A little confused

Let me begin by saying that I am not here to trash sororities. I can understand and appreciate the fact that sororities can and do contribute something positive to a community. And I also respect the fact that sororities provide a unique environment in which friendship and commitment flourish. But I do find one particular aspect of the greek system VERY disturbing.

I recently visited various sorority websites at www.greekpages.com and discovered a common thread within every creed/mission. Most sororities claim that they promote things such as high principles of behavior or moral, mental, and social advancement. I think this is a load of absolute shit. Allow me to explain why….and bear with me, as there is a bit of background I must provide. My boyfriend recently moved away to open up a bar&grill right near a major university. His business has been open for just about two months now and has mainly attracted people from the Greek system. So, in other words, it's a total Greek hangout. During the first couple of weeks that the bar was open, my boyfriend would call me and tell me crazy stories about how flirtatious and sexually outward several of the sorority girls were with him. A few of them had even asked to go home with him….making it very obvious that all they were interested in was sex. Sounds like the sororities aren't doing too good of a job instilling morals and standards in these girls. But the story gets worse. There was one particular sorority girl that my boyfriend had hired as a bartender the first week the bar was open. Well, two weeks later, he and this girl were hanging out drinking with a group of people up at his bar…..by the end of the night, they ended up sleeping together. Now, granted, my boyfriend screwed up bigtime and there is no excuse for what he did ….but it also takes two to tango. What gets me is that this sorority girl knew that he had a girlfriend. Hell, I had even called up the bar and TALKED to this girl on the phone. Furthermore, the girl (excuse the vulgarity) spread her legs for some guy she has not even known for two weeks! And she didn't even bother to use a condom! Obviously, this girl lacks morals, standards and self respect. Oh….but there's more!
A week later, some of my boyfriend's friends came to visit him. This crazy girl actually propositioned TWO of his friends for sex. Then, a day later, this same "lovely" little sorority girl ended up getting fired for bringing in her OWN bottle of vodka into the bar. So much for this girl's sorority promoting high principle of behavior!!!!

You know, if sororities are going to boast that they help their members attain high moral, mental, and social standards, then these girls need to represent their organizations a hell of a lot better. These sorority girls that act slutty and are promiscuous with whoever, whenever are TOTALLY disrespecting their greek name. Either these girls need to take what they've learned for their sorority and act like classy LADIES….or the sororities need to change their creed or mission statement by omitting the statement that they strive for moral excellence.

Thank you for your consideration.

[Serenity]

First of all, the actions of ONE person from a particular group does not speak for the ENTIRE organization or EVERY like organization. Secondly, what you are saying is akin to perpetuating all the negative stereotypes people have about sororities and fraternities.

Believe me when I say that MOST if not ALL GLO's uphold and stand by their goals and ideals. An individual who violates these ideals may face reprecussions from their chapter or even nationals. My point is, you wouldn't know because you are not directly involved with this organization.

I feel badly that your boyfriend cheated on you. But let's face reality. Had she NOT been in a sorority would he have ignored her come-ons? I don't think so. Deal with the REAL issue at hand. It has NOTHING to do with a lack of morals on the part of women in sororities.

I know I speak for my GLO sisters when I say we WEAR our letters PROUDLY and with the UTMOST respect. (Even when we don't have letters ON.) WE represent our organzations with PRIDE and HONOR 24/7. We have made a LIFETIME commitment to our organizations and as such, we carry ourselves in accordance with our ideals. We cannot be resposible for every individual who is in a GLO that has a lapse in judgement.

Having said this, Butterfly, please stop perpetuating STEREOTYPES!

Serena (Serene) #2
Sigma Lambda Upsilon/Senoritas Latinas Unidas
Sorority, Inc.

[This message has been edited by Serenity (edited April 07, 2000).]

[SoCalGirl]

Butterfly

GIRL YOU ARE IN DENIAL ABOUT YOUR CRAPPY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!


"What gets me is that this sorority girl knew that he had a girlfriend. Hell, I had even called up the bar and TALKED to this girl on the phone. Furthermore, the girl (excuse the vulgarity) spread her legs for some guy she has not even known for two weeks! And she didn't even bother to use a condom! Obviously, this girl lacks morals, standards and self respect. Oh….but there's more!"

Your "boyfriend" KNEW he had a girlfriend!

Your "boyfriend" slept with some girl he hadn't even known for two weeks!

Your "boyfriend" is the one that didn't bother to use the condom!

Obviously, this boy lacks morals, standards and self respect!

Dump that loser and get your ass to therapy because you obviously have problems if you took him back!

[awatters]

Don't trash sororities because of your bad experience with a few of their girls. What kind of ideals do you expect? Getting wasted and having sex every Friday night? I hate it when people overgeneralize. It's the same thing as the way the media views fraternities: as Animal House partyers. Ditch your moron boyfriend and get someone who actually loves you, Butterfly.

------------------
andrew watters
Theta Chi –*ucla

[Q-T Pie]

Butterfly,
I too am non-Greek, but feel you are being extremely harsh in your post. You have based your ideas of all sororities on one bad 'seed'. Every organization (Greek or not) has members that you could consider bad & that give the organization a bad name & you happened to met one. I spent this afternoon with girls from a sorority I am interesting in rushing & can honestly say that I've never met a nicer group of girls that have accomplished more than the non-Greeks I know. I'm sorry about your situation & am sorry that your main encounter with sororities was a bad one, but I don't agree with your general view of sororites.

Allison

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A mistake at least proves that somebody stopped talking long enough to do something.
~ Anonymous

[equeen]

It seems like whenever you have readily identifiable symbols with a group or its ideals, such as letters, any one person associated with those symbols can make or break the image of that group. However one person is not the entire group. And I don't think any greek organization is bragging that its members are perfect to their standards; the way I see it, the ideals and goals of any house are goals and ideals to try and live up to. It's a works in progress.

[haynestammy]

That was beautifully said equeen. I posted something a while back on March 15th, I was sick and tired of people trashing other sororities becauseif you think about it you are just representing your organization in a negative light. People totally misinterpreted what I was trying to say.

[equeen]

thanks haynestammy! It took me a while to realize this. I was of a completely different mind when I first started college- I thought I would never go greek because of all the negative things I "knew" about greeks. And then I discovered that behind the --sometimes true, more often not-- negative sterotypes were sisters and brothers for *life*...and it was the values and ideals of their respective GLO that brought them together. I found that to be beautiful; I wanted and needed to be a parted of something like that. Late in my freshman year, I found the sisterhood in which reflects my personal values, and they agreed that I matched their ideals and goals. So six months after swearing off of greek like, there I was starting a chapter, along with a bunch of like-minded woman (I think of the Chapter's 18 Founders, only two had ever rushed; the rest were dead set against anything greek...until they came across our sisterhood.)

Life is beautiful....

[SilverTurtle]

you know, equeen if i were to give an educated guess.. i would say about 95% of my chapter was made up of similar folk... people who never even entertained the thought of rushing before finding our organization. And that might be a little low!

------------------
SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity

hey equeen,

what sorority are you apart of if you don't mind me asking

[equeen]

Originally posted by prospectverushee:
hey equeen,

what sorority are you apart of if you don't mind me asking

I'm a member of Alpha Sigma Kappa. My sorority is for women who are pursuing degrees in technical and engineering fields.

[mgdzkm433]

My question is, why do people feel it necessary to seek out a greek network, just to put us down? What equeen had to say was beautifuly put. Our creeds and ideals are a work in progress. If we ever achieved them, there would be nothing for us to do, we would be perfect. I really am surprised at the amount of people who actually believe that it is because girls are in a sorority that their morals aren't as high as some or that they have multiple partners. It could never be because of upbringing, or their individuality, or even how nieve they are. Girls do not instantly become "sluts" when they are initiated. It doesn't come with the letters. I think that it is unfortunate that girls do become a bit excessive, and I believe that the young lady that butterfly is telling us about fits that title. It is, however, unfortunate that men do the same as well. There are a lot of women out there, maybe more, that aren't in a sorority that are "sluts" by the definition that we are speaking of. Girls in a sorority for the most part do not meet this definition.

I'm sorry butterfly that this happened to you. I realize that you now have a bad image of greek life, but realize also that you are looking at this from one perspective, the perspective of a heartbroken woman. It's sad that this had to happen to you, but you also must realize that this could have been ANY woman, greek or not, that tried to seduce you boyfriend. I doubt that you boyfriend fell victum to this girl based on the fact that she was a member of a sorority. Instead of holding a vengence toward greeks for what happened to you, maybe you should step back and reevaluate what happened. You are right, it does take two to tango, but your boyfriend is the one who cheated on you. He's the one that broke your trust. The girl hardly knew you, she didn't care! I would be more mad at my boyfriend than at the girl he slept with. If you are upset by the responses you have recieved, all I can say is: what did you expect? Nobody is happy this happened, and it does give us a bad name, but we still have to defend the organizations we believe in. Read what equeen had to say, she put it beautifly that our creeds and ideals are a work in progress, if we ever truly achieved them, we would be perfect.

------------------
Mikki Gates
Delta Zeta Alum
Kappa Mu Chapter
Sigma Alpha Iota Alum
Eta Tau Chapter

"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

--Julia Roberts
(Steel Magnolias)

Visit me at:
http://homepages.go.com/~dzkm433/index.html
and
http://www.calypso.com/dzkm433/welcomtomyworld.chtml

While you state in the first paragraph of your message that you are not here to trash sororities, that is exactly what you did. And while I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from in your hostility towards the girl who your boyfriend cheated on you with (been there.. ugh). You are totally blaming the wrong person here. I realize this has already been said by another person, but really.. your boyfriend is definately as much to blame (if not more in my opinion) as the girl. HE didn't remove himself from a situation that HE should not have been in. Not defending her by any means, but she didn't make any moves that I'm sure, that she felt wouldn't be returned. So it sounds like to me, he was putting his feelers out (no pun intended) just as much as she was. It is very easy to hate her and blame her - sorority or not. You didn't love her and trust her. Being cheated on just plain sucks, there's no avoiding that, but really, is it necessary to come on this chat and completely smash on sororities and morals, etc. I know just as many independents that are holding their own in the "slut" category as are women who wear greek letters... slutness doesn't discriminate. I hope you are able to get over this and move on. It will take a lot, and for God's sake... DO NOT take the guy back.. ugh. Not only did he cheat on you, but he gave you daily updates on how flirty the girls were with him.. really. Good luck.

Originally posted by Butterfly:
Let me begin by saying that I am not here to trash sororities. I can understand and appreciate the fact that sororities can and do contribute something positive to a community. And I also respect the fact that sororities provide a unique environment in which friendship and commitment flourish. But I do find one particular aspect of the greek system VERY disturbing.

I recently visited various sorority websites at www.greekpages.com and discovered a common thread within every creed/mission. Most sororities claim that they promote things such as high principles of behavior or moral, mental, and social advancement. I think this is a load of absolute shit. Allow me to explain why….and bear with me, as there is a bit of background I must provide. My boyfriend recently moved away to open up a bar&grill right near a major university. His business has been open for just about two months now and has mainly attracted people from the Greek system. So, in other words, it's a total Greek hangout. During the first couple of weeks that the bar was open, my boyfriend would call me and tell me crazy stories about how flirtatious and sexually outward several of the sorority girls were with him. A few of them had even asked to go home with him….making it very obvious that all they were interested in was sex. Sounds like the sororities aren't doing too good of a job instilling morals and standards in these girls. But the story gets worse. There was one particular sorority girl that my boyfriend had hired as a bartender the first week the bar was open. Well, two weeks later, he and this girl were hanging out drinking with a group of people up at his bar…..by the end of the night, they ended up sleeping together. Now, granted, my boyfriend screwed up bigtime and there is no excuse for what he did ….but it also takes two to tango. What gets me is that this sorority girl knew that he had a girlfriend. Hell, I had even called up the bar and TALKED to this girl on the phone. Furthermore, the girl (excuse the vulgarity) spread her legs for some guy she has not even known for two weeks! And she didn't even bother to use a condom! Obviously, this girl lacks morals, standards and self respect. Oh….but there's more!
A week later, some of my boyfriend's friends came to visit him. This crazy girl actually propositioned TWO of his friends for sex. Then, a day later, this same "lovely" little sorority girl ended up getting fired for bringing in her OWN bottle of vodka into the bar. So much for this girl's sorority promoting high principle of behavior!!!!

You know, if sororities are going to boast that they help their members attain high moral, mental, and social standards, then these girls need to represent their organizations a hell of a lot better. These sorority girls that act slutty and are promiscuous with whoever, whenever are TOTALLY disrespecting their greek name. Either these girls need to take what they've learned for their sorority and act like classy LADIES….or the sororities need to change their creed or mission statement by omitting the statement that they strive for moral excellence.

Thank you for your consideration.

[tickledpink]

Butterfly, I think everyone here has addressed your issue accurately. I too am sorry that you had that experience and I hope that I do not sound harsh because I know that being cheated on hurts badly. You have to focus on the individual (s) here. Her sorority did not instill her morals. We could say that maybe she was always promiscious but kept it undercover until she got her letters, or maybe she was hurt after she received her letters and became promiscious, or perhaps she used to think of herself as a "nobody" and recieving her letters makes her think that she has the power to do whatever to whomever... who knows why she did what she did? If she's blonde, should we then say all blondes perpetuate the image of being slutty, or perhaps she goes to church and these churches should do a better job at teaching it's members morals or better yet let's jump straight to the source and just blame her parents... See how silly that sounds? Her sorority can no more control her poor judgement than your parents can control what you do outside of their home. All they can do is deal with her once they find out the type of image she is perpetuating. We all have our "black sheep". Focus on the individual. And really, I understand honesty in a relationship, but why was your boyfriend feeding you stories about these sorority girls that were coming on to him? Is HE fascinated by them, or was he attempting to shift the focus away from himself? You're right, he screwed up big time, and probably would have cheated on you anyway --- she was just easily accessible, however at this point, I would think his credibility is shot. Food for thought --- maybe he told her that you guys had broken up or that he was very unhappy with the relationship...

[BlondeChick]

You are being ridiculous. Sorority girl or not, he did her. I doubt that her "letters" turned him on! He did it! Plain and simple. He also did not use a condom.
Sounds like you have bigger problems with your boyfriend, and shouldn't be taking it out on sororities as a whole.

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*Michelle*
Alpha Xi Delta sister
Univ. of Central Oklahoma