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  #1  
Old 03-23-2020, 01:10 AM
1992emerald 1992emerald is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2020
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Slightly Introducing Myself

Hey everyone! I’m an Alpha Sigma Tau from a college in central PA. I joined this organization because I needed a support group. I’m here to just get some clarity and advice from members in the Greek Life community. I’m trying not to give too much about myself away, but I’m very hopeful for this experience. Anyway, I became a Big sister in the spring of 2019 to two Littles, both of which I adore wholeheartedly. My one little comes to me for everything and I really appreciate that she involves me in every aspect of her life. My other little however, relies more on an alum and I don’t feel like her Big all that much. I do know that not all Big/Little relationships are the same but I figured that was a good starting point. My 2nd Little seems to misinterpret everything I say and no matter how hard I try to fix it, I just feel like she’s drifting further and further away from me. I really don’t know what to do anymore, and I’m starting to feel completely left out of my organization.

I figured advice from sisters outside of my organization as well as alum and advisors would be beneficial for me and my mental health.

Last edited by 1992emerald; 03-23-2020 at 01:14 PM. Reason: New information
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  #2  
Old 03-23-2020, 07:00 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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Hi Emerald,

You've addressed two different subjects in your post: the emotional distance of one of your little sisters, and then the feeling that you are being left out of your chapter. First, do these two subjects relate in any way?

To address the little sister situation, not all big/little relationships are all unicorns and rainbows, nor are they meant to be. A big sister is there to guide her little sister through her pledgeship and to help her connect to the chapter. The most important thing is that the new member feels supported and it sounds like the alum is supporting her.It also sounds as if they knew each other prior to the little sister rushing. Perhaps had the alum not graduated, your little sister would have requested her for her big. The main thing is that the new member is supported and is connected to the chapter. That helps keep her interested in being initiated and becoming an involved member.

How does she and your other little get along? Do you always try to do things with both of them at the same time? Maybe this little prefers one on one time.

As a chapter member and as an advisor, I have seen many different types of big/little sister relationships, from bffs for-EVAH, to more advisor-like, where the little is comfortable with the big keeping her up to date on chapter activities and being there for her if she needs support, but not a close friendship. Let's face it, no matter the size of the chapter, we are not best buddies with all our chapter sisters-we have girls we want to hang out with more than others. It doesn't mean we don't like them-just that there are others with whom we click better. It is not reflection on you.

Have you had a heart to heart with this little? It sounds like you need to. You might say that you realize that she has a special friendship with the alum, and you are glad she has someone she feels she can rely on, but you wanted her to know that you are always going to be there for her too, and if she ever has any questions about the chapter goings-on, or just want to grab a cup of coffee and chat, she only has to text. You be sure to keep her updated on chapter meetings, new member meetings, etc. When you see her on campus, be sure to go over and say hello and have a quick conversation with her to find out how she's doing. Occasionally invite her to have lunch or grab coffee or smoothie with you. Keep trying, but give her space.

As to the disconnect you are feeling with your chapter? You need to share more info for us to be able to help.
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  #3  
Old 03-23-2020, 01:11 PM
1992emerald 1992emerald is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2020
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Hi FSUZeta,
I appreciate your feedback. Pertaining to your questions, my Littles are roommates and we tried to spend some time together every Wednesday but the Little in question never showed up and never gave an excuse. I have had a heart-to-heart with this Little explaining the things you have addressed but it doesnít seem to have done anything. The Little also took over the position that the alum had and had no previous connection, but not my biggest concern.

In response to my disconnect from the chapter, I have had thoughts of disaffiliating and addressed this with a few sisters and advisors to see what I could do. I took a step back to remind myself why I joined the organization. I also tried reaching out to sisters I felt a disconnect from but I feel that only worked for a little while. My initial bond with my Littles was really what forced me to reflect on my experiences so this has been a very overwhelming experience.
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  #4  
Old 03-23-2020, 02:26 PM
APhi2KD APhi2KD is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 243
Sometimes the connection is great, sometimes it isn’t. If Little #2 isn’t feeling it, let her do her thing. Focus on the great relationship you have with #1. You can’t force it.

Many people never get a special bond with a little OR a big, so focus on what you have, not what you don’t.

I’m not saying disown her, just step back.
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  #5  
Old 03-23-2020, 05:38 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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I hate that you are thinking of dropping your membership. Why are you think of that?
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  #6  
Old 03-23-2020, 05:59 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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How many people are in your chapter? I know sometimes in smaller chapters the left out feeling can be magnified if you donít get along with just a couple people.

Things are super crazy right now and I wouldnít make any decisions.

As for your littles, I didnít have the kind of relationship with my little that I did with my big - I really wanted to be a mentor and she didnít need that from me - but my 2 little became (& still is decades later) my best friend. Relationships can change a lot from semester to semester. Just try to keep the door to interact open but donít get upset if she doesnít respond.
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  #7  
Old 03-23-2020, 09:25 PM
1992emerald 1992emerald is offline
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I have a relatively small chapter that has grown a lot within the last two formal recruitment periods. We are currently at 33 but we will be a little below 30 after this semester is over. I really appreciate everyone’s feedback and understanding.
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  #8  
Old 03-23-2020, 09:31 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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If your chapter experienced a lot of growth quickly, that can leave you out of sorts too, even though itís a positive thing.
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  #9  
Old 03-23-2020, 11:48 PM
*winter* *winter* is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl View Post
How many people are in your chapter? I know sometimes in smaller chapters the left out feeling can be magnified if you don’t get along with just a couple people.
.
This is so true. While there are a lot of amazing things about being in a small chapter, this is one drawback.

You’re probably not even in school right now...I’d let this go until later. Most of us aren’t thinking with the clearest head these days...
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