Serious help needed

kia123 · #1 09-12-2002, 02:40 AM

Ok girls
I have a question that has been eating away at me...
Now this may sound superficial to many, please don't yell at me....
But, my sorority has worked hard to get our sorority back to being pretty good looking. Now what if there were all beautiful rushees you knew were going to pledge, and one that while you thought she was really sweet you were unsure bc of her appearance. I guess Im just worried about down the line on her letting in anyone because they are nice, or having no standards??? Does this make sense to anyone???? I know how evil I must sound but Im sure the same has crossed people's minds in the past. What should I do?????

SigmaJoy · #2 09-12-2002, 03:31 AM

If you like the sweet rushee, than I don't see any reason not to welcome her into your group. Personally, I would much rather be associated with a group known for their sweet, caring, and great personalities, than by their "pretty good looks."

Shark_in_Skirt · #3 09-12-2002, 04:24 AM

I'm going to go ahead and third SigmaJoy, also, and DITTO to everything UCLAgirl said.

I absolutely understand that sororities want to upkeep a certain image. I don't think there is anything wrong with that! But if this girl is really, truly wonderful, then you ought to extend a bid. After all, when you're in the middle of a huge crisis, lying on the floor in a puddle of tears, you're going to take alot more comfort in her warmth and humor as opposed to luscious blond tresses or icy blue eyes... Don't you think?

As a PNM, I really want to be part of a group that's full of vivacious, talented, intelligent young women... and if the majority of them are good looking, well, that's just gravy, isn't it?

XOXO,
Annie.

AOIIalum · #4 09-12-2002, 07:40 AM

Quote:

As a PNM, I really want to be part of a group that's full of vivacious, talented, intelligent young women... and if the majority of them are good looking, well, that's just gravy, isn't it?

Wow, Annie, that just rocked!

Yes, of course, appearance is truly important...and yes, wanting women who look their best and are physically attractive is important. It's important in the "real world" so of course it is important to sororities and fraternities. But, it may not be "important" in the ways you may expect it to be. Appearance is looking good--neat and clean clothing, no missing buttons, tears or rips ever. It's always putting your best face forward, sweaky clean, tasteful and neat makeup if you choose to wear it. It's general grooming, neat hair, a clean and sweet smelling person

.

Think about it, which is more attractive: a girl who looks like a supermodel with tons of makeup on and hems up to here and necklines plunging to there

? Or is it a girl who looks pleasant, clean and neat at all times? If a girl shows through her appearance that she takes pride in herself, regardless of what genetics may or may not have given her, that rocks. It's the gorgeous girls and the plain janes who don't put their "best faces forward" that would concern me more than just a girl who's super sweet but not model-quality. Am I making sense?

A PNM may not be a beauty queen, but as long as she's well put together that's the most important thing for me. If she's not well put together, physically attractive or not, human nature tends to make you think less of her.

Christin

AXOLiz · #5 09-12-2002, 08:44 AM

At my school, we've all kind of accepted that we're really big dorks, so there's isn't a single sorority that is *gorgeous.* Everyone has their really pretty members, their average members, etc. I agree with what everyone else has said so far - average looking shouldn't keep a girl from being considered for a bid.

I understand the importance of keeping up an image, but at the same time, peoples' looks can change so much. Speaking from personal experience, I know pictures of me from freshman year are pretty scary.

Some people eventually stop taking care of themselves, and their looks may go down, while many others picked up pointers from their sisters along the way and looked even better than before!

One of the first things we did as a pledge class was have a makeover session (one of our sisters was a Mary Kay rep and was looking for practice, so we volunteered as a NM activity). Not only was it a lot of fun, but with a little makeup applied the right way, some of the average girls became gorgeous! Plus people like me who can't live without makeup got new tips and got to try new colors had fun too.

I'm not saying you should invite her into your chapter and try to change her right away, but after spending time with a large number of girls, stuff like that tends to rub off and suddenly everyone starts improving. My one sister turned me on to Ann Taylor, and I haven't looked back since. I taught another how to straighten her hair. We all pushed each other to work out (not in the hazing sort of way, but because we all wanted to - and everyone has those, "I don't want to go to the gym" days). Self-improvement is one of the biggest benefits of being in a sorority, in my opinion, and also the most fun!

justamom · #6 09-12-2002, 08:57 AM

I agree so much with AXOLiz. Yet sometimes it's hard to be nonjudgemental about appearances. (That's why I like your Mary Kay suggestion so much-fun and informative)

Beyond looks, beyond body type is the MOST important element of all-CLASS. It's something you can spot right away. The most beautiful woman in the world can open her mouth and suddenly she isn't so attractive anymore. I know we have all met people that initially we think-what's SHE doing with HIM or how did SHE end up in THAT GLO? I think in most cases, it boils down to having or not having class.

...........and you can't BUY it, you LIVE it!

nyrdrms · #7 09-12-2002, 09:36 AM

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.... And personality is a large part of beauty. Wouldn't you rather take girls who's inner beauty only adds to their outter beauty instead of girls who may be gorgeous on the outside, but who's personality only makes them ugly?

lionlove · #8 09-12-2002, 10:46 AM

Ditto to everything that everyone else has said.

As long as she's not seriously unattractive (never showers, ratty clothes) and looks put-together then accept her based on whether you think she'll be a positive contributing member of you group.

texas*princess · #9 09-12-2002, 11:10 AM

oh wow i have to say that does sound really superficial.

I have to agree with AOIIalum and AXOLiz. Not everyone is a beauty queen. Just because someone is "average looking" and doesn't look like Brittney Spears they should not be denied a bid based on that if they are truly a sweet person.

I'm sure most all fraternities and sororities were based on certain values and beliefs, and it's just my opinion that if they hold the same beliefs true to their heart, shouldn't that be enough?

I also have to agree with another earlier post saying the girls should reguarly shower and things like that, but why deny someone just because they don't have a modeling contract?

violets · #10 09-12-2002, 11:36 AM

kia123,
I think in your heart you know what to do. Just think about this, when you're graduated and you want a trusted friend to read over your resume and coach you with practice questions for the interview, is it going to matter what that friend looks like?
It's sisters for life, not for four years.
violets

justamom · #11 09-12-2002, 11:51 AM

violets, I have to say you are one sweet, kind person. Your posts are as gentle as your name, violets.

texas*princess · #12 09-12-2002, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by justamom
violets, I have to say you are one sweet, kind person. Your posts are as gentle as your name, violets.

very true justamom

Jhawkalum · #13 09-12-2002, 12:03 PM

It's amazing how people change in four years, and as others have said, being around people with a good eye for fashion can really wear off on you. I remember there was an older girl in my chapter who was a knock-out and was really trendy. I came across her freshman composite and almost fell over! She didn't look like the same person -- we're talking Coke bottle glasses and big bangs! But with a little help, she really blossomed.

I often kept that in the back of my mind during rush when I'd have ill thoughts about someone's appearance. Things do change with time. Remember, beauty is not permanant. I saw some of the most beautiful freshmen turn into toads by their senior year because they drank too much, went tanning too much, and lived on a junk-food diet.

The only thing that seems to sustain itself is a sense of humor and compassion - those things rarely change.

sororitygirl2 · #14 09-12-2002, 12:54 PM

Definitely somewhat superficial, but we are girls, so... I understand!

Still, I agree with everyone else here... it is somewhat important to take looks into account, but it CAN NOT be the only thing. If my chapter had only judged girls on their looks in recruitment, I would have missed out on getting to know some of the sweetest, most intelligent women I know.

Also, I agree that you have to remember how much people can change. Look at some old pictures of yourself... I am sure you have grown and changed throughout college and the sorority experience. It may just be that this girl needs some friends who have confidence in her and can help her develop her own style. She could be a beauty in no time!

Glitter650 · #15 09-12-2002, 01:16 PM

I must agree with everyone. If you think she's a great woman BID HER

As someone else said, do you like to think the ONLY reason you got your bid is because you look a certain way ? I know I like to think I got chosen because the sisters saw something in me beyond my looks. They got to know me and saw something in me that Phi Sig could help enhance, and that I could help enhance Phi Sig. A sorority is about being there for each other, learning and experiencing things you may not have gotten the chance to otherwise, although it is fun to do, we are not just there to make the fraternity men drool.......