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Old 09-14-2012, 05:06 PM
Texas1212 Texas1212 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Advice for someone who hasn't gotten a bid twice?

This will be a long post, but bear with me.
I am a 20 year old sophomore. I have been interested in joining a fraternity since I was in high school. I like what they stand for and the bonds that the guys seem to have. I want lifelong friends that I consider brothers, who will have my back through thick and thin, and I do the same for them. I am also looking to better myself as a person and hopefully do the same for others. I would like to learn more about myself, show leadership, and start doing something in my life. I feel like joining a fraternity would be a great way to do that. The partying and girls is, of course, a plus; everyone wants to make their college experience the best.
My freshman year first semester I decided not to rush, although I attended rush parties. I wanted to get used to school and see how things went. However my roommate rushed, so I watched him go through the process.
My second semester I decided to rush. However I did not get a bid. At the time I was upset, but now I understand why I didn't get a bid. I went about rushing completely wrong, I only went to rush parties for one fraternity, I didn't go to any other rush events, and I only rushed one fraternity after formal rush. I only went to one house night. I liked the guys I met, but it was impossible to meet and convince all of the guys to give me a bid in just one night.
After that, I decided to reevaluate the way I rush and my reasons for rushing. My roommate highly encouraged me to rush my next fall semester and thought I would be good in a fraternity.
So all summer I prepared for rush and researched Greek life. I learned more about it and was looking forward to the new semester. By this time, I pretty much knew which fraternities I was interested in (after a year of rush parties, going to school with fraternity members, and going through formal rush) and there were just two fraternities that I felt I would be good in (my school has 13 total). My roommate even had a friend in one of them, and put in a good word for me.
Once school got closer, I contacted the rush chairs of the two fraternities. When I got to school I went golfing with one of them (roommate's friends' fraternity) and I really liked the guys. I later went to a rush party and had a lot of fun, and also went tailgating with them.
For the other fraternity, I went to a rush party and had lunch with them and decided I fit better with the other fraternity.
When formal rush came around, I put all my focus into this one fraternity. I talked to several of the brothers, shared my goals and why I was rushing for them. They were really nice guys and I was feeling good about it. They responded very well and made me feel comfortable.
I went to both of their house nights, and while it is hard to have meaningful conversations with every single brother, I talked to most of them and at least introduced myself to the rest. I also made friends with other rushees, and saw them outside of rush stuff. I was feeling good and like I found a place that I could belong.
Last night they invited me back to their house for invite night. I did an interview, which I was very nervous in, but gave honest answers. The brothers asking me the questions even said "great answer" to some of my answers.
Today was bid day, and I thought I would receive one, but sadly I did not.
Honestly, I am devastated. Being rejected twice makes me feel like I am not good enough, or something is wrong with me. I am a very friendly guy, and I have a 3.79 GPA. I'm also athletic and not ugly (just stating that because I know a lot of people think fraternities judge on looks).
It is very embarrassing, especially to the friends I made during rush. I noticed pretty much all of the rushees got a bid. Seeing them on campus is going to be rough.
I hate to sound like I am feeling sorry for myself, but I do not understand what is wrong with me that made them not give me a bid. I feel like I have so much to offer to the Greek community and to a fraternity in general. It has been a dream of mine for a while to have that opportunity.
I got along well with the brothers. Yes, I am a little shy and that can come off as awkward. But I really stepped out of my comfort zone for rush, and I had a good time and felt good about it.
I only made two really good friends my freshman year, so socially I feel pathetic. I feel like I should be having a better time in college. Right now I feel useless and boring. I'm a very outgoing guy when given the chance. It just sucks that right now they are all celebrating and Iím here feeling left out.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Or have any advice to give? I'm going through this alone and any help would be appreciated.
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:14 PM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: ILL-INI
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There is a "what to do when you've been released from recruitment" thread that is geared toward female PNM's, but you should go over there and read it.

It strikes me as odd that both times you put all of your eggs in a single basket, and also odd that you didn't give your roommate's fraternity a shot, if you guys get alone (and it sounds like you do). We advise against that all of the time. It sounds like you made a bad strategic call, and you may have fit better elsewhere.
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Old 09-15-2012, 02:20 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Hotel Oceanview
Posts: 33,585
You made the same mistake twice. I don't know if rushing more than one fraternity is some sort of taboo at your school, but it didn't work out for you.

Of course, if you met guys from all 13 fraternities and really feel there are only two you would be good in, that may also be your problem. Take this semester to actually get to KNOW people in fraternities, not just hi how are you.
It is all 33girl's fault. ~DrPhil
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