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  #1  
Old 10-03-2012, 12:36 AM
sarawoof
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Going Early Alum... need help.

Can't figure out how to delete post so this is all I can do.

Last edited by sarawoof; 10-05-2012 at 01:16 AM.
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  #2  
Old 10-03-2012, 12:39 AM
WCsweet<3 WCsweet<3 is offline
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Originally Posted by sarawoof View Post
Hi all! This is kinda long, and I'm really sorry,

My name is Sara and I am 19 years old. To give a little back story, I joined the AGD chapter at my college. I threw myself into every aspect of the sorority life, as it's all I've wanted to do since I was little. Only a few weeks into it, I was asked to participate in another sorority's philanthropy pageant because our representative backed out the NIGHT BEFORE. So I have less than 24 hour notice and I agree to help (I do REAL pageants, so I figured it'd be easy enough). I am told to rap Super Bass by Nicki Minaj, and don't question it as I am overwhelmed. The sister that was supposed to help me went out of town, and I had no one to talk to. Participate in the pageant and get 3rd.

Two days later, I am contacted by my chapter president and told that I need to write a letter to every house on campus apologizing for using that song because it was inappropriate, and go to every house and read it out loud to the chapters by myself. I am mortified and say that I will go with her to deliver an apology FROM THE HOUSE explaining that I had only been asked to participate the night before, and that no one helped me and it was all a huge mistake. I was harassed for the next two hours about how our house prides itself on having quality women, and how I clearly am not one, and how if I don't do what she says I will be initiated, until I called my mom BAWLING and she had to ask her to stop.

The situation is handled and I get initiated. Once that happens, I find out that the president had been speaking very poorly of me and saying things that weren't true to the point where no one would talk to me, or be friendly with me. When going to dinner and chapters became painful, I de-activated. My parents and I agreed that it would be better for me as my grades were starting to suffer, and I was constantly upset.

Once I did, I started getting tweets from former sisters, and blocked calls and voicemails saying that I was never, and will never be considered an AGD and that I should probably just disappear because everyone would be better off.

We got a new president that I really liked and helped me deal with the tweets, etc. and I was going to re-activate once the year waiting period was up, but ended up meeting the love of my life and transferred to a school in another state that doesn't have an AGD chapter. So I am in the process of going early alum. I know of a junior circle near me, and am planning on joining, but was wondering if anyone knew if there are many girls like me who go early alum... because I still want the chance to have a little. To find a girl younger than me that I can have that special bond with. That's the ONLY THING that is killing me about this whole thing. I'm sad I'll never get to live-in and have that sisterhood experience, but I want a little so badly.

Does anyone have ANY advice on dealing with this, or my chances of finding a little, or anything like that?

Thanks, guys.
QFP.

How do you deactivate and then reactivate?
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  #3  
Old 10-03-2012, 01:05 AM
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thetalady thetalady is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarawoof View Post
Hi all! This is kinda long, and I'm really sorry,

My name is Sara and I am 19 years old. To give a little back story, I joined the AGD chapter at my college. I threw myself into every aspect of the sorority life, as it's all I've wanted to do since I was little. Only a few weeks into it, I was asked to participate in another sorority's philanthropy pageant because our representative backed out the NIGHT BEFORE. So I have less than 24 hour notice and I agree to help (I do REAL pageants, so I figured it'd be easy enough). I am told to rap Super Bass by Nicki Minaj, and don't question it as I am overwhelmed. The sister that was supposed to help me went out of town, and I had no one to talk to. Participate in the pageant and get 3rd.

Two days later, I am contacted by my chapter president and told that I need to write a letter to every house on campus apologizing for using that song because it was inappropriate, and go to every house and read it out loud to the chapters by myself. I am mortified and say that I will go with her to deliver an apology FROM THE HOUSE explaining that I had only been asked to participate the night before, and that no one helped me and it was all a huge mistake. I was harassed for the next two hours about how our house prides itself on having quality women, and how I clearly am not one, and how if I don't do what she says I will be initiated, until I called my mom BAWLING and she had to ask her to stop.

The situation is handled and I get initiated. Once that happens, I find out that the president had been speaking very poorly of me and saying things that weren't true to the point where no one would talk to me, or be friendly with me. When going to dinner and chapters became painful, I de-activated. My parents and I agreed that it would be better for me as my grades were starting to suffer, and I was constantly upset.

Once I did, I started getting tweets from former sisters, and blocked calls and voicemails saying that I was never, and will never be considered an AGD and that I should probably just disappear because everyone would be better off.

We got a new president that I really liked and helped me deal with the tweets, etc. and I was going to re-activate once the year waiting period was up, but ended up meeting the love of my life and transferred to a school in another state that doesn't have an AGD chapter. So I am in the process of going early alum. I know of a junior circle near me, and am planning on joining, but was wondering if anyone knew if there are many girls like me who go early alum... because I still want the chance to have a little. To find a girl younger than me that I can have that special bond with. That's the ONLY THING that is killing me about this whole thing. I'm sad I'll never get to live-in and have that sisterhood experience, but I want a little so badly.

Does anyone have ANY advice on dealing with this, or my chances of finding a little, or anything like that?

Thanks, guys.
Fascinating story, but it makes no sense to me... maybe I am missing something. From what I understand, you quit. There is no going back from "quit".

From what you explained, you do not seem to have the option being a member of AGD again or even being an alumnae of the organization. I am confused by what you mean by a one year waiting period... waiting for what?
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  #4  
Old 10-03-2012, 01:38 AM
sarawoof
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When I de-activated, it was seen as a suspension of my membership. So I have to wait a year, and after that year I am allowed to either have my membership reinstated or I can do nothing and be officially de-activated and cannot rejoin AGD. But I am within that year mark and am eligible for early alum since I transferred to a school that doesn't have a chapter. I've talked it all out with nationals and my advisor.
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  #5  
Old 10-03-2012, 01:51 AM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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So you won't be an active member no matter what? Then why worry about it. Reinstate your membership and become an alumna. You get the benefits of membership and seemingly no down side. Have I missed something? But I'm confused. Why would you have a little if you're not an active and there's no chapter at your current school? Who would you be a big to?

Unfortunately the collegiate sorority experience is history for you. The next phase of your sorority membership is going to be much different and bigs and littles, formals, fraternity parties, etc. are in your past.

But kudos to AGD for allowing a forgiveness period. Girls do a lot of stupid things and make rash decisions. This seems like a kind alternative to no backsies, no how.
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  #6  
Old 10-03-2012, 01:59 AM
sarawoof
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I just didn't know if there was a way to find another girl like me that maybe transferred and didn't have a big or something like that. I don't really care about parties or formals at this point.

I don't know if your comment was towards me making a stupid or rash decision, because I can assure you, I went through a lot for MONTHS before deciding I couldn't handle it anymore. And they don't allow a forgiveness period for everyone, I was in a special circumstance.
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  #7  
Old 10-03-2012, 03:25 AM
Always AlphaGam Always AlphaGam is offline
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My advice is to embrace this new stage of Sisterhood and accept that your collegiate experience is over.

Make sure you're in good standing and get involved with your nearest Junior Circle/Alumnae Chapter. Go on Sister Search and find sisters living in your area. Their Initiation years should be listed there so maybe you can find ones closer in age. Hopefully their contact info is listed as well.

I joined as an upperclassman so my time going to formals, mixers, and having a sister-daughter was very limited. AGD became much more special to me as an alumna. Some of my closest friends are sisters a lot older than me.

It's a crappy feeling now, but one day you'll understand.
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  #8  
Old 10-03-2012, 06:39 AM
AGDee AGDee is offline
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We do have a process for reinstatement of membership after a suspension but it does not work like the OP says.

OP- Contact IHQ to find out your membership status. Some of the details you've posted do not fit with policy. IHQ is the only place you can find out for sure where you stand right now.
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  #9  
Old 10-03-2012, 09:11 AM
LouisaMay LouisaMay is offline
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If you find that you are, for certain, able to be active as an alumna, you will not have the official experience of having a "little." However, one of the wonderful parts of being an alumna is serving as a mentor to younger sisters in many ways--formally and informally. I have been an active district volunteer and then a national volunteer since 2007, and I have been blessed to meet and support many young women in ASA. If you embrace those opportunities, you will not feel that you missed out!
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  #10  
Old 10-03-2012, 05:51 PM
sarawoof
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Always AlphaGam View Post
My advice is to embrace this new stage of Sisterhood and accept that your collegiate experience is over.

Make sure you're in good standing and get involved with your nearest Junior Circle/Alumnae Chapter. Go on Sister Search and find sisters living in your area. Their Initiation years should be listed there so maybe you can find ones closer in age. Hopefully their contact info is listed as well.

I joined as an upperclassman so my time going to formals, mixers, and having a sister-daughter was very limited. AGD became much more special to me as an alumna. Some of my closest friends are sisters a lot older than me.

It's a crappy feeling now, but one day you'll understand.
That made me feel a lot better, thank you. Luckily, there is a junior circle where I live!
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  #11  
Old 10-03-2012, 05:53 PM
sarawoof
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Originally Posted by AGDee View Post
We do have a process for reinstatement of membership after a suspension but it does not work like the OP says.

OP- Contact IHQ to find out your membership status. Some of the details you've posted do not fit with policy. IHQ is the only place you can find out for sure where you stand right now.
I have been in contact with IHQ and talked to several women who have all told me the same thing. I wait until the year mark is over (January) and then I can have my membership reinstated, but as an alum since I moved schools. Normally it would just be reinstated, but since I moved and there is no chapter at my school, it will be as an alum.
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  #12  
Old 10-03-2012, 06:07 PM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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No, I wasn't calling you stupid or rash. But there are girls who get through 3 1/2 years of collegiate life and quit as opposed to sitting through 8 more chapter meetings. For the entire rest of their lives. I've never heard of an NPC sorority allowing a way out of that stupid move. Of course, I don't know all the ins and outs of your process, but if there is ANY way to resolve it, I think that's good.

It sounds like you had no choice but to make the moves you did. Hopefully being in a new city with (hopefully) a different set of alumnae sisters, you can start fresh and rebuild your opinion of the group as a whole.
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  #13  
Old 10-03-2012, 07:36 PM
AGDee AGDee is offline
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Originally Posted by sarawoof View Post
I have been in contact with IHQ and talked to several women who have all told me the same thing. I wait until the year mark is over (January) and then I can have my membership reinstated, but as an alum since I moved schools. Normally it would just be reinstated, but since I moved and there is no chapter at my school, it will be as an alum.
Ok, good.

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Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
No, I wasn't calling you stupid or rash. But there are girls who get through 3 1/2 years of collegiate life and quit as opposed to sitting through 8 more chapter meetings. For the entire rest of their lives. I've never heard of an NPC sorority allowing a way out of that stupid move. Of course, I don't know all the ins and outs of your process, but if there is ANY way to resolve it, I think that's good.

It sounds like you had no choice but to make the moves you did. Hopefully being in a new city with (hopefully) a different set of alumnae sisters, you can start fresh and rebuild your opinion of the group as a whole.
Yes, we do have a "way out of that stupid move."

Back to the original question then, sarawoof... As an alum, you won't get that live in experience or the experience of having a sister-daughter, but there are things you will be able to do. For example, with our new colonizations, alumnae from all over the country take "pearl sisters." Since colony members don't have sister-mothers, alum correspond with them, make them feel welcome, etc. even from a distance
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  #14  
Old 10-03-2012, 07:52 PM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
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Originally Posted by AGDee View Post
Ok, good.



Yes, we do have a "way out of that stupid move."
I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).
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  #15  
Old 10-03-2012, 09:12 PM
AGDee AGDee is offline
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I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).
And really, it only makes sense. Sometimes women do this because they just can't financially continue as a collegian. Sometimes they are facing difficult personal circumstances. Sometimes they make mistakes, mature a bit, get things together and realize their sorority membership is important to them. I imagine the women who make the effort to get reinstated will probably be pretty committed to their organization from that point on.
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