When it's not your child

sphinxpoet · #1 08-06-2002, 02:21 PM

Increasingly there has been several issues of baby's fathers and single mothers! In one case I saw last week a man raised a child who he thought was his daugther of 12 years. Him and his ex were not together legally but he paid child support for 12 years and he had married someone else.

Then when she turned 12 she sued to have an increase in child support. Upon this the man requested a blood test to see if the daughter was really his. It turned out he was not the daddy!

He sued the mother for all back child support and requested that the court reject her request for more child support. He Lost! The court said since he was the only daddy the young girl knew he was still responsible even if it was not his. Now he still has to pay monthly child support

All the women I came across said what happened to him was jacked up but he still needs to pay child support!

How do my people in here feel about that? Are the courts right or wrong? When should you if ever trust someone who is claiming to carry your child? Or should we all just get blood tests from jump? Does that mean a stepfather that divorces his wife still is responsible to the stepchild financially? Let me know! I will express my opinion later.

Sphinxpoet

tammy- · #2 08-06-2002, 03:06 PM

NOT FAIR!

He thought that child was his because she was a lying _______.
The judge should have made her pay back all of the child support. It should be up to him as to whether he wants to continue to see the child. I think men should get a test to see if the child is theirs. There are too many triffling women out there. I would have no problem with my man checking cause I do not spead my precious body between two men. Its better to be safe than sorry.

These women make good women look bad!

TnyMcKy2000 · #3 08-06-2002, 03:47 PM

first of all, she's wrong for lying; and she should suffer some consequences for her actions; As for the "father," however, that's a tough one to call, because granted, for 12 years he was under the assumption that she was his daughter; then suddenly he finds out that it was a lie, and he's actually not the biological father, does that negate the "relaltionship" that has manifested over the years? No. It appears the issue here is the title. Is he her Daddy, yes. Is he her father, no. Should he be legally responsible for her financial support, no I don't think so; but he should however, continue to do something for a child that he has nurtured and raised as his own.

TLAW · #4 08-06-2002, 03:56 PM

Women liked that should be flogged. However, can he really turn off the love he must have for this girl? I hope not...

straightBOS · #5 08-06-2002, 04:18 PM

A man has only the word of the woman to go by. And any man would be crushed to find out that a child is not his. As a female, I will ALWAYS know my child, but a man cannot be sure.

When this happens I think we tend to spend so much time saying, "poor little child" that we forget just how crushed a man can be when he is deceived in this way. This is not a light matter, this is the future and an extension of him. And to find out that your bloodline and the history that comes with it does not exist (in the literal sense) has got to be the worse feeling in the world.

I think he deserves a judgement in his favor. Its too easy for a woman to deceive and its sad when this trend means a man cannot look upon the face of his own child without doubt.

Now, as for feelings, I think he should be allowed time to get over any feelings of pain that he has. I'm sorry if the child has to miss out on daddy while he works through his feelings, but that's mom's fault not his.

And when good men are punished for stepping up and doing the right thing, what type of example are we setting?

Professor · #6 08-06-2002, 04:21 PM

As I stated in the other thread - we have no rights. Often women don't know who the father of their children are. I see these types of cases weekly. It really is sad that folk must have blood test to ensure the woman is accurate when she states who is the father of her child. I have a cousin who had a son while not married to the father. She again became pregnant. While pregnant with her second child the father of the first child died. Upon the delivery of this second child she stated that two children shared the same father. All of my family members know in our heart that my cousin lied only to receive Social Security for the two kids. Again, we have no rights.

FeeFee · #7 08-06-2002, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sphinxpoet
Increasingly there has been several issues of baby's fathers and single mothers! In one case I saw last week a man raised a child who he thought was his daugther of 12 years. Him and his ex were not together legally but he paid child support for 12 years and he had married someone else.

Then when she turned 12 she sued to have an increase in child support. Upon this the man requested a blood test to see if the daughter was really his. It turned out he was not the daddy!

He sued the mother for all back child support and requested that the court reject her request for more child support. He Lost! The court said since he was the only daddy the young girl knew he was still responsible even if it was not his. Now he still has to pay monthly child support

All the women I came across said what happened to him was jacked up but he still needs to pay child support!

How do my people in here feel about that? Are the courts right or wrong? When should you if ever trust someone who is claiming to carry your child? Or should we all just get blood tests from jump? Does that mean a stepfather that divorces his wife still is responsible to the stepchild financially? Let me know! I will express my opinion later.

Sphinxpoet

Last year either on Dateline or 20/20 or one of those news shows, they discussed the same topic. However, some of the emphasis was on married men, who while going through a divorce, and having to discuss the topic of child support discovered that the children were not biologically theirs through DNA testing. After finding out that they were not the biological fathers, they decided that they should not have to pay any child support. The courts rejected the fathers' wishes stating that "in a marriage, if any children are produced, it is almost automatically assumed that the husband is the father". To this day, courts still stick by that notion. Any opinions on the married men who go through this ordeal???

sphinxpoet · #8 08-06-2002, 04:42 PM

What about the child who was lied to as well! Should they suffer without a daddy cause of mom? That is what the women I talked to said about it! Now if men go out demading blood test from thier soon to be mothers(EVEN IF THEY ARE MARRIED) then the men will come down looking like the villian! Where has the trust gone. ps I do not think the mother should be rewarded for lying!

RedefinedDiva · #9 08-06-2002, 05:55 PM

Ok, I am going to give you all the flip side. Pregnancy is NOT an exact science. Therefore, one can not always be sure of the exact time that they get pregnant. Saying that, it is possible that the woman did not know when and for whom she got pregnant (considering that she had more than one partner in a particular time span). Does that make her nasty and trifling? It's all a matter of opinion. Does that make her a liar? If she KNEW that the kid wasn't for a particular man, HELL YEAH! If she honestly didn't know, I can't call her a liar.

It's a catch 22 on the part of the man. He should have asked for a blood test from the beginning. Why wait 12 YEARS to ask for it? But then again, had he asked for a test, it might have seemed like he didn't trust his girl. I don't think that the court has the right to force him to continue to make payments.

Lord, help the children.

tammy- · #10 08-06-2002, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
Ok, I am going to give you all the flip side. Pregnancy is NOT an exact science. Therefore, one can not always be sure of the exact time that they get pregnant. Saying that, it is possible that the woman did not know when and for whom she got pregnant (considering that she had more than one partner in a particular time span). Does that make her nasty and trifling? It's all a matter of opinion. Does that make her a liar? If she KNEW that the kid wasn't for a particular man, HELL YEAH! If she honestly didn't know, I can't call her a liar.

It's a catch 22 on the part of the man. He should have asked for a blood test from the beginning. Why wait 12 YEARS to ask for it? But then again, had he asked for a test, it might have seemed like he didn't trust his girl. I don't think that the court has the right to force him to continue to make payments.

Lord, help the children.

I do not think women should put themselves in situations where if they get pregnant they will not know who the father is. I also think more men should start asking for blood test. Take the baby for a day- swing by the doctors office. Its sad to be deceitful but even sadder to find out years later that the baby is not YOURS.

I have known people who did not know who the father of their child was- How sad! I have also known men who found out at birth that the baby was not theirs- they took a blood test.

MEN YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST NO GOOD WOMEN..........

AKA2D '91 · #11 08-06-2002, 08:16 PM

If they would not allow the man compensation for paying support because he THOUGHT the child was his, then at least allow him not to CONTINUE (by force) to pay towards support.

Let the mother handle the financial responsibility of the child. If he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child, then that's fine, but there should not be any financial obligations to the child.

Men, you all better start advocating for yourselves. Start a PAC or something...Some stuff just isn't fair.

straightBOS · #12 08-06-2002, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RedefinedDiva
Ok, I am going to give you all the flip side. Pregnancy is NOT an exact science. Therefore, one can not always be sure of the exact time that they get pregnant. Saying that, it is possible that the woman did not know when and for whom she got pregnant (considering that she had more than one partner in a particular time span). Does that make her nasty and trifling? It's all a matter of opinion. Does that make her a liar? If she KNEW that the kid wasn't for a particular man, HELL YEAH! If she honestly didn't know, I can't call her a liar.

It's a catch 22 on the part of the man. He should have asked for a blood test from the beginning. Why wait 12 YEARS to ask for it? But then again, had he asked for a test, it might have seemed like he didn't trust his girl. I don't think that the court has the right to force him to continue to make payments.

Lord, help the children.

The court of law states, "The truth, the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth." A sin of omission should never be rewarded. If she knew Tom and Jim hit that within a 12-hour period she owes it to the man to say look, I'm prego, but IT MIGHT NOT be yours. After that, it's up to him to get the test. But until then, does he not owe his supposedly COMMITTED spouse or WIFE that much trust?

A woman knows where her "stuff" has been, and it should ALWAYS be her responsibilty to find out who fathered her child. She owes it to that man and that child.

SeriousAKA · #13 08-07-2002, 10:26 AM

I think it is really sad when a woman does not know who her child's father is. I think its even worse to tell a man he's the father when you have doubts. In today's age and with all the protection out there, there is no reason that a prenanccy should occur (now I know nothing is 100%,but you can get pretty darn close!). For the situation stated, I think its unfair for this man to have to continue to pay child support legally. Should the mother pay him back, yes but only half. Half because assumming for these 12 years he's been an active part of the child's life, it was paid without question probably because he loved this child. What should the outcome be? I am sure he is hurt! I am sure he will need time. My hope is that the mother will not "poison" the child against him if he takes a little time out. But I do he hope he explains the situaion to the child before he dips.

It's sad but men have no rights and its unfair!

FeeFee · #14 08-07-2002, 10:34 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sphinxpoet
[B]What about the child who was lied to as well! Should they suffer without a daddy cause of mom? That is what the women I talked to said about it!

Good point indeed!! No matter how much you slice it, the child will always be the ultimate victim here! I mean, can you just imagine the psychological impact this will have on the poor child? Feelings of betrayal and mistrust may very well occur. Will the child demand to know who the real biological father is?? Will he or she ask Mommy why she lied??? What if the man no longer wishes to have a relationship with the child? Sad, but it happens. That may bring up feelings of worthlessness, and we all know what further problems that may bring

Will there be the need for some kind of counseling (at least for the child)??

It's just a dayum shame, I tell ya!!

RedefinedDiva · #15 08-07-2002, 03:20 PM

I want to know who this other guy is!

(I'm sure homeboy wants to know, too)

I hope that the mother knows. If so, I hope that she will be woman enough to let him know and let the child in on that half of his/her life.