man problems

constance2002 · #1 01-15-2003, 08:17 PM

Hello SoRHOrs. I'm constance F'02. I just recently crossed the sands and joined this wonderful sorority. I know I have a lot of sisters out there and I need some advice. I'm dating this guy who doesn't really show me a lot of affection. He's in to chillin at home and watching movies which is okay, but sometimes us girls just want to go out. We've been dealing with this for a long time now and I've even begun to question myself (Am I not pretty enough?, Am I boring? etc) as to why he wont start going on dates with me regularly. So the question becomes do I just deal with it because I know he is a indoors no PDA type of person or do I slowly but surely move on?

Thanks so much!!!
Sigma luv,
Constance

SeriousSigma22 · #2 01-15-2003, 08:39 PM

Sorhor Constance2002,

Welcome to sisterhood and greekchat! Girl, it's not you and that's just some bull he's trying to feed you. It sounds like he is a bit to comfortable with just staying around the house and maybe you need to really sit down with the brother and really let him know how you feel. My motto is that "there are other fish in the sea."
Never question how God made you an don't sweat the relationship. Hey, that's just my $19.22. Stay strong!

Serioussigma22

mizzouchick · #3 01-15-2003, 08:45 PM

Given the information, I would try to have a talk with him. If nothign changes, I would probably slowly move on. You shouldn't have to continually sacrifice your happiness for a relationship. Hope things work out ok! [FONT=courier new][COLOR=darkblue]

constance2002 · #4 01-16-2003, 11:26 AM

I just really like this guy and sometimes it seems like he likes me. I just wish he could be a lil more consistent and not be afraid to show his feelings. I feel like I'm on an EEEmotional RHOlercoaster.

I will be aiight though...
Thanks for the replies

treblk · #5 01-16-2003, 12:57 PM

I hope you guys don't mind if I post on here.

I have a questions? When you first met, did you guys go out or what? How was his behavior toward you then? If his behavior toward you and being in public is the same as it is now, that may just be how he is. But if he goes out with his "boys" more then you, then he has issues and it's not YOU!!

Just my thoughts

Aurora6 · #6 01-16-2003, 04:06 PM

Sistah Treblk, of course we don't mind girl, get your post on sistergreek!

I just wanted to highjack the thread for a moment to welcome our new neo SoRHOr Constance 2002 to the Sigma Sisterhood and GC.

Sisterly,

Aurora6

constance2002 · #7 01-17-2003, 10:46 AM

thanks for the reply..umm..when we first started talkin he didn't take me out then either. He does go and parties w his boys very often. He says he's not too big on the whole PDA and makin it know that u r datin someone. Ya'll know how it is in college..if someone see u sayin hi to someone of the opposite sex (or the same sex) you and that person are dating and sleepin together and probably engaged. lol. Feel me? I just thought as we got closer he would want to be more intimate in a sense and do more besides chill in his room and watch his movies and play video games. Which is cool, but sometimes I wanna get all dressed up and go out on a real date. Do ya'll think I'm tryin to change him or should I leave it/him be?

Constance

constance2002 · #8 01-17-2003, 10:47 AM

thanks so much Aurora6 for the love..I appreciate it.

Constance

treblk · #9 01-17-2003, 11:36 AM

Constance2002,
It sounds like that is how he is with his girlfriend. (is that your role with him) I know how it was in college and I did't like it then, I don't like it now.
I think you should have someone that does what to take you out. That lame excuse about PDA is a bunch of bullhickey

( sorry, I digress

)
Your a Rho now and you got everyone wanting to be down with you!!! Girl, if he can't take you out, show you off, then I'm sure there is some one who will.

constance2002 · #10 01-17-2003, 02:11 PM

treblk - I'm sure he is like this with his girlfriends or at least it seems like it to me (and you) and that's not good in my opinion. That isn't necessarily my role as of yet. We have been knowing each other for 2 years now (since my freshman yr - I'm a soph now) and it started as friends and grew. At first he said he didn't want a grlfriend at all, but now he says he's really thinking about it bc he likes me a lot. Sometimes I can't tell. You are rite though I have too much going for me to be worried about this...I need to be focused on my school work. Thanks

Constance

constance2002 · #11 01-17-2003, 02:22 PM

mizzouchick - thanks for the reply. you are absolutely right. My happiness is the most important thing in this situation.

Constance

Eclipse · #12 01-17-2003, 11:11 PM

A wise woman, Maya Angelou I think, once said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." He's shown you, so believe him. If it is important to you to do other things, then it might be time to raise up.

SeriousSigma22 · #13 01-18-2003, 08:24 AM

Eclipse,

That was a very wise statement! Sorhor Constance02 don't sweat the small stuff because you have the power to direct your relationship in the way that you want it to go. Remember there are other men out there that might be better suited for you. Keep breathing sorhor, keep breathing!

Serioussigma22

cjoanell · #14 01-18-2003, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by constance2002
thanks for the reply..umm..when we first started talkin he didn't take me out then either. He does go and parties w his boys very often. He says he's not too big on the whole PDA and makin it know that u r datin someone. Ya'll know how it is in college..if someone see u sayin hi to someone of the opposite sex (or the same sex) you and that person are dating and sleepin together and probably engaged. lol. Feel me? I just thought as we got closer he would want to be more intimate in a sense and do more besides chill in his room and watch his movies and play video games. Which is cool, but sometimes I wanna get all dressed up and go out on a real date. Do ya'll think I'm tryin to change him or should I leave it/him be?

Constance

hello, first of all congrads on you becoming a sigma woman. one day i hope to join you.

back to business, i too was once in your situation and if was like that in the beginning then it's not something you did or doing, but rather him. i can remember when i went away to school, lincoln univ in pa, the guy that i was going out with went to the neighboring school and although EVERYONE on both campuses knew that we were kicking, he didn't make that committment until damn near 7 months after we were going out. but that was after we had a straight forwarded talk about what i wanted from him and what he wanted from me. we didn't really go out that much either and when i came back to ny, (even though he too lives here) we broke up, something about needing space. when we spoke about it a year later he said all of that was pressure and it wasn't anything i did, but him not knowing how to handle his emotions. no we never got back together, but we are still very good friends.

i say all this to say, talk to him... have a very straight forward conversation with him. ask him what does he want from you or someone he consider a girlfriend. let him know what is you want. now don't make it sound like demands, but let him know that you are young and if he rather be with his boys, then don't expect you to sit at home wishing and waiting. college is suppose to be the best time of your life girl, enjoy it. if it's meant to be it will work itself out. i hope this helps you and anyone else who's found their self in this situation.

constance2002 · #15 01-18-2003, 03:55 PM

thanks so much for the statement eclipse. I appreciate it. I just wish he would do somethings differently. O' well I guess....Thanks SoRHOrs, so much for all the advice and words of encouragement.

constance