Dropped as a Pledge

[lucgreek]

Originally Posted by Coolguy

Yeah that was the case. I asked her to go upstairs, but she said no and I didn't push it any further. She then dialed her number into my cell phone after I said that she shouldn't because she was way drunk (after I realized this girl was shitfaced). As far as representing the fraternity in a positive light, I don't know what their standards are. A pledge was charged with aggravated assault and battery, sent to jail, and it's seen as something hilarious.

Odd thing is that the Pledge ED said I can still party and hang with them whenever I wanted (excluding exchanges/formals). Maybe he's just being nice. It is devastating, but at least I can put my focus into other things.

The decision to kick someone out isn't usually taken lightly. The chapter probably discussed the entire situation. No one knows what happened that night except you and the girl. She isn't here to tell her side of the story here, so who knows what actually happened. Plus you were both drunk. If the girl felt threatened by you, I would definitely apologize to her, just for your own sake.

If everything happened the exact way you said it happened, I find it pretty hard to believe you would get kicked out for not being outgoing (though to go to mixers/parties and get wasted and make out with a girl on some levels is being outgoing) and getting rejected by a drunk girl. Did you go to fraternity events? Were you hanging out with the brothers? Were you meeting all the education standards? Did you actually fit in with the guys?

I'm going to go with they're just being nice about hanging out with you.

I admit that I've told people, who we didn't extend bids to, that we would still hang out and I have no idea how they didn't get a bid. When in reality, the guy was a huge asshole and I had no plans on ever hanging out with him again because I just didn't want to deal with the drama that would inevitably occur.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Oh come on. His user name is "cool guy." Who would ever blackball someone like that? It's totally unfair! He's cool!

[EE-BO]

You have received good advice so far- it is safe to assume you were not depledged because noone wanted you as a little brother. While it is entirely possible that in the process of little brother selection a discussion was had that led to you being depledged, I have never heard of a rule that would say any pledge who does not have an active want to be his big brother is automatically out.

The more details you reveal, the more possible reasons for you being depledged come up. If you spent a week thinking deeply about every detail of the last few weeks I am sure you could come up with 100 reasons why you were let go and 100 reasons why every single one of your fellow pledge brothers should have been depledged instead of you. And for every reason you come up with, someone somewhere will find a reason to agree or disagree with your findings.

At this point it is best to let it go and move on. As I and others have said, the chapter is clearly not going to tell you the real reason. And since you will not get the honesty from them that would make thinking on this further worthwhile to you in your future life plans, it is best to just move on and think to the future. It is not an easy thing to say- and a less easy thing for you to do- but that is what I suggest.

This would be a good time to disappear for a few days and take a rest. Go home, check into a hotel, go stay with a friend- whatever you want. Get away from things for a long weekend and take time to think in whatever manner best suits you. That will help I think.

Best of luck to you.

[Gusteau]

We will never know all of the reasons why this young man was dropped, but it is certainly within the chapter's right to do so. Hopefully he can accept this and move on - perhaps to a fraternity that is a better fir for him.

Regarding the big brother situation, the fact that no one was willing to take this young man is a strong indication that he is perhaps not the best fit for the chapter, and it is certainly not the new member educator's responsibility to make up for that.

[Coolguy]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

You have received good advice so far- it is safe to assume you were not depledged because noone wanted you as a little brother. While it is entirely possible that in the process of little brother selection a discussion was had that led to you being depledged, I have never heard of a rule that would say any pledge who does not have an active want to be his big brother is automatically out.

The more details you reveal, the more possible reasons for you being depledged come up. If you spent a week thinking deeply about every detail of the last few weeks I am sure you could come up with 100 reasons why you were let go and 100 reasons why every single one of your fellow pledge brothers should have been depledged instead of you. And for every reason you come up with, someone somewhere will find a reason to agree or disagree with your findings.

At this point it is best to let it go and move on. As I and others have said, the chapter is clearly not going to tell you the real reason. And since you will not get the honesty from them that would make thinking on this further worthwhile to you in your future life plans, it is best to just move on and think to the future. It is not an easy thing to say- and a less easy thing for you to do- but that is what I suggest.

This would be a good time to disappear for a few days and take a rest. Go home, check into a hotel, go stay with a friend- whatever you want. Get away from things for a long weekend and take time to think in whatever manner best suits you. That will help I think.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for this post. It's been quite some time since I've seen my family and it's a good a time as ever to see them again. I appreciate the words from everyone on here. It's really opened my eyes and I'll reflect on what aspects of myself I should improve on. My realization to improve myself for personal growth rather than simply joining a fraternity can hopefully pay dividends for me in the future.

I appreciate the posts from everyone.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Coolguy

Thank you for this post. It's been quite some time since I've seen my family and it's a good a time as ever to see them again. I appreciate the words from everyone on here. It's really opened my eyes and I'll reflect on what aspects of myself I should improve on. My realization to improve myself for personal growth rather than simply joining a fraternity can hopefully pay dividends for me in the future.

I appreciate the posts from everyone.

That's a good attitude. Good luck, whether you decide to go Greek again or not. I'm sure you'll have a great college experience either way.

[Lafayette79]

Originally Posted by excelblue

First thing I have to say is: ouch.

Just like what the others have said, each fraternity has their own rules on what's legit and not. However, I do have to say that I felt the reason was perfectly legit in the sense that you just don't quite seem to be the type of person they're looking for. Fraternities are not all-accepting clubs, and you have to actually fit in.

What basically happened is that they probably didn't find out enough about you during rush (this is very common especially with the way several fraternities do it), so they gave you a bid. Then, during the pledging process, they didn't see you as a good fit. If they had been more careful, they probably shouldn't have given you a bid in the first place.

In any case, if you're really not up to fixing that not outgoing enough thing, just take a look at some other fraternities in the spring. You might find one that's a better fit.

I've learned, through GC, since PanHell was strictly, 'no guys' and their Rush was a mystery to us, that Sorority Rush was so intense, that they could get a very good view into the PNM and whether she was a good fit.

Fraternity Rush has always been much more laid back, and so we had much less insight into the Rushee. Many houses, mine included, would give bids to guys who looked like a good fit, even if they weren't the classic Fraternity Guy, think Stork in Animal House. Almost always, they were great guys and it worked out well, but every semester, a few pledge pins were pulled for various reasons. It was always sad and the meetings went on forever, since their big brother always stood up for them, but we aren't the dorm, and a certain percentage was needed to go on.

Happily, a few of these guys found another house where they were a better fit, and I hope that they are as happy in their new home as I am in mine.