In Serious need of Reputation Advice

[Alpha225Love]

So I am new to the VP position in my sorority and I have already heard A LOT of complaints from sisters about a certain NM class, and how the things that they do reflect poorly on the house. Things like getting drunk, the things they do when they are drunk, their attitudes, and so on. Sister's have begun to question why we picked them or where we went wrong with their Education. Their actions are hurting our reputation within the Greek community to the point where we not only hear them talking about us behind our back but also to our faces.

The other problem is that it is not just them. There are a couple of older sisters, who may complain about the younger class but do that same sort of things that they do. When they do these things it makes it look "OK" for the other girls to do this.

We have a sisterhood night coming up and I know that they are supposed to be meant as bonding time but I was hoping to cover this reputation/respect/responsibility issue then. How do I confront both the new and older girls without singling them out and "yelling" at them

[Alpha225Love]

Side Note: Hearing others talk about our house in a negative way actually hurts, and saddens most of us. Also when I hear of the things girls have done and the reputation it gives the house it actually makes me question why I joined.

They just don't seem to understand that no matter where you are or what you are doing, in letters or not, you represent the house and your actions represent the house and everyone else in it.

[Frenzy]

you can try to stage a scenario where the moral will be how certain individuals can effect the whole group. If they don't get the message you just have to confront the whole group and say it nice and soft first how when the pledged for the organization they bear the responsibility to not make the whole organization look bad.

[Gusteau]

A possible scenario to Frenzy's advice: Write these vicious rumors out on slips of paper, put them in a basket and pass them around at chapter so each member reads one aloud. Most likely these will be pretty upsetting to most of the girls. Ask them if this is how they want to be represented. You might also want to express some concerns for their health and safety if these girls are drinking very frequently and doing risky things when they're drunk. This will probably start a pretty good discussion about image and being an ambassador of your GLO at all times. Should you resolve to change things rip up the little pieces of paper together.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Alpha225Love

The other problem is that it is not just them. There are a couple of older sisters, who may complain about the younger class but do that same sort of things that they do. When they do these things it makes it look "OK" for the other girls to do this.

Have the older girls been like this for a while, or have they just recently started to "let loose"? If this has been going on for a while and it's just with the last pledge class that it's being addressed, they're (the last class) going to give you the finger and keep on doing what they're doing.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Frenzy

you can try to stage a scenario where the moral will be how certain individuals can effect the whole group. If they don't get the message you just have to confront the whole group and say it nice and soft first how when the pledged for the organization they bear the responsibility to not make the whole organization look bad.

People like that never see themselves as doing anything wrong. If they even show up.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

A possible scenario to Frenzy's advice: Write these vicious rumors out on slips of paper, put them in a basket and pass them around at chapter so each member reads one aloud. Most likely these will be pretty upsetting to most of the girls. Ask them if this is how they want to be represented. You might also want to express some concerns for their health and safety if these girls are drinking very frequently and doing risky things when they're drunk. This will probably start a pretty good discussion about image and being an ambassador of your GLO at all times. Should you resolve to change things rip up the little pieces of paper together.

the chapter needs a reality check and gusteau's suggestion just might be the ticket. i would like to add that after the slips of paper are read out loud, why don't you lead a brainstorming session where the chapter, as a whole, works on ways to change the behavior and polish up your reputation? be sure to write the suggestions where everyone can see them, and save the paper. leave it up in the chapter room(if you have one, or take it with you and put up at each meeting) so that as goals are accomplished, you can check them off, so the chapter sees that progress is being made. good luck!

[panther123]

Not gonna lie.. I was in this exact situation and it actually took several years and until a lot of the older girls graduated for things to turn around. Unfortunately you can't make anyone act maturely or responsibly.

It's not something that gets fixed overnight, but our redeeming part was that the girls who gave us the bad reputation didn't do well at recruitment either so they didn't 'procreate' and find tons more members like themselves. Those of us who recognized the problem worked 10 times harder than anyone else on campus to make up for them and recruited phenomenal new girls around them. I'd go so far to say that they helped us realize even more what we didn't want to see in new members. It's harder if they are girls younger than you since they will be around after you, but have faith that the hard working women who want to see your chapter have a positive image will succeed in the end.

We each challenged ourselves to each be THE face of our chapter on campus and launched massive PR campaigns at the same time. We also added requirements like attending panhellenic meetings, going to a certain number of greek or campus events, etc. For the women that went, it seemed to cement in the idea that we needed to represent better and the side benefit was that the better we got to know others on campus, the more our reputation disappeared.

I also know how it feels to sometimes question your decision, but take those moments to think about the people who you love in your chapter who you may not have met otherwise. I would never have met my best friend or my little sister (both of whom I'm still close with) if I hadn't joined my chapter.

[LΩVE]

Are these rumors the "XYZ's are alcoholics and put notches in their bedposts for every guy they sleep with" kind or that "I heard a couple of XYZ's hooked up with FrankyFratBoy"?

I don't want to downplay your problem, but it comes up routinely in my chapter and something I've noticed from having close friends in several other sororities is that this problem sometimes seems much bigger than it is from the inside than outside, and that every chapter struggles with it to some extent. Certainly it doesn't excuse bad behavior but it might not be a PR crisis situation at this point. My chapter has experienced several pretty severe (and severely embarrassing) incidents at the hands of individual members. IF the situation is severe and your reputation is completely trashed on campus, then hold an immediate intervention. If not you can be more subtle. This is my suggestion for handling it, based on our experience:

People who don't get the basic concept that a member represents the whole aren't going to respond to a lecture. They'll get defensive, angry, and probably more determined to become hellions. If the rumors are disgustingly lurid and more importantly ACCURATE, writing them down and reading them out loud (removing any names, because calling out generally breeds resentment) can make a point. Likely they will not at first notice the rumors are about them, so you can ask the chapter, "What do you think about these rumors?" They'll boohiss them, then explain that these were rumors you've heard from friends/other sororities/fraternity members with YOUR letters attached, you can get the point across. Be careful NOT to call anyone out, as individual behavior problems should be handled one on one. This includes reading rumors that have an obvious culprit that everyone will recognize. Anything said needs to be anonymous, or something that several people have done.

This won't always work depending on the chapter's personality. If you think you are going to get a shitstorm in response instead of calm discussion, there's also this route:

Use the "d" word. Disappointment. It's important NOT to take the "I" versus "you" route. That will put the culprits on the defense. But explain that EVERYONE makes mistakes and behaves badly at times, including the person giving the speech, but that this behavior disappoints friends and family. A sorority is a second family unit and bad behavior can disappoint sisters. Be sure to repeat that EVERYONE makes mistakes, especially in college, but that this doesn't mean the mistakes are ok. Mistakes should be learned from. Every sister will do something to make the sorority look bad at some point, from saying something bitchy about a sister or other sorority member out loud to hedonistic displays at a frat party. They should recognize the decision to act that way as a bad one, file it away, and learn from it. And their other sisters should remain supportive and encouraging when they are able to correct a bad behavior. I've said before in chapter, maybe a little bitchily, but still...positive reinforcement works with dogs, why not with sorority girls? Maybe have a box which sisters can put notes into about other sisters, positive notes about something nice they have done that week. Have a featured member every week. I suggest picking sisters that sometimes misbehave in between the stars, because they are the ones that need the positive comments the most. When sisters praise the way they helped during a bad break up or with biology homework, whether they admit it or not, it'll make them feel good. They won't change their ways over night and it is a simplistic exercise but sometimes kids who behave badly do it for the attention it brings, even if it is negative attention. Be sure to talk to girls that are repeatedly doing bad things one on one. Make sure your standards officer is not accusatory but is making an effort to help. Sometimes drinking too much is a real problem, not just a misbehavior. Sometimes sleeping around constantly has a deeper root than wanting to get off...a girl feeling inadequate or hurting becuase of a boy. Obviously this is not the problem every time nor are these issues that collegians are equipped to deal with, but this opens the door to bring in a trusted adult or advisor to help the member find professional help without embarassing her. Sisterhood is about being supportive, so sometimes it just takes a little digging to find that Suzy Slutbag isn't really just a selfish bitch, or that Amy Alcoholic is genuinely in need of AA, and isn't just an out of control partier.

That being said, there do exist members that none of this will work on, and that are totally selfish and will NEVER understand how their behavior effects the group. If they are participating in illegal activities or repeatedly, after being talked to individually, doing extremely scandalous things they can be released...if not it's just up to the rest of your members to try to outshine the bad with good as best they can, and recruit girls NOT like these members so that in a few years this is no longer a problem.

Also, sometimes our officers forget that college kids drink underage, drink a lot, have sex, sometimes experiment with drugs, etc. None of our organziations support these behaviors and it's important to help women grow out of these behaviors, BUT for many the sorority isn't a religion, and they should be allowed to make mistakes that college students do. I've said before "it's college, lighten up". You can't control every girl and that's ok. Every other chapter on campus has the same issues, as does every chapter of every organization everywhere. Don't cry over spilt milk and remember there is just only so much you can do.

PS-Group discussions involving specifics that call out certain members WILL start catfights. Avoid this at all costs. Also, avoid open sessions which allow everyone to talk. Make sure to make it clear at the beginning of the discussion that if people cannot be nice, polite, and wait their turn (we all learned to raise our hands to be called on back in kindergarten) the discussion will be terminated and may or may not be resumed at a later time. And stick to it. The WORST thing that can happen is cat fights between factions in the chapter.