PNM's over age 25....(questions and some musings)

[misscherrypie]

I was thinking about something over the last day or so.

I have noticed several other PNM's on GC who are going through recruitment who are age 25+ and have communicated with some of them over the past few months.

I haven't read a successful recruitment story for any of us yet...and while I've heard third-hand of women receiving bids elsewhere in years gone by, it's pretty much unheard of now. Still, it seems that women try and try again. I know that I did.

So, I'm wondering: why? (This is a question for those who are Greek)

I basically wanted to make friends for life with women who are also in the volunteering,dating, partying, drinking, toga party, studying kind of mode and I haven't found other women my age who are in "that place" in life. I was fortunate enough to bump into another person who is in that same place in life (although she could honestly do without the volunteer work) and we're living the College Girl lifestyle in our own particular fashion. Complete with watching Football games and screaming our voices hoarse and dressing up in our school colors and attire, watching SATC, Big Bang Theory and Two Broke Girls and doing each others nails.

We giggle when the Freshmen hit on us, and flirt right back. Hookups? No. Trying out dating for the first time? Yes.

I feel sort of caught in between what women my age are "supposed" to be doing, and how I feel and where I am in my life now: which is not the business world....yet.

Perhaps this is representative of our generation....I'm a solid member of Gen-Y and 18-29 has been all about finding ourselves until "real life" hits us and we're on our own and working until we retire.

Any other PNM's 25+ feel like this? Even more so, once recruitment ended and we were either released or did not receive a bid?

Someone (DubaiSis, I think) suggested to me that perhaps separating College Life from Social Life is the best way for me to go?

What do the other 25+ ladies think about such advice in reference to themselves? Is it something that you are considering? Are you planning to go through Informal or Formal Recruitment again? Why?

I don't mean to start an argument with this thread....but there was a lot that I've thought about....and I'm curious as to what others also think about this?

and to be brutally honest: being released from NPC Recruitment and from MGC recruitment still hurts a lot, constantly....no matter how brave a face I try to put on. I'm a very tough cookie....but no matter how much I try to smile and 'move on', I'm feeling the pain every day and have for weeks (in the case of formal recruitment) I just do a decent job of hiding it.

I know that others may feel the same way.

[adpiucf]

First, I'm really sorry things didn't work out with the sororities on your campus, and I encourage you to keep looking for campus activities with organizations that you will enjoy and who will appreciate all the wonderful contributions you will make.

Second, to answer your question. I will be blunt. Women I know who have been either seniors or mid-20s who received bids were very rare. Nearly all of the women I knew who were at the older side of the spectrum and had a successful recruitment came into recruitment with strong relationships with the sororities. Perhaps she was a senior who had VERY close Greek friends all along. Perhaps she was the head of the Homecoming Committee or a Miss (Insert Campus Name) here. Maybe she looked really young and conveyed similar interests to the chapter members and no one was aware she wasn't 18 or 19 years old. Older students are not the norm among PNMs at most campuses, even though there are plenty of nontraditional aged students in school. For example, I was an adviser to a chapter of my sorority when I was 23 or 24, and the girls thought of me as "old." So to be rushing in your mid 20's, especially if you're at a campus where younger members are the norm, the members may identify with you more as someone in a mentor capacity rather than as a peer. This is just my opinion.

Ok. All that being said, I don't know you personally, and I don't know why you weren't successful in recruitment or the culture on your campus. But I'm still going to offer a suggestion and probably not one that you want to hear. If I were to offer you any advice, I would suggest that you mourn the loss because it hurts like hell and to pursue some other type of activity on campus (which you are doing) that will bring you fulfillment. I know this is harsh consolation from someone who was in a social sorority to tell you to give up on it, but I've had plenty of rejection in my own life, and sometimes it is best to move forward than to keep beating a dead horse, for lack of a better phrase. You seem to have too many gifts to offer your university to let this sour you, and I genuinely wish for you to find the right niche on your campus or a community activity.

[misscherrypie]

Thanks for your input. I'm

I also want to hear from other PNM's. Certainly seems to be a "meme" as one GCer mentioned....which is why I started this thread. lol.

[amIblue?]

I think adpiucf hit the nail on the head. The young ones think everyone over the age of 25 is ancient.

I'm sorry this didn't work out for you.

[misscherrypie]

Check out my recruitment story....it DOES have a happy ending. And the closure I was looking for.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I think adpiucf hit the nail on the head. The young ones think everyone over the age of 25 is ancient.

And for the most part, everyone over the age of 25 thinks that 18-22 year olds are way too young.

There's a HUGE gap even between your early 20s and late 20s. Although you may not see it now, if you were in a chapter, you'd probably notice it more.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I think adpiucf hit the nail on the head. The young ones think everyone over the age of 25 is ancient.

I'm sorry this didn't work out for you.

I think it's just one of those things that is weird, so nobody wants to do it and be the weird chapter. A WRC takes a 25-year-old, and suddenly tongues are wagging that they are so desperate for members, they took a 25-year-old.

Even if there is nothing wrong with taking an older member, and she'd be a great sister, it's the same as taking an openly lesbian member or a married member. On some campuses, it's just fodder for the gossip mill and chapters want to avoid that.

[misscherrypie]

Whoever the poster who asked me if I was thinking of "creating" my own sorority in some other thread.....I wasn't then and choosing the Greek letter equivalent of my University's Initials to hold close to my heart does NOT equal creating a sorority.....but I guess that going Greek was something that just wouldn't let go, as I figured out. I'll get over it in time...I'm sure....

Then again, I look at it as like this: Everyone who attends my school is forever known as part of the Wolf Pack Nation...we have lovely traditions and rituals....which I will remember forever. (I still have the half burnt candle from the Welcome Ceremony the week before classes began....and my T-Shirt from "Running of the Wolves" when all incoming students ran across the Football field before kickoff at the first home game.) and more still to come (I still look forward to going with my personal plan to dress up the Mackay Statue like Santa Claus in Wolf Pack Colors right before the semester end....oops...that was supposed to be secret!) We all constitute our own Fraternity....and realizing that really lit up my mood.

I am beyond proud and crazy about my school....and look forward to the next two years.

I'll say it: The ladies in the Sororities on campus are wonderful: intelligent, quick witted, and just fabulous to be around. I'm sorry that it didn't work out between us.

My own real fear:

I mean, who in any of these outside orgs are going to want to talk with me about being in college and having fun, and staying up until all hours of the night studying and eating pizza at 3am and trying to get a guy to ask you out? They aren't there now. I'm wondering (and afraid) of having nothing connecting us except for my love of community service. Sure, I'm bright and vivacious and sweet....but I'm just not THERE yet.

Pardon the venting.

[amanda6035]

I was 23 when I joined AXiD.... but I was a colony member on a campus that (at the time) only 17% of the student body was female, there was only 1 other sorority on campus, and it was a largely commuter campus.

I was 26 when I graduated. I loved my sisters, and they loved me. But I was glad to be moving on. I know that my experience was unique and I KNOW that I wouldn't have had the opportunity anywhere else. I'm grateful that I had the opportunity, but the chances of my chapter recruiting a 23 year old college freshman right now is slim to none.

There was another woman... a 35 year old.... yes, 35 year old single mother who colonized with us. She never initiated. Why? I think alot of it had to do with the fact that every time we (the colony) tried to plan something she always had this excuse of "I can't come to that, I have my daughter to take care of." and.... I think she finally realized that it was time to be a mother instead of trying to be something she wasn't. No, you're not a single mom, but the chapters may have reservations about how much effort your could and would put into it. They KNOW that someone in their late 20s is eventually going to have other commitments (work, relationships, family, etc) that will become excuses to not make the sorority a priority anymore. I hated when members had excuses for why they couldn't fulfill their obligations to the chapter. I can't blame a chapter for not wanting to take someone on that may be a perceived risk, whether that fear is warranted or not.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by misscherrypie

I mean, who in any of these outside orgs are going to want to talk with me about being in college and having fun, and staying up until all hours of the night studying and eating pizza at 3am and trying to get a guy to ask you out? They aren't there now. I'm wondering (and afraid) of having nothing connecting us except for my love of community service. Sure, I'm bright and vivacious and sweet....but I'm just not THERE yet.

Pardon the venting.

That's why you continue to explore organizations on campus until you find one that fits you. All the things you are talking about--the staying up late and having fun and studying-- those are things to do with college friends, and friendships don't form overnight. Ask any sorority woman and she'll tell you her fellow sisters were not (and are still not) instant BFFs, so don't look at this setback as an omen that you're not going to have that traditional college experience. You will, but you have to put yourself out there and eventually the friendships will fall into place. Community service orgs aside, what else interests you? Is there a student government organization? How about a campus activities board? There's bound to be a Homecoming Committee that needs assistance. Keep going to meetings for various activities on campus. You'll continue to meet people, contribute to campus life, and have fun.

[misscherrypie]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

That's why you continue to explore organizations on campus until you find one that fits you. All the things you are talking about--the staying up late and having fun and studying-- those are things to do with college friends, and friendships don't form overnight. Ask any sorority woman and she'll tell you her fellow sisters were not (and are still not) instant BFFs, so don't look at this setback as an omen that you're not going to have that traditional college experience. You will, but you have to put yourself out there and eventually the friendships will fall into place. Community service orgs aside, what else interests you? Is there a student government organization? How about a campus activities board? There's bound to be a Homecoming Committee that needs assistance. Keep going to meetings for various activities on campus. You'll continue to meet people, contribute to campus life, and have fun.

True!True!True!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by misscherrypie

I mean, who in any of these outside orgs are going to want to talk with me about being in college and having fun, and staying up until all hours of the night studying and eating pizza at 3am and trying to get a guy to ask you out? They aren't there now. I'm wondering (and afraid) of having nothing connecting us except for my love of community service. Sure, I'm bright and vivacious and sweet....but I'm just not THERE yet.

Pardon the venting.

Lots of people.

Seriously. I think you're just still in the grief zone and thinking that "not in a sorority" = "no one to discuss these things with."

Not so. Sororities haven't cornered the market on fun activities where you can meet friends to do these things with.

Also, you make it seem as if everyone you know in your age bracket is the most stodgy, un-fun person ever. I have a hard time believing that there are no 29 year old fun singletons where you live. They may not want to necessarily toga party (haven't done that since undergrad) but I have plenty of friends in that age bracket (myself included) who enjoy some of the things you listed.

[misscherrypie]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Lots of people.

Seriously. I think you're just still in the grief zone and thinking that "not in a sorority" = "no one to discuss these things with."

Not so. Sororities haven't cornered the market on fun activities where you can meet friends to do these things with.

Also, you make it seem as if everyone you know in your age bracket is the most stodgy, un-fun person ever. I have a hard time believing that there are no 29 year old fun singletons where you live. They may not want to necessarily toga party (haven't done that since undergrad) but I have plenty of friends in that age bracket (myself included) who enjoy some of the things you listed.

Maybe I haven't run into the places where the fun late twenties singles spend their time yet. I've only been in town for a little over a month....there's lots of months left to meet people. I'm not going to meet them at the College area bars though....as my new buddy "Miss Food Court" likes to say: "They're either under 25 or over 50 and trying to hit on the under 25's!".

We've hit a total of one bar that isn't a "college bar", and which I prefer to the "college bars" for many reasons, and my best friend (who is a guy and moved into town for a job right before I moved here....and without whom I'd have already cut bait weeks ago and run back to my hometown screaming my head off!) and I have hit another bistro and bar on the other side of town that we both like.

Time to broaden my horizons a little. Maybe some Salsa dancing on Friday?

[33girl]

It really depends on the school. We had a sister who pledged when she was 23 or 24. She had entered the military right after high school and had to wait until her hitch was over to attend college. No one thought anything of it or considered it "weird." Then again, there were also active members in most of the chapters (fraternity and sorority) who were 22 or over. People often needed the extra years to complete school due to financial reasons.

Also, none of these older members ever pulled the "I'm older so I know more" or "I have family obligations" garbage. If you did that, no matter your age, your butt was out of there. I have the feeling the woman in amanda6035's example's main problem was not her age or her daughter, but her inability to prioritize. She probably had the same problem at age 18 and would have been saying "I can't come to the event because I have to see my boyfriend that night."

If you're at a school where very few undergrads are over 21-22 in general, it's going to be very hard to rush a sorority.

Personally, I find the concept of what happens at many "traditional" schools - that is, dozens of people dropping out before their senior year and Greek activity as an upperclassman looked on as odd - far more something for schools/chapters to be ashamed of and far "weirder" than taking a 27 year old, but different strokes for different folks.

[Old_Row]

I am so sorry things didn't work out for you and I know how horrible you must feel because any kind of rejection isn't easy. I'm not sure if coming back to Greekchat is necessarily the best thing to help you move on.

I go to a very traditional campus with a well known and strong Greek life. Even if I didn't, I know a lot of sorority members at a wide range of schools and I have to say it would be really awkward to have someone your age as a sister no matter where I went to school. You said in your early post that you are in your late 20s and you are already a junior. That would make you 30ish by your final year and you would only have two years to bond. Even though you are still in college, you're living in an entirely different place. You know what you said about the college bars? Well that's sort of what it would be like for you at mixers and other social events, just as awkward for you as it would to have you around. You seem old to someone my age. I don't mean that in a mean sense or that there's anything wrong with your age, it's just perspective. I wouldn't want to hang out socially with my own younger real sisters either.

Honestly even though philanthropy and all the other things that are talked about here are an important aspect of who we are, it's not really the biggest part of it. We're social and most importantly we're looking for others who will fit in with our individual chapter personality. I think everyone has been right in suggesting other outlets for social and philanthropy both on and off campus. You probably need to get involved with something else to take you mind off all of this.