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Old 09-08-2017, 10:40 AM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Posts: 17,841

So many new members come here when they have been in a chapter for A WEEK AND ARE FREAKING OUT because "omg we are not connecting and I do not feel at home."

"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi

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Old 09-08-2017, 10:48 AM
KSUViolet06 KSUViolet06 is offline
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Posts: 17,841
Social media plays a big part in this.

I was active circa 2004. FB was in its infancy.

If you got a bid to your second or third choice, and you were salty about it, you only got that "fear of missing out" re: your strong chapter fave at an event. Like if you saw them at Greek Week, or they won Songfest and you were there and you got third. Or at actual bid day. So if you got Chi O and really wanted Kappa, you really only were like "omg love Kappaaaaaa" when you saw them out.

Then FB came on the scene. Then the fear of missing out and wanting another chapter was available to you all the time. All the Kappas post pics of Thursday night, and you could log on at anytime, see it in your feed, and boom, "omgg whyyyy am I not a Kappa!" and cue sadness.

Now we have that AND Instagram, Snapchat, etc. So if you really wanted Kappa, you are never far from that crummy feeling. Kappas do not just post pics. Now they post Snap/IG live stories of that awesome date party. So you somehow feel crummier.

These things are not bad and Kappa is not bad for posting it. But it not help you to feel better about where you are.

Tip: take a day or two to unplug. It is hard. Hard for me and I'm 32. But your perspective changes when you are not exposing yourself to all things first choice group all the time.
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi

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Old 09-08-2017, 11:01 AM
clemsongirl clemsongirl is offline
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When you see girls in your chapter posting about how happy they are to be AOIIs or DPhiEs or whatever and you don't feel that way, whether they feel that way or are just putting on an act for the internet is irrelevant. When they post about how much they love their big and how their big is the best big ever!!1! and you don't feel that way, it reinforces your feelings of inadequacy. You start to wonder what's wrong with you that you don't feel the same way everyone else on social media is, even though the people who aren't happy either aren't posting or are putting on a front because they feel the same way you do.
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Old 09-08-2017, 11:14 AM
commuter commuter is offline
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I have become friends at work with a fellow recent grad from my university who was a member of a top tier/very strong recruiting chapter who told me that PNMs never talk to their weak recruiters who are forced to become RCs or are banished to the kitchen during recruitment. She said all the top tier chapters do this so what PNMs see during rush is not exactly what they get on bid day.
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Old 09-08-2017, 11:24 AM
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DGTess DGTess is offline
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Ok. Gotta say it.

In my years of reading posts on GreekChat, I've seldom - if ever - seen a woman say she was too good for this or that chapter. There may have been a few implied, but ...

I wonder how many are reading too much into it.

If the woman went on a date, and came and home saying "we really didn't connect", would she mean "I am too good for that person"? No.

Sure, some chapters are better rushers. Some people are better rushers (I was awful, and still am). But not feeling a "connection" is a lot more, I think, that this board gives credit for.

And I'd bet even the concept of "tiers" falls away outside the south.

Just my $0.02.
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Old 09-08-2017, 12:04 PM
NYCMS NYCMS is offline
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Originally Posted by DGTess View Post

And I'd bet even the concept of "tiers" falls away outside the south.

Just my $0.02.
No, it does not, at least not at some schools. When I traveled for my sorority as a consultant (granted, it was many years ago), tiers were just as strong at some schools in the Midwest and Southwest as they are at SEC schools. I was surprised given that I grew up in the SEC world. My cousin left an SEC school to go to school out West and tiers were and still are very fierce at her alma mater.

I've written recs in recent years for friends whose daughters have gone to Univ. Arizona and Univ. Oklahoma, among others, and I have sisters whose daughters have gone to USC and other non-Southern schools and the stories they've reported back tell me that tiers definitely still exist. Univ. Kansas is another school where tiers are in place; had a sister's daughter pledge there this fall. I think any school outside the South with an intense Greek system definitely has the tier thing going on!

Last edited by NYCMS; 09-08-2017 at 12:26 PM.
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Old 09-10-2017, 09:44 PM
BraveMaroon BraveMaroon is offline
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I think that "I didn't feel a connection" is shorthand for "I wasn't feeling it here, but I don't want to be specific about why". In fact, the PNM may not even know why.

I'm sure some of it is gut feeling, some of it is about wanting to belong to the "best group", and sometimes, it's just luck of the draw. You may get rushed by the exact wrong girl. You get picked up by Marathon Runner Mary, and the sister right next to her, Baking Blogger Betsy, would have been your best conversation of the day.

It happens.

While I believe it's possible to make instant connections with people you've just met, it's happened to me only a handful of times in my life, and I'm grateful for all of them.

But, most of my most important relationships have been built over days, weeks and months.
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