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  #31  
Old 01-05-2019, 10:59 PM
BBH BBH is offline
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Getting 9 back is actually pretty good. I do think Sophomore's have a bit more of a challenge. I do think some chapters have a certain look and feel but I also know there are some who's reputation is for girls with high GPA's and are involved. My D had a 4.0 and was involved as a Freshman and only got 5 invites after round 1. Two of those houses were ones with the reputation of strong GPA and involved and one of those is where she eventually ended up and she absolutely loves it and we know that she wound up in the right place. Sure it hurt at the time especially when all her friends had between 6 to 9 invites but of all her friends who rushed last year and found homes all felt like they wound up in the right places. This crazy process is right more often than not. You just have to stick with it and focus on what you have in front of you.
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  #32  
Old 01-06-2019, 07:56 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is online now
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There really is no point pining over a chapter that is no longer on a PNM' s list. It's history at that point.

It's been said before, but is worth repeating. With every round comes new opportunities to see the chapters that remain in the mix with fresh eyes. Ideally the PNMs will look at their remaining choices and choose new favorites from their lists.

Our jobs as parents is to teach our children to deal with disappointment; to pick themselves up and start all over again. Help them remain positive. Daughter didn't get a full schedule? Focus on the positives. Parent can tell daughter how lucky she is to have been invited back to some of her favorites and what an opportunity to get another chance to see some she wasn't so sure about. How lucky that she will have breaks throughout the day so that she can rest( and rest her voice!)and think deeply(perhaps make notes)about the choices she does have. Don't let your worrying bleed over into your conversations with your daughter. Commiserate with her if she is disappointed and then quickly begin to point out positives. Be upbeat. And drink wine.
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  #33  
Old 01-06-2019, 02:30 PM
clayton117 clayton117 is offline
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My daughter has really enjoyed this round. She has found a lot of the philanthropies interesting and the approaches to service by a number of houses really spoke to her. She has had at least one great conversation at almost every house. She continues to have many favorites, many more that she likes and would like to know more about than she would like to move on from. So many great sisterhoods here, and they are apparently doing a terrific job showcasing themselves. She still has multiple favorites, no clear top choice (which I think is a very good thing at this point). I think she is going to have a hard time ranking a bottom group. This is a good problem, I guess.

Any advice from the experienced on how to proceed when you have a full list in round two, and maybe only two or three houses you would pass on at the end? How do you pare it down? What questions should she be asking herself? The task is looming and feeling a little overwhelming.
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  #34  
Old 01-06-2019, 02:44 PM
Abm91 Abm91 is offline
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Well the next round is max of 9, so I would recommend she review her notes and start at the bottom with the ones she really doesn’t see herself in, then work up - their Rho Gam is very helpful and will guide them. Honestly after this round there will be large cuts, but getting harsh cuts after this round may be better, to concentrate on the houses that really want you and make the choices from there rather than getting so many back. It all works out!
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  #35  
Old 01-06-2019, 02:45 PM
IUAnon IUAnon is offline
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My daughter is a senior and was extremely lucky to have a full card the whole way through when she rushed. All along she felt she fit in 9-10 of the houses so she had a really hard time ranking too. I would tell your daughter to talk to her rho gam about this and have her ask some tough questions to help her narrow down her choices and rank them as she moves along. My daughter took HOURS on pref night to decide the order of her final 3 because she loved them all. In the end, it is really a gut feel. She needs to go with her intuition — which girls does she see herself going to with a big problem? Which girls make her feel most like her true self? Which girls would she want to vacation with? Which girls can she laugh most easily with?
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  #36  
Old 01-06-2019, 02:49 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is online now
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As all chapters are large, she will find girls who share her same interests and girls who appear to be the exact opposite of her. That doesn't mean that she can't have meaningful relationships with those opposite girls-just that she might value them as sisters, but pal around with girls more like herself.

That being said, it might be helpful to assess herself. Evaluating her interests and her personality type might aid her in her decision making. Is she more studious than social? A chapter that has a high GPA and is known as studious might be a more comfortable place for her. Is she involved in several orgs on campus? A chapter with a lot of campus movers and shakers might be her choice. Does she have a soft spot for a particular philanthropy? Does she enjoy competitive sports? Then the chapter with the great IM team might be for her. Is she more reserved? Then a chapter with a boisterous personality might not be for her. Etc.
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  #37  
Old 01-06-2019, 03:12 PM
clayton117 clayton117 is offline
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this is all great advice. Who you would go to with Love hearing all of your wisdom. I think also weeding out which ones she like due to "the gorgeous house" another thing to consider. These houses are crazy beautiful and so dazzling, especially coming from the moldy crumbling dorms-ha.
Who you feel like you could go to with a big problem- a great suggestion. love that. She is definitely looking at academic vs social vs service balance, and has found a few less appealing due to how those things were valued in a some houses. I am just glad she has found so much to like.

The next round cuts are going to be big, even if she gets the rare full list back again, so I think her tops will become more evident at that point by what remains and who continues to be interested in her.

Thanks to all for the suggestions!
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  #38  
Old 01-06-2019, 04:10 PM
lyrespearls lyrespearls is offline
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It definitely is hard for 19 year olds to not let the beautiful houses have an impact on their decision. What I told both of my IU PNM's (one who's graduated and one who's there now) that as they progressed through the rounds to certainly base it on how they felt when they were there with the chapter but also to take a look at the other PNM's the chapter was inviting back because those girls are her potential sisters and friends.

That really made a difference for my younger daughter as she really struggled narrowing down her list between several houses. For the house she eventualy preffed, she felt most comfortable with the girls she met who also were being recruited. Certainly, decisions get made for the girls that force them to readjust their perspectives but it's so hard when they're making that list. And hard for us to advise them.
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  #39  
Old 01-06-2019, 04:12 PM
navane navane is offline
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Originally Posted by Abm91 View Post
Well the next round is max of 9, so I would recommend she review her notes and start at the bottom with the ones she really doesn’t see herself in, then work up - their Rho Gam is very helpful and will guide them. Honestly after this round there will be large cuts, but getting harsh cuts after this round may be better, to concentrate on the houses that really want you and make the choices from there rather than getting so many back. It all works out!

LOL...if it was me, I would do almost the exact opposite! She has been asked back to 16, likes most all of them except maybe 3 that she knows in her heart she would pass on. She needs to narrow it down to 9.

Ok....I'd start by putting the 3 chapters I know I'm not fitting in with at the bottom. Then, I'd go back to the other 13 and work from the top down. I'd look for my obvious favorites. Come on....there *has* to be some out of 13 that are more favorite than others. All 13 can't be exactly equal. So, let's pretend that there are 5 chapters that are just really winning my heart and my gut is saying that these are my favorites. Those 5 go straight to the top and I only need to work out 4 others to round out my top 9. Of course, it's those "8 in the middle" that will trip her up. Which 4 should get to go with the top 9 group and which 4 should be put below the line? THAT's where young ladies get stuck. I like FSUZeta's suggestion to consider the chapter personality and try to whittle it down from there.

At the end of the day, the chances of her getting her exact top 9 back are low. So, the good news is that some of the ones she liked, but didn't quite make it to the top 9 she submitted, will probably reappear on her list. I hope this makes sense. LOL.....I don't envy these PNMs (or their moms!)
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  #40  
Old 01-06-2019, 04:54 PM
GreekOne GreekOne is offline
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Originally Posted by IUMomof2 View Post
So I have a daughter going through IU rush for the first time as a sophomore. She has a 4.0, is involved on campus, and only got asked back to 9 chapters for second round. I know being a sophomore has its drawbacks, but I'm really, really surprised she didn't get asked back to more. She had a wide range of chapters she listed in her 16. I just feel horrible for her. She feels like there is a specific "look" that she doesn't have. Okay, I'm her mom, so I'm biased, but I think she's beautiful. She felt like the conversations went really well at the chapters she listed. She was really surprised by some of the ones that cut her. And now she's nervous for next weekend. She feels like if she gets attached to a chapter, they'll "just cut me" anyway. Ugh! I don't know how to even comfort her. And I can't really say don't worry, I'm sure you'll be asked back to XYZ next round, because, who knows! She could theoretically be cut from all of them. This is going to be such a long week of classes.

Thanks for letting me vent.
Of course she is disappointed when she was hoping for a full schedule, and you disappointed for her because it is hard for us to see our kids hurting. But, as has been said, 9 is not a terrible number. There are many girls with fewer invites and she only needs one in the end. Just be supportive and offer her a place to safely vent.

Remind her to not worry about her "look". Some chapters may be interested in girls that are higher maintenance, but she wouldn't want to land there anyway. My 3 daughters, who all went through this process, are more natural beauties. None get spray tans, wear false eyelashes or heavy make up, etc. They wouldn't be happy in a chapter where there was pressure to be fully made up before heading to breakfast. If your daughter is the same, just remind her to be herself. If she is more into getting dolled up, she might not be comfortable in a house where she felt everyone was too casual. There is nothing wrong with that. She shouldn't have to change her look to be accepted.

If she is her authentic self, she will find a group of women with whom she shares similar values. Every house is not the right fit for every pnm.

With a 4.0, she is likely a smart young lady. She just needs to be patient and stay positive. Good luck!
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  #41  
Old 01-06-2019, 08:02 PM
aephi alum aephi alum is offline
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Originally Posted by IndianaSigKap View Post
Oh my, where does one store 1000+ stress balls during recruitment?

I don't think a craft is the answer. I understand wanting the PNMs to do more than watch another video or listen to someone talk about a philanthropy, but some of the philanthropies don't really translate easily into a craft.
I can imagine the sisters USING 1000+ stress balls during recruitment...!

I'm glad philanthropy round didn't exist in my day. While I like the idea of telling PNMs, say, "AEPhi supports the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation and Sharsheret, which supports Jewish women with breast cancer, and every year our chapter invites several local improv troupes to perform and the money raised from the event is sent to these two philanthropies" - I can't imagine trying to have a conversation and do a craft at the same time (and I'm pretty good at several types of crafts and great at multitasking). Plus, as you said, what kind of craft relates to pediatric AIDS and breast cancer? Maybe something to give to the kids with AIDS? What does the AEPhi chapter at IU do? (My own chapter doesn't participate in FR, so they don't do a "philanthropy round".)
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  #42  
Old 01-06-2019, 08:06 PM
aephi alum aephi alum is offline
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Originally Posted by USCofSEC View Post
...Only 2 for preference round. Can get up to 3. Reality is 1 or 2.
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You say "only 2 for pref" but they can "get up to 3". How does that work? Can you explain in more detail? Will they get 3 invites and have to select 2? Or could someone attend 3? Was there really a switch back to 3 preference parties or not?
The way I'm reading this is that a PNM might be invited to, and attend, 3 pref parties, but it's more realistic to expect only 1 or 2 pref invites. (Of course, there is always the possibility of not being invited to any pref parties.)
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  #43  
Old 01-06-2019, 11:09 PM
USCofSEC USCofSEC is offline
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Originally Posted by aephi alum View Post
The way I'm reading this is that a PNM might be invited to, and attend, 3 pref parties, but it's more realistic to expect only 1 or 2 pref invites. (Of course, there is always the possibility of not being invited to any pref parties.)
Yes, Thank you Aephi Alum for grasping the situation.

I can say the ladies on the other side are exhausted and sleep deprived to! Hang in their PNM Mom's. For some, the next round Friday, will be harder then this weekend. Know we are hear for you! We will get through this together as IU Mom's!
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  #44  
Old 01-07-2019, 12:38 AM
clayton117 clayton117 is offline
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Thanks again for all of your wisdom and support, folks. I copied some of your wise words into an email to my daughter. Definitely helped her sort her list out. Will also be really helpful after the next round when she will be able to get a better looks at her fellow PNMs and the sisters interacting with each other in the chapters when it is a little less crowded. Her return list likely will be significantly shorter, making the choices much simpler!

She is thankful for the break for a few days. I could hear the exhaustion in her voice and, expect it is universal on both sides of the process. Hope everyone with kids have a great first week of the new semester!
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  #45  
Old 01-07-2019, 07:06 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is online now
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Too often the PNMs think they are being judge on their craft. Poor girls. The craft should go the way of the skit.
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