Older men?

[AngelPhiSig]

Okay, Im 21, is it wrong for me to like someone who is around 30?

<3 Ali

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Personally I don't see anything wrong with it.

About two years ago when I was 19, I dated a man who was 29 at the time. We dated for a while and he was a great guy...and it was convenient that he was an assistant coach for a sports team .

The only reason why it didn't work out was because he wanted to settle down...do the married thing...and eventually do the family thing. Here I was...just finishing my sophomore year--the last thing on my mind was starting a family!

People make a big deal about the age gap yada yada yada, but if both of you are on the same level, then there shouldn't be a problem.

[AlphaSigLana]

I don't think that is a big deal. Just realize he may be ready for marriage- bc most men by 30 have dated enough that they know what they are looking for so they aren't going to waste time on someone they can't imagine as a future spouse. This is not true for all 30 yr old men. I think OTW is right- it will work if you are on the same level.

[Thrillhouse]

same as what alphsiglana said

[xok85xo]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it! I am actually in the same situation right now..I'm 21, and the guy I've been seeing is 30..at first it was kind of weird, but he doesn't look or act like hes 30..so..I don't see anything wrong with it, if you like him..age shouldn't be an issue..its only a number

[Miami1839]

I agree with alphasiglana and XO If two people click age should be just a number. I think it could work. I had a brother who married a XO and they are 10 years apart. I know it doesnt happen all the time but I think it can work.

Kevin

[AlphaSigLana]

If you like the guy enough go for it- but don't lower your standards. I personally won't date any guys over 25 bc I am still 19 and I can't even drink legally. I feel comfortable dating men closer in age to me, but definately not younger. I hope this guy makes you happy!!! Best of luck,

[Hootie]

I don't see anything wrong with it. Older guys are more mature anyway...well, most of them are. LOL.
Hootie

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[xok85xo]

Originally posted by Hootie:
Older guys are more mature anyway

Ehh.. I Don't know if I agree with THAT theory, Amy!

[Miami1839]

yeah, not all older guys are mature. I think it can go both ways to for older guys and older women. Its just when we're older we've been through more experiences. So we know what we want and most of us have been burned too so that plays a big factor. I think a lot of younger girls in their early twenties arent secure enough or mature enough to date a guy thats 29+. but there are exceptions to the rule I guess, but I think most it is based on maturity. If two people are mature enough it shouldnt matter what anyone thinks and age should be just a number.

Kevin

[James]

I am like soooo self-centered . . . which means I try not to make rules for myself, or blindly follow the rules of others, that arbitrarily limit my happiness!

There are probably several million people in the world that could be the best "ONE" as you ladies are so fond of saying. This is highly probable given a population of 6 billion! But the trick is meeting them!

And I want to meet them. Which means I need to limit the amount of artifical rules that I make for myself that limit me even giving people a chance.

Some people won't date another race . . . there's a few billion people you can't meet in dating context. Or another religion, scratch out millions more . . . Or drum roll please . . . people that are beyond a certain age!

My palms are getting sweaty and I'm getting palpitations thinking of all those potentially awesome people I can't even let myself date to find out if they ARE awesome if I follow these artificial rules! Pause while I catch my breath I felt faint for a minute there.

If you have to many rules for meeting new people you are just one of those people that won't let yourself be happy! So doom on you for not meeting awesome people, or settling in the end for mediocre, luke warm relationships.

Anyway, dating someone older doesn't guarentee they might be more mature, but it does mean they have had more opportunities in sheer time to learn from life, or be a little more financially set.

So like a coat, you try them on, and if they don't fit, you take them off! Before you begin to chafe or freeze

[P7A77]

I dunno. It seems to me that people develop a lot between the ages of 19-24. Hell, I'm almost 28, and when I look back to how I was even a year ago, I'm surprised at how much I've grown. Of course, I always think I'm so well developed and mature every year, and every year I prove myself wrong.

But without a doubt being young AND in college is a time for tremendous personal growth. Do you want to spend that time with somebody who isn't on the same level as you emotionally? Regardless of how "mature" they are or how much they seem to get along with you, people who are significantly older just aren't in the same places in their lives. This shouldn't be seen as a BAD thing. In fact, one should wonder about those 30 year olds who AREN'T in a different place in their lives.

Just think back a few years. When you were 14 or 15, you probably saw very little wrong with dating a 19 or 20 year old. Not all of them, of course, but there were certain ones that caught your eye. Now that you're 19 or 20, can you really picture yourself with a 14 or 15 year old? Or think of your friends that are of your dating sex preference (ie, for you heterosexual woman, think of your heterosexual male friends). Would you really think it'd be okay for these people to date YOU when you were 14 or 15?

So of course NOW you think it's okay for you to date a 30-year-old, but when you're 30 you're going to think differently. You'll realize that if the 30 year old were well adjusted in life, that s/he wouldn't WANT to date someone your age, and that those who DO want to date someone your age have serious issues that are best kept away from impressionable young people.

When you're older... say 40 or 50... a 10 year age gap won't make much difference. There will still be differences, of course... for example, one person might be going through the joy of grandchildren while another is just dealing with teenagers in college... but at least they've gotten more of their life views settled.

Or if you want to think of it another way... if you're 21 and looking to date significantly older people, you're telling the world that you feel you've matured as much as you're going to. And that's a dangerous position to hold. Not only is it unversally wrong, but it keeps you from being open to all the experiences that are important when you're 21. So when you finally ARE 30, you'll still be stunted.

But at least then you can date 21-year-olds. You'll be on their level.

[33girl]

Originally posted by P7A77:
So of course NOW you think it's okay for you to date a 30-year-old, but when you're 30 you're going to think differently. You'll realize that if the 30 year old were well adjusted in life, that s/he wouldn't WANT to date someone your age, and that those who DO want to date someone your age have serious issues that are best kept away from impressionable young people.

Good grief, patronize much??!?

It ALL has to do with where you are in life, and we all get to different stages at different times. Some people are always going to act older and some are always going to act younger. It doesn't make them malajusted freaks because they are not filling "25 year old behavior slot."

I dated a 35 year old when I was 22 and he didn't look or act in a way that I found unenjoyable, so I really didn't care how old he was. I now have friends (male and female) who are up to 10 years younger than me. I don't think of them as "my young friends" or anything like that.

Some people will always act old. Like my friend Beth. She has pretty much acted 40 since she was 12 years old. She dated a high school senior in 7th grade, and it wasn't gross in any way, but most of the guys in our class still liked video games more than girls. That guy that she dated is now her husband and has been for 10 years.

Then on the other hand, take Cher. She married a much older man when she was 16 and never got to have an adolescence or young adulthood. So when she and Sonny split up she decided to date younger guys. Does that make her "stunted"? No. No more than it makes you weird if you eat your salad after your steak.

Anyway Ali - it depends how the 30 year old acts. If he still likes going out and having fun and hanging out with your friends I would go for it, but if all he wants to do is sit at home and clip coupons cause he just bought a house I would skip it.

[Miami1839]

33Girl. Well Said I agree with everything you said. I'm 29 and dont feel much older than 24. I think I will always have a little bit of kid in me. I think the main thing thats changed me is my priorities. Definitely nothings changed with me wanting to have a good time I think it all depends on your mindset and how you look at things.

James-I have to agree with you on not limiting yourself. I think it all depends though in how we are socialized, how we were brought up, and our culture. I think we all tend to date with what the kind of people(race included) that we are most comfortable with. Not that I am racist but thats just the way society is. During school I can remember certin people went with certin groups. I mean in some countries people in general are comfortable about dating anyone but in this country everyone has a certin profile or criteria. Which I admit is wrong but its the way our society is. My sister laws family is puertorican and I took a trip down there with family two years ago. I have to admit latin women are beautiful. But then thats just one country. When I was in college I took a trip with one of my brothers whos chilean and we went down to Chile, South America and that was an unforgetable trip. The women down there are beautiful in so many ways. You never see a fat girl. Not that appearance is everything but I'm being honest. You dont see it. I think it has to do with the fact that they eat fresh foods unlike most of the stuff we eat is processed.

P7A77: I undertand you have your opinion and I respect it but it seems a bit judgemental. I can agree with you to a point on dating and college. Granted school is not about dating but I dont think that if your struck with cupid *L* that you should walk away. For some people you only meet that one once in your life. Not that I'm saying you should spend every waking moment of school searching for it but hey dont turn it away
I see where your coming from on certin points but I dont necesarily agree with everything your saying. Like 21 year olds wanting to date 14 or 15 year olds. I mean I know where your coming from but to me thats not a very good example. Isnt there a law about dating people under 18? LOL I mean I think a better example of a positive relationship that worked out is Christopher Reeve.(10 years apart I think) How about Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones. Granted shes at least 30 but there is some diff there. Granted there are people that have lifestyles that will never work with certin people. Thats a given. Most Women dont want sit at home couch potatoes that are unemployed. Granted. But that doesnt mean that a 20 year old girl is going to be doomed if shes dates a 30 year old guy. Its highly unlikely but if it works that doesnt mean shes any less of a person.


[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited July 27, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited July 27, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Miami1839 (edited July 27, 2001).]

[AngelPhiSig]

My problem is that I dont think ANY guys are interested in me. I dont know why, but okay... I am a flirt, which just comes naturally to me, and some people flirt back... Oh I dont know, Im just confused tonite... tired and confused... and lonely... the only super good thing in the way of my 'love life' that happened tonite was my best friend's ex who I used to hate, and now were friends... came up to me and said "You look really beautiful right now, I mean it, Im not being sarcastic..." (there I am with my hair in a 'gibson girl' and my stage makeup on...) and hes not hitting on me, cos he thinks he has found the 'one' and shes really nice... but eh... leave it up to my luck that HE is the one who thinks Im beautiful!

OHHHH here we go, theres this guy who used to date my sister, or as my mom puts it, they were friends, they didnt go out much... well he and I went on a few dates, and had fun... and during the show hes hitting on a 17, 18? year old who just graduated... now hes about 22 or 23... he is a play me thinks... cos well he will be on the one side of the stage and putting his arms around me and stuff and then goes over to her... and does the same, He ignores me when shes around, yet, he'll sit there and make eyes at me all the time... on top of this- I think she thinks shes something wonderful cos he pays attn to her.... dont get me wrong shes really really nice... but...
-sigh- this crap always happens to me
Im going to be 89 years old living in a house with 50 cats and all the kids in the neighborhood will think Im a witch.