Meeting Alumnae and Actives Prior to Rush?

KillarneyRose · #1 07-27-2002, 11:44 AM

I was reading "Eating the Cheshire Cat" and at one point one of the main characters was preparing to rush at the University of Alabama. Her mother wanted her to pledge Tri Delta so she took her to a get-together the summer before rush to meet the local actives and alumnae.

Does this really happen down South? I'm not talking about necessarily with the Tri Deltas (that was just the org in the book).If so, is it something that is done openly or would it be considered a rush infraction?

KillarneyRose · #2 07-28-2002, 01:41 PM

bump

Bama_Alumna · #3 07-28-2002, 02:11 PM

Well, yes. It does happen quite frequently. I wouldn't say that it's right out in the open, but almost every sorority does it and the administration/panhellenic board turns a blind eye.

Most of the time, the sororities have rush teas over the summer and invite PNMs and their mothers to meet the actives and some alumnae. They send postcards, letters and emails to PNMs. Some houses send flowers to their most desirable legacies. Some sororities have real parties with boys and alcohol involved (although this is a major infraction, it does occur... Sometimes the houses get in trouble for this, sometimes they don't). Some houses go so far as to invite high school seniors to go to spring break with them, or they invite them out when they're in town to tour the campus or for orientation.

The greek system at UA is so competitive that dirty rushing is seen as a part of life. If everyone who did it got fined, there would be no money left to have a formal rush.

Note: I'm not saying that this is right by any means. It's just the way it is.

Lisa Fishman · #4 07-28-2002, 02:32 PM

When I went to school, I began my Freshman year during the summer and rush was held that coming fall. I met many women in summer school from several sororities. In fact, I think I met at least someone from at least five of the seven sororities.
So when fall came, it made me a bit more comfortable walking into the houses for the first time. When I decided to pledge that fall one of the girls I met that summer had picked me to be her sister-daugher (ie. AGD little sister). During summer school, the girl who was my big sister intraduced me to one of her friends/ sisters. That fall that I had rushed this girl was coincedentally my Rho Chi. I knew her affiliation, but chose not to say anything about it to other rushees. This made it difficult for me to talk to my PX about pledging any group at all.

justamom · #5 07-28-2002, 06:04 PM

Last year during Homecoming Week some parents from here took their HS daugters to the houses and introduced them around. Don't know how effective it would be because for DG there were so many parents their with the NM and older actives' parents as well. There are tons of opportunities to do what you are talking about Killarney.

We are only a couple of hours from LSU and season tickets are a BIG DEAL! I guess once a Tiger, always a Tiger. So, old alums do get together. Any mix you can think of with alums, actives and HS-fraternty AND sorority, but sorority is by far the most frequent interaction. So yes, there IS schmoozing prior to rush, but that seems pretty "hard core" to me. I never knew all this stuff till after the fact. I don't think my daughter would have allowed me to try and manipulate the outcome. She saw too much of that kind of "politicing" in HS.

Still, if a girl and her parents want "A" particular house bad enough, I won't fault them.

justamom · #6 08-09-2002, 09:24 AM

How would you feel and has this happened to you?

A mother called up a girl in a sorority, She said, you know _______ really wants to be an XYZ-you know she IS a legacy etc... She didn't know how to respond and stumbled around with "Oh I know everyone will look forward to meeting her."
Now she feels pressure to try to get this girl in even though the parents are friends, the two girls are not.
How would you feel? Is this common?

kdonline · #7 08-10-2002, 01:57 AM

Quote:

A mother called up a girl in a sorority, She said, you know _______ really wants to be an XYZ-you know she IS a legacy etc... She didn't know how to respond and stumbled around with "Oh I know everyone will look forward to meeting her."

Yes, I think this is extremely common. Tacky for the mother, but then again, maybe she doesn't realize how tacky it really is.

The active member gave the right answer. Every collegian in a sorority should answer the same way - very vaguely. I think even if the girl said, "I'll look for her during rush" or "I'll be sure to introduce her around" is a little too much - the less info, the better.

Wouldn't most actives reply properly - or am I assuming too much? Isn't this type of protocol discussed within every chapter? It's been quite a few years since I was an active, so I don't know..

justamom · #8 08-10-2002, 08:12 AM

kdonline-Now that you mentioned it, I think I DO recall that kind of information passed around prior to recrument, but it's been even LONGER for me than you.LOL I also noticed FLORIDA for you, well, it was TEXAS for me and of course, LOUISIANA for the girl I mentiond. Hmmmmmmm...like KillarneyRose questioned-Is it just a southern thing??? Or, does it happen for everybody?

I don't know how someone could put another in such an uncomfortable position...especially someone so young.

AlphaSigLana · #9 08-10-2002, 04:01 PM

WE had a legacy's mom call us before rush and let us know her daughter was coming. When we met her many of us didn't like her. But we gave her a bid. She got involved, but she's really cranky. WE had another legacy join our house, but her mom didn't call and tell us she was rushing. She's great!!!
It seems like some parents are obessed with sororities just like cheerleading you know what I mean?

StarDust7381 · #10 08-11-2002, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaSigLana
WE had a legacy's mom call us before rush and let us know her daughter was coming. When we met her many of us didn't like her. But we gave her a bid. She got involved, but she's really cranky. WE had another legacy join our house, but her mom didn't call and tell us she was rushing. She's great!!!
It seems like some parents are obessed with sororities just like cheerleading you know what I mean?

haha...i know EXACTLY what you mean. I was a cheerleader in HS and had to listen to all those horrible "stage moms". the worst is when the stage mom had the daughter who was the worst (skill wise) on the team and kept insisting that her daughter deserved to be on varsity as a frosh....nice how I was the best on varsity during my junior and senior years and my parents NEVER showed up for anything...not even state finals when i made the team as the only sophomore...

I think mothers should look less at what house the daughter joins but more at what group her daughter fits best into. Unless she's acting out stuff she didn' get to do herself as an active, it shouldn't matter what letters but that her daughter gets the best experience she can!

justamom · #11 08-11-2002, 09:07 AM

CHEERLEADING!!! That could be a thread alone! Things got so political here, they had to get judges from college for JUNIOR HIGH
and out of town for HIGH SCHOOL!!! They even had a lawsuit threatened recently.

Well, all parents START OUT wanting their children to be tops in EVERYTHING.
It's just an impossibiity and in several cases, what the parents want-be it for a son to play baseball, or a daughter to be queen,
the child has no interest in that goal. Still, there are those children that need some guidance to try new things or dream bigger dreams.

It's really hard to find a balance and often parents can get it wrong. If there is open comminication, it seems to play out in a positive way. I do agree that parents often live vicariously through their children. It's a thin line that's bound to be crossed from time to time even whith the best intentions.

To put this into the context of this thread, if the parents (or in this case the mother) wants to clear all hurdles in the life of her child, how will the child ever learn to deal with challenges and disappointment. Not good. More important, will the child ever know the joy of accomplishing anything totally on their own? That's denying your child the thrill of success. Guidance if they ask-manipulation, no.

carnation · #12 08-11-2002, 11:12 AM

JAM, that is one of the best views on parenting I've ever read--and I saved it. It's so hard to strike a happy medium between guiding your child to new experiences and pushing too hard!

justamom · #13 08-11-2002, 11:46 AM

Thanks Carnation, that means a lot coming from you. Now.........if I could only take my own advice 100% of the time..............know what I mean?

kdonline · #14 08-11-2002, 12:38 PM

One of the reasons why I quit my job as a high school journalism teacher (after 8 years) was because of pushy parents.

I can't stand them.

Remind me to never become one - when I become a mom someday!

justamom · #15 08-11-2002, 03:57 PM

kdonline-That's one reasn why I quit teaching!!! I had mothers say I was too hard or wasn't hard enough. Some thought I should plan everything around their child's after school activities!
You see, I gave too much homework!

Just WAIT, you can pick them out in PRE-K!

Anyone ever judge a local beauty pageant??? As much as I don't care for them, my sister asked me to sit in for her when she had to bow out. TALK ABOUT---------

I'm off topic-SORRY, killing time waiting for word on Carnation's girls!