yes I went absolutely deaf. I just could not hear pass the words that left the lips of this fine, well built 6"5 about 210 "dark-skinned" brothers full lips (beautiful white teeth). The words Sorors & SF's were......."You are so pretty to be sooo dark." I still cannot believe that. Is it written some where that dark-skin sisters are biologically challenged, where beauty is concerned? Is it an unwritten law/belief that beauty is only among the white/prit near white?

Surely this is not still an issue!

Deja

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TO WHOM MUCH IS GIVEN....MUCH IS EXPECTED.
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  #2  
Old 05-13-2000, 03:35 PM
darling1 darling1 is offline
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To answer your question deja, yes you are biologically challenged. God forbid you are a reminder of Mother Africa . Sista I am being sarcastic here but that just shows you that somethings have not changed. I am on the other side of the spectrum and I remember one time at a club with my girlfriend and she said in so many words that if SHE were my complection she would be getting numbers and invites to the dance floor. I was p***ed to say the least. It makes me sad to here about stories like yours but it is also true in many cases you the lighter you are the more accepting you are. Just look at BET for example. The VeeJay Rachel is fair skinned very appealing to the eyes because she is light. But the chick couldn't interview to save her life!! Now Big Lez who is a much more down to earth woman and has far better interviewing skills gets put on Rap City which if I remember correctly comes on later in the evening. This situation is sad. I personally don't have an answer to it. This brother definitely has some issues and unfortunately the higher up you go in your career the worse in can get. All you can do is be strong within yourself and pray those who are in that land of confusion. Peace
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  #3  
Old 05-13-2000, 07:09 PM
Serenity Serenity is offline
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Unhappy

Deja,

Been there, girl. It can be truly shocking when this happens. Epecially when the brother is dark-skinned himself. HELLO!

I once had a guy tell me that his mother would have nothing to do with his kids if they were dark-skinned. Sad....really and truly sad. I have heard mothers tell their children to come in out of the sun because they don't want them to get too black. God forbid!

I could go on and on. Like they say, as much as things change they still stay the same. Like Darling1 says, we just have to continue to be strong and pray for the "confused" ones. We are all beautiful in God's eyes. Believe that!

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  #4  
Old 05-13-2000, 10:12 PM
daruler daruler is offline
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Unfortunately, this kind of stuff will continue for years and years. If it's not the light/dark thing, it's the good VS. bad hair. I am light skinned with what would be termed "good hair" that is wavy and down the middle of my back. What question do I always get? "What are you." Now I am not mixed with anything, both of my parents are black. But before people find out, they always seem to be intrigued by the fact that maybe i could have a little something running thru my blood other than black. I think it all goes back to how for as long as we've been in this country, we have been made to feel like black was not good enough. So this whole light/dark complex that we have will not go away until somehow we can realize all of the beauty that comes with being black, no matter what shade we are.
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  #5  
Old 05-13-2000, 10:46 PM
ssh1980 ssh1980 is offline
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Deja, you are not alone. I get that all the time. I've actually had a white male teacher tell me that I was a pretty dark-skinned girl. If I'm pretty, what does being dark have to do with it. It's something I've just learned to except, but it has also made me favor pretty dark-skinned ladies...I guess because I feel the need to take up for 'my kind.' The media doesn't help the situation at all. All you see are bright skinned girls with long hair. I even notice dark skinned famous people gradually getting brighter and brighter. I just don't know what the deal is?
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  #6  
Old 05-14-2000, 04:13 AM
Anydaynow Anydaynow is offline
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I am a dark skinned sister and I am GLAD to see brothas date light skinned women. WHY? because atleast she's black. The problem is getting so bad that my light skinned, long hair 1/2 black 1/2 white friend got pushed on the dance floor because a brotha was trying to get to a white girl who wasn't even cute. The situation is so bad that she is even sick of them dating white women and her mother is white.

I don't have a problem with people dating outside of their race...however it is becoming an epidemic with brothas dating white girls. You see it everywhere.

So when I see a black man (positive) with a black woman (dark or light) I get over joyed and wish them lots of luck.

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  #7  
Old 05-14-2000, 08:08 AM
Serenity Serenity is offline
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Talking

Hmmmmmmm.......I never really thought of it that way Anydaynow. Good point.

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  #8  
Old 05-14-2000, 03:35 PM
Taykimson Taykimson is offline
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Soror Deja,

Yes this is still an issue...and I have to deal with it right at home. I would classify myself as brown-skinned (between light-skinned and dark-skinned) my husband is dark-skinned. My oldest daughter is my complexion (who is almost 5), my baby girl is my husband's complexion (who is 3). My almost 5 year-old child is corrupted. Because of what she hears on the playground at daycare, she has called her sister black! Well needles to say my reaction was pretty strong. Reflecting back it was probably too strong. With kids they will always continue to do the one thing that gets a strong reaction from their parents.

Anyhow, I'm still struggling on how to deal with the issue...I need help on how to enlighten my oldest daughter, and how to ensure my youngest grows up with confidence and does not feel second best. By the way, both of my daughters are very pretty (and that's not a mother's bias talking! )
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  #9  
Old 05-14-2000, 04:02 PM
CuRiOuSiTy CuRiOuSiTy is offline
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Unhappy

Hello Ladies!!!

Taykimson: I am sorry to her that your child's mind has been corrupted at such a young age. It really is sad. I don't have any children but I would say explain to your child that yes her sister is Black but so is she. They're just different shades of black. Explain to her that black people come in all kinds of different colors and the differences don't make anyone any less/more beautiful, special, etc....

When will we as a race realize that it doesn't matter what complexion you are....you're still black? Nobody (of other races)really looks at you and sees light skin or dark skin they see a black person. We are more color struck than anyone. We are quick to put one another down before anyone else will. That is our main problem as a race. And as soon as we can free our minds of this type of thinking we will be on our way to a more prosperous future as a people.

On a happier note HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to everyone who is blessed with kids or is blessed with one, two, three, etc...on the way!!!!
sorry for the lenght of my post
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"We are each of us angels with one wing, We can only fly embracing each other."

[This message has been edited by CuRiOuSiTy (edited May 14, 2000).]
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  #10  
Old 05-14-2000, 05:33 PM
tickledpink tickledpink is offline
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Unfortunately, Deja, this is still an issue. I grew up in the south where racism was something we encountered on a daily basis. When we are so hated by others, I can't understand why we inflict the hatred on our own. What that brother didn't realize is that his comment was right up there with "You speak so well...." and reflects his true inner feelings about himself.

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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30
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  #11  
Old 05-15-2000, 03:12 AM
gypsy gypsy is offline
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I'm saddened to say that yes this still goes on. I'm brown-skinned, right in the middle. There are times that I wished that I was lighter and there are times that I wished that I was darker because to me I think that they all are beautiful. I do this when I see a beautiful light woman or a gorgeous dark woman. They come in all shades. We, as African Americans should br very happy with our whole race because the black race is a beautiful rainbow of brown complexions. We have "yellow sunshine", "red roses", "brown sugar", "sweet chocolates", "licorice black"..even more than that (just can't go into such description). Now that ALL sounds good to me. Even though this is NOT the best thing to go back to but....think about the song by WOOTANG. All the delicious flavors of the African American woman.

Now, on the down side. My boyfriend of 5 years HAPPENS to be light skinned. I didn't pick him because of that, I was just blessed with his every being. I think that he's one of the most beautiful men in the world, BUT........he made the comment about a girl.."She's cute for a dark-skinned girl." Girls, I went off the hindges with him." "It pissed me off that he said something so stupid." I've been bringing it up to the past three weeks because it pissed me off so much. He constantly says that he didn't mean it like that. I'm going to drill his head until I get tired of doing it. Even though we hear these things just think back to what I said.

Some may say that I may not know how it feels because I'm in the middle. But I will correct you on that.. I do BECAUSE I'm black!!! And being black is the single ingrediant that we need to come together and do what's important. That's all!!

And to the mother with the son issue...just keep teaching him. You will see what his final conclusion will be. And that is .... what his momma taught him!
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  #12  
Old 05-15-2000, 08:57 AM
tickledpink tickledpink is offline
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Well said gypsy.


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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30
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  #13  
Old 05-15-2000, 02:50 PM
Soror Pinkacres Soror Pinkacres is offline
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Angry

Ladies I have heard that slanted compliment all my life (adult life) I was a funny looking little girl, thanks to those BIG purple glasses my mommie made me wear!!!! but that is another subject (I am currently in therapy for

Anyway it is sad that brothers actually think they are paying you a compliment when they say that! I am pretty because of who I am don't qualify my blessing!!! I have a very ignorant cousin who when her baby was born would not hold her beacuse she was of a darker hue. Her first child was of a ligher complextion. She indicated that she was not use to "a dark child". Some stuff I can not even internalize it is too painful to deal with, I just shook my head. Now the baby is 5 years old and her mother is constantly slicking her hair down, dressing her up and trying to do whatever to "make-up" for her darker complextion. I see what she is doing and it is sad. She use to do my hair and would frequently comment "you sure are a pretty Chocalate thang" My reply was always the same, "Liz you are one ignorant thang." Girl just roll with the punches life deals some interesting blows! But, this is an issue which will not go away, God loves me and is very very good to me, what people say about me means nothing!!!
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  #14  
Old 05-15-2000, 04:21 PM
pink bunny pink bunny is offline
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Unhappy

I already posted on this subject on the Cita thread, but dang i hate it when Brothers say stupid stuff like that to me. Like i said in my other post, some people are trying to lighten their family tree thinking it will end thier suffering as black people, but it won't. The madness will only stop when the masses put an end to this warped mentality. But i'm beginning to think that some people don't want it to end because it benefits them. We as black women can have three children each completely different in skin color, so it would seem that all of us would want to stop this self hatred because eventually it will affect someone in our family, if not our children, theirs.
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  #15  
Old 05-16-2000, 12:20 AM
mizzkes mizzkes is offline
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Hello ladies. This is a topic that gets me riled up every time. I hope that I dont sound too radical. The complexion issue is one of those issues that were put into place hundreds of years ago (by whites slave masters) to keep us divided. Lets not forget that the lighter complected,mixed race slaves were "houseslaves" while the darker complected ones were "field slaves". This was a technique used to keep the race divided so as to avoid revolts. This issue is one of the major self perpetuating complexes that we as black people buy into. It is sad that "we" are so cought up in skin color when there are so many other more important issues for us to deal with as a race. Lets talk about economics, crime, injustice...
I've heard children express the same things as mentioned above. My nieces and nephews came home saying that my mother is choclate and I am vanilla. My nephew told me that he like vanilla girls. Of course I gave him a long lecture on the issue. My mom had an exprience with a brother from her church. He is a dark complected man who is a single father of a really dark complected father. This man is the center of the attention of many of the single sisters in the congregation. Do you know that he had the nerve to say that he wants to marry a light complected woman?!!! My mother said to him "Well if every man felt the way you do, then your daughter will never find a husband. What do you think of that?" He was dumbfounded of course. I just think that it is a deep rooted issue that will be hard to change on the national scale. It is sad.
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