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  #1  
Old 09-23-2012, 01:58 PM
Wanadrop Wanadrop is offline
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Considering dropping out

I'm considering dropping out of my sorority. I know that there have been other posts about this in the past but I feel like they don't completely relate to my situation.

I've been in this for awhile, held several positions, been active at events, connected with a few sorority sisters. Sororities on my campus are very small, none of us even have our own house. But at the same time, there are always sororities that are considered the "it" ones. My sorority isn't bad but we're not considered popular/hot. And I've mostly always been okay with that. Since our last pledge class, we have been recruiting more girls that have the popular "look" but their personalities are so terrible. They joined and formed a clique among themselves and are very exclusive. They cause so much unnecessary drama and always talk behind people's backs. In addition, they are a bad image for us, going out constantly to parties and getting drunk.

This year during recruitment (and I apologize in advance because of our small chapters since recruitment is very different for us), the VPs of recruitment and the president agreed to only allow those who are "outgoing" or with the "it" look to talk to girls. All the other girls, including some who I guess you can call more senior than these new girls, were put aside/hidden. They feel this is necessary in order to be competitive with other chapters. I am so ashamed of this and I don't know what to do. I have felt the need to drop in the past but because of this and more recent drama involving these girls I feel it is reinforced. Is it common for sororities to hide some of their individuals? Sometimes I feel they only want our membership to increase the amount of members we have and to take our money. Please help.
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  #2  
Old 09-23-2012, 02:04 PM
IrishLake IrishLake is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanadrop View Post
I'm considering dropping out of my sorority. I know that there have been other posts about this in the past but I feel like they don't completely relate to my situation.

I've been in this for awhile, held several positions, been active at events, connected with a few sorority sisters. Sororities on my campus are very small, none of us even have our own house. But at the same time, there are always sororities that are considered the "it" ones. My sorority isn't bad but we're not considered popular/hot. And I've mostly always been okay with that. Since our last pledge class, we have been recruiting more girls that have the popular "look" but their personalities are so terrible. They joined and formed a clique among themselves and are very exclusive. They cause so much unnecessary drama and always talk behind people's backs. In addition, they are a bad image for us, going out constantly to parties and getting drunk.

This year during recruitment (and I apologize in advance because of our small chapters since recruitment is very different for us), the VPs of recruitment and the president agreed to only allow those who are "outgoing" or with the "it" look to talk to girls. All the other girls, including some who I guess you can call more senior than these new girls, were put aside/hidden. They feel this is necessary in order to be competitive with other chapters. I am so ashamed of this and I don't know what to do. I have felt the need to drop in the past but because of this and more recent drama involving these girls I feel it is reinforced. Is it common for sororities to hide some of their individuals? Sometimes I feel they only want our membership to increase the amount of members we have and to take our money. Please help.
If you have held offices, and you are in an NPC chapter, then you have an advisor. Contact her/them immediately.
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  #3  
Old 09-23-2012, 02:08 PM
Wanadrop Wanadrop is offline
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But my advisor would probably side with what these girls have chosen on. She helped them choose which girls should talk to who.
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  #4  
Old 09-23-2012, 02:11 PM
DoctorD DoctorD is offline
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Your advisor has advisor(s) - follow the chain of command.
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  #5  
Old 09-23-2012, 02:19 PM
ThetaPrincess24 ThetaPrincess24 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanadrop View Post
But my advisor would probably side with what these girls have chosen on. She helped them choose which girls should talk to who.
I would follow DoctorD's advice on going to her advisor. As both an Advisory Board Chair and recruitment advisor, I can say that is a no no! If the advisor in question is an advisory board chair/head advisor that is doing that, you need to go to your regional or district team.
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  #6  
Old 09-23-2012, 05:15 PM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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I'm sorry you're struggling. But regardless of all of this, I would counsel you to stick with it. It sounds like you've been in the chapter for some time now, and I'm wondering if you are a senior with graduation on the horizon. Sorority membership is forever and it would be a shame to lose that because your chapter has made a negative turn, in your opinion. You get out of a negative situation in the short term, but you give up so much more than that.

But do remember that chapters change over time. It is completely normal for the seniors to think the chapter is going to go to hell in a hand basket when they're gone. These girls may be trying to improve their standing on campus and doing it at the expense of valuable members. This is all too common, I think. You can't change the officers in question and you probably can't make their advisors intervene (it may have even been their idea), but you can go up the chain to at least find someone to express your concerns to.
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  #7  
Old 09-23-2012, 07:03 PM
AnchorAlumna AnchorAlumna is offline
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If you resign, they will win.
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  #8  
Old 09-23-2012, 07:30 PM
DaffyKD DaffyKD is offline
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I think there are a lot of us who have thought about dropping our membership at one time or another. I felt that way during my senior year. We join our chapters based on the women who were active at the time of our recruitment. By the time we are seniors, they are gone and we are dealing with completely different personalities. We have matured and have a hard time identifying with the antics of the freshmen.

Once you become an alumnae you begin to enjoy your sisterhood on a different level. I am very happy I maintained my membership and have been a very active member of my alumnae chapter for many many years.

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  #9  
Old 09-23-2012, 08:53 PM
Wanadrop Wanadrop is offline
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First of all, I'd like to say thanks for all your feedback it's helped a lot! Especially what DubaiSis said. It may be difficult for you guys to understand that my sorority is very small, I don't even know who is the regional advisor is. But I will try to talk to the president about my concerns and try to get to know this year's pledge class. I will probably wait a semester and decide from there, this is the consensus with a lot of other girls who have felt they've been put aside as well.
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  #10  
Old 09-23-2012, 09:27 PM
DoctorD DoctorD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wanadrop View Post
First of all, I'd like to say thanks for all your feedback it's helped a lot! Especially what DubaiSis said. It may be difficult for you guys to understand that my sorority is very small, I don't even know who is the regional advisor is. But I will try to talk to the president about my concerns and try to get to know this year's pledge class. I will probably wait a semester and decide from there, this is the consensus with a lot of other girls who have felt they've been put aside as well.
Not difficult to understand at all.

I'm sure your HQ can help you out if you have the desire to find out how to contact your regional advisor. Good luck.
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  #11  
Old 09-23-2012, 11:19 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna View Post
If you resign, they will win.
Yep. That really, really sums it up.

Wear your letters 24/7/365 so everyone KNOWS who is really in your sorority. Be loud and proud and let them know that you're not going away just because you don't look like a movie star.

Give these new girls some time and get to know them one on one. I know they may be a LOT different than what you're used to, but you might be surprised at how it turns out. Here's another side of the coin: these girls probably feel a bit defensive themselves and possibly like they are only being "used" for their looks. That's not fun.

You might try having a sisterhood retreat just to get everything on the table. I also agree with everyone who's said go to whomever is above your advisor. She may have good intentions, but her manner of implementation is crap.
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  #12  
Old 09-23-2012, 11:52 PM
thetygerlily thetygerlily is offline
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Another suggestion: pick one or two of the newer members to get to know on a more personal level. Take her to coffee, meet for lunch, walk together to an event, whatever. Even if others feel this way too, if you don't engage with them there will be a chapter divide. if you can befriend some of them, you can show them what sisterhood means to you. They can then help impact the others in their pledge class(es).

I'm not sure how small you're talking, but my chapter was 17 at the end of my freshman year and about 30 when I graduated. 25-30 was the average on my campus, and all the sororities were unhoused. That can make it more challenging to get to know everyone. However, it's amazing how much impact one person can have on a small chapter.
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  #13  
Old 09-24-2012, 12:17 AM
SoCalGirl SoCalGirl is offline
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If you're in an NPC, the sister side of you national website may have an org chart down to the advisor level.

If other sisters are feeling like you do, maybe it's time for a gavel pass? Basically, everyone gets a chance to air out their feelings.
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  #14  
Old 09-24-2012, 12:54 AM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
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Most seniors get to feeling this way. "This is not the chapter I joined." And you know what, you're right. The girls who chose you have long since graduated, and you've recruited new members and you've made your own impression on the chapter. You seem to have done a lot during your membership. Try to keep a positive attitude and follow the advice given here.

I have friends who terminated their memberships during the final year in college, and, several years later, they really regret that decision. I hope you make the choice that is right for you. I don't think you really want to leave after all you have put into the organization, but at the end of the day, it is your choice. Please do what is right for you.
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  #15  
Old 09-24-2012, 11:13 PM
lyrica9 lyrica9 is offline
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Wanadrop - hang in there. A lot of what you're saying resonates with me, and five years after becoming an alumna I can tell you that it is worth it to stick it out. Ultimately, when it comes down to it, you are a member of your org for what it means to you. Don't lose sight of that. I posted something similar here when I was a sophomore, and looking back I would have really regretted my decision had I terminated my membership. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been valuable and cherished all the same.
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