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  #46  
Old 08-16-2012, 11:34 AM
pinapple pinapple is offline
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We can probably get a "frig fund" going if you just finish the story....
  #47  
Old 08-16-2012, 11:40 AM
MaryPoppins MaryPoppins is offline
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Dark side mom is toying with us like cat prey.
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  #48  
Old 08-16-2012, 11:45 AM
Ladybugmom Ladybugmom is offline
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Ill wire some money now Pineapple..who eles is in?
  #49  
Old 08-16-2012, 11:46 AM
pinapple pinapple is offline
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$10
  #50  
Old 08-16-2012, 12:28 PM
Lovethesand Lovethesand is offline
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You guys are too funny. Give me a minute, I have to make an edit, copy and paste, and I'll post Bid Day.
  #51  
Old 08-16-2012, 12:32 PM
WCsweet<3 WCsweet<3 is offline
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Would you like to clean my house? Now that you have mentioned all that, I see all the stuff I need to do.
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  #52  
Old 08-16-2012, 12:37 PM
Dixie_Amazon Dixie_Amazon is offline
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Can't wait. I wish your cleaning energy would rub off on me.
  #53  
Old 08-16-2012, 12:44 PM
Lovethesand Lovethesand is offline
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Bid Day - cue the dramatic music

Fingers crossed all morning for Debbie. I know God has more important things to do but I sent a few little prayers to Him throughout the morning. Debbie sends me a text an hour before they were supposed to meet their group and said she was dying to know. She said she’s very nervous. Me too. According to the Panhellenic email the night before, I will be getting and email and text by noon with her house. I may find out before she does or I may not. I am completely useless at home. At least during the week I had work to occupy my mind even if it took away from my GreekChat F5’ing.

Finally I get a call from Debbie about 11:50 am her time. Debbie is crying. I can barely make out what she said except that she didn’t get Coronado and got her second choice, South Beach. It’s so hard to talk to her because I can barely understand her. Think dogs howling. Debbie had the composure to at least have her mini-breakdown in the privacy of her room.

I don’t know any of these houses so I have no preference except for what Debbie wants and thinks will make her happy. She’s devastated and I’m sad for her for that reason. I try to let her vent meanwhile the practical/dark side mom in me wants to ask if she’s going to accept South Beach's bid and go to Bid Day in an hour. I tell her I’m sorry she didn’t get Coronado. I tell her how sorry I am she’s disappointed because I know she really wanted them. Funny how quickly even one with no preconceived notions can fall in love in a matter of days. I encourage her to talk to her Gamma Chi but she doesn’t want to. She says everybody got their first choice and she’s the only one who didn’t, she’s the only one unhappy. I have no idea if it’s true or not but she’s still crying. Then she says, “I wish you were here, mom”. Dagger.through.the.heart. Luckily somebody knocks on her dorm room and she says she’ll call me later. I get a reprieve and try to figure out what to say next.

About 30 minutes later she calls back to say she’s going to Bid Day but I can hear absolutely zero excitement in her voice. I encourage her to give it a chance, put her happy face on (don’t rain on everybody else’s parade), and try to have fun. One of the girls in her group also received a bid from South Beach so they’re going together. I have no idea if her friend is happy or not, all I know is Debbie isn’t.

A few hours later she calls back, said she went to Bid Day, and she’s going to meet up with some friends later. I have a million questions, a million platitudes to share with her but I know her and now is not the time. She said Bid Day didn’t turn out the way she thought it would and it’s hard to start thinking she’s a South Beach when she really wanted to be a Coronado. Now she throws in maybe she should have ranked Big Beach above South Beach. I think the pageantry of the other sororities having a physical house and South Beach not is making the day sting a little more. It was never an issue until Bid Day. No dig at Big Beach at all but I remind her that Big Beach was never a house she felt comfortable in since Round 1 and she shouldn’t let the lack of house make her crazy. I don’t want her thinking about what-if. I get off the topic of Bid Day because it’s like a big dark cloud and tell her to have fun with her friends and just relax.

Meanwhile her dad and I are talking. Debbie's dad was ehhh about her joining a sorority before this started because he had no experience with it. He is disappointed for her but wants her to keep an open mind and give South Beach a chance. He’s even done research now and knows how strong South Beach is nationally and he's even researched their values. Dad who knows nothing about Greek life thinks this will be a great opportunity for her.

We both decide it’s appropriate for her to be disappointed but after a day or two we want her to move forward and be positive about the opportunity she has. Now if I can only get her to understand and appreciate that. There are days when being a mom is thankless and this is one of them. They want you to say something but is anything the right thing? It’s a minefield of all the wrong things you can say.

I share with a few of my Greek experts Debbie’s results. They tell me that South Beach is a great sorority. They tell me she should give it a chance, a few months. They tell me this happens to lots of girls, some even get their #3 choice, and some don’t get a house. All the things I know and all the things I know Debbie will know once the drama and emotion of Bid Day passes. I think too the emotion of the entire week, leaving home, a new chapter in her life, highs and lows of a Bedlam recruitment, and a tear or two was bound to happen. I think she was just hoping to avoid one final rejection and even if it’s a numbers game, it’s the computer, it’s whatever other reason, it still feels like rejection.

So basically my Saturday mood is in a funk because my Debbie isn’t happy. I don’t feel like doing any of the things I was going to do. I decide instead to lie on the couch, drink Diet Coke, and watch tv. Sounds good to me. During my leisure I peruse (ok stalk) twitter and Facebook. What do I find? A Bid Day pic of Debbie with her new house. I enlarge the picture (thank you iPad for that feature) and closely inspect her face. No red eyes, no smeared mascara, and she has a smile on her face. At least for the purpose of memories she looks happy. I copy and paste the picture so I can print it out later. I’ll put it in a frame and send it to her later.

Last edited by Lovethesand; 08-16-2012 at 12:54 PM.
  #54  
Old 08-16-2012, 12:51 PM
Dixie_Amazon Dixie_Amazon is offline
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You are such a good mom. My son started touring houses last night. I am walking the tightrope of trying to get information from him without being too pushy.
  #55  
Old 08-16-2012, 12:53 PM
Lovethesand Lovethesand is offline
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Parental Bedlam

I was looking at a few of my rants to some Greek friends during recruitment and all I can say about myself is WOW! Here are some of my personal gems:
  • Mutual, schmutual. This is all about the houses. Why do they even say mutual?
  • Why can’t they do the green, yellow, red light like other schools do regarding GPA? Be a little clearer so we parents who are clueless will have a better clue. I don’t need the PC talk, give me the facts, I’m a big girl, I’ll get it.
  • Is every recruitment story on GC so damn perfect? Every girl gets the max every round? Really?
  • There’s definitely a method to the recruitment madness. I’m not sure which concerns me more, the madness, or that I’m starting to get it.
  • If this isn't a super competitive recruitment, I'd hate to see what that is.
I’m glad to say now that recruitment is over, I have returned to my regular ways. I feel like Dr. Bruce Banner now where last week I felt like the Hulk. I’m working, holding conference calls, writing policies (that’s where my writing comes from and a few Shakespeare classes in college). I turn my smart phone off at night. I still look at GC throughout the day and sometimes go hours between checking. I can talk to my husband in conversation that doesn’t include abbreviations.

Seriously though…. I would like to thank all the alumnae women who wrote Debbie a rec. Every woman was more than willing to help Debbie and all very positive about their Greek life experience. Complete strangers took time to meet Debbie, get to know her, and reach out on her behalf. As a mom that kindness means the world to me.

Thank you to the GCers for sharing their information about recruitment. It definitely helped this newbie mom. I had no idea there was this GC world and I’ve learned so much. There were days where I felt like you guys were speaking a foreign language and I’d have to Google an abbreviation.

I would also like to thank the great women I met on a Facebook group especially the creator. I’ve never had a Facebook account but I created one solely for recruitment so I could converse with a Greek group. I’m telling you the Hulk had nothing on me. The Facebook group was extremely welcoming and I don’t know how many times “Diana” talked me off the ledge. The epitome of southern grace.

And last but not least, a wonderful mom I met via a blog. “Pam” was so friendly, interested, and a wealth of information. She didn’t lie and tell me it was wonderful but she kept encouraging me and offered me great insight in how to help my daughter with recruitment. Some parts of it are parental common sense but some of the uniqueness of recruitment was completely unknown to me. “Pam” another example of grace and generosity.

Thanks for sharing Debbie’s recruitment with me. The writing has been cathartic.

Last edited by Lovethesand; 08-16-2012 at 01:34 PM.
  #56  
Old 08-16-2012, 12:57 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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Thank you for this honest and fabulous story! I wish that all girls' recruitment stories could be perfect but no, they're not.
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  #57  
Old 08-16-2012, 01:03 PM
Lovethesand Lovethesand is offline
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Epilogue

A few days have passed and Debbie is going to make it (just like I, her dad, and everybody else knew). Her school has a great Welcome Week program and instead of hiding out in her room wallowing she’s out there checking things out. She’s been to a few sessions each day and is looking forward to additional ways to get involved. She’s picked up her football tickets so she’s thrilled about that. She loves the rec center and is taking lessons and looking forward to the different classes.

Debbie’s talked to a few older students and they’ve asked her about recruitment. She said some ask cautiously if she got a house so there are girls who don't. They’ve all told her it was great she got a house and South Beach is a good house. Debbie asked if the house is treated differently because it’s new and the reputation of the house is positive on campus. She’s starting now to remember why she liked them from Round 1 (THANK YOU!).

She had the option Bid Day weekend to move into the dorm that a lot of South Beach members are housed in. They have their own floor. She decided not to for a few reasons (emotions, logistics, too lazy). She’s met more of the South Beach girls and she says everybody is sooooo nice. I know Debbie is going to make it because we’ve already ordered the South Beach dry erase board calendar from PB Teen. What says "I'm ok" more than PB Teen South Beach room accessories?

My husband said we, ok me, handled this exactly the right way. I don't know if I did but I sure tried. Let her have her moment, let her deal with it, and she’d be ok. My Debbie can be quite the DQ (Drama Queen) at times. But she can also be quite level headed and reasonable when she needs to be.

Her recruitment would definitely not classify as a picture perfect recruitment. The only rounds she had max houses was the first and last rounds. She had a lot of cuts very early on. I think she thought she was prepared for recruitment but it was a great unknown to us and I think she (and me) was na´ve about the deep cuts she was going to take. I’d tell other newbies like us (no legacy, no recs, barely above minimum GPA) that even with the great resume of extracurricular activities, leadership, and philanthropy, that GPA is the easiest cut. They’re never going to see the great resume if you can’t get pass the GPA cuts. That said there’s still hope for most girls out there. Keep an open mind, keep your chin up, and keep going until they stop inviting you back . It’s an emotional roller coaster but like Debbie said to me yesterday, “I’m not going to quit. I’m looking forward to it.” I love Debbie and I’m so thankful that the young ladies of Alpha Omicron Pi welcomed her to their family.

Last edited by Lovethesand; 08-16-2012 at 03:52 PM.
  #58  
Old 08-16-2012, 01:05 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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I hope that Debbie comes to see the value of membership in her sorority and comes to love her sisters. Please come back and let us know how things progress.
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  #59  
Old 08-16-2012, 01:38 PM
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irishpipes irishpipes is offline
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OSU is competitive for the top chapters - beyond that, PNMs have a great shot at getting a bid if they keep their options open. RFM has helped tremendously - a lot of PNMs go in wanting the top 5 and it just isn't going to happen. There are several chapters there that have struggled off and on over the years, but their numbers are improving thanks to RFM.

I'm glad your daughter is giving it a chance. I know at 18 years old it is hard to see, but as difficult as recruitment was for her, it is hard to be the new group too. A lot of PNMs won't give a new group a chance to show their value because they don't have a house yet or other "new" reasons. That really hurts for those young women who have worked so hard to put on a recruitment that competes with established chapters in mansions.

She'll have her chapter house soon enough, and she will have experiences that no other chapter can offer - the chance to move into a brand new facility, to take part in building a brand new chapter, leadership opportunities that may come later in other groups.

Pledging a colony or a brand new chapter isn't for everyone, but again, I'm glad your daughter is giving it a chance. Obviously those young ladies wanted her a great deal and saw good things in her.

Go Pokes and Go AOII!
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  #60  
Old 08-16-2012, 01:44 PM
TrulyDevoted TrulyDevoted is offline
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Loved this story! Thank you for posting this, it's so nice to read an imperfect recruitment story before my own recruitment starts in a few days.
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