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  #1  
Old 03-03-2003, 05:46 PM
BrownEyedGirl BrownEyedGirl is offline
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"Pref 101"

...

Last edited by BrownEyedGirl; 09-05-2007 at 12:03 PM.
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  #2  
Old 03-03-2003, 06:48 PM
trisigmaAtl trisigmaAtl is offline
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i would also really like to know about prefs. I joined my chapter through COB this spring and have never even seen a pref. so the thought of presenting one in the fall seems like a daunting task. any tips?
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  #3  
Old 03-03-2003, 07:06 PM
MoxieGrrl MoxieGrrl is offline
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Hmm.....what works for some, doesn't work for all, but here are some of the things that helped my chapter. Most importantly...be sincere! Fake tears are *not* where it's at. Maybe share the story of when you knew that your house was the one....maybe tell about how a sister got you through a tough time...let her know what you see as her role in the house, all of the wonderful things she could add...

Also, sit side by side. It feels so much more intimate. Sitting across from someone makes me feel like I'm being interviewed or talked at.

Tell your new members not to be nervous! I'm sure they will find that in their first year of membership that the love they have for the sorority will come across beautifully if they just speak from the heart.
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  #4  
Old 03-04-2003, 08:26 AM
AlphaXiGirl AlphaXiGirl is offline
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I have found one of the best ways to make newer members more comfortable during pref is to have them bring a special item with them to the event. Maybe it's the teddy bear that their big sister gave her when she received her bid. It could be a picture of a special moment. A letter that a sister wrote her when she had a bad day could do the trick.

Having a "prop" sitting right there on the table can serve as a crutch if she needs it. It is a great introduction to a story about "what XYZ has meant to me."

Something else that I think is important for preference is setting the right mood BEFORE the new members even walk through the door. Try not to be rushing around decorating or rearranging furniture right before the party begins. Have alumnae present that can light your candles for you so that the chapter can take a few minutes to prepare their heads and hearts for the event. Plan well in advance so that the chapter has a good 15 - 30 minutes of "down time" right before the event. In those 15 - 30 minutes go around the circle and have everyone take a turn briefly telling about one special XYZ moment for them. I have found that this helps to set the mood of the evening.

I don't think there are any "magic words" to seal the deal. Every PNM is different and every member has a special story to tell. Matching the right PNM to the right member is part of the formula but it is really what the member's HEART says that will tell the PNM that this is HOME.
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  #5  
Old 03-04-2003, 11:35 AM
nyrdrms nyrdrms is offline
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Preference is a time to talk one on one with a potential. The key is to make sure that the girl you are preffing is someone that you have actually carried on a conversation with during rush and would feel comfortable talking to alone for the duration of the preference ceremony. When talking to her, remember to be real. Share your own experiences with her, ask her what she's looking for in a sorority, and do NOT ask her where she wants to go. Some potentials will offer up that information on their own, but others may feel as though they are being pressured to say they are going your way. Also, don't be afraid to let the conversation stray from sorority. She needs to feel as though you want her as your friend, not just as your sister. By getting to know each other, it makes her feel more comfortable to open up about the whole sorority topic.
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  #6  
Old 03-04-2003, 12:01 PM
nauadpi nauadpi is offline
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Something I want to remind people, is that there are women who talking to can be like pulling teeth, so pref night is not always the easiest for that. The handy thing I found is that if you have extra sisters wandering around, have one of them join your table and try to keep the conversation going. I know at my school since they are told so much not to suicide that they may not feel they are right for you and may still come. The big thing is to still try and show how much your sisterhood means to you.
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  #7  
Old 03-04-2003, 01:31 PM
trisigmaAtl trisigmaAtl is offline
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thanks for all the advice!!!

I totally understand about not asking a pnm where she wants to go. i have a friend at another school in a different sorority who asked her pnm "do you think you'll be wearing 2 or 3 letters tomorrow?" (she's in the only 3 letter glo) and the pnm said "3", but then joined one of the 2 letter groups. it upset my friend to be lied to, but the girl probably didn't want to say "2" right to my friend's face.

i am really looking forward to experiencing my first pref night, you guys all make it seem so special.
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  #8  
Old 03-04-2003, 04:02 PM
sarahgrace sarahgrace is offline
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Quote:
She needs to feel as though you want her as your friend, not just as your sister.
This is really important...I know one thing that I loved about pref at the house I ended up joining was that the girl I was talking to made plans to go see a movie with me the next weekend, and I knew that she would have still called me up to go even if I joined a different house.
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  #9  
Old 03-04-2003, 04:06 PM
gphiangel624 gphiangel624 is offline
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One of the things in my chapter that is a HUGE rule of thumb is to NOT force yourself to cry... we always have a few girls who shed a few tears at our ceremonies, and that usually brings it on for the PNMs, but we don't condone forced crying... and if you aren't forcing yourself, but a few tears slip out, we encourage our members to try and keep the sad bawling to a minimum! It looks so much more, well, childish, when someone can't keep their composure at all, but extremely touching to a PNM if she understands why you're crying... that's what got me!

Another thing that gets a PNM is a little note during the ceremony from a member who knows her, who met her and likes her, but isn't preffing her. We do this, even though the PNMs can't take the notes, but we let them know we'll save it for when they accept their bid. This is another thing that really made me feel special!

Finally, if your chapter does any sort of ceremony for Pref (typically does), try to include the member as much as possible. We stand up for our ceremony and instead of leaving the PNMs just sitting there alone or standing alone, we pull them in close to us, making them feel more like a new member, and allowing them to actually "feel" the sisterhood... I know that sounds really, really cheesy, but it makes them more comfortable when they feel included!

Hope this helps!
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  #10  
Old 03-04-2003, 05:47 PM
AngelPhiSig AngelPhiSig is offline
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Heres something that I always remember:

Get the PNM to cry. Not in a bad way... you need to touch them somewhere so deep that it stirs a memory or something that makes them cry. Like say they didnt have a lot of friends in the dorm or something, or miss being home... and you make them realize that 'ABC' is home... and that makes them emotional... once you have them crying, you have them. I cried at my pref.

We have a ritual pref for Phi Sig, I dont know if other nationals do... but we follow that. Its open. We also at our school only invite girls to pref that we want as sisters.

Just points to ponder
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  #11  
Old 03-04-2003, 09:28 PM
AshNicole602 AshNicole602 is offline
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Smile

At my school, you could only attend 2 pref parties. So I went to my first one (thought it was kind of corney and lame) Then I went to Sigma Sigma Sigma, now, my sorority.

What I've learned since then is that, at least at my school, if the sorority invites you back to pref, they want you. But being the unknowing PNM, I wasn't convinced. However, the girl who pref'd me asked me how my weekend had gone, what other party I had went to, what was done at the other party, and then asked me which way I was thinkign about going.

I told her I was divided even though I secretly wanted to be a Sigma, I waited for some sort of flag from her. Sure enough, I got a few. She talked about how other girls felt about today, and what other girls who had talked to me had said. All the while saying, you've got to go where you belong. When I, she said "I hope to see you tomorrow." Which to me, was the best way to go about it without saying, "You are getting a bid" or "You shoudl come here"
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  #12  
Old 03-04-2003, 09:45 PM
hopefulgreek hopefulgreek is offline
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!

Heya everyone! I also knew on prefs night during and after the ceremony exactely where I was going. I made it pretty obvious. I also got "good vibes" from my preffer even though she didn't say outright you're in. She was like I really liked having you here, please come..etc.etc... I pretty much knew I was near the top of the list. So, I took my card and did what I did. I only wrote down one house. VERY DISCOURAGED at UF. I talked with two Pi Chi's and still I was set.
and look who got their bid on bid day but didn't need to open the card? NOW on the other side, I do not suggest Suiciding or ISPing to people!
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  #13  
Old 03-04-2003, 11:33 PM
honeychile honeychile is offline
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As I was thinking about what made me want ADPi and not Door #2, I realized that, for the most part, both pref parties were the same. What made ADPi stand out during Pref (keep in mind that I had already made up my mind):

1) There was a recent wedding picture of a sister, with several of the sisters in it, sitting on the table near me. The symbolism of sisterhood being a lifelong commitment was explained to me.

2) I was told to look around the room at the other pnms, as they could be in my pledge class.

3) I'm not a crier, and can spot phony tears a mile away. I was told, "I sincerely hope to see you here tomorrow night - but if not, let's keep in touch." Whether or not she meant it, that struck me as totally classy.

4) (They knew I was also rushing Kappa) A sister said, "So, I hear you plan to wear blue tomorrow!" The laughing really put me at ease!

5) After the ceremony, several sisters squeezed my hand, my shoulder, or arm - somehow touching me without being awkward. The other sorority I preffed hugged WAY too much, and practically sobbed. I literally had snot on my dress that I had to clean before the next pref party!

6) Every one was themselves, yet gave the ceremony the respect it was due.

Lastly, when it was my turn to rush the pnms, I remembered to be myself, to be serious when it was appropriate, and to set the pnms at ease when necessary. We have a song that we're not permitted to sing during recruitment, but was one of my favorites. As we were singing, sisters would start their favorite, and say, "Honey, sing your favorite!" I'd laugh & say, "I'm not allowed to - but I'll be singing it tomorrow night!" Pnms would beg to hear it, and I'd still refuse. One new member actually told me on bid night that the curiosity had been driving her crazy!

Hope that helps!
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  #14  
Old 03-05-2003, 05:32 PM
precious25 precious25 is offline
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I wne to three prefs (we call them suits here cause we all wear... suits) and they were all fantastic and hugely fifferent.
The first one (Zeta) started with a short ceremony, then we went in to a room and looked at pictures with the girl preffing us, then back out for another short ceremony. It was really great because they got to show us thier pictures and talk about thier sorority and thier sisters and how much it all meant to them. I cried at this one, because during the ceremony it was really emotional and special.

At the second house (Pi Phi) it started like a normal day of rush, our girl came out and got us and we went to her room and taked for awhile and then they led us downstairs where it was decorated in an unbelievebly beautiful way. there was a short ceremony here and then we sat down there and talked some more until it was time to leave. This was also emotional but not as much at the first house, and i did not cry at this house.

The third house (Theta) was the most different. It began with a skit (we had skit day the day before, and they had had a skit but it was very unique). The skit they did this day was a theatrical and very practiced and perfect skit. Then we were brought into another room where we sat with our girl and talked for a bit. In the middle of it, the girl i was talking to got up and sang a song with one of her sisters and it was beautiful. On the way out, they sang to us holding candles as we tied ribbons with our names on them to a kite.

All three were amazing and I had such a hard time deciding! but i chose (and got) Pi Phi in the end!
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  #15  
Old 03-06-2003, 10:24 AM
xo_kathy xo_kathy is offline
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I think it's also important to remember that not every PNM can be preffed in the same way. My first pref party I was picked up by two girls who had been talking to me all through rush. We went to a room and they gave me a letter they wrote for ME that talked about what the sorority meant to them, how great I would be in it, etc. etc. Then they sat and talked to me specifically about the other house I was preffing (Chi O) without saying the name, how it was a great house too but I should keep an open mind. It was very sweet of the two girls and I really liked them, but then during the ceremony I looked around and shed a few tears because I wanted a sisterhood, but didn't feel this was the one for me.

Then I went to Chi O and sat with some girls I had talked to a lot during rush, we just talked more and had a nice time, they had a beautiful classy ceremony, and then I talked more. No pressure. No touchy feely "we really wat you, you'd be so great" because they knew I wasn't a touchy feely girl, so they didn't press that on me. They made me feel comfortable. I knew THAT was the sisterhood I wanted.

So don't assume that every PNM wants you to sit with her and tell her how great the sisterhood is and how much she will fit in. She might just want to feel like you and she already know she belongs - no convincving nessecary. I guess I'm just saying, know your PNM and cater your "attack" to her style, not some preconceived idea of what the "perfect pref" is.
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