I feel soo left out in my sorority?

superbity · #1 08-04-2012, 05:30 PM

I try my hardest to be friendly but Im a shy person so it just feels weird and awkward. Ive stuck with my sorority since I joined last semester as a cob, hoping that it'll get better but it really doesnt. I have nobody Im friends with, and my Big and I dont even talk at all. I would try to text her stuff like hey lets hang out soon, but we never would. Right now wr're having work week for recruitment and I just feel lonely because everyone is happy to see eachother and I dont know anyone.
For example during our first meeting I sat next to a girl I know a little more than the rest, and tried to talk and be social. It went okay but after the meeting we had an hour of free time. Everyone immediatelt got up and went to find their friends around the house so I was left alone. The girl next to me and her friend walked off without looking at me and I followed for like 10 sec then felt like the most annoying tagalong... So i went off by myself and tried to look for girls to talk to. But like I said I dont know anyone so I just ended up wandering around occasionally smiling and saying hi, before feeling awkward and leaving the house to walk around by myself. I felt like crying. I didnt know anyone well enough to go into their room and be like "hey, how was your summer, how is movein, etc." I know its technically my fault that Im in this position because Im quiet, but its just so hard to dig myself out of it when everyone else is already friends and I have no opening. When I try to do stuff or go with people i just get the impression they only tolerate me following them and joining in on plans.

APhi4Ever · #2 08-04-2012, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by superbity

I try my hardest to be friendly but Im a shy person so it just feels weird and awkward. Ive stuck with my sorority since I joined last semester as a cob, hoping that it'll get better but it really doesnt. I have nobody Im friends with, and my Big and I dont even talk at all. I would try to text her stuff like hey lets hang out soon, but we never would. Right now wr're having work week for recruitment and I just feel lonely because everyone is happy to see eachother and I dont know anyone.
For example during our first meeting I sat next to a girl I know a little more than the rest, and tried to talk and be social. It went okay but after the meeting we had an hour of free time. Everyone immediatelt got up and went to find their friends around the house so I was left alone. The girl next to me and her friend walked off without looking at me and I followed for like 10 sec then felt like the most annoying tagalong... So i went off by myself and tried to look for girls to talk to. But like I said I dont know anyone so I just ended up wandering around occasionally smiling and saying hi, before feeling awkward and leaving the house to walk around by myself. I felt like crying. I didnt know anyone well enough to go into their room and be like "hey, how was your summer, how is movein, etc." I know its technically my fault that Im in this position because Im quiet, but its just so hard to dig myself out of it when everyone else is already friends and I have no opening. When I try to do stuff or go with people i just get the impression they only tolerate me following them and joining in on plans.

Obviously, the chapter saw something in you that they liked to have extended you a bid. I would try to get more involved in non-mandatory events/groups/activities that are apart of your sorority. I would join a group related to something you like and meet one sister at a time and go from there. I do not know the size of your chapter but it can be intimidating for a lot of sisters, whether newely joined or not, to try and make friends. There are many threads on Greekchat relating to this topic as well. I'd go from there and see what happens.

APhi4Ever · #3 08-04-2012, 05:46 PM

You may as well give it your best shot, especially since you are initiated and cannot join another sorority if this is indeed a NPC member group.

ThetaPrincess24 · #4 08-04-2012, 06:06 PM

Do you live in the chapter facility?

DGTess · #5 08-04-2012, 06:24 PM

If you joined through COB, there was at least a small group who met you and spent time with you before extending a bid. Can you talk to one or more of them (invite her/them to coffee, perhaps) and explain that you need help?'

I know where you're coming from -- I'm still very much the loner who has difficulty joining groups even when I know we have things in common (and my chapter was only 15 women). Some techniques that have worked for me are to ask just one person to help introduce me to others with a common interest in something (classes, an extracurricular event, an outside interest, etc.), and to volunteer for a specific task. Not "if you need help, please call me" (which I've found ineffective) but rather "I'd really like to do the artwork for that flyer" or "Can I help by xxx." If there isn't something specific, try to volunteer for a specific committee or subcommittee. You have to find that hook, with or without help.

Hope this gives you some ideas.

AOII Angel · #6 08-04-2012, 06:25 PM

Hang in there. This next week you will have a lot of face time with the chapter. Try your hardest to start some conversations with sisters. Go find your new member educator and get her to help you. Your big sis should help as well. Sit with her for work week and ask her to help you meet some sisters. Tell her how you feel. You need to open up to someone so that they can help you. They may be a little oblivious to the fact that you are struggling. More people who feel disconnected come out of their first recruitment saying it gave them a chance to find their place in their chapter. Take advantage of the situation.

AlphaFrog · #7 08-04-2012, 06:28 PM

Once the new member class starts, see if you can join them - either as an "audit" type situation, or maybe an assistant to the New Member Ed. You'll be in that more intimate pledge class group, since you didn't get one.

ASTalumna06 · #8 08-04-2012, 07:22 PM

Join committees, and volunteer to help out with whatever you can, whenever you can. Sorority "business" can be the best way to interact with other members.

excelblue · #9 08-04-2012, 09:14 PM

General comment about friendship: someone has to get the ball rolling; just because an interaction feels weird and awkward doesn't mean it actually is.

If someone in your sorority that you don't know that well asked you out for lunch or asked about your day, how would you feel about it? Now, imagine the other way around.

Imagine if you are now the big and your little is an identical version of yourself. What would happen?

It's definitely more scary to create an opening than to find one, but you can always create an opening when you can't find any.

KSUViolet06 · #10 08-04-2012, 09:20 PM

Good thread reads for someone in your situation:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=dropping

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=112091

DubaiSis · #11 08-05-2012, 12:35 AM

If you're in the middle of work week, someone undoubtedly needs help. And DGTess is right - be specific in your volunteering. Even the rush chair who is up to her eyeballs with work won't take the time to think of something to have you help with.

And I would try to find someone to express your feelings to. If your big is a dud, maybe you can talk to your president or any member of exec who seems approachable. A lack of bonding among sisters can be a downer during rush so it's something you want to get ahead of for the good of the whole group.

SUadpi · #12 08-08-2012, 06:10 PM

I know exactly how you feel, as I was in your situation three years ago. I have always been on the shy side, but I was able to overcome it during recruitment (mostly because I knew I had no chance if I didn't put myself out there and try to be as upbeat and outgoing as possible). However, once I joined, it was really hard for me to get out of my comfort zone and initiate conversations with my new sisters. I felt like it came naturally to everyone else, and even though I was very excited about my sorority, it was hard for me to really put myself out there. I remember, like you, feeling like everyone else was instantly really close and that they would be weirded out if I tried to join them in conversations/outings etc.
But, when I started thinking about it, I realized that these women WANTED ME. They obviously liked me, or I wouldn't have been there in the first place. Once I came to grips with this, I decided to throw caution to the wind and made the effort to volunteer for specific things, asked sisters to join me for coffee/lunch/a movie/studying etc, and tried to start a conversation with at least one sister I'd never talked to before at each meeting/social/philanthropy event etc.Before long, I had great friends in not only my pledge class, but in each of the other pledge classes as well, and today, I can't believe that I ever felt uncomfortable around these women- they have become not only my sisters, but my life long best friends/confidantes/cheerleaders.
The funny thing is, once I finally started feeling comfortable and like I fit in, I learned that many of my sisters had felt the same way I did at first- a bit like a fish out of water- so it was something we all experienced and overcame together. You would be surprised at how many of your sisters are feeling/felt the same way. I'm sure they would love to get to know you better; after all, you'd wouldn't have gotten a bid if the sisters didn't think you'd fit in with the chapter. Although it may be awkward at first, make the effort to initiate conversations with your sisters (try to talk to at least one different sister each time you're all together- she will likely be pleasantly surprised and can help you connect to other sisters), attend both mandatory and non mandatory events (so you are included in/ a part of the "fun" stuff as well), and think about ways that you can contribute to the chapter through volunteering your talents/skills in various areas.
Work week is a GREAT opportunity to bond with your sisters, as everyone is working hard for a common cause, and the long hours, sleep deprivation, and at times extremely emotional situations can really bring a chapter together. If the opportunity arises, ask if you can tag along the next time your sisters run an errand/grab some food/go for coffee or ice cream etc. I promise they will gladly include you, and they will not just "tolerate" your presence; they are your sisters and will be happy you wanted to join them!
It can be difficult sometimes, but I promise, if you make the effort, it will be sooooo worth it!! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain- lifelong close friendships with your sisters! Good luck!