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  #1  
Old 09-03-2018, 09:25 PM
anraee anraee is offline
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Dropped Rush: Need Some Advice

(Sorry for the long post!)

Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a great Labor Day weekend.

I was hoping to get some advice from everyone... This weekend was actually rush weekend at my school! I'm going to a school where Greek Life is kind of considered "average," and no one will really think of you any differently if you don't join; we have six sororities, each with houses on our greek row, and they're all super nice and very kind to one another. It's a great community.
Anyways, I never really thought I'd be the girl to rush; my dad was in a fraternity, but the rest of my family hasn't been too big on Greek life. My two sisters rushed and ended up in sororities but eventually dropped out after a few months due to personal life commitments elsewhere. Regardless, I decided to try and give it a go because I'm living off campus this year despite being a freshman (I applied late to housing) and I thought it would be a good way to meet some really inspiring woman.

And I can say without a doubt that this weekend, I really did! Leading up to rush, I actually got more and more excited about it despite having only decided to join recruitment about two weeks ago. And it was so incredibly fun meeting all the other PNMs before and during rush.

When I initially checked out all the different sororities, they were all so friendly. I had really good conversations at all of them minus one on the first day (but in that one I was put in a group of two talking to one member so we couldn't really chat one on one), but at one of them in particular- let's call them ABC -I really felt like I connected with the girls. We were talking about finding self-confidence and self-love, and it was such a genuine conversation! However, the next day I didn't get called back to them.
I was really disappointed at first as I had started to feel really drawn towards that house (which I regret being so set so quickly now...), but I tried not to let it get in the way. I got called back to four houses the next day (at our uni we go from seeing 6 houses day 1, to 4 houses max day 2, and 2 houses max day 3), two of which had been on my top choices. Once again, all the girls I met were friendly at each house, but I didn't really feel like I clicked with any of them besides for one in particular, I'll call them DEF. In the first ten minutes I spent in that house, when they were talking about their philanthropy and sisterhood, I felt like I had that sort of "moment" they talk about where you could really see yourself calling a certain sorority home. After that, talking with the girls there was such a blast and we were all laughing and hugging each other.

Sadly, when day 3 came, Pref day, I didn't get called back to DEF. Once again, I felt pretty sad. Nonetheless, I went to the two houses I got called back to and gave them a try, trying to go with an open mind. At one of them, talking to the girls was nice and they all seemed very genuine and accepting, but I was having a hard time imagining myself there. I don't know why- I conversed well with the girls, but a lot of the times I almost felt like I was kind of the one leading on the conversation? I also talked to their President a couple of times who was very kind and remembered me throughout the process, but it just didn't really feel right (but part of me also feels so torn because how can you really get to know any house or person in this amount of time?).
At the other house, which I wasn't really expecting to get called back to, I had a hard time feeling comfortable with just being myself while talking to the girls... They're kind of one of the most "popular" sororities on campus. I just never really felt like I fit in there.

When the end of the day came, I was feeling pretty nervous/anxious. I had really started to look forward to joining a group of supportive, friendly girls- which all the houses were -but given I couldn't see myself in either of the two houses I had to choose between, I just didn't think it was right at the time... So, when it came to sign the MRBA (or the binding agreement to get a bid, whatever it's called), I chose to opt out of the recruitment process.

Part of the reason I did this is because there's also rush in the Spring. Not all the houses do it like they do in Fall, but those who didn't fill their quota do. However, if you were to sign the agreement, you'd have to wait until the next Fall recruitment to rush again.
I thought waiting now and trying out again in the Spring would be a good idea... but I still can't help but feel a bit sad and confused. I don't know if trying again in the Spring would be worth it if not all the houses are recruiting (even though I'd still love to get involved this year if I can), but I've also seen on here that rerushing your sophomore year lowers your chances of even so much as getting a bid! I mean, in the end I'd really just want to try and go back into the recruitment process with more of an open mind next time around and try not to really get so focused on any one house!
If anyone has any advice, please, please let me know! I was so looking forward to finding a "home" this year and becoming a part of the Greek community here on campus, but I just didn't want to force anything that didn't feel right in the end. I also feel like I kind of got caught up in the whole "trying to impress" side of rush, when I really just want to be able to find some genuine connections.

Anyways, I really appreciate any helpful feedback!
And, just so that this post isn't entirely on the downside, I did meet a lot of cool girls who were also rushing this year! I exchanged contact information with so many of them, so I don't have a doubt that some friends will come out of that.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:44 PM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is offline
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I would check with your Greek Life office to let them know you're having regrets about dropping -- some sororities may be offering snap bids or doing Continuous Open Bidding (COB) if they are under the total number of members allowed. So, there may still be a chance for you this fall. If not, let them know you're interested in spring informal. Best wishes to you!

(Call or stop by right away...snap bids happen right away and COB very, very soon)
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:16 PM
jolene jolene is offline
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Contact the Greek Life office. I went through informal rush. Fall isn't the only time you can join.
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Old 09-03-2018, 11:11 PM
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Formal rush is not for everyone. For all that the groups talk about leadership, there can be no leaders and no organizations without followers. Not all women shine in the goat rope that is formal rush. I know I would not have chosen Greek life if I had to go through that process.

However, there will not be a huge number of opportunities after formal -- particularly if there were two groups on campus who *did* want you. You may get second chances; it's hard to tell.

DO let the Greek Life office know you are still interested.
DO let friends in sororities know you are interested.
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Old 09-03-2018, 11:17 PM
jolene jolene is offline
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Are there sorority girls in any of your classes? One of my close friends started chatting with one of our sisters and was invited out and pledged. If there are sisters in classes, chat them up.
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Old 09-03-2018, 11:30 PM
AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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To be clear; snap bids are offered/issued AFTER Pref parties end and BEFORE formal bids are issued. That's it. Very short time span. There's info in other threads here about snap bidding.

COB is another story and you're eligible for that as well as for informal in the spring.

Sometimes people, especially PNMs, get these confused or think they are interchangeable. Sciencewoman's post is spot-on. You don't have much time for eligibility for a snap bid.
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Old 09-04-2018, 12:00 AM
anraee anraee is offline
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Originally Posted by AZTheta View Post
To be clear; snap bids are offered/issued AFTER Pref parties end and BEFORE formal bids are issued. That's it. Very short time span. There's info in other threads here about snap bidding.

COB is another story and you're eligible for that as well as for informal in the spring.

Sometimes people, especially PNMs, get these confused or think they are interchangeable. Sciencewoman's post is spot-on. You don't have much time for eligibility for a snap bid.
Bids are being offered tomorrow evening. If I contacted the Greek Life Office and told them I'm having regrets about dropping, would I be likely to get one of the two houses that I ended up going to on Pref day in a snap bid? Or is it just whatever house is low on people?

The Rho Ghammas today mentioned that COB isn't really that big here... as in the chances of getting a bid isn't that high.



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Originally Posted by DGTess View Post
Formal rush is not for everyone. For all that the groups talk about leadership, there can be no leaders and no organizations without followers. Not all women shine in the goat rope that is formal rush. I know I would not have chosen Greek life if I had to go through that process.

However, there will not be a huge number of opportunities after formal -- particularly if there were two groups on campus who *did* want you. You may get second chances; it's hard to tell.

DO let the Greek Life office know you are still interested.
DO let friends in sororities know you are interested.
How was your experience rushing? Did you do informal or COB, if you don't mind me asking?

And I actually reached out to the president at the one house today that I enjoyed more than the other (but still didn't really envision myself there) and thanked her for how kind she was to me this weekend and how I was very honored that they called me back. I explained how I just don't know if this is the right time for me to be in Greek Life (especially as I do actually have a medical condition I'm currently in recovery from, which also plays into my decision), as I didn't want to just drop without thanking them.

I'm just so unsure of what the best thing to do by this point would be. I really don't know if the two houses I had seen today would be good places for me, but is deciding to rush later because of that reasonable? I know they say "trust the process," but I just really wasn't feeling the sense of "being at home" today that a lot of the girls I talked to over the weekend described when they talked about their sororities.
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Old 09-04-2018, 12:13 AM
anraee anraee is offline
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Originally Posted by jolene View Post
Are there sorority girls in any of your classes? One of my close friends started chatting with one of our sisters and was invited out and pledged. If there are sisters in classes, chat them up.
So I know a lot of other girls that rushed that went through with the agreement, so I imagine a number of them will end up as sisters. Other than that I haven't really met a lot of girls in sororities in my classes yet!
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Old 09-04-2018, 12:28 AM
AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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Originally Posted by anraee View Post
Bids are being offered tomorrow evening. If I contacted the Greek Life Office and told them I'm having regrets about dropping, would I be likely to get one of the two houses that I ended up going to on Pref day in a snap bid? Or is it just whatever house is low on people?

The Rho Ghammas today mentioned that COB isn't really that big here... as in the chances of getting a bid isn't that high.
I have no idea. None of us do. That's way too much speculation for me. Snap bidding is somewhat complicated, and I don't have time or energy to go into it. Just contact the Greek Life Office. You could get a bid from one of your pref houses or from an entirely different house. It depends on if any chapters don't make quota after bid matching is completed.


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How was your experience rushing? Did you do informal or COB, if you don't mind me asking?

And I actually reached out to the president at the one house today that I enjoyed more than the other (but still didn't really envision myself there) and thanked her for how kind she was to me this weekend and how I was very honored that they called me back. I explained how I just don't know if this is the right time for me to be in Greek Life (especially as I do actually have a medical condition I'm currently in recovery from, which also plays into my decision), as I didn't want to just drop without thanking them.

I'm just so unsure of what the best thing to do by this point would be. I really don't know if the two houses I had seen today would be good places for me, but is deciding to rush later because of that reasonable? I know they say "trust the process," but I just really wasn't feeling the sense of "being at home" today that a lot of the girls I talked to over the weekend described when they talked about their sororities.
My rush experience was actually a lot of fun; I went through Formal, and had a blast. Loved the entire process, thought it was one great big party. Would have been thrilled with seeing either of my two preferences houses on my bid card. Full schedule the entire week. I realize that my story is the exception and attribute it to my personality and the way I approached rush. There are many members here who had great COB experiences.

You have to decide what's reasonable for you. As for feeling at home, it takes time and work. Lots and lots of work. Even I had to work at feeling comfortable; it's not smooth sailing for anyone. Making friends is not easy for most people.
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Old 09-04-2018, 01:04 AM
navane navane is offline
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It seems to me that you have a true feeling of regret for not having gone all the way through to bid day. Though, I can't quite tell if the regret you feel is because A) you didn't give the two chapters you preffed a chance or B) you would really rather be in ABC or DEF, the two chapters you loved and got released from, and are not sure if you should gamble on informal/COB or formal recruitment in order to get one of those.

Look, we can't tell you if you did the right thing or not. Only you know in your heart if you did the right thing. Though, the fact that you feel some kind of regret tells me that you weren't 100% certain about your decision drop out. We also can't tell what you should do, what your chances are for receiving a bid at informal recruitment (COB) or your chances formal recruitment next year.

Like the others said, if you would be willing to accept a *possible* "snap" bid to ANY of the sororities (including the two less favored you preffed), contact your Greek Life Office ASAP to explain that you got nervous and dropped out too early. Ask what your options are and see what they say. You *might* have a small chance at a snap bid before tomorrow. Otherwise, your next option is to ask the Greek Life Office if they are collecting names for informal recruitment and try that when it opens up.

Good luck!
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Old 09-04-2018, 07:08 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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And for those lucky few offered a snap bid, it is a bid to one chapter only, not offers from multiple groups.
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Old 09-04-2018, 10:44 AM
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I think it's important to realize that many girls don't find that "automatic click" during rush - as others have said, it takes work to find you way in a chapter and I think nowadays some PNMs think they're supposed to feel that way from the pref party right into Bid Day. Not always. Read enough threads on here and you'll learn that many women took a bid even though they were unsure if it was a fit (some who were highly disappointed with their bid but then came to totally love it, couldn't imagine being anywhere else - that's what we mean by "trust the process"). Then they did everything to get to know members - hanging out at the house, inviting their sisters out, throwing themselves into events, doing what it takes to build friendships.

The point is that if you do join a sorority, you won't necessarily have the warm and fuzzy "oh my gosh, this is IT" feeling and it will take work. Even when girls get the house of their dreams, as I did, it still takes work. As outgoing as I am, I remember being a bit overwhelmed on Bid Day - but I went to my chapter house every single day for lunch, worked to get to know girls, etc. It takes time.

I wish you luck, please let us know how things go.
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Old 09-04-2018, 01:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anraee View Post
How was your experience rushing? Did you do informal or COB, if you don't mind me asking?
My experience rushing was so totally different from yours as to be unrecognizable. It was 45 years ago; we didn't have to visit all chapters, and I visited only one; we could get bids from more than one chapter; and none of the chapters on my campus ever hit quote in the time I was there. We didn't reset quota as they do now. My chapter often pledged women we liked at some point during the year, whenever we wanted, without Panhel or Dean of Women (yeah, it was that era) approval.

My point was simply that a formal rush is not for everyone. But if the chapters on your campus are near total, your opportunities for informal rush - what they now call COB - become even more limited.

Good luck, whatever you decide.
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Old 09-04-2018, 07:44 PM
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I'm kind of concerned that you mention your sisters joining and then withdrawing, and then you went through recruitment and dropped and are seeming wishy washy. Membership is for life and chapters want members who are dedicated and steadfast in their decision to join. This isn't like joining an intramural sports team... and I'm not sure you're expressing in your post that you really get that..... I'd think about that before thinking about really reaching out to greek life or the chapters.....
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Old 09-04-2018, 09:22 PM
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(Sorry for the long post!)

Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a great Labor Day weekend.

I was hoping to get some advice from everyone... This weekend was actually rush weekend at my school! I'm going to a school where Greek Life is kind of considered "average," and no one will really think of you any differently if you don't join; we have six sororities, each with houses on our greek row, and they're all super nice and very kind to one another. It's a great community.
Anyways, I never really thought I'd be the girl to rush; my dad was in a fraternity, but the rest of my family hasn't been too big on Greek life. My two sisters rushed and ended up in sororities but eventually dropped out after a few months due to personal life commitments elsewhere. Regardless, I decided to try and give it a go because I'm living off campus this year despite being a freshman (I applied late to housing) and I thought it would be a good way to meet some really inspiring woman.

And I can say without a doubt that this weekend, I really did! Leading up to rush, I actually got more and more excited about it despite having only decided to join recruitment about two weeks ago. And it was so incredibly fun meeting all the other PNMs before and during rush.

When I initially checked out all the different sororities, they were all so friendly. I had really good conversations at all of them minus one on the first day (but in that one I was put in a group of two talking to one member so we couldn't really chat one on one), but at one of them in particular- let's call them ABC -I really felt like I connected with the girls. We were talking about finding self-confidence and self-love, and it was such a genuine conversation! However, the next day I didn't get called back to them.
I was really disappointed at first as I had started to feel really drawn towards that house (which I regret being so set so quickly now...), but I tried not to let it get in the way. I got called back to four houses the next day (at our uni we go from seeing 6 houses day 1, to 4 houses max day 2, and 2 houses max day 3), two of which had been on my top choices. Once again, all the girls I met were friendly at each house, but I didn't really feel like I clicked with any of them besides for one in particular, I'll call them DEF. In the first ten minutes I spent in that house, when they were talking about their philanthropy and sisterhood, I felt like I had that sort of "moment" they talk about where you could really see yourself calling a certain sorority home. After that, talking with the girls there was such a blast and we were all laughing and hugging each other.

Sadly, when day 3 came, Pref day, I didn't get called back to DEF. Once again, I felt pretty sad. Nonetheless, I went to the two houses I got called back to and gave them a try, trying to go with an open mind. At one of them, talking to the girls was nice and they all seemed very genuine and accepting, but I was having a hard time imagining myself there. I don't know why- I conversed well with the girls, but a lot of the times I almost felt like I was kind of the one leading on the conversation? I also talked to their President a couple of times who was very kind and remembered me throughout the process, but it just didn't really feel right (but part of me also feels so torn because how can you really get to know any house or person in this amount of time?).
At the other house, which I wasn't really expecting to get called back to, I had a hard time feeling comfortable with just being myself while talking to the girls... They're kind of one of the most "popular" sororities on campus. I just never really felt like I fit in there.

When the end of the day came, I was feeling pretty nervous/anxious. I had really started to look forward to joining a group of supportive, friendly girls- which all the houses were -but given I couldn't see myself in either of the two houses I had to choose between, I just didn't think it was right at the time... So, when it came to sign the MRBA (or the binding agreement to get a bid, whatever it's called), I chose to opt out of the recruitment process.

Part of the reason I did this is because there's also rush in the Spring. Not all the houses do it like they do in Fall, but those who didn't fill their quota do. However, if you were to sign the agreement, you'd have to wait until the next Fall recruitment to rush again.
I thought waiting now and trying out again in the Spring would be a good idea... but I still can't help but feel a bit sad and confused. I don't know if trying again in the Spring would be worth it if not all the houses are recruiting (even though I'd still love to get involved this year if I can), but I've also seen on here that rerushing your sophomore year lowers your chances of even so much as getting a bid! I mean, in the end I'd really just want to try and go back into the recruitment process with more of an open mind next time around and try not to really get so focused on any one house!
If anyone has any advice, please, please let me know! I was so looking forward to finding a "home" this year and becoming a part of the Greek community here on campus, but I just didn't want to force anything that didn't feel right in the end. I also feel like I kind of got caught up in the whole "trying to impress" side of rush, when I really just want to be able to find some genuine connections.

Anyways, I really appreciate any helpful feedback!
And, just so that this post isn't entirely on the downside, I did meet a lot of cool girls who were also rushing this year! I exchanged contact information with so many of them, so I don't have a doubt that some friends will come out of that.
It is sad that you judged all of the chapters so harshly, with such a short time to get to know them. You still had options, but declined them both. I don't know if you can come out of this with a bid or not. Let us know what happens.
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