Titles

blakiceanjel · #1 05-07-2008, 12:58 PM

Hello all Sisterfriends (and Brotherfriends too):

I have a question. How important is a title in a relationship to you? If you are with a person and they treat you with respect and even (gasp) love, does it matter if you don't have the title of "girlfriend". I'm interested in other people's (ladies and fellas actually) opinion on the subject.

Thank ye

Senusret I · #2 05-07-2008, 01:13 PM

Titles are important to me. I'm sorry, if you're with me, I OWN YOU. lol jk but not really

blakiceanjel · #3 05-07-2008, 01:31 PM

LOL! omg

I know what you mean, I guess. So what does it take for you to know that you want to own her? lol

DSTCHAOS · #4 05-07-2008, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Titles are important to me. I'm sorry, if you're with me, I OWN YOU. lol jk but not really

Ditto.

SummerChild · #5 05-07-2008, 03:06 PM

committment is important to me. if i'm going to treat you like you're my bfriend, then i want you to be my bfriend and i want to be your gfriend. if you can't even commit enough to call me that, then.... what are we really?
it's not about the title - it's about us being clear about what's going on or what's not going on. i see too many women get tied up into something that they think is something when it's really nothing ... to him. even though he thinks the world of her, she is looking for more - like committment. if she would have simply asked and clarified her role, she would not be going above and beyond...when it is not called for. so yes, i call my dog a "dog"; i call my house a "house" so if i am a girlfriend, then i want to called a "girlfriend." why should that be any different than anything else? if "girlfriend" is a title, then so be it. what next, wives being called "whatchumacalit"? that's not going to work.

basically, just get you someone ready to commit and stop playing around with these guys. if you stop playing around with him, he might actually miss you long enough to decide that he *does* want you to be (gasp) his "girlfriend."

SC

Quote:

Originally Posted by blakiceanjel

Hello all Sisterfriends (and Brotherfriends too):

I have a question. How important is a title in a relationship to you? If you are with a person and they treat you with respect and even (gasp) love, does it matter if you don't have the title of "girlfriend". I'm interested in other people's (ladies and fellas actually) opinion on the subject.

Thank ye

lovehaiku84 · #6 05-07-2008, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blakiceanjel

Hello all Sisterfriends (and Brotherfriends too):

I have a question. How important is a title in a relationship to you? If you are with a person and they treat you with respect and even (gasp) love, does it matter if you don't have the title of "girlfriend". I'm interested in other people's (ladies and fellas actually) opinion on the subject.

Thank ye

A title is sort of important to me, only because I want to know where I stand with the person I am dating, and to me having a title is the easiest way to tell. Without the title you may just end up being seen as a good friend that they are able to sleep with, but are not interested in a relationship with. On quite a few occasions I have seen people use the "I don't believe in titles" line to allow them to have all of the benefits of a relationship without having to commit. With that I think you kind of have to feel them out and then decide for yourself if it's important that they declare you their boyfriend/girlfriend. My current boyfriend started out being really against titles in the beginning of our relationship, talking about how they just weren't important to him. I wasn't stressing too much though because although I liked him, I was fine to take things slow. Eventually he started referring to me as his girlfriend, with no pushing or prodding from me for him to adopt the title. Now he doesn't even like it when I jokingly refer to him as my "buddy/friend" in the privacy of our own home because he sees it as something less than the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that we have now. Whatever

blakiceanjel · #7 05-07-2008, 03:18 PM

I understand what you're saying, but what if you are committed? I honestly think if someone is going to play around on you they will whether or not you have a title. A bad person might believe that if you don't have the title then you have no reason to be upset, but logical people know the difference.

My situation is a little different. He and I jumped into the relationship too fast, became bf and gf immediately. We were smitten with each other, but he got nervous with how fast everything was moving. He ended up doing something stupid (not cheating so much) and hurting me. We decided it would be better to lose the title and just date. Now we're closer than ever. We spend our whole weekends together, my family loves him (to them he's my bf), he lets me borrow his car, I even have some of my stuff stored in his storage room. But we don't have that title. It bothered me at first, but if he's my acting right I don't need it.

I know it might sound a little naive, but I've been in bad relationships before so I can tell the difference. I think (and I've told him this to which he replied "Maybe".. his version of yeeaaahhh lol) that he's afraid of messing up again. I've tried explaining that even if something bad happened now we'd still be hurt. He's just an over-thinker. lol

IlovemyAKA · #8 05-07-2008, 03:33 PM

If it matters to you, and he wants to be with you, he'll make the adjustment. The "I don't want to mess up again" line sounds like an excuse to me & guyspeak for "I don't want a girlfriend right now".

lovehaiku84 · #9 05-07-2008, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blakiceanjel

I understand what you're saying, but what if you are committed? I honestly think if someone is going to play around on you they will whether or not you have a title. A bad person might believe that if you don't have the title then you have no reason to be upset, but logical people know the difference.

My situation is a little different. He and I jumped into the relationship too fast, became bf and gf immediately. We were smitten with each other, but he got nervous with how fast everything was moving. He ended up doing something stupid (not cheating so much) and hurting me. We decided it would be better to lose the title and just date. Now we're closer than ever. We spend our whole weekends together, my family loves him (to them he's my bf), he lets me borrow his car, I even have some of my stuff stored in his storage room. But we don't have that title. It bothered me at first, but if he's my acting right I don't need it.

I know it might sound a little naive, but I've been in bad relationships before so I can tell the difference. I think (and I've told him this to which he replied "Maybe".. his version of yeeaaahhh lol) that he's afraid of messing up again. I've tried explaining that even if something bad happened now we'd still be hurt. He's just an over-thinker. lol

If you are committed and comfortable with your situation then, in my opinion, you shouldn't have any questions about the importance of a title. What else changed when you dropped the title? Why was that an important thing to do in your relationship? Based on reading the above it sounds like you are making excuses for him and putting words into his mouth. One thing I have learned is that men are NOT complicated like women are, so don't try to make it that way. Take their words and actions at face value because men rarely speak in code the way women do. If he said "maybe" he meant "maybe," you know?

IlovemyAKA · #10 05-07-2008, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

If you are committed and comfortable with your situation then, in my opinion, you shouldn't have any questions about the importance of a title.

That's the thing. I don't think she really is comfortable with it. If she were, why would she ask strangers if they'd be accepting of the situation?

blakiceanjel · #11 05-07-2008, 03:52 PM

No, no.. you misunderstand.. lol... Yes, I'm in the situation, but I'm not really asking for advice on it. I'm comfortable. But I like knowing how other people feel. My roomie is always like "Is so & so your bf yet?". I think it's funny how other people can be more concerned about things like that than the ones in the relationship. I also heard a topic on the radio about people who have been together for like 15 years and are completely loyal to each other but aren't married. Don't get me wrong, it bothers me sometimes, but then I realize everything is enjoyable and there's no use in being all hung up on a word.

lovehaiku84 · #12 05-07-2008, 03:59 PM

True. She probably wouldn't. I have done things like this in the past and looking back I know I just wanted validation that what I was doing/experiencing was "ok" even if I wasn't feeling 100% comfortable with it. When I decided that I wanted to move in with my boyfriend without us being engaged or married I just did it, because I was comfortable with what we had. I was not concerned with whether or not the next woman would have done the same.

@blakiceanjel - I don't get the desire to know stranger's opinions on what's going on in your personal life, but if you are happy then it's whatever.

blakiceanjel · #13 05-07-2008, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

True. She probably wouldn't. I have done things like this in the past and looking back I know I just wanted validation that what I was doing/experiencing was "ok" even if I wasn't feeling 100% comfortable with it. When I decided that I wanted to move in with my boyfriend without us being engaged or married I just did it, because I was comfortable with what we had. I was not concerned with whether or not the next woman would have done the same.

@blakiceanjel - I don't get the desire to know stranger's opinions on what's going on in your personal life, but if you are happy then it's whatever.

Thanks.. this went in the wrong direction lol.. I did mean in general at first. I just figured I'd throw in some personal experience. And we're strangers so I didn't think it mattered lol... Maybe I should've left me out of it.

Professor · #14 05-07-2008, 04:17 PM

i think this is a chick question - - - - i'm not sure that men care what we are called as long as everyone knows that lady is with someone>

DSTCHAOS · #15 05-07-2008, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Professor

i think this is a chick question - - - - i'm not sure that men care what we are called as long as everyone knows that lady is with someone>

chick = women and men = men?

Men also do wonder these types of things but may express it differently depending on who they are talking to. The question of title is really about wanting to be clear where the relationship stands (i.e. the lady is with someone) and what they should refer to each other as both in and out of each other's presence.

After a certain age the term "boyfriend" sounds wierd in certain settings so whatever words people choose to express exclusivity, the title is the same. Most people who are in exclusive, non-secret relationship would rather not have their significant other parading around saying "eh...that's my friend."