Screwed up "famous" quotations

[ree-Xi]

Choose any cliched, overused, famous quotation, proverb or pithy saying, and mess it up. After writing a few, I felt a little like Jack Handey. Here are a few that I made up. I put them in italics to make them look fancy:


Give a man a fish, he eats for a day; teach a man to fish, and he'll probably starve to death because the "big one" always "got away".


Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. He might have food stuck in his teeth.


Well-behaved women seldom make Santa's "Nice" list.

[christiangirl]

"What doesn't kill us only weakens us until something small comes along to finish us off. Then we really look like punks."

[honeychile]

I immediately thought of one that has been oft-quoted:

The early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

[CougarGrad]

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrow of outrageous fortune... or to get blitzed and go bowling.

[LXA SE285]

Not original, but what the hey ...

"I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. And I laughed. Really hard." —Amy Sedaris

"A house divided against itself falls down." —Edith Bunker

[I.A.S.K.]

The early bird may catch the worm, but the early worm gets caught; If you're not sure that you're the bird be late.

[lovespink88]

I'm not sure why, but this thread made me think of something from The Office. When Michael left Dunder Mifflin to start his own company, he had this message written on the board (I'm changing the size for effect):

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take --Michael Scott --Wayne Gretzky"

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by lovespink88

I'm not sure why, but this thread made me think of something from The Office. When Michael left Dunder Mifflin to start his own company, he had this message written on the board (I'm changing the size for effect):

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take --Michael Scott --Wayne Gretzky"