University of Texas daughter's *actual* recruitment '11

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by OPhiAGinger

I'm a displaced Texan and really craving fried okra right now. But I've got to root for Texas sheet cake because there's a restaurant chain here in Phoenix called Zoe's Kitchen that makes the BEST Texas sheet cake outside of Texas. Good luck!!

Is that equivalent? It's pretty good.

[Wary]

Bid Day… with a twist!

So, I’ll start with Philanthropy and catch up to Bid Day.

Iced tea: Zoe liked the girls she talked to and thinks the philanthropy is great. Again, like, not love.
BBQ brisket: Zoe was surprised at how much she liked her timewith brisket. She really connected with the two girls who rushed her.
Blue Bell ice cream: She loved Blue Bell, and their philanthropy was her favorite.
Fried okra: This house remained the place where she felt most comfortable, and it remained her favorite.
Breakfast taco: Zoe was surprised to have been asked back to Breakfast taco. She accidentally went to the wrong house first and so wassweaty and nervous when she got there. It didn’t get better from there – just uncomfortable and without a connection.
Fried catfish: Zoe’s second-favorite, Fried catfish was a fun time with a good craft.
Dr. Pepper: Great time here as well.

For Skit Day, Zoe was a little worried after only getting 2 invites back. But she was happy that they were to her 2 favorite houses, Fried okra and Fried catfish… (The more fried, the better, right?)

Fried okra was first. It was the first time throughout the process, except maybe for Breakfast taco the day before, where she thought things didn’t go well. She just felt a disconnect. Fried catfish, though, was awesome, and for the first time it moved solidly into the lead.

Then came the morning of Pref Night…. And the dreaded phone call. Zoe found out that she had been released from recruitment.

Of course, she was devastated. Anyone who says that Rush is no big deal is either lying or doing it wrong, because there’s no way not to get caught up in it, and there’s no way not to take it as a judgment of you – your looks/personality/poise/accomplishments, etc. When you put yourself up to be evaluated like this and it doesn’t work out, it hurts.

She was inconsolable for about two hours. I talked to her on the phone, then her bf came over and he and her roommate made fried pickles (fortunately not in my code!) and margaritas… Yes, at 11 in the morning.

When I called her back, she sounded like a different person. No, she wasn’t completely over it, but she was already making plans for the fall and for the money she won’t have to spend on dues. She had decided to go to Toronto next month to visit her best friend who had moved away the day after hs graduation and whom she hasn’t seen since. She was also able to join a professional society and another philanthropic group that she wouldn’t have had time for. She went and got her books for fall and then went to a theme party at a frat house… after all, they need some girls to show up since everyone is all wrapped up in rush!

I was more proud of her yesterday than I had been throughout the entire process because of how resilient she was and how she handled her disappointment and turned it around into something positive. Although being a sophomore has its drawbacks – and probably played a huge part in her release from the process – it worked for her when it came to moving on. She already had a complete life before Rush and she still did afterwards. I think it is much worse for freshmen who come to campus with no real connection there and few friends yet. If they are released, many of them must feel very lost.

Having said that, I offer this advice: If you are considering going through recruitment, do it as a freshman if at all possible. Zoe found out before Skit Round that two of her favorite houses – Texas sheet cake and Frito pie – had dropped her because they have a different sophomore grade requirement than that for freshmen. Now, Zoe was Salutatorian in her hs class of 775 and graduated with a 4.75, and in her first year at Texas, she earned a 3.4 – not too bad. However, these two groups (and maybe others, idk), require rushing sophs to have a 3.5 instead of a 3.0 like freshmen, and that is non-negotiable. Now, if she could go back and somehow worked harder last year to get that extra .1, would she do it? No. She stressed about grades in hs and doesn’t want to do that in college. Again, it’s a POV that comes with being a little older.

So, that’s it for Zoe’s attempt at Greek life and for my brief foray on GC. As many of you know, it was not a great experience. However, it was worth it because I connected with four women with whom I plan to stay in touch and who have been a great support system. Plus, we have found that we have more to talk about than sororities and Rush, which is what I hope for all of the girls going through recruitment, whether they end up pledging or not.

Finally, for the not-so-nice girls on here: Please remember that while you are anonymous, you are representing sorority girls on this site. Why feed into the negative stereotypes? I have raised my kids (I hope) to believe that it is always better to be nice than not if you have the choice.

[Benzgirl]

I think there are plenty of nice girls on here, but many are tired of those who come on here (and their monthers) who feel they have been slighted by the system. We hear it every year from the same campuses. As you can see, we have a plethora of perps on this board and many of us have BS-detectors attached to our fingers as we type.

[FSUZeta]

wary, i am so sorry that rush did not work out for your daughter, but a huge KUDOS to her for the gracious way in which she dealt with her disappointment.

Also, thank you for the advice you sent for future texas pnms. any time any of us can share some insight into the recruitment process, i have hope that it can help someone else.

[xibair]

As a permanent reader of GC who does not comment very often, I was hoping your daughter would have found a home. I am sorry it didn’t work out. I wish the best for her remaining years at Texas.

[ellebud]

Benzgirl: I do not know the permutations of this recruitment. But what I do know, and didn't know at the time, was part of a thread, now deleted regarding Wary. Something...something...Translations. Someone named Wrangler said (and you only get the gist of the conversation because all but one of her posts were deleted) that there was a group of people who "knew" someone on GC had falsified their application. When I the history person that I am, said that this was McCarthyism at its best, said name names AND proof there was a snide link to Wary. No proof was EVER presented. All that was done was a link to something (I checked later) to something innocuous that Wary said.

Perhaps prophetically I said that someone had posted thing(s), including another now banned poster, against this poster that some houses could simply say this is too hot to handle and drop an innocent. I suspect this happened here.

There are LOVELY girls (and their moms) here. Many come here for information, gather it, move on or become regular posters. There are perps here, as there are on any board. My personal favorite was the girl who went to the docks to pick the oysters for her pearl necklace. There are times when some (or many) of us are put off by a poster Be it because of attitude or unrealistic expectations some of us don't "like" someone. But what I saw here (in two different threads that I saw) was different and possibly cruel to the poster's daughter. And that is just offensive.

I wish Wary's daughter a wonderful time in college. I hope she has the time of her life. And if, for whatever reason, there was a smear campaign against a pnm for no reason other than someone doesn't like an attitude of a parent: Karma is a bit**.

[txmomsecgrad]

Thanks for sharing the conclusion of your daughter's experience and it sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. As a mom of a girl from another one of those ubber competitive mega high schools I applaud what she accomplished there and have no doubt she will do well in her future. Hook em!

[FuturePNMMom]

Wary, I am so sorry for you and your daughter. Being released, truly released as your story goes has to be an awful feeling. I am glad that your daughter has a great attitude and enjoys college. It was one of the best times in my life and I wish nothing but the best for your girl.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Benzgirl: I do not know the permutations of this recruitment. But what I do know, and didn't know at the time, was part of a thread, now deleted regarding Wary. Something...something...Translations. Someone named Wrangler said (and you only get the gist of the conversation because all but one of her posts were deleted) that there was a group of people who "knew" someone on GC had falsified their application. When I the history person that I am, said that this was McCarthyism at its best, said name names AND proof there was a snide link to Wary. No proof was EVER presented. All that was done was a link to something (I checked later) to something innocuous that Wary said.

Perhaps prophetically I said that someone had posted thing(s), including another now banned poster, against this poster that some houses could simply say this is too hot to handle and drop an innocent. I suspect this happened here.

ellebud, you might want to take a look at this thread. You might also want to know that the predecessor thread (start with posts here, but many posts have now been deleted) was one in which Wary was describing her daughter's experience with UT Spirit Club recruitment, despite being advised not to do this until after UT recruitment was over

The same UT GCer who advised Wary to hold off on the Spririt Club recruitment story warned Wary again that she should be careful, because people at UT might be able to identify Zoe from what was said, but Wary went right ahead and ignored the advice, passing along disaparaging reputations of some UT (unidentified) sororities in the process. Meanwhile, the GCer who had given the warning said there was indeed information Wary had shared that gave Texas insiders clues as to who Zoe might be, but to no avail. And things got heated.

I'm really sorry that Zoe's recruitment didn't work out for her, and I have no idea whether Wary's threads/posts had anything to do with that or not. But I can understand how some people might feel less sympathy, for Wary at least, when she ignored the advice she was given and went ahead, putting her daughter's stuff out there. And I think that's the part of the mom-phenomenon that lots of people just don't get.

[ellebud]

I did read the thread. I don't get your point. My point was that people threatened the poster and her daughter indirectly by saying that they were liars. They engaged in the best of McCarthyism. If someone says something indiscreet like, "oh, my daughter HATED the Abba Zabbas because they had a tacky skit and the third girl from the left!" I chalk it up to not filtering. IF it was my daughter who was the third girl I might be hurt (I wouldn't) but I wouldn't go after the poster. Things don't get "heated" when you go after someone because you don't like their unfiltered remarks about a sorority, organization...this got dirty.

Bad manners are just that. There is no justification to go after someone's kid by insinuation of lying, not naming names but saying just enough to identify a pmn. As I said in translation thread...The posters were playing with fire. They hurt someone because they could, from afar, and as chicken**** as you can get.

And I would add to those of you who might want to repeat this scenario: I don't know Wary, but she is a class act. Nothing on the internet is untraceable. And since, as a non public figure, she could have gone after some of the posters (and their houses if they are current actives) legally (slander and libel)...and didn't...you might run into someone who might not be so kind to the posters (Wranger.Darlin and Regina George) the next time.

[Shellfish]

In looking at the links in MysticCat's 1:59 post, I noticed that the poster Texas Darling is banned. Is it because of this post?

I'm not sure who is worse, CAAtexas or Wary.

It is NOT acceptable to say spirit groups have certain reputations and there are no "dismal" sororities at Texas.

Have some class.

All of her other posts are reasonable and informative, and her disapproval of the "dismal" comment was strongly worded but in the spirit of Panhellenism. I suspect that she was accidentally swept up in the banning of Wrangler.Darlin.

[ellebud]

No, the posts that were horrible had to do with I or we know something about someone who is going through recruitment at Texas who are liars! (notice the posts no longer exist). They are claiming blah blah....Then there was a link to something innocuous that Wary said, insinuating but not saying that she was a liar. Then she concluded another (now deleted post) with a threat of "we took care of it."

The above posted quote is NOT what I am referring to...the inflammatory posts have been deleted. But not before they did damage.

[Eightisgreat]

Wary...you know hugs go all around. I am saddened to see women, who could possibly share letters with me, go on a death attack of an innocent person. This was simply a campaign of one upsmanship. Like Ellebud said...Karma...the wonderful circular force it is, has a path, and we know who is in it. It is un-Panhellenic as you can get. Please let Zoe know we are thinking of her.

[Ladybugmom]

Originally Posted by Eightisgreat

Wary...you know hugs go all around. I am saddened to see women, who could possibly share letters with me, go on a death attack of an innocent person. This was simply a campaign of one upsmanship. Like Ellebud said...Karma...the wonderful circular force it is, has a path, and we know who is in it. It is un-Panhellenic as you can get. Please let Zoe know we are thinking of her.

I couldn't have said it better!! You and Zoe have handled this with class. UT is a wonderful campus that offers it's students many opportunities to get involved. I know it is cliche..but sometimes things happen for a reason, even if we don't always understand why..
Zoe will continue to sparkle and shine with whatever she chooses to do!

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Benzgirl: I do not know the permutations of this recruitment. But what I do know, and didn't know at the time, was part of a thread, now deleted regarding Wary. Perhaps prophetically I said that someone had posted thing(s), including another now banned poster, against this poster that some houses could simply say this is too hot to handle and drop an innocent. I suspect this happened here.

Let it be noted that in no way did I accuse the OP of anything; in fact, to this point I had never posted on Wary's thread. I was simply pointing out what we hear year after year. While every mother, including Wary, does not want to see her daughter in any kind of pain, we do get heli-moms who come here to rant about the system and validate that it is ok to call Panhellenic, or bitch at a sorority's national for issues over which nobody has control.

UT seems to be a point of contention this year. In years past it was typically Bama or Auburn. We have had everything on here this year including advice from a fraternity newbie who has no idea what recruitment is about. I haven't posted much on those columns but sometimes it is just plain irritating. Typically, I read and move on. Note, we were even bashed by one PNM who was mad that over 100 views had been made on her thread and nobody had commented!

UT, UA, Auburn and Ole Miss threads are all over the board, and even though you point them directly with the link (KSU Violet can find any thread ever created), many repeatedly think their case is unique.

I am truly sorry that the OP's daughter did not find a home, and she does realize the deck was stacked against her by being a sophomore. UT has wonderful chapters; my cousin's daughter is currently a Texas Kappa. Unfortunately, there are not enough spaces for everyone, but fortunately there are many amazing opportunities in Austin.