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05-15-2012, 10:16 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: A Steeler Girl in Bear Country
Posts: 124
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How much do I tell my daughter?
Hi Ladies,
I've been on Greek Chat for almost a year. I've enjoyed the discussions and have gained valuable insight on "today's" recruitment world. I have a daughter who will be an incoming freshman going through rush in the fall.
As a greek, I want to "prepare" her for rush, but really not sure how much I should get into the process and the different scenarios she may encounter. I keep telling her to just be herself, be polite and pleasant, open-minded, and stick it out until the end. She's excited about rush and I want to keep it that way. However, let's be honest, rush can be overwhelming and weird experience. I believe though that at the end of the day, if a PNM keeps an open mind and gives it a chance she'll find the sorority home that was meant for her . . . and her life will be greatly enriched.
So . . . my question to you wise ladies is this - do I let her "experience" everything on her own, or should I get into more detail about how rush works and what scenarios she may encounter? I'd love to read your thoughts about this. Thank you!
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05-15-2012, 10:27 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,930
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You obviously know your daughter better than any of us, but once it is time for me to prepare my (3 year old) daughter I will be frank with her that recruitment is a unique experience that has ups and downs. I will prepare her that finding a sorority home is not as easy as "signing up on the clipboard" of her favorite house. I will prepare her that houses that she loves may have a list of PNMs that they love, and that being released from houses is part of the process for the overwhelming number of PNMs. I will tell her chin up, head high, and face each day with a smile. I will advise her to find SOMETHING that she likes/loves about every house on campus. That way, if a favorite releases her, she can focus on the positives that she has already identified in her remaining groups.
And to steal advice that 33Girl once gave, I will also counsel her to face each day's list as if those groups are the only groups on campus. Those that are gone are gone, so no use dwelling.
As to the ins/outs behind the scene, I won't go into much detail there. The PNMs already have enough to stress about/over-think. I don't want to add to that. I want her to focus on what she can control and just relax about the parts that she can't control. I will educate her about good conversation skills, and how that can have an impact on her rush.
Good luck to your daughter.
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05-15-2012, 01:07 PM
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Super Moderator
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Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 13,780
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One thing that I have not told my daughters is that with certain sororities that they're legacies to, they're guaranteed a place on the bid list if they make it to prefs. They just don't need to know that.
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05-15-2012, 01:14 PM
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Super Moderator
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: naples, florida
Posts: 18,404
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Fabulous advice Blondie & Carnation. I would add two things: if she is going to attend a college where recommendations would be beneficial, she should try to get one recommendation for each sorority on her campus. She should write a thank you note to each alumna that writes a rec. for her.
I would also let her know that just because she is a legacy, she is not obligated to join her legacy group, just as her legacy sorority is not obligated to invite her back. If they do, they truly want to get to knowher better . If they offer her a bid it is because they see that she has "something" that will contribute to their chapter-being a legacy is a bonus.
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Last edited by FSUZeta; 05-15-2012 at 01:16 PM.
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05-15-2012, 01:37 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: A Steeler Girl in Bear Country
Posts: 124
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Thank you ladies for the great thoughts! I knew I could count on you. My daughter will be going to a Big Ten school and my sorority isn't there. So, she will truly find her home. There are 14 sororities on campus. She has secured recs for 7 of those so far. She has already bought some cute "thank you" cards to send to the ladies who take the time to write her a recommendation.
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05-15-2012, 02:19 PM
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Moderator
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,142
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My biggest thing is that it's not sorority shopping and that not everyone gets that first choice in the end.
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"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi
Lakers Nation.
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05-15-2012, 03:43 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,416
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NPC has a new on-line recruitment preparation "webinar" on their website. I think my daughter is going to sign up for that after school is out. I can't see the details...you have to register...but I'm hoping that will be a great resource. Has anyone looked at it or spoken to any PNM who has gone through it?
I'm trying to help my daughter with general advice, as well as recs. When I went through, I didn't know much about the process and I did make mistakes that I should not have made. For example, do not wear you hair in a bun for recruitment. I thought that looked really cute. It didn't. Maybe if I'd been going through in 1882, when my chapter was founded, instead of 1982, it would have looked good. This was not a trendy-looking bun...it was one of those 1890's puffy hair, bun toward the front side of your head buns. I look at my Bid Day pictures and I'm appalled. Fortunately, my sisters saw past the bad hair and schooled me to drop that look like a hot potato. But, I would not be surprised to hear that my rush nickname may have been "Bun Girl" during discussions at other houses.
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Gamma Phi Beta
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05-15-2012, 03:44 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Back in the Heartland
Posts: 5,424
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My sister had me so worked up about all the hidden/secret stuff that I'm sure I was more focused on seeing signals or finding a notebook stashed under a sofa cushion than I was about the conversation I was in.
The advice above is great but I wouldn't get any further into it than that. Based on some of the questions we get here, I probably am not that much more obsessive than a lot of 18 year old girls.
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"Traveling - It leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller. ~ Ibn Battuta
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05-15-2012, 05:12 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 398
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As long as you can be supportive, make sure she has realistic expectations of the process. Recruitment is a competitive process even at the most laid-back schools, so try to help her to keep an open mind and look beyond the "tent talk"; sometimes a house you are less than thrilled to go back to ends up being the one.
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()---,, Nobody knows how happy I am!
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05-15-2012, 09:52 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 696
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06
My biggest thing is that it's not sorority shopping and that not everyone gets that first choice in the end.
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I love this! Cause sometimes they are out of your size or the color you want but the other color looks really good on your too.
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Alpha Chi Omega
Real. Strong. Women.
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05-15-2012, 09:54 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 696
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sciencewoman
NPC has a new on-line recruitment preparation "webinar" on their website. I think my daughter is going to sign up for that after school is out. I can't see the details...you have to register...but I'm hoping that will be a great resource. Has anyone looked at it or spoken to any PNM who has gone through it?
I'm trying to help my daughter with general advice, as well as recs. When I went through, I didn't know much about the process and I did make mistakes that I should not have made. For example, do not wear you hair in a bun for recruitment. I thought that looked really cute. It didn't. Maybe if I'd been going through in 1882, when my chapter was founded, instead of 1982, it would have looked good. This was not a trendy-looking bun...it was one of those 1890's puffy hair, bun toward the front side of your head buns. I look at my Bid Day pictures and I'm appalled. Fortunately, my sisters saw past the bad hair and schooled me to drop that look like a hot potato. But, I would not be surprised to hear that my rush nickname may have been "Bun Girl" during discussions at other houses.
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Do you have the link to that webinar? Also, that was my hairdo for pref in 1981. You mean I was out of style!
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Alpha Chi Omega
Real. Strong. Women.
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05-15-2012, 09:58 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 696
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I would give her scenarios up to a point. I think the advice to have fun, be yourself and stick it out to the end is sage advice. The only thing I would add and I will be telling my dd this in another year is if at the end of preference she can only see herself in one house or two houses to ONLY put those choices down. I'm not an advocate of SIP but I'm also not an advocate of taking a spot that some one else would like to have or quitting.
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Alpha Chi Omega
Real. Strong. Women.
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05-15-2012, 11:41 PM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: ILL-INI
Posts: 7,208
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor
I love this! Cause sometimes they are out of your size or the color you want but the other color looks really good on your too.
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Or when you pick up the dress that is your absolute favorite on the mannequin, it doesn't look quite right on you.
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05-16-2012, 01:48 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Back in the Heartland
Posts: 5,424
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Or that dress that looks kind of frumpy on the hanger looks AWESOME on you. It works both ways. You need to try on all of em.
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"Traveling - It leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller. ~ Ibn Battuta
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05-16-2012, 11:21 AM
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GreekChat Member
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,416
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor
Do you have the link to that webinar? Also, that was my hairdo for pref in 1981. You mean I was out of style!
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Here's the link to the new NPC program/webinar. It's called RecruitmentPREP.
[site offline, link removed]
(Glad to know I wasn't the only "Bun Girl" back in 1981. Must have been more in style than I thought if 2 of us were sporting them. )
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