Need Adivce

VSUPhiMu · #1 08-07-2002, 11:48 PM

I need help with a dilema that I've had. Rush is starting at VSU on Sunday. A girl I grew up with and lived next door to for like 16 years until I was 18 years old is going through Rush. Our families are friends, and she has said openly to many people, including me, that she wants to go Phi Mu.

My problem is that my chapter isn't crazy about her and doesn't want to keep her. I understand that they have to release her, but I'm really not OK with that. But how can I persuade them to keep her as long as possible? She doesn't have a questionable reputation and hasn't been a bad girl, but they think she's "moody." What would ya'll do? I absolutely cannot call and tell her mom that we released her, but I would feel obligated because of the closeness of our families.

I think in the end that they will release her, and I guess I have no choice. NO ONE else wants her but me. Her sister-in-law is a Phi Mu from Auburn, which is an awesome Phi Mu chapter. If ya'll were me, what would you do?

Thanks!

-VSUPhiMu

Rudey · #2 08-07-2002, 11:59 PM

Ultimately you have to realize that this is a chapter decision and you have to do what is best for the chapter...even if it's releasing a girl for such a small thing as being moody (what girl isn't?).

However, as she is your friend and you have a strong loyalty to her, I advise you to campaign for her. Can you promote what she has done and would contribute? You knew her for 16 years so you should be able to show why she'd be an asset. Also talk to certain sisters that you're closer to and tell them why they shouldn't release her.

And finally, don't call her mom. That's not your problem. Your problem is her. Be honest in the end and talk to her and tell her that she was released. Encourage her to rush other houses and yours next year and remind her how close you two are and how you tried hard or something.

Take care

-Rudey

StarDust7381 · #3 08-08-2002, 12:17 AM

have any of your sisters ever known her before she got interested in PM? Sometimes PNMs end up acting really weird bc they're trying so hard to impress the actives. during winter rush, i thought one of our newer girls was really weird but once she got her bid she totally relaxed and was herself. I'm glad we got her because she is SUCH an awesome sister.

I don't think your sisters are telling you thier true feelings if they're using "moody" as an excuse. What girl isn't moody? They're proably trying to be sensitive to your ties with your neighbor.

Also, you never said if YOU want her as a sister or not. It is a good thing to feel responsibility and loyalty to family friends but you also have to be honest with yourself. and keep in mind that honesty to both of you is the best solution in the end. If she is going to get cut, I think it would be worse to let her go thru the rounds until the very end and have her get high hopes. Plus, if she keeps hoping for your house, she will turn a blind eye to the other great houses out there. (trust me from experience...I posted my story somewhere if you're interested)

Do what your heart tells you and make the best and right choice. She might not know she is missing out on the house that she is absolutely perfect for. She'll be hurt at first but when she finds HER house, she'll be glad she found the house that wanted her and that she could give herself to.

maggieaxid · #4 08-08-2002, 08:47 AM

Also, something to keep in mind is even if you end up keeping her until preference and she is placed on your bid list, she may be very low on it and may end up not recieving a bid at all, or she may end up "intentional single preferencing" (aka suiciding) your group and then not get a bid.

PenguinTrax · #5 08-08-2002, 09:57 AM

I'd say that until your chapter's members (all of them) have had a chance to meet the girl, it would be wise to reserve judgement on whether or not the girl will be cut during before the first invitational round.

It could also be that the PNM hasn't adequately considered the full opportunities of Greek Life and that when she meets other chapters on campus, her primary focus may change.

I would say let things run their course, speak your mind when asked but don't feel obligated to fight for the girl unless you really feel that is the right thing to do.

KappaTarzan · #6 08-09-2002, 12:19 AM

tough situation... best bet is to step back and evaluate. are you biased because she has been you friend for so long? are THEY biased fo the same reason? would she be a good sisteR?

best of luck

dggirly · #7 08-09-2002, 02:00 AM

I would suggest that even though you feel really bad about not inviting her back, I think it would be worse to keep her till pref, which would be leading her on, and then not extending her a bid. It is going to be hard for both of you when she gets dropped right away bt think how much worse she will feel in the long run if you lead her on for a couple of days and then just say "peace out". Maybe see if you can convince your sisters to keep her for one day this would at least give her a second chance to make an impression with your sisters, but it would also not be stringing your friend along.

My chapter actually had a situation like this with one girl in our houses having a friend go through rush but we could all tell she would have felt very awkward in our house. Unfortunatly the girl who was in our house was on our rush comm. so she kept inviting the girl back through house tours day(at my school house tours is the day before pref). we finally had to sit the girl in the house down and explain to her that just because she loves the girl doesn;t mean we all feel the same way. don't get me wrong the girl who was rushing was a wonderful girl she just would not have fit in our house. Well by keeping this girl through house tours she really thought we wanted her, and so when she did not get inivited back to pref she was so sad and shocked she dropped out of rush. so if the girls in your house do nto feel liek she would belong in phi mu then don't make her feel like she is gaurenteed a spot. Maybe een before rush talk o her and tell her that she should go into rush with an open mind because a differnet house could be perfect for her. I think it is important to go through rush with an open mind so just try andtell her that. This way if she doesn't get phi mu she will not feel like dropping out. I hope that helped

Optimist Prime · #8 08-09-2002, 12:06 PM

Don't worry about if she'll rep your org well, or will look good in your letters. Ask yourself if you want to tell her your ritual. If yes then support her. If not then don't.

VSUPhiMu · #9 08-09-2002, 12:15 PM

Thanks for all the advice, ya'll. I would love nothing more than to see this girl be a Phi Mu, but I know that if the majority of my sisters don't want her, then I need to think of what is best for the chapter as a whole. They wouldn't release a girl for no reason, so I know there must be something they're not telling me in order to spare my feelings. I am a few years older than this girl, so I guess I'm not "in the loop" enough too know about whatever it is that she's done. A lot of her friends are top on our list of girls we want, so I know she'll be upset.

I agree, though, that we shouldn't keep her longer than we have to. She could be so happy in one of the other great groups we have at VSU. Thanks again!!

The1calledTKE · #10 08-09-2002, 02:30 PM

If she doesn't go Phi Mu pump her up about the other sororities so the hurt will be soften a little.

Tom Earp · #11 08-09-2002, 05:15 PM

Billy and ZEKE, it is the best advice that comes from Men! Both were Great!

Why is it that your Sisters do not like her? Find that out first and work from there!

She could be very nervous or she could be a bitch!

Find the reason !!!

Harm Rabb once said there aint no bad sailor just a dumb ass sailor!

Talk to your Sisters first and if there is a problem, then talk to your Friend, then and only then! There is a Key that opens that door somewhere!

It may hurt so be prepared! But the dumbest question is the one you do not ask?