Interest on the Internet

[Salience]

Z-Ace (one of my FAVORITE online Zeta posters... ) wrote in another topic:

"I think the reason why some of us get 'irritated' is because a lot of people who are interested in our organizations try to get 'more information' on the internet that they know they wouldn't get from talking to a member in the Student Center (for example)."

And this got me to thinking (along with other sorority members' comments) about Net research.

I can honestly say that what I learn from this MB is support. For the most point, people here are amiable about questions I've posted.

On the flip, I have seen some questions posted here that NO ONE in their RIGHT mind would DARE ask someone "greek" F2F! I think people get caught up in their supposed anonymity here, and it's not guaranteed. "Would you tell me when XYZ is going to have a line?" "Should I transfer because those ABC over there hate me?" "How much community service should I REALLY do?" HELLO? You cannot know how sweet the accomplishment truly is, if you do not WORk for it.

I, myself, was located through this board- I had enough sense to not post crazy requests or trash particular groups, so I wasn't chagrined. (Is that a word?:confused The point is, I was located. If I'd asked rude questions, I would have gained a rep before even knowing it!

But, it hasn't been a bad of roses! I have been hemmed up when someone thought I was out of order. Now, if I felt I was in the right, I'll state why. if I'm wrong, mea culpa, and I move on!

K, I said all that to say this:

1: thank you to all GLO members for your candid behavior, when appropriate, and for keeping it real when we cross the line;
2: we're all learning, and the 'net IS used as a research tool- when it's not used as a singles bar ;
3: the worst someone can do in a F2F is act snooty towards you, and if that's the case, it's a wake-up call. The best case is a smile and patient ear. PICK your approach times wisely!



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Subtlety is the key ;o)

[ZetaAce]

Thanks, Salience.

You know, I think the net is a great resource for interests. I crossed in '97 and even though that wasn't that long ago (it sure feels like it, whew!) there weren't half as many websites and sources of information on the net that there are today.

90% of the questions most of us are asked are fine, but you are right about some of the questions. Someone had the nerve to ask me what my letters stand for. Now, c'mon, if you've done ANY research on greek organizations you know that question is inappropriate. My standard line is, if you can't find a reference to your question on my sorority's official site, than you probably shouldn't ask it. That's just a basic rule of thumb.

Another thing that we members need to remember is that our sorority business is OUR business and no one else's. Forums like this are great to meet other members, but they are not secure, so if you don't want a non-member to read it, then don't post it.

Interests beware! You never know who you are talking to! I have talked to women from my own college without them knowing until I told them.

ZetaAce

[equeen]

My thoughts on this subject:

I see questions asked on this board on occasion, that I myself would ask, because I am interested to learn about and appreciate the uniqueness of various GLOs. Whether it's due to the way we've evolved as individual houses (or groups of GLOs), or whether it's due to the different values that various houses (or groups of GLOs) emphasize, these differences do exist.

These differences aren't necessarily obvious outside of one's own GLO (or groups of GLOs). I think we often know a lot about our own GLO's (and associated GLOs) simply because, well, we've been around long enough to *know* our greek heritage.

It *is* easy to get offended when someone asks a question and think, "you *know* better than to ask."

There's two possibilities: (1) the person does know better, and is simply not minding his/her own business. That's inexcusable. (2) the person is trying to educate him/herself, and has chosen the wrong way, simply because they don't know any better than to not ask. In this case, I think it's wrong for me as a sister to junp all over them, unless it's clear that their intentions are foul. I would rather deflect the question with a polite and firm "that's special to my sisters and me."

I've seen examples of both, on and off this board. To go back to my original point: there are questions that I've seen asked that I would ask myself, but I'm not sure what is or isn't kosher to ask. Example: there's been a question about the tradition of stepping amongst BGLOs asked on another board in the past couple days. Now I don't think I'd ever ask how each GLO's step is meaningful to them - as a GLO member myself, I can guess that that's most likely special and not for just anyone to know. But I am curious, is it culturally significant to the BGLOs, is that where it came from? *shrug* not knowing much about BGLOs, I do not know whether that's an acceptable question or not. (BTW, I'm not fishing for an answer...it's purely a rhetorical question, used as an example). Another topic is one that I just sort of dove into blindly, my question about the "rush dilemma." I wasn't sure if I would get jumped all over for that, or not. After seeing some of the responses though (to both topics), I hesitate to ask questions, because though my intentions may be innocent, they may not be seen as such.

Similarly, there's no way anyone could know the ire I feel when certain questions are asked about my own sisterhood, because it's easy to forget that though I may know all the rules and regs of what's special to A.S.K., there's no way a non-initiate could! How is someone to know....we are young and new, and our history and purpose isn't inherently part of the greek consciousness (yet!). And even if it were...how can you expect someone to know *all* your business, as you do?

So if I'm a GLO member, and all I have a vague idea of what's off limits about other GLOs in other traditions, I can't imagine what it might be to the young innocents who have no baseline for deciding whether or not to ask a particular question. I feel absolutely no sympathy for those nosing around business they *know* isn't theirs....but I feel infinitely sorry for those who don't know any better...more often than not, they get a harsh response, which doesn't really guide them away from asking the wrong questions and asking the right ones, it just dulls the honest desire to know and learn.



[This message has been edited by equeen (edited June 28, 2000).]

[dc1]

Nicely put, equeen!

As an interest myself, I am, for the most part, unaware of what is and is not an appropriate question.. I have researched through the net, looked at hundreds of Fraternity websites; but, sometimes, questions need to be asked to those who are actually IN the fraternity/sorority... after all, wouldn't you rather speak to someone who has personally vested themselves in the organization rather than a, often times, cold "billboard" web site..
If you place yourself in another situation:
I would rather speak to a personal banker about my account than a telephone system saying "For acount status, press 1..."

On the flip side, however, I do have common sense not to ask about an organization's rituals... but if I ever overstep my bounderies, simply let me know politely and I will refrain from asking the question (and those related) again.

Keep the love

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Faced with the Divine, I was asked; "What one gift do you seek?"
I answered ever so meekly; "I seek Honor, Truth, Integrity, and Wisdom, yet those are four. How am I to choose?"
The answer came as a pounding whisper; "The four you seek are but one. I grant thee Compassion; for without it the four make none."
Author - me

[AlphaChiGirl]

You know, in some cases, it's honestly hard to figure out what to ask and what not to ask. Like, the person who asked what "Boule" was...that's an appropriate (in my opinion) question.

And, isn't it true with BGLOs that it wouldn't be in an interest's best interests to ask an active at her respective school questions? So, in that case, I would ask (appropriate) questions on the internet, where I have at least a modicum of anonymity.

[Pink Passion08]

To members of GLOs who may think that certain questions that interested ladies ask are appropriate and innocent, please keep in mind that in the case of BGLO's, our processes and protocol is COMPLETELY different.

It is true that interested girls get more and more bold with questions on the Net that they would never have the gall to ask face to face. As a member of a BGLO stated earlier, even though she pledged in 1997, which was only a short time ago, there wasn't nearly as many websites as there are now about fraternities and sororities. I remember when I was interested, I researched thoroughly without the convenience of the Web because it was kind of new when I was trying to find information. There is an abundant amount of information on the Web that wasn't there just a few years ago. How is that interested ladies found information before the rise of the Internet?

Back to my original point, because the protocol of BGLO's and GLO's are different, there are certain things that most interested people know generally about our organizations, by being there for a year before they attempt to "pledge". Unlike GLOs, BGLOs don't have the same procedure for Rush activities by inviting interested freshmen to come by their respective houses and then eliminate the candidates (please correct me if I am wrong about GLO processes. I also attended an HBCU). For BGLOs that is the reason that it is so important to do research BEFORE attending a Rush because you could be associtated with having interest in the sorority/fraternity that you attended the Rush for. In many cases, because there are only nine organizations in NPHC, interested people have had some experience with or knowledge of these sororities before attending college or immediately afterward. Also, many BGLOs have problems with people trying to perpetrate as members of their organizations by claiming that they are members or wearing paraphernalia. To us, this is a very serious matter because our organizations are a part of us for the rest of our lives and some cases, some of us may have worked for YEARS to get into our respective orgs. We don't put our orgs in the past tense after we graduate.

Again, my point is because we handle our organizations differently, your opinion of what we should consider as appropriate can be taken offensively by many members of BGLOs especially when others outside of NPHC, including other Greeks who don't know the significance of our answers and the reasons for our reactions.

Not trying to offend, just trying to clarify

[Momilton]

You're correct in stating that many people ask questions that may be offensive to those in BGLOs, and that they can be told that the topic is off-limits without rancor. I applaud those of you who do provide the allowable information to those who are interested. It is extremely difficult for them to show their interest in their immediate area, because of their feeling that it would be taken wrong. I, personally, don't understand the reasons that by expressing an interest in an organization should cause the members of that organization to get upset at the desiree.