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  #31  
Old 09-20-2017, 11:07 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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JLCo, please share the helpful information you have received in this thread with your daughter, but please let HER decide what she wants to do. Let her know that she can report her experience to Panhellenic if SHE wants to, but it will not change the outcome of her bid. The offending sorority might receive a fine, a reprimand, or nothing. Please let HER make the decision-she will be the one dealing with any fallout that might occur.

If your daughter asked my opinion, I would suggest that she chalk this disappointment up to a life lesson. I would tell her to move on and work to make her sorority membership the best ever. I would encourage her to go over to her sorority as often as possible to create the spark of friendship. Friendship takes a while to blossom-even in a sorority. Invite some pledge sisters to sit with her in class. Walk to class with sorority sisters. Invite pledge sisters to grab a coffee, go to a movie, study together, etc. Go to every sorority event she is able to fit into her schedule. Appreciate and enjoy this opportunity.
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  #32  
Old 09-20-2017, 11:18 AM
BlueCarnation BlueCarnation is offline
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OP, my grandparents met while in Greek Life at Ohio State back in the 30s. My grandfather couldn't afford the yearly dues for his fraternity, so he received a scholarship. My grandmother also received a scholarship for her sorority. If it weren't for Greek Life at Ohio State, I probably wouldn't be alive.

I went to "that school up North" and I can tell you that most of my friends paid their own sorority dues by working for them. Yes, many of my friends in my house and other houses were privileged and their parents paid for their dues, but I think it's fair to say that many worked their butts off to pay their own way.

I'm sorry that it's such a disappointment to YOU that your daughter didn't get into the "top" tier house. Sounds like her boyfriend is a jerk and that you should listen to the very helpful advice that you've been given by the women on here who know a lot about recruitment and sorority life. It also sounds like your daughter is smart and has a good head on her shoulders and will be just fine as long as you butt out. We all know and acknowledge that the recruitment process isn't perfect, but it is what it is and she will be fine.
  #33  
Old 09-20-2017, 11:43 AM
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AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JLCo View Post
It seems to me that sorority rush has many problems inherent in the process. Everyone on this board admits it. But when an outsider comments that things went wrong and criticizes some part of the process, some of the posters go into attack mode. And some offer positive critique or advice. Some just hunt for a way to discredit what you are saying (AZTheta). I really appreciate the ones who have gone out of their way to explain things (KSUViolet06, FSUZeta, QLB817, Sciencewoman, etc). It really has made me feel much better about what my daughter is getting involved in.

Well, dear, if the shoe fits, which it seems to, then what else is there to say? I'm not discrediting you. I'm holding up a mirror for you to look into.
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  #34  
Old 09-20-2017, 11:47 AM
JLCo JLCo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueCarnation View Post
OP, my grandparents met while in Greek Life at Ohio State back in the 30s. My grandfather couldn't afford the yearly dues for his fraternity, so he received a scholarship. My grandmother also received a scholarship for her sorority. If it weren't for Greek Life at Ohio State, I probably wouldn't be alive.

I went to "that school up North" and I can tell you that most of my friends paid their own sorority dues by working for them. Yes, many of my friends in my house and other houses were privileged and their parents paid for their dues, but I think it's fair to say that many worked their butts off to pay their own way.

I'm sorry that it's such a disappointment to YOU that your daughter didn't get into the "top" tier house. Sounds like her boyfriend is a jerk and that you should listen to the very helpful advice that you've been given by the women on here who know a lot about recruitment and sorority life. It also sounds like your daughter is smart and has a good head on her shoulders and will be just fine as long as you butt out. We all know and acknowledge that the recruitment process isn't perfect, but it is what it is and she will be fine.
My Grandmother also attended OSU during the depression. However, her father was VP of Sohio (BP Oil), they had a big house in Upper Arlington, and all of her college and sorority dues were paid for..... Yet another person I know whose parents paid their dues.....

And again, I am upset about my daughter being duped and lied to. It seems my expectations were too high that this set of sorority girls would actually follow the Panhellenic rules.
  #35  
Old 09-20-2017, 11:53 AM
JayhawkAOII JayhawkAOII is offline
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I hate to tell you this, but this is not the last time in her life that your daughter will be "duped and lied to".

Sometimes crappy stuff happens. How we pick up the pieces in the aftermath shows what kind of people we really are. If you continue to dwell on it, you are going to make your daughter and yourself miserable.
  #36  
Old 09-20-2017, 11:59 AM
JLCo JLCo is offline
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Originally Posted by AZTheta View Post
Well, dear, if the shoe fits, which it seems to, then what else is there to say? I'm not discrediting you. I'm holding up a mirror for you to look into.
NO. You are not. You are trying to simplify things and say that I am either (a) upset about the tier placement or (b) my daughter being lied to.

You are trying to say that if either of us is upset in the least about (a) then we therefore are not really upset about (b).

Your argument has no logic. A person can be upset about (a) & (b) and the combined effects.

Perhaps you could take a class on logic or maybe a refresher math course would help. Your attempts to discredit my concerns are not logical.

Last edited by JLCo; 09-20-2017 at 12:07 PM.
  #37  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:06 PM
JLCo JLCo is offline
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Originally Posted by FSUZeta View Post
JLCo, please share the helpful information you have received in this thread with your daughter, but please let HER decide what she wants to do. Let her know that she can report her experience to Panhellenic if SHE wants to, but it will not change the outcome of her bid. The offending sorority might receive a fine, a reprimand, or nothing. Please let HER make the decision-she will be the one dealing with any fallout that might occur.
I am sure you are right and that is the course I will likely take. It was nice to vent here though. And thanks so much for the input. My daughter is already moving on. I just need to try to work on ridding myself of my negative emotions towards the Greek rush process so I can better support her goals.
  #38  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:10 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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That's what we are here for.

If the sorority has a parent club, join it. This would afford you opportunities to get to know the other parents, as well as meet your daughter's sisters. If the sorority asks for mom volunteers during recruitment, volunteer! It will allow you to see how hard the girls work, and how much their org means to them. It would offer you insight into how the system works.
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Last edited by FSUZeta; 09-20-2017 at 12:18 PM.
  #39  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:22 PM
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AZTheta AZTheta is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JLCo View Post
NO. You are not. You are trying to simplify things and say that I am either (a) upset about the tier placement or (b) my daughter being lied to.

You are trying to say that if either of us is upset in the least about (a) then we therefore are not really upset about (b).

Your argument has no logic. A person can be upset about (a) & (b) and the combined effects.

Perhaps you could take a class on logic or maybe a refresher math course would help. Your attempts to discredit my concerns are not logical.
No, not what I'm saying at all. FWIW you know nothing about me so schooling me on logic is pretty hilarious.

Good luck to you. Done here.
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  #40  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:22 PM
Sororitysock Sororitysock is offline
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If your "d" was so certain she had a bid from Top Tier Tau then why did she even list Meh Middle Mu on her bid card? Me thinks she wasn't as sure as she claims.
  #41  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:23 PM
SydneyK SydneyK is offline
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Originally Posted by JLCo View Post
Well yes, I do think those who had college mostly paid for by their parents and are able to afford to also pay sorority dues are privileged. As the saying goes, college is not a "right" in this country; it is a privilege.
If the second sentence above is true, I would think that means ALL college-educated folks in this country are privileged, not just the ones whose education/experiences were funded by their parents. In that case, you're just as privileged as members of the Greek community. Right? Will you treat your daughter with the same level of condescension you're treating these message board strangers to whom you came for help/advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JLCo View Post
However, I am one of those do-gooder types who likes to bring about change when there are problems. I am thinking about contacting the Panhellenic Council at her school (anonymously) and explaining what happened so they can talk to the girls, better educate them for future rush classes, and to at least better minimize the chances of this happening to other girls in the future.
As a current university professor - one who sees helicopter parenting way too often - I beg you not to do this. I realize you think that by contacting Panhellenic anonymously you're not being a helicopter parent, but I assure you you are. Your daughter is legally an adult. College is a wonderful place for new adults to learn how to manage the trials and stress of adulthood before they're out in the real world. Back off and just watch. If you've raised the daughter you've described here, she'll do fine. Let her.
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  #42  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:37 PM
JLCo JLCo is offline
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Originally Posted by Sororitysock View Post
If your "d" was so certain she had a bid from Top Tier Tau then why did she even list Meh Middle Mu on her bid card? Me thinks she wasn't as sure as she claims.
Yet another person going into attack mode and trying to claim we are misrepresenting the situation because we all know the Greek rush system is perfect, right? Ha.

They told her to always list every sorority even the ones she would never accept a bid from during each stage of the process. I don't know why they told her this, but she did what they told her to do. Of note is that by Preference Day, only the two that she really liked a lot remained. So that is a good thing.

She kept hearing conflicting information... It was kind of hard to figure out what info was right or wrong and also what info only applied to her school. So, she followed their instructions.

Last edited by JLCo; 09-20-2017 at 01:05 PM.
  #43  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:39 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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PNMs can not turn down invitations during the process.
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  #44  
Old 09-20-2017, 12:45 PM
JLCo JLCo is offline
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Originally Posted by SydneyK View Post
If the second sentence above is true, I would think that means ALL college-educated folks in this country are privileged, not just the ones whose education/experiences were funded by their parents. In that case, you're just as privileged as members of the Greek community. Right? Will you treat your daughter with the same level of condescension you're treating these message board strangers to whom you came for help/advice?

As a current university professor - one who sees helicopter parenting way too often - I beg you not to do this. I realize you think that by contacting Panhellenic anonymously you're not being a helicopter parent, but I assure you you are. Your daughter is legally an adult. College is a wonderful place for new adults to learn how to manage the trials and stress of adulthood before they're out in the real world. Back off and just watch. If you've raised the daughter you've described here, she'll do fine. Let her.
Thanks Sydney, I get your point. You might want to read my post above in response to FSU Zeta. I bet you have a lot of problems with helicopter parenting. I think I just needed to vent and will not act on what I feel is right.

As for being condescending to posters here, I feel I have been respectful to those who have offered genuine positive critique and advice. There have also been some spiteful attacks and I have responded to those as many of those attack were jumping to conclusions, missing some of what was said, or applying mean-spirited lack of logic.

I have done nothing other than clarify by stance. As I said, some of the posters on this site are very aggressive and go into attack mode at the smallest hint of criticism of the Greek life. Others are genuinely interested in improving things instead of cutting people down.
  #45  
Old 09-20-2017, 01:15 PM
JLCo JLCo is offline
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Sorority Sock, It looks like you are yet another poster who has gone on attack mode. Carnation has clarified that your accusation that we are not being truthful is not true because PNMs have to list all sororities (accept invitations) during each stage.

So because I say that one of the sororities broke rush rules, you are another Greek who is attacking me and try to discredit my daughter?

I think you should respond to what Carnation said and let us know if you were right or wrong to assume we were misrepresenting the process and lying as you indicate below. The statement, "Me thinks she wasn't as sure as she claims" = accusing her of lying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sororitysock View Post
If your "d" was so certain she had a bid from Top Tier Tau then why did she even list Meh Middle Mu on her bid card? Me thinks she wasn't as sure as she claims.
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnation View Post
PNMs can not turn down invitations during the process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JLCo View Post
Yet another person going into attack mode and trying to claim we are misrepresenting the situation because we all know the Greek rush system is perfect, right? Ha.

They told her to always list every sorority even the ones she would never accept a bid from during each stage of the process. I don't know why they told her this, but she did what they told her to do. Of note is that by Preference Day, only the two that she really liked a lot remained. So that is a good thing.

She kept hearing conflicting information... It was kind of hard to figure out what info was right or wrong and also what info only applied to her school. So, she followed their instructions.

Last edited by JLCo; 09-20-2017 at 01:37 PM.
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