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  #1  
Old 02-16-2003, 04:11 AM
nucutiepie nucutiepie is offline
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Interracial Relationships

I was raised in an ostensibly very liberal family of East-coast, Irish/Italian Catholic Democrats. I was raised to have a strong indentification with my own ethnic and religious heritage, but to turn a blind eye to ethnic and religious differences - to have Irish pride, but not to discriminate against anyone whose heritage differed from mine.

That said, I suddenly find myself in a strange situation. Two weeks ago I met this really sweet guy - he is an African-American member of a GLO. I ran into him on Thursday and he invited me to his fraternity's formal, which was last night. I accepted and had a wonderful time, but I am getting the impression that this guy wants something more with me than just a formal date - he invited me out to lunch with him this week and seems to really like me. I keep hearing about how he's an amazing guy and an incredibly nice person.

Clearly, it's a little early to start telling my parents anything, but they are going to be curious as to how I spent my Valentine's Day - and when I thought today about having this conversation with them (they are on vacation and returning tomorrow), I realized something. My gut instinct tells me that my father - who has always preached tolerance and overlooking differences - may have a different reaction in a situation involving his daughter in an interracial relationship.

Personally, I have no problem with interracial or interreligious dating - but I am feeling really weird at my own perception of how I am expecting my father to react.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation before? How do you guys feel about interracial relationships?

(BTW, I did run a search first... there was nothing dealing explicitly with this in the archives)

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  #2  
Old 02-16-2003, 07:23 AM
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I guess the whole "interracial" thing never really mattered to me because a) I live in Hawaii where interracial relationships are the norm and b) I'm the product of an interracial marriage.

The past three serious relationships I've been in have been with Caucasian men who weren't from Hawaii. My mom didn't really like the idea because she wanted me to marry a Filipino guy [even though I've never dated a Filipino or Asian for that matter]. But then again my mom's not originally from the US, so she's still tied to some of her beliefs.
  #3  
Old 02-16-2003, 09:52 AM
carnation carnation is offline
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As parents of 9 daughters, Mr. Carnation and I feel that the quality of the guy is foremost. It's everything! We don't want our girls dating white guys who are trailer trash, black guys with the bad kind of ghetto values, or Hispanics who are vatos. We want them to date--and marry--kind and caring men with strong values.

But the color doesn't matter at all. I hope your parents will see the incredibleness of this guy!
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Old 02-16-2003, 10:15 AM
SilverTurtle SilverTurtle is offline
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nucutie-

I think I know where you're coming from. I was raised to be very accepting of other religions, ethnicities, etc. However, if I were to date a black guy (i'm white), I think my parents would have some uneasiness. My dad wouldn't say anything. My mom has told me before that she doesn't have a problem with interracial relationships, but that she thinks the kids suffer because of society's pressures on biracial individuals. I've told her that I think that is just an excuse. (Plus I don't ever plan on kids).

That being said, they would still support me if they knew I was happy. Interestingly enough, my boyfriend of 5+ years is latino, and they never as much as blinked an eye.

So when they ask, tell them that you spent your time with this amazing guy. And when they ask what he's like, tell them about all of the things you'd tell them- he's funny, smart, whatever. And then tell them something like "just so there's no surprises, he's black", and continue raving about his good qualities.

Congrats on finding someone worth spending your time with!
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Old 02-16-2003, 02:05 PM
James James is offline
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Its a little premature to have this conversation with your parents lol.

You have been dating (and it hasn't even been dating in your mind) less than a week and it sounds like you may not even have had sex with him yet.

If you are feeling uneasy then you do have a problem with it. Even if you believe the problem is stemming from your parents.

Consider the fact that you "think" your father is going to have a problem with an interacial relationship even though he has never given you a direct reason to believe that.

I would say that even if your family is a bit taken aback because the situation is unfamiliar to them, I doubt they will let their actions reflect that.

People have aberrant thoughts, its their actions that are more important. So don't be self-conscious or defensive before you have a legitimate reason. Its irrational, self-destructive, and can kill a good buzz.
  #6  
Old 02-16-2003, 02:06 PM
James James is offline
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OH, and when asked what my views on dating interacially are, my normal reponse is to say it depends on how good looking the girl is lol .
  #7  
Old 02-16-2003, 05:20 PM
Optimist Prime Optimist Prime is offline
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Go rent "guess who's coming to dinner"
  #8  
Old 02-16-2003, 09:28 PM
alphaiota alphaiota is offline
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i do understand where you are coming from. i've been in relationships with a couple of african american guys in the past and i still occasstionally date interracially.
the difference is i come from a not so tolerant family. my father still uses the N word to refer to african americans when he's angry. completely outrageous behavior to me. my mother basically told me it's only a "phase" and it will pass. i'll realize that it's "not worth it" to be in such a "difficult" relationship.
whatever! i absolutely love one of the guys i used to date and still keep in touch with him. we've already decided that if he doesn't marry his current girlfriend, that we will most likely get married. so basically my rents will just have to deal.
but if it's this early on, i wouldn't worry about it. i liked silverturtle's suggestion. hope it helps.

shelley j
sigma k
  #9  
Old 02-16-2003, 09:56 PM
starang21 starang21 is offline
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interracial dating is cool, you can't really limit yourself to just one. my past few girlfriends have been filipino like me. but lately, the women i've come into contact with have been black and hispanic. (i think i've only dated one caucasian girl in my life). my mom would like me to go filipina, but she also realizes that i'm a grown ass man, and i'm 6 years removed from being legal. plus the women i've dealt with have been of high quality. i'm on a chicken fast diet. while i haven't given up on asian women, the women i'm meeting now are making me happy.
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  #10  
Old 02-16-2003, 10:56 PM
alphaiota alphaiota is offline
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i know i'm probably going to sound stupid asking this, but what is a chicken fast diet?

shelley j
sigma k
  #11  
Old 02-16-2003, 11:24 PM
starang21 starang21 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by alphaiota
i know i'm probably going to sound stupid asking this, but what is a chicken fast diet?

shelley j
sigma k
i try my hardest to not deal with women detrimental to my mental/physical/emotional health. a chicken is slang for a woman who's a mess like that.
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  #12  
Old 02-16-2003, 11:33 PM
alphaiota alphaiota is offline
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that's sort of what i thought you meant, but i was just making sure. i think the fast and diet in the same term screwed me up.

shelley j
sigma k
  #13  
Old 02-16-2003, 11:49 PM
Timber Timber is offline
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White chicks will never go back once they have a piece of this CHOCOLATE THUNDER!

right alphaiota?
  #14  
Old 02-17-2003, 12:06 AM
Shark In Skirt Shark In Skirt is offline
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I personally have never had a non-interracial relationship.

I'm Asian and I've had serious relationships with one Persian guy and two Caucaisan guys.

I'm from a fairly conservative area and I've never encountered any problems at all. To be honest, however, my Caucaisan girlfriend who dated an African American man got some flack about that from her family and friends, which really sucks... interesting how the accpetance of interracial relationships sometimes depend on the races involved.

Date whomever makes you happy, no matter their race!

XOXO,
Annie.
  #15  
Old 02-17-2003, 12:18 AM
Dionysus Dionysus is offline
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My dad does not accept interracial dating.

I, however, do not share his viewpoints at all. I'm attracted to guys of all races. I have never dated outside my race in the past, however it doesn't mean that I never will in the future!

The only problem I have with interracial dating is when people date ONLY one race of guys/girls.
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