Rush - What to NOT do or say

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

I just really don't want to spend $40 on rush if I'm not going to get a bid because I will be a sophmore during '07 fall rush.

I think above all else this bothers me...there is no guarantee that anyone will get a bid no matter how fabulous they are during recruitment, no matter what school they are at. Even if you weren't married, it might be a "waste" of $40, because you might not get a bid. Lots of fantastic people go bidless every year. It's not like Panhellenic refunds the money of all women who go through recruitment and don't get bids, or at least I've never heard of that being done. That's part of the risk involved with recruitment. Recruitment is not a guarantee. It might be the best $40 you've ever spent, or it could be a total "waste" if you don't get a bid.

Being as how I don't know you, your school, or the organizations on your campus, they may very well be cool with you or your non-trad. status, but they may not be. Before you do anything else, maybe you should contact the greek life office about the being married aspect and if recruitment is a possibility after that time, see if there are informal events you can attend this spring to get to know the organizations better.

[VeniceIsSinking]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

I think above all else this bothers me...there is no guarantee that anyone will get a bid no matter how fabulous they are during recruitment, no matter what school they are at. Even if you weren't married, it might be a "waste" of $40, because you might not get a bid. Lots of fantastic people go bidless every year. It's not like Panhellenic refunds the money of all women who go through recruitment and don't get bids, or at least I've never heard of that being done. That's part of the risk involved with recruitment. Recruitment is not a guarantee. It might be the best $40 you've ever spent, or it could be a total "waste" if you don't get a bid.

Being as how I don't know you, your school, or the organizations on your campus, they may very well be cool with you or your non-trad. status, but they may not be. Before you do anything else, maybe you should contact the greek life office about the being married aspect and if recruitment is a possibility after that time, see if there are informal events you can attend this spring to get to know the organizations better.

I'm sorry, I think you may have misunderstood that. I suppose I should have worded it better. Anyway, I don't mind dropping the money and not getting a bid because things wouldnt work out. If for some reason I got the impression I didn't get a bid because of what class I'm in, I would be rather disappointed. Hence the feeling of "wasting" money.

Thanks for your advice though.

[33girl]

No NPC has rules against extending a bid solely because of class status. Any NPC group can pledge a second semester senior if they like.

However, some NPC groups DO have rules against married students being active members. It may not have a thing to do with whether the women in the chapter like you - it's a national rule that the chapter members must follow - the same as the rules regarding grades. Contact the Panhellenic at your school, explain your situation, say you would like to know if any of the groups have national or local bylaws regarding married women being active members, and then go from there.

[Nicole AΦ]

We follow the rule of the three B's Boys, Booze and Bank Accounts as the thinks not to talk about.

[VeniceIsSinking]

Well I got around to contacting my greek office and it looks like my marital status/class ranking will have no negative affect on me. All of the chapters on campus allow married women to be active members and there are no local by-laws regarding married women as well. Also a lot of sophmores participate and are placed! The Greek advisor is really excited about having me go through recruitment and plans on helping me out.

Thanks for the heads up ladies, I appreciate it. I'm just glad that in the end it worked out in my favor.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

Well I got around to contacting my greek office and it looks like my marital status/class ranking will have no negative affect on me. All of the chapters on campus allow married women to be active members and there are no local by-laws regarding married women as well. Also a lot of sophmores participate and are placed! The Greek advisor is really excited about having me go through recruitment and plans on helping me out.

Thanks for the heads up ladies, I appreciate it. I'm just glad that in the end it worked out in my favor.

I'm glad to hear that the greek life office was so helpful for you! Just to remind you though (since you said you wanted to be fully prepared) that just because a chapter's policies don't disallow a married woman to join a chapter does not mean that her marital status won't have a negative affect on a married PNM's chances depending on the campus culture -- we can't really say for sure that it's not going to negatively affect you. That said, I really hope it doesn't, especially since you're so enthusiastic about recruitment! Check through some of the previous "married PNM" threads to read some stories about similar situations worked out.

I'm really glad that lots of sophomores get placed because class standing is usually a big factor in whether or not PNMs get placed at very traditional schools. It sounds like all systems are go for you at this point, and please keep us updated in the fall when you're going through recruitment.

[VeniceIsSinking]

Thanks AChiOhSnap. The advisor was incredibly helpful and is also helping me get more involved on campus to increase my chances for a successful recruitment. She really wants things to work out for me, so she's "grooming" me into not only a better person, but a better future sister. Her advice has been wonderful and she's really making me feel like I am accomplishing something at my school.

And you're absolutely right, while the laws say it's ok.. some girls may see it otherwise. I guess my goal during recuritment will be to make it very clear to every sister I encounter that my marital status is just an extension of me, and will not affect my commitment to XYZ sorority. I will obviously not make that the basis of my conversations, but make it a key point! I'll see what I can dig up on the board about married PNM's.

I will definitely create a rush thread in the recruitment stories board when the time comes.

[MTUDeepher]

Like from above, don't talk about boys, beer/being smashed, drugs (I've seen a PNM do this, it was a huge turn off), money, politics, sex, or religion. I like to think that conversations at rush should almost like the conversation you would have at a business lunch/dinner. Concentrate on the good things in your life. i.e: If you visit the humane society to give some kitties some good old fashion loving, or your work as a big sister in big brother/big sister, these kinds of things will let membership know more of your moral standings than your party habits.

[LaurynZTA]

we dont talk about boyfriends alot, but theres sometime you dont have anything else to talk to the girl about. when i went through, i remember i was worried because my bf wasnt going to school with me so i asked one of the sisters if it was difficult with her bf and she told me sometimes but now always, and that really helped me alot.

but we do try to focus only on zta and not our personal lives, but if girls ask and its approapriate, we do answer them.

ALSO

My Rho Betas always told the PMNs, "if you left the __ house after a rush party and realized you left your purse inside, who you be embarrassed to walk back inside to get it?"
Also another good one is, "If you're in the middle of recruitment and you start your period, would you be scared to ask one of the girls for a tampon?"

They seem like silly questions, but during rush there were the houses I just didnt click with the girls and I would have been terrified to ask for a tampon or to go back and get my purse. But at the ZTA house, it was just a match. I felt at home there and it was like instant BFFs.

Maybe that might help if you have a girl torn between 2 houses or if youre a Rho Beta.

\^^^/
ZETA TAU ALPHA
Theta Eta Chapter - SFASU

[amiki246]

Hi. I read all the post on recruitment advice and what not to say. I rushed a sorority and I rushed more than once and I did not do a thing that would fall under the category of "don't say this or don't ask that" and I still did not get a bid. I am a nice and friendly person and I tried to get around and speak to all the girls. I remember one girl even asked me if I would ever want to live in the house or be on their executive board and that was only my second night there. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently. Not getting a bid made me really upset and I have gotten over it, but there are still days when I see girls wearing letters and I say to myself "what is wrong with me? how come I did not get a bid?"

And this is kind of a different subject, when rush was over, some of the girls I spoke to and that were nice to me, will either not even look at me or give me a "haha you did not get a bid" or a "I am better than you" look. Why is this?

Originally Posted by amiki246

Hi. I read all the post on recruitment advice and what not to say. I rushed a sorority and I rushed more than once and I did not do a thing that would fall under the category of "don't say this or don't ask that" and I still did not get a bid. I am a nice and friendly person and I tried to get around and speak to all the girls. I remember one girl even asked me if I would ever want to live in the house or be on their executive board and that was only my second night there. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently. Not getting a bid made me really upset and I have gotten over it, but there are still days when I see girls wearing letters and I say to myself "what is wrong with me? how come I did not get a bid?"

And this is kind of a different subject, when rush was over, some of the girls I spoke to and that were nice to me, will either not even look at me or give me a "haha you did not get a bid" or a "I am better than you" look. Why is this?

Unfortunately, no one here will be able to give you the answers you seek because we weren't the ones who rushed you.

Did you go through NPC rush? I find it weird that someone would ask you such questions during rush.

At the same time, the reasons why someone was cut/did not receive a bid are not disclosed to non-members as the membership selection process is private.

The things listed here are not the be-all, end-all of recruitment. Just because a PNM follows the advice here it won't guarantee her a bid.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by amiki246

Hi. I read all the post on recruitment advice and what not to say. I rushed a sorority and I rushed more than once and I did not do a thing that would fall under the category of "don't say this or don't ask that" and I still did not get a bid. I am a nice and friendly person and I tried to get around and speak to all the girls. I remember one girl even asked me if I would ever want to live in the house or be on their executive board and that was only my second night there. Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently. Not getting a bid made me really upset and I have gotten over it, but there are still days when I see girls wearing letters and I say to myself "what is wrong with me? how come I did not get a bid?"

Not that this makes it any easier to handle, but honestly, not getting a bid to sorority does not mean that something is "wrong with you." You are not less of a person or somehow flawed because of it.

It's best not to worry yourself thinking about why you weren't extended a bid. Membership decisions are private so, you'll never know why. All you can do is speculate, and that will just make you upset when you start thinking of possible reasons.

Originally Posted by amiki246

And this is kind of a different subject, when rush was over, some of the girls I spoke to and that were nice to me, will either not even look at me or give me a "haha you did not get a bid" or a "I am better than you" look. Why is this?

I'm willing to bet that most of them don't think less of you for not receiving a bid. If they do give you dirty looks, that's just being immature. Girls can be immature sometimes.

[Mapple]

I am going through recruitment in the fall as a sophomore & I have a few concerns.

I rushed last year but was cut by round 3 from the sororities that I felt a connection with. I went to prefs to give the two I had left a chance, but I knew they weren't for me. I dropped the day before bid day. What do I say about this experience during this year's rush?

Is wearing the same outfit for both days of round 1 or 2, even though you go to different houses, a faux pas?

Kind of weird question, but what are everyone's thoughts on perfume? I feel like I read somewhere not to wear it for rush, but that sounds off to me...

Thanks

[howtheSunrose]

I'm sure this has been said many times but....

please please don't post what GLO you want to join on the internet. And definitely not on facebook. I came across a Global group (I imagine the students thought current students wouldn't see it..or were just not thinking in general) on facebook for my college's upcoming freshman class. In a thread, entitled "Rush", girls were proclaiming which sorority they were "rushing" and saying things such as, "I'm going to join the sorority that drinks the most". While I'm all for giving people a chance, I'm going to have to remember these names. Also, it's probably not the wisest idea to be writing words such as "s**t", "b*tch", and "wh**e" all over people's facebook walls but hey, that's just my personal view point.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Mapple

I am going through recruitment in the fall as a sophomore & I have a few concerns.

I rushed last year but was cut by round 3 from the sororities that I felt a connection with. I went to prefs to give the two I had left a chance, but I knew they weren't for me. I dropped the day before bid day. What do I say about this experience during this year's rush?

Is wearing the same outfit for both days of round 1 or 2, even though you go to different houses, a faux pas?

Kind of weird question, but what are everyone's thoughts on perfume? I feel like I read somewhere not to wear it for rush, but that sounds off to me...

Thanks

It depends on the campus culture. At some schools, chapters may not bat an eye on a sophomore going through again, but at others, you will be one of a few sophomores going through. If asked, I think you can politely say that you just didn't find your home. I doubt an active would grill you about it much longer than that.

As for wearing the same outfit for both days of a round, while it's true that you won't be seeing the same chapters on each day, your outfit might smell. I mean, assuming your recruitment is in August or September, it will probably be hot or at least warm, so I of course am not implying that you're a smelly person, but when it's hot, people sweat.

I'd say use perfume sparingly. It depends how strong it is. You definitely don't want a chapter to remember you as the girl who smelled like perfume from 10 feet away, or still smell your perfume when you leave a room. Maybe use a body splash instead if you're concerned about it coming off too strong.