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  #1  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:00 AM
llrushee llrushee is offline
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Can't decide- big dilemma, going through Recruitment

Hi there. I am going through rush at an SEC school and I am a sophomore transfer. Needless to say, I went into recruitment into an open mind and literally liked all the girls in every one of the chapters, however there were two chapters that I just didn't feel a fit. Well, it's almost pref night and all the ones that I could see myself in cut me and I was invited to my last choice. These are great girls in X sorority, but I just haven't clicked with them. I have about a good GPA (in between a 3.3-3.5) and was a little involved on my previous campus but I mostly had to work so I could pay for an apartment here and for all my extracurricular activities. (Don't know if that's why they cut me). The thing is, during round 2 I had 5 houses and I felt at home at 4 out of the 5. I got cut from all of them except for one, which was my last choice (as said above). I was devastated and didn't know if I should drop or not? I am in a sophomore group and they have an upperclassmen quota here. The girls in my group literally were here as freshmen but didn't go through rush, but they know a lot of girls in a variety of the sororities, while I know no one in any sorority. I felt like this kind of helped them throughout the process, since they knew them and they would speak up for them during chapter voting. (I know that having friends in sororities DOES NOT guarantee a bid, but I feel like, as said before, the more girls you know/are friends with in a sorority, the higher chance they will stick up for you during voting).

So I don't know what to do, drop rush, go through to bid day and see if I can click (if not, drop before being initiated), go through bid day and see if I can click before signing a bid (apparently we have a week before signing), get to know girls in my classes, get involved, and do spring rush (I know this depends on a chapter basis- but I honestly liked all of the sororities except one or two so my options are open; and I will know a lot of girls by then in each sorority), rush next year as a junior, or to try for the new sorority that is colonizing in the fall.

Please do not bash at me, this is a really tough decision for me and I am looking at all my options thoroughly. Just didn't know if anyone has any advice. Thanks.
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  #2  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:09 AM
AXOrushadvisor AXOrushadvisor is offline
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I would continue on to see how you feel after Pref. You are under no obligation to join if you don't want to.

I think you need to decide whether you want to be a part of Greek Life. If the answer is no don't sign your bid card. If it is yes sign, show up, be present and see how you like it.

Good Luck to you.
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  #3  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:11 AM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is online now
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With your upperclass, transfer status, this is probably your best chance to join a sorority. Junior year will be even tougher, there are no guarantees any chapter will be doing informal recruitment next semester, and there are no guarantees you'll develop close connections with sorority women this semester.

With such big groups, there are bound to be women you'll form friendships with. I think you'll feel the love on Bid Day. I'd go.
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  #4  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:12 AM
JayhawkAOII JayhawkAOII is offline
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If you are at an SEC school, there are probably 150 - 300 women in the chapter. How many have you honestly met in your "least favorite"? 5? 10? And why is it your least favorite? You don't like the colors? You don't like the mascot? You think the philanthropy is stupid? They have an ugly house? They are not "top tier" (a phrase I despise)? Are you are saying that you will have nothing in common with anyone in this chapter of 150+ women, that with each new pledge class, changes dynamics? There is no such thing as a bad sorority. No. Such. Thing. Every sorority has wonderful women who do amazing things.

It is going to come down to how badly you want to be involved in Greek life. At an SEC school, this is probably your last chance. If it is really not a priority to you, then drop.

Seriously think about these things.
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  #5  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:12 AM
KDCat KDCat is offline
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Take a deep breath.

You are at an SEC school. I assume that the chapter is huge. If that is true, you WILL meet women who you click with at any chapter. You just haven't done it yet. Part of the NM process is finding the women with whom you click in the chapter.

As far as this particular chapter goes, look at them objectively. If they are a decent chapter, and you want to be Greek, this is your best chance. COB is a gamble. You said there are "great girls" in this chapter. That's a good sign.

I understand that you feel slightly uncomfortable at this chapter. I wouldn't worry about it too much. The "I feel at home" during formal rush is an illusion. People work really hard to make that illusion happen and some chapters are better at it than others. It's often a luck of the draw thing which depends heavily on whether you meet a random woman who happens to share your completely random obsession with X (sushi, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Olympic water polo, whatever). After recruitment, the unicorns pooping rainbows go away and every single NM has to work to find her place in a chapter, and every single chapter has to work to fit the NMs into the chapter. It's not instant BFFS no matter what it feels like during rush.

Formal rush is like dating. There's a lot of romantic energy at the beginning, but long term relationships take more than that. They take work and committment and shared values and shared experiences. New relationship energy (the romantic part) goes away.

Sometimes the very romantic dreamboat isn't the one for you. Sometimes he's a jerk. Sometimes the quiet ones grow on you and are the best possible partner.
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  #6  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:17 AM
azureblue azureblue is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor View Post
I think you need to decide whether you want to be a part of Greek Life. If the answer is no don't sign your bid card. If it is yes sign, show up, be present and see how you like it.
^^This^^

You need to step back and decide if you want this experience. As a sophomore at a SEC school, this might be your last opportunity. You don't know what, if any, options will be open for COR this spring.

You have only met a handful of the women in this chapter. I would recommend going to Pref today with an open mind and heart and see how you feel. If you really don't feel comfortable, then I would recommend looking into the colonization.

Good luck!
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  #7  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:19 AM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by llrushee View Post
Hi there. I am going through rush at an SEC school and I am a sophomore transfer. Needless to say, I went into recruitment into an open mind and literally liked all the girls in every one of the chapters, however there were two chapters that I just didn't feel a fit. Well, it's almost pref night and all the ones that I could see myself in cut me and I was invited to my last choice. These are great girls in X sorority, but I just haven't clicked with them. I have about a good GPA (in between a 3.3-3.5) and was a little involved on my previous campus but I mostly had to work so I could pay for an apartment here and for all my extracurricular activities. (Don't know if that's why they cut me). The thing is, during round 2 I had 5 houses and I felt at home at 4 out of the 5. I got cut from all of them except for one, which was my last choice (as said above). I was devastated and didn't know if I should drop or not? I am in a sophomore group and they have an upperclassmen quota here. The girls in my group literally were here as freshmen but didn't go through rush, but they know a lot of girls in a variety of the sororities, while I know no one in any sorority. I felt like this kind of helped them throughout the process, since they knew them and they would speak up for them during chapter voting. (I know that having friends in sororities DOES NOT guarantee a bid, but I feel like, as said before, the more girls you know/are friends with in a sorority, the higher chance they will stick up for you during voting).

So I don't know what to do, drop rush, go through to bid day and see if I can click (if not, drop before being initiated), go through bid day and see if I can click before signing a bid (apparently we have a week before signing), get to know girls in my classes, get involved, and do spring rush (I know this depends on a chapter basis- but I honestly liked all of the sororities except one or two so my options are open; and I will know a lot of girls by then in each sorority), rush next year as a junior, or to try for the new sorority that is colonizing in the fall.

Please do not bash at me, this is a really tough decision for me and I am looking at all my options thoroughly. Just didn't know if anyone has any advice. Thanks.
No one here can make this decision for you, but ask yourself a couple questions:

1. Why do you feel as though you don't "click" with this chapter? (Be honest with yourself. Is it because you didn't have great conversations with them during recruitment? .. because you don't share the same interests? .. or because they're not the "popular" chapter?)

2. Would you be ok with potentially never being Greek? (SEC recruitment is competitive, and in some cases, if you don't join as a freshman, your chances of ever getting a bid are slim to none)


(And a big YES to what everyone else has said)
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Last edited by ASTalumna06; 08-23-2013 at 11:22 AM.
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  #8  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:19 AM
azureblue azureblue is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KDCat View Post
Formal rush is like dating. There's a lot of romantic energy at the beginning, but long term relationships take more than that. They take work and committment and shared values and shared experiences. New relationship energy (the romantic part) goes away.

Sometimes the very romantic dreamboat isn't the one for you. Sometimes he's a jerk. Sometimes the quiet ones grow on you and are the best possible partner.
This is the best analogy that I have heard in a long time, KDCat!
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  #9  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:24 AM
MaryPoppins MaryPoppins is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KDCat View Post
Formal rush is like dating. There's a lot of romantic energy at the beginning, but long term relationships take more than that. They take work and committment and shared values and shared experiences. New relationship energy (the romantic part) goes away.
Exactly. There will be people you don't even understand how they are part of the same group as the folks you hang out with in a larger Chapter. In order for the group to be effective, it takes all kinds of personalities. If everyone was just alike on the inside, then the Chapter would be awful at one or more things it needed to do well. This is a time to explore, give them a chance. If it's not right then you haven't lost anything by giving them a chance, and in fact you might gain something. And Informal recruitment? Might or might not happen. Juniors rarely get bids at big SEC schools.
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  #10  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:47 AM
llrushee llrushee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayhawkAOII View Post
If you are at an SEC school, there are probably 150 - 300 women in the chapter. How many have you honestly met in your "least favorite"? 5? 10? And why is it your least favorite? You don't like the colors? You don't like the mascot? You think the philanthropy is stupid? They have an ugly house? They are not "top tier" (a phrase I despise)? Are you are saying that you will have nothing in common with anyone in this chapter of 150+ women, that with each new pledge class, changes dynamics? There is no such thing as a bad sorority. No. Such. Thing. Every sorority has wonderful women who do amazing things.

It is going to come down to how badly you want to be involved in Greek life. At an SEC school, this is probably your last chance. If it is really not a priority to you, then drop.

Seriously think about these things.
I really have thought about it. And I have wanted to be in greek life for so long (Didn't do it at my other school because I was transferring). I will go on ahead and tell you this isn't a "top tier" chapter, but honestly the ones that are "top tier" here I didn't see myself in fully- the five that I got back were "mid/lower tier" chapters (I don't really believe in these word "tier" either). But I thought I would let you know. I never said there was such a thing as a bad sorority either (which isn't what I meant in my original post!)
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  #11  
Old 08-23-2013, 11:50 AM
llrushee llrushee is offline
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Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor View Post
I would continue on to see how you feel after Pref. You are under no obligation to join if you don't want to.

I think you need to decide whether you want to be a part of Greek Life. If the answer is no don't sign your bid card. If it is yes sign, show up, be present and see how you like it.

Good Luck to you.
I am definitely going to pref night... it's just I'm worried that I'll go to bid day, spend time with them and don't click at all. I will definitely/most likely re-rush as a junior, but at the same time I don't know if that is looked down upon. I have always wanted to be in greek life for the sisterhood, leadership, networking, philanthropies, the endless service opportunities, etc.
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  #12  
Old 08-23-2013, 12:18 PM
HQWest HQWest is offline
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Originally Posted by llrushee View Post
I am definitely going to pref night... it's just I'm worried that I'll go to bid day, spend time with them and don't click at all. I will definitely/most likely re-rush as a junior, but at the same time I don't know if that is looked down upon. I have always wanted to be in greek life for the sisterhood, leadership, networking, philanthropies, the endless service opportunities, etc.
The re-rush in formal recruitment as a junior is not likely to be better UNLESS you make an effort to make friends of sorority women and are VERY lucky. More than likely they will have to drop you again. You could try this one group that likes you now or you could try COB. Possibly one of the 5 groups would be able to take a chance on you once you have friends that have pledged in the group.
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:20 PM
violetgeek violetgeek is offline
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Originally Posted by llrushee View Post
I am definitely going to pref night... it's just I'm worried that I'll go to bid day, spend time with them and don't click at all. I will definitely/most likely re-rush as a junior, but at the same time I don't know if that is looked down upon. I have always wanted to be in greek life for the sisterhood, leadership, networking, philanthropies, the endless service opportunities, etc.
You aren't listening to the excellent advice you've been given. I know you are upset that you were dropped by those chapters, but you need to remove the the emotion and look at the facts.
1) This may be your only chance to be greek -- very few juniors will get a bid at an SEC school.
2) This chapter has invited you back because they see something in you they are interested in and can see you as a sister. (ignore tent talk that says ABC doesn't cut anyone, they invite everyone back. That is not true)
3) All the things you want -- sisterhood, leadership opportunities, networking, philanthropic and service opportunities -- are available in all groups. You'll get back what you put in.

To echo KDCAT -- don't judge the group by how you feel at a bid day party. It's a party, not real life. Give yourself time to meet more girls in the group -- actives and new members-- before you make your decision. There will be other new members who aren't sure they made the right decision in all groups -- even the "top" ones. There is a great thread here about not getting your first choice, you need to read it http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=121412
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:21 PM
PearlGirl13 PearlGirl13 is offline
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Originally Posted by llrushee View Post
I am definitely going to pref night... it's just I'm worried that I'll go to bid day, spend time with them and don't click at all. I will definitely/most likely re-rush as a junior, but at the same time I don't know if that is looked down upon. I have always wanted to be in greek life for the sisterhood, leadership, networking, philanthropies, the endless service opportunities, etc.
Strong work - you are beginning to see through the fog of disappointment that was clouding your judgment. Look beyond today and this week and focus on the future.

In keeping with the romance analogy, when my daughter was in this position a couple of weeks ago, I asked her if she wanted to be a bride and have one magical big day by getting a bid from her "favorite" or if she wanted to be married and have a lifetime Greek relationship. If she really wanted to be "married" she needed to shake off her disappointment and remind herself that THEY chose HER.

Step back, take some deep breaths and flip a few pages on your mental calendar. Look a little farther into your own future and I think you will be happy with the choices that you have.

PS - My daughter is totally smitten with the chapter that she almost passed on....
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Old 08-23-2013, 12:25 PM
llrushee llrushee is offline
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Originally Posted by violetgeek View Post
You aren't listening to the excellent advice you've been given. I know you are upset that you were dropped by those chapters, but you need to remove the the emotion and look at the facts.
1) This may be your only chance to be greek -- very few juniors will get a bid at an SEC school.
2) This chapter has invited you back because they see something in you they are interested in and can see you as a sister. (ignore tent talk that says ABC doesn't cut anyone, they invite everyone back. That is not true)
3) All the things you want -- sisterhood, leadership opportunities, networking, philanthropic and service opportunities -- are available in all groups. You'll get back what you put in.

To echo KDCAT -- don't judge the group by how you feel at a bid day party. It's a party, not real life. Give yourself time to meet more girls in the group -- actives and new members-- before you make your decision. There will be other new members who aren't sure they made the right decision in all groups -- even the "top" ones. There is a great thread here about not getting your first choice, you need to read it http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=121412
I actually have taken into account to what everyone has said. But thank you I will look at that.
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