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  #1  
Old 09-15-2018, 02:50 PM
elizababe1 elizababe1 is offline
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Released from FMR twice. Am I doing something wrong?

I've gone through FMR twice at this point. Each time, I was released after the very first day. Am I doing something wrong? I thought I was doing everything right. I didn't mention anything I wasn't supposed to mention, I got my hair and nails done and put on my best outfit, I didn't bad-mouth other chapters, I kept everything positive. One sister even told me she thought I'd be a perfect fit for her chapter.

The two things going against me are my GPA (3.08) and the fact I'm a junior. Are these enough to release someone, or am I missing something? (for the record, it's not even a very competitive school)

It really hurts being released twice. I just really hope I can receive a bid some day.
  #2  
Old 09-15-2018, 02:56 PM
QueenD QueenD is offline
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Both your grades and your junior standing are enough to get you cut at a lot of schools, for sure. Even the school I went to, which has a pretty small greek system, doesnít see a lot of juniors pledge. And a 3.08 is definitely not considered a strong GPA at schools that are selective for admissions or that have lots of hard programs like pre-med, engineering, nursing, and so forth.

You did some things right, but the one thing you didnít mention is building relationships with sorority women. When you have a couple of strikes against you already, the most important thing you can do to turn the tide is make friends with Greek women. And I donít mean just become acquaintances. I mean FRIENDS.
  #3  
Old 09-15-2018, 03:27 PM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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As an upperclassman you have an uphill battle at a lot of schools. A 3.08 for your class standing probably does not make the grade requirement for a lot of groups. Additionally, no friends in the chapters to speak for you in membership selection and no recs (am assuming since you didn't mention them) and the odds are pretty insurmountable.
  #4  
Old 09-15-2018, 04:50 PM
navane navane is offline
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Eliza, I am sorry that things didn't work out for you this time around. When you posted your threads earlier this year, you seemed desperate to figure out what combination of activities would win approval from sororities. Back then, I told you to not worry about joining a bunch of clubs to impress sororities and to be yourself. I'm worried that you may have come across as "trying too hard" when you went through recruitment this time. The junior standing, GPA and that you were previously cut at recruitment might have possibly also been contributing factors this year.

I'm sorry that your personal situation gave you a rough start your freshman year; but, at this point, being in a sorority is probably not the path for you. Continue to be involved in the clubs you already mentioned to us. Make a difference on your campus that way. Your lasting memories of good times at college can come from many places - not just sororities!

Best of luck to you.
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  #5  
Old 09-15-2018, 05:05 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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I think I know what school you are at and yes, your GPA probably hurt your chances quite a bit.

Rush isnít a checklist of things to ďdo right.Ē Itís about connecting with other people. Did any of the groups ever have COB and if so, did you look into it?
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  #6  
Old 09-15-2018, 05:59 PM
elizababe1 elizababe1 is offline
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I did COB for one sorority last year. The other chapters had it, by I didn't know about it.

I know it's about connecting with people. I'm not bragging here, I had many women at each chapter tell me I sounded like a really interesting person and they'd be excited to have me as a sister. What I mean is, I know there is a code of conduct for FMR. Is there something I don't know about that I'm messing up?

Giving up isn't an option for me. I'm just getting worried at this point because I only have one more shot at FMR. What should I do so I won't come across as "trying too hard?"

Last edited by elizababe1; 09-15-2018 at 06:04 PM.
  #7  
Old 09-15-2018, 06:03 PM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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You'll never know for sure why you were released although grades, upperclassman status, etc. worked against you. Sounds like you didn't know anyone well enough (i.e., friends, not acquaintances) in houses to advocate for you. In your posts I got a sense of wanting to find a formula to be the PNM a sorority would want - that gives off an air of desperation which people sense a mile away.

It's admirable not to give up, but at some point, it's best to let go if you're not getting results; in your case, your results 2nd time were exactly as the first, so there was no improvement. Now you'll be a senior. I think it's time to move on and make peace with this. Good luck.
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Last edited by NYCMS; 09-15-2018 at 08:47 PM.
  #8  
Old 09-15-2018, 06:06 PM
elizababe1 elizababe1 is offline
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I released I was trying to be the "ideal PNM" so I just focused on being myself this time. I was looking in the wrong places last year in trying to get a bid. I couldn't ever let myself give up. Now here comes the countdown to COB...
  #9  
Old 09-15-2018, 06:12 PM
elizababe1 elizababe1 is offline
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Are rec letters a thing for COB? My campus seems to bring a lot of upperclassman women in during COB. One of our chapters even pledged a senior last year (can't remember if it was FMR or COB)

I did know some women in the houses (except two of them). Current sisters don't do rec letters, right?

Last edited by elizababe1; 09-15-2018 at 06:19 PM.
  #10  
Old 09-15-2018, 06:27 PM
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irishpipes irishpipes is offline
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Eliza,
No one here wants to be unkind. Heaven knows you’ve been hurt enough already by the recruitment process. However, you seem to be missing the hard truth here: there must be a reason you have been dropped so early so many times. We don’t know that reason, and maybe you don’t either, but at this point there is nothing you can do to get a bid. The sororities on your campus have had multiple looks at you, and haven’t pulled the trigger. They haven’t even taken the opportunity to get to know you better via formal or informal recruitment party invitations. There is something wrong with this situation. It is one thing for a PNM to fall through the cracks once. When every group reaches the same quick conclusion multiple times, the problem is not one that will be resolved. You will not get a bid on your campus. That is just the truth as much as it hurts. You should pat yourself on the back knowing you did all you could, and MOVE ON. You are missing out on the glorious fun of college by wasting your time on something that is not going to happen.

I know all of that was harsh and for that I’m sorry, but I hope you will realize that everyone here is trying to help and you don’t seem to be listening to reason.
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  #11  
Old 09-15-2018, 08:34 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Rec letters or lack of same are not the problem here. (Honestly, at this point a rec letter might hurt more than it helps.)

I agree with IP. You need to cut your losses and move on. Focus on the organizations you did join and getting more involved with them.
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  #12  
Old 09-15-2018, 09:03 PM
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thetalady thetalady is offline
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I am going to be blunt. You keep asking essentially the same question. We keep giving you the same answers. We cannot give you magic to make anything different. At this point, you are a very well known entity on campus. Continuing to rush is not going to end differently. I am sorry. Please enjoy the organizations that you have joined, as wildly different as they appear to be!
  #13  
Old 09-15-2018, 09:05 PM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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Upperclass COBs are typically friends of members. Most groups only have a handful of slots open so they take women they know. Sorry to say but you should listen to IrishPipes and 33.
  #14  
Old 09-16-2018, 07:19 PM
sigmagirl2000 sigmagirl2000 is offline
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A few thoughts:
1. Greek life isn't huge at your school. With such small quotas by year, you are definitely going to be remembered, even if you didn't do anything "wrong"
1.5 There is no upperclassman quota, so I wouldn't expect many upperclassmen to receive bids through primary recruitment unless they are close friends with a large chunk of a given chapter. The key words being close and large chunk.
2. At least one chapter has missed quota on your campus for the last few years, so there will definitely be chapters conducting COB, (well, that's kind of a given anyway, being that total is almost always set to median chapter size, so at least 2 groups would be COBing), but there's some intangible that the groups are picking up on as to why they aren't moving you forward to talk to in the second round. I fear if you continue on the same path, you'll look desperate.
3. You may get some insight from your Recruitment counselors if you ask for brutal honesty, or you may not.
4. Have you looked at community service sororities or community sororities? They won't have the same experience as a NPC group, but may fit the bond of sisterhood you seem to be seeking?

I wouldn't consider your school one where I would suggest having recs sent, unless they were from someone super influential in the organization. At a school like this, getting a rec would draw attention to the fact that you're going through recruitment again, and trying to hard, as this isn't the cultural norm for your school.

Best of luck in the future, and I hope you find a group on campus that fills the void you're experiencing.
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Last edited by sigmagirl2000; 09-16-2018 at 07:33 PM.
  #15  
Old 09-21-2018, 09:00 PM
elizababe1 elizababe1 is offline
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My school has one non-NPC sorority, and it's for Asian women (I'm white)

Is there a way to not come across as desperate?
I can't let myself give up. It's my dream to be a sister.

Last edited by elizababe1; 09-21-2018 at 10:37 PM.
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