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  #1  
Old 09-24-2013, 11:25 PM
Cmg115 Cmg115 is offline
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No bid, should I rush the same fraternity again, a different one, or at all?

I promise I'll try to keep this concise. My school only has 4 fraternities. We also do not have our official rush until the beginning of sophomore year. That said, there was a lot of informal recruitment second semester of last year, and throughout the entire process I felt like I really connected with one fraternity. Now because of this, when the second week of rush came, they all begin scheduling events at the same time, forcing us to narrow down our focus. Naturally, I chose the one I liked. At all the rush events, I felt like I really met a lot of the brothers and connected well. I made good friends with many. Then, halfway through the second week, I got a message from the rush chair saying that "they didn't feel like there would be a spot for me this semester" and that "on a more personal level, I'm really upset to have to do this, because it doesn't reflect my opinion, and this was by far the hardest thing I've had to do as rush chair"

Ok so my friend and current roommate DID get a bid to this fraternity. After conversations with both the rush chair and another brother, he told me that 1. There was a group of brothers that just plain felt they didn't know me well enough or at all. And 2. there was one brother in particular who felt I was "abrasive" towards him. I was pretty upset at myself for not getting to know more people, and for coming off as abrasive towards the one particular brother. I only recall one conversation with him, and it moved from discussing history (a common interest) to sports. At the time it seemed we got along fine.

Anyway, I know nobody on here can give me any specific insights as to what the results would be if I rushed again. But now, with the brothers I already know, as well as being friends with most of the current pledge class, would I stand a better chance rushing again? I know they did accept a few juniors in their PC this year, but I'm not sure whether they had rushed previously or not. And my other question is, if anyone thinks I still wouldn't get a bid the second time around, should I focus on rushing the other three fraternities, or would they be kind of opposed to that since I showed nearly no interest in them the first time around? (The only difference now being that I will know nearly all the new members in all four fraternities, since we have a rather small school, and a low percentage in Greek life- each PC was around 20-25)
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  #2  
Old 09-25-2013, 09:02 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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Did your roommate/friend invite you to any fraternity events last year?

How strong is your friendship with your roommate, i.e.,is it such that he would drive three hours out of town to pick you up if your car broke down, or is it that you get along well as roommates?

Is the one brother who felt you were abrasive still there?
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Last edited by FSUZeta; 09-25-2013 at 09:20 AM.
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  #3  
Old 09-25-2013, 09:06 AM
LaneSig LaneSig is online now
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You can always try again with the fraternity that you focused on. But, remember, even knowing the majority of the new pc doesn't guarantee you can get a bid. Since you also know other pc members in the other 3 groups, go ahead and let them know you are interested in rushing. Go to their events, too. It can't hurt, and you might find you are enjoying hanging out with a different group than the one you previously set your sights on.
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  #4  
Old 09-25-2013, 12:36 PM
Cmg115 Cmg115 is offline
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Just to clarify a few things, my roommate is currently undergoing the pledging process. We rushed at the same time. He received a bid on the day that I did not receive a bid. And yes we are good friends. We did not live together last year, but chose to live together this year as sophomores. As a matter of fact, he told me last night that when the next rush comes around (whether spring or next fall, not sure if the fraternity will do a spring rush) that he will be sure to spend as much time as he can trying to talk me up and put in a good word for me, etc... And also, yes, the brother that found me abrasive is still there. He is currently a junior so will be a senior next year if that is when I rush again. Does this kill my chances? If I rush again should I devote a bit of extra time trying to talk to him and make sure he doesn't have the wrong idea of me?
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  #5  
Old 09-25-2013, 12:40 PM
LaneSig LaneSig is online now
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To be honest, it sounds like your roommate is giving you the information that you are seeking.
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  #6  
Old 09-25-2013, 12:57 PM
KDCat KDCat is offline
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I don't think that your roommate's fraternity is going to be the one for you. You have a bad relationship with one person. He doesn't like you. However their membership selection works, he can either block you or he has convinced enough people to go along with him that you are blocked.

Work on yourself this year and rush elsewhere next year. Don't focus on that group. There have to be other good groups on your campus and you should explore as many of those options as possible.

You can still be friends with your roommate, but I would definitely look elsewhere.

I've seen young men get stuck on one group and not explore other options. It is a mistake. Bad relationships with one or two guys will keep you out, sometimes. Don't do that to yourself. If you want to be Greek, look elsewhere.
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  #7  
Old 09-25-2013, 01:11 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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Additionally, you might accept any invitations your roommate extends to you to join in fraternity activities, and try to get a feel for the general fraternal attitude toward you. If abrasive boy continues to give you the cold shoulder, dagger eyes or mean sideways glances, you may have your answer.

I guess what you will have to determine is which is more important to you: to be greek or be a member of your friend's fraternity. Good luck!
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  #8  
Old 09-25-2013, 02:15 PM
Cmg115 Cmg115 is offline
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My initial hope wasn't to be a part of a fraternity with my friend. It was to be a part of THIS fraternity. Therefore I didn't really give others much of a chance. My roommate actually started rushing later than I did. I will definitely give others more of a look next time around. I'm just wondering what the general opinion of someone rushing as a junior is. (Again Freshmen can't rush) and also is having one person with a bad opinion of me really enough to kill my chances? Should I even bother rushing that fraternity again, or is there any point? And if my friend spends a lot of time trying to change his opinion/convince others that I would be a good fit? How much can this help me?
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  #9  
Old 09-25-2013, 02:23 PM
Cmg115 Cmg115 is offline
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And yeah, I think it is important to me to be a part of Greek life, so long as I find a fit. I really like a lot of things they stand for, and on this campus particularly they have a very strong presence in community service and volunteering, etc... Which I was having a hard time getting involved in because there's a lot of red tape. But that's beside the point. Also, on a side note, I am now an elected official in a volunteering club and a member of another, as well as (hopefully) going to be part of a school ambassador program. Also, my GPA is up considerably. None of these things were really the case before when I rushed. Can I use all of these things to my advantage the next time I rush? If so, how? Because the last thing I want to do is be that rush who won't shut up about everything he does on campus, painting myself as God's gift to the college. I know I'm not that. But I would like to somehow put it out there that perhaps I now have more to offer to a fraternity, and that I have an increased involvement in campus life, which has to be something any fraternity would be looking for, right? How can I get this out without sounding like I'm just in love with myself?
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  #10  
Old 10-04-2013, 09:50 PM
DTD Alum DTD Alum is offline
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While sororities here emphasize grades, volunteering, positions on campus, etc, in my experience in the overwhelming majority of fraternities it does not matter. We cut involved kids without a second thought, and pledged grade risks without even batting an eye. Fraternities tend to come down to "do we like this guy or not?". Unless your involvement is a varsity sport, I doubt it will even really be discussed.

From reading your story, I would look elsewhere, if only for security. A friend in the chapter does not really do much. We cut guys who were really good friends with kids in our chapter all the time. Also, for many fraternities, it may just take one vote to keep you out from being pledged. I also cannot honestly remember taking a guy who rushed our house a second time, and there were many.

FWIW, my best friend from college was in a rival fraternity, and I'm closer to that guy still than anybody who was in my house. You can still be close friends with somebody even if you are not in the same house.
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  #11  
Old 10-08-2013, 09:41 PM
UofM-TKE UofM-TKE is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTD Alum View Post
While sororities here emphasize grades, volunteering, positions on campus, etc, in my experience in the overwhelming majority of fraternities it does not matter. We cut involved kids without a second thought, and pledged grade risks without even batting an eye. Fraternities tend to come down to "do we like this guy or not?". Unless your involvement is a varsity sport, I doubt it will even really be discussed.

From reading your story, I would look elsewhere, if only for security. A friend in the chapter does not really do much. We cut guys who were really good friends with kids in our chapter all the time. Also, for many fraternities, it may just take one vote to keep you out from being pledged. I also cannot honestly remember taking a guy who rushed our house a second time, and there were many.

FWIW, my best friend from college was in a rival fraternity, and I'm closer to that guy still than anybody who was in my house. You can still be close friends with somebody even if you are not in the same house.
This was my experience as well. The important phrase is "do we like this guy or not?".
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  #12  
Old 10-11-2013, 05:09 PM
Cmg115 Cmg115 is offline
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So does anyone have any idea as to what the general feeling of someone rushing as a junior is? Not with the same fraternity but a different one. One I didn't rush at all last time. And of course keeping in mind that freshmen here can't rush so fraternities are all sophomores juniors and seniors. Does a junior rushing start with the deck stacked against him even if it's his first time rushing that particular fraternity? Could it be an advantage? Or does it not affect anything at all?
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  #13  
Old 10-11-2013, 05:37 PM
WCsweet<3 WCsweet<3 is offline
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Unless someone is familiar with your campus, it is hard for us to say. It would have been fine on my campus. He would have been in the minority, but if the brothers liked him, it didn't matter. This may not be true on your campus. I don't know if it would be an advantage or disadvantage. It may just be "Oh yeah Cmg, we like him and all the brothers like him too."
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  #14  
Old 10-12-2013, 12:58 AM
Cmg115 Cmg115 is offline
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On a campus with only four fraternities, would one house know that I rushed another house and didn't get a bid? Would they ask if I'd rushed before during rush? If so what should my answer be? (Yes, obviously, but would they ask why I didn't get a bid, why I'm rushing again, etc...?) essentially I'm just very clueless about all of this. When I first came to college I barely even knew what a fraternity was. I just knew them as guys that hate cargo shorts. But now I really have an appreciation for them, and I wish I had earlier, because I feel it really would've been beneficial. If I were to ask guys I currently know in a fraternity whether or not they are planning on having rush in the spring, would they think I was being desperate or over eager or something? Or would they be happy I asked? Obviously nobody on this site knows exactly what will happen I'm just really trying to get a feel of what the atmosphere will be like in either spring rush or junior rush. I'm so anxious about all of it already. Not getting a bid to the fraternity I started this thread about was a huge blow to my confidence and pushed me back into a social shell that I thought I left behind in high school. Whether it's that one or one of the others, I am 100% confident that being in a fraternity is something I want to do. I'm sorry I'm just like saying everything at this point it's not even relevant to the original thread...
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  #15  
Old 10-12-2013, 01:49 PM
TSteven TSteven is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cmg115 View Post
On a campus with only four fraternities, would one house know that I rushed another house and didn't get a bid?
I think it depends more on campus size and culture. Generally speaking, the smaller the campus, the more likely they would know you rushed. However, they may not know you were not offered a bid. For all they know, you might have turned one down.

Quote:
Would they ask if I'd rushed before during rush?
Yes, they will most likely ask if you rushed before. Or may already know you have rushed.

Quote:
If so what should my answer be? (Yes, obviously, but would they ask why I didn't get a bid, why I'm rushing again, etc...?)
What you want to get across is that you really were (in your words) “clueless”. Sometimes the “come to Jesus moment” is what a chapter may be looking for in a member. Some men know before college, while others may need a year or so.

So as you noted, the answer is “yes”. You don’t know why you were not extended a bid, and even if you did, I would think it best to not discuss that if possible. Maybe just a simple "it wasn't a good fit" is all you need to say.

You know your campus better than we do, but I think saying something along what you wrote “When I first came to college I barely even knew what a fraternity was. I just knew them as guys that hate cargo shorts. But now I really have an appreciation for them, and I wish I had earlier, because I feel it really would've been beneficial” lets them know it took you a while to get to where you are now.

Side note: you may want to leave the “cargo shorts” reference out. But on the flip side, if it is said with humor and tact, it can be a nice “icebreaker”.

Quote:
If I were to ask guys I currently know in a fraternity whether or not they are planning on having rush in the spring, would they think I was being desperate or over eager or something? Or would they be happy I asked? Obviously nobody on this site knows exactly what will happen I'm just really trying to get a feel of what the atmosphere will be like in either spring rush or junior rush.
Letting members know you are interested is good because otherwise, the chapter may not know you are still interested – especially given your class year. Regardless of all this, as was noted up thread, the important part of all this is the “Do we like this guy or not?" Maybe they don’t “dislike” you, but don’t know you well enough yet. Take the rest of this semester to meet more of the members and come spring, express your interest. (Note: depending on the campus and the chapters, receiving a bid as a junior may be more difficult. As such, I wouldn’t wait unless you truly don’t feel ready to rush in the spring.)

Quote:
I'm so anxious about all of it already. Not getting a bid to the fraternity I started this thread about was a huge blow to my confidence and pushed me back into a social shell that I thought I left behind in high school. Whether it's that one or one of the others, I am 100% confident that being in a fraternity is something I want to do. I'm sorry I'm just like saying everything at this point it's not even relevant to the original thread.
There can be a fine line between “anxious” and “excited”. While fraternities like rushees who are excited about the chapter, if they are too anxious – and perhaps simply trying to do the “right thing” to get a bid and not fitting in - that can be a turn off. Again, it comes down to if you are a “right fit” – and “do we like this guy?”

Try to relax and use the rest of semester to get to know the members better. Keep an open mind and try to give it your best shot in the spring.

Best of luck to you.
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