Advice to get over bid party anxiety?

[Amalia17]

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[Ndigayenza]

One thing you can do is to not worry about sucking up. Show your interest and definitely talk to the sisters. That is the only way you are going to get to know them. As for your anxiety...The only thing I can tell you is to think of these people as part of your little circle. If you kind of see them as your acquaintances and friends, it will feel a little bit more comfortable for you. Don't think of them as the people you are trying to impress (although that's what you are trying to do). Don't think of them as "so and so the sorority sister". Think of them as students on campus holding a party and if they like you they'll "adopt" you into their circle. Atleast if you do that you might ask more natural.

All in All...HAVE FUN...Girl get your party ON.

[33girl]

The first thing to do is quit saying "I am a shy person" and replace it with "I am an outgoing person." If you keep saying you are shy, you are anxious, etc...you WILL be.

COB is a much more relaxed atmosphere than formal - it's basically going to a new friend's house and hanging out with them. There IS going to be some amount of where are you from, what's your major, etc...that is how people make initial contact, no one says "Hi, what are your secret dreams and wishes?" the minute they meet someone. Don't be impatient!

Make a deal with yourself that you will talk to at least x number of people that you don't know before each party - once you get started, you will probably end up talking to twice that many.

Good luck!

[FSUZeta]

amalia, i am so sorry that you are getting anxious as cob events approach, but you know you have already won half the battle by being able to identify the way you usually operate. by doing that, you are half way to a change! maybe you could "practice" making conversation with classmates,your roommate, neighbors, people at the laundromat, in lunch line, etc. check everyone out and pick someone with a smile on their face who seems friendly.just go up to them with a smile on your face, and start a conversation. for instance, if you are in the laundromat, you could say, " gosh, will these clothes ever get dry?" after exchanging a few sentences you can introduce yourself and continue on with a conversation.
if you can start to feel comfortable doing this, you might feel a little more relaxed at the cob events. you have nothing to lose and everything to gain-you just might make a new friend.

and at the sororities, remember you just might get someone just as anxious as you. if you can have a few topics prepared ahead of time that you can ask the sorority member, such as "what was your favorite class last semester and then ask why, who is your favorite professor/why, have you seen "lord of the rings, big fish, cheaper by the dozen," etc., have you read(insert book title here)?
best of luck to you, smile and remember, those girls were in your shoes a year or two ago, and they were probably nervous too!

[aephi alum]

Just relax and be yourself. COB rush is a lot less hectic and intimidating than formal recruitment.

Definitely practice your conversation skills - the sisters do the same thing in preparation for rush.

You may want to put together a mental list of questions to ask in case there's a lull in the conversation (or in case you are asked the dreaded "So, do you have any questions about XYZ?"). Most of these should be about the sorority, though (as FSUZeta suggested) some of them can be chatty small-talk type questions about movies, books, etc.

Good luck!

[James]

10mg of valium or maybe less is good for social anxiety . . . pop one of them and you will feel at ease.

Over the counter you can take l-theanine . . its the amino acid from green tea that makes people like green tea. ITs a mood elevator and a mild anti anxiety that doesn't sedate you. 100mg-200mg will last up to 10 hours . . .

And if you have ever hada cup of tea you have it before.

Its cheap so try it before you go to the parties to see how you feel.

In one study 200mg of theanine was given to men in an anxious state and their brain waves rapidly changed to a relaxed but focused state.

The other good thing is to take a few grams of inositol daily. Stresed, depressed and/or anxious poeple were found to have reduced levels of inositol in their spinal fluid.

In some studies done comparing inositol to Anti-depressants, it was found that inositol worked better with less side effetcs.

One of the things it dfinitely works on is social anxiety.

[rainbowbrightCS]

Originally posted by James
10mg of valium or maybe less is good for social anxiety . . . pop one of them and you will feel at ease.

Over the counter you can take l-theanine . . its the amino acid from green tea that makes people like green tea. ITs a mood elevator and a mild anti anxiety that doesn't sedate you. 100mg-200mg will last up to 10 hours . . .

And if you have ever hada cup of tea you have it before.

Its cheap so try it before you go to the parties to see how you feel.

In one study 200mg of theanine was given to men in an anxious state and their brain waves rapidly changed to a relaxed but focused state.

The other good thing is to take a few grams of inositol daily. Stresed, depressed and/or anxious poeple were found to have reduced levels of inositol in their spinal fluid.

In some studies done comparing inositol to Anti-depressants, it was found that inositol worked better with less side effetcs.

One of the things it dfinitely works on is social anxiety.

my very sweet shy cousin took one for her very big $$$$ wedding, she did very well and was not scared at all. We were very proud of her. But rember to try on a normal day to see if it affects yor weird.

Christia

[honeychile]

Amalie, have you ever practiced some conversation, like stories from your summer vacation, or a certain class, or anything rather interesting? I find that the people who are considered "entertaining" usually have at least 4-5 stories "to dine out on". With the right spin, ANY topic can be made fun!

As the others have said, COB is SO much more relaxed. If you run into a sister while getting coffee or such, ask her if she'd like to join you. Even if she can't, you'll get a rep for being friendly.

Good luck!

[maggieaxid]

other good conversation topics:
-"have you watched ___ TV show" (i.e. friends, new real world, the O.C., or whatever is popular on campus) its usually a good ice breaker.
- "i head that your org did ____ for a philathropy event. Did you enjoy it?" (also, shows you are interested in the org and gets the member talking)
- "hey, don't we have ___ class together" (shows you are observant, and that you go to class)

and just remember to breathe and smile. the members of the glos know you are nervous, and they are too.

[DZGirl]

Amalia, good luck with everything.. just relax and be yourself.. but don't hide in the corner! COB is very relaxed and the sisters are there to feel you out and make you feel comfortable, so you don't want to seem disinterested. Also, keep in mind that part of being in a sorority is rushing girls, so you will have to be on the other side eventually. As weird as it may sound, you might want to start practicing conversation to get over your fear of "small talk" conversation now because there will be a lot more of that in your future if you decide to join. Good luck!

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

Just be yourself.

Talk about what you're interested in, and ask questions about a sister's specific involvement in the group (what drew them to XYZ, what the sisterhood means to them, etc.)

Things you might want to talk about.... anything "safe" that can show what makes you, YOU.

maybe...

* your major, and why you chose it ("I'm so interested in law because....")
* what you want to do ("I've always wanted to work with children, so it makes sense for me to become a....")
* why you're at (your school name here) ("I love that CNU is so close to the ocean, and since my mom went here...")
* things you enjoyed in HS (sports, debate team, etc.)
* what you enjoy now (running, volunteer work, singing)
* what you did last weekend ("I went bowling, I haven't been in forever but I had the best time...")
* why you're interested in a sorority ("I'd really love to get to meet some more girls on campus, and I love that your philanthropy is...")
* what you like about that specific sorority ("I see you guys on campus a lot and you look like you're having the BEST time doing...")


What sororities are on your campus?

[Amalia17]

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[pirepresent]

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
Just be yourself.

Talk about what you're interested in, and ask questions about a sister's specific involvement in the group (what drew them to XYZ, what the sisterhood means to them, etc.)

Things you might want to talk about.... anything "safe" that can show what makes you, YOU.

maybe...

* your major, and why you chose it ("I'm so interested in law because....")
* what you want to do ("I've always wanted to work with children, so it makes sense for me to become a....")
* why you're at (your school name here) ("I love that CNU is so close to the ocean, and since my mom went here...")
* things you enjoyed in HS (sports, debate team, etc.)
* what you enjoy now (running, volunteer work, singing)
* what you did last weekend ("I went bowling, I haven't been in forever but I had the best time...")
* why you're interested in a sorority ("I'd really love to get to meet some more girls on campus, and I love that your philanthropy is...")
* what you like about that specific sorority ("I see you guys on campus a lot and you look like you're having the BEST time doing...")

This is good advice - I remember when I rushed I got a little shy when topics drifted into the more personal realm, i.e. boyfriends, home life, etc. Keep on the lighter topics that I'm sure you've discussed with your friends thousands of times - that'll help keep YOU more comfortable and less likely to get shy and drift over to the composites.

Also, during your day to day routines, just try to remember the funny little things that happened. Like others have suggested, just kind of have them in the back of your mind to come back to when you're talking to the sisters. Telling a story not only lets your real personality shine through but it also helps the sisters remember you more by adding color to what they already know about you (like oh, Amalia, the bio major with the teacher that won't stop spitting on the front row during lectures! I remember her!). That'll also help you seem less shy, but without getting near the "kissing sisters butts" region.

Another thing that helped me is to remember that the sisters are nervous too, for the same reasons you are! They may seem really talkative and excited, but that's because they want YOU to like them and want to be in their house. So really, you're in the same boat!

Coming from a chapter who constantly did COR through the year, take this advice: In open recruitment, it is vital to just be your self. You can be shy and not turn them off to you at the same time. Be yourself, and be excited to be there. That will show through more than anything. Smile alot and be friendly, like I said, even if you're shy it'll help. Answer questions and aska few of your own. On another note, chapters who are CORing are just as anxious for you to be there as you are to be there. They want to meet all these amazing girls who have chosen to come to their open parties. It's different than formal recruitment bc you are not required to be at that party in order to join a sorority. See what I mean? Like I said, they are just as nervous in many cases and are so happy to have you there. HAVE FUN and GOOD LUCK!

[James]

Great advice! But the biggest immediate difference would be a valium