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  #1  
Old 04-05-2023, 01:04 AM
FlyMcFly FlyMcFly is offline
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I don't know why I keep getting rejected during rush

I rushed at least four different times now. I know people are going to ask me why I rushed so many times, but I really want to be in greek life. It just frustrates me why I keep getting rejected.

I been to basically every single chapter at my school, and I been told no by all of them. I been respectful, well-dressed, confident, and so on. I wasn't being creepy. Yet, I keep getting rejected. Even the chapters that are low on members rejected me. I am that undesired, and it really hurts me emotionally. It does make me feel like there is something wrong with me.

I tried working on my social skills between rush cycles, but it didn't help at all. I still come off as hated and unlikeable to others, and I just don't know how to fix it. It frustrates me when people say things like "there is a chapter for everyone", yet I been told no by everyone.

I am going to be a senior next year, so it is all over for me. It is just so frustrating when people lied to me and told me that joining greek life was a great way to make friends or improve your social skills or whatever only when that wasn't the case in practice.
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  #2  
Old 04-05-2023, 06:26 AM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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I'm going to be a bit generic here. There isn't a chapter for everyone. Greek life isn't for everyone. You make no mention of GPA, activities, work history, volunteerism nor whether any alums or members put in a word for you (networking). Those things are important for fraternity and sorority recruitment.
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  #3  
Old 04-05-2023, 07:19 PM
navane navane is offline
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I'm sorry that your experience hasn't turned out the way you had hoped. Were you rushing for a fraternity or sorority?
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  #4  
Old 04-05-2023, 07:33 PM
Cookiez17 Cookiez17 is offline
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I do recall that chapters sometimes have a cut once, always cut policy. (And I learned this the hard way.)
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If I can get a bid so can you; a longer recruitment story
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  #5  
Old 04-05-2023, 08:23 PM
FlyMcFly FlyMcFly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by navane View Post
I'm sorry that your experience hasn't turned out the way you had hoped. Were you rushing for a fraternity or sorority?
Fraternity
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  #6  
Old 04-05-2023, 08:25 PM
FlyMcFly FlyMcFly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Titchou View Post
I'm going to be a bit generic here. There isn't a chapter for everyone. Greek life isn't for everyone. You make no mention of GPA, activities, work history, volunteerism nor whether any alums or members put in a word for you (networking). Those things are important for fraternity and sorority recruitment.
My GPA is just fine, and I am involved in many extracurriculars.

Last edited by FlyMcFly; 04-05-2023 at 09:01 PM.
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  #7  
Old 04-05-2023, 11:54 PM
navane navane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyMcFly View Post
I rushed at least four different times now. I know people are going to ask me why I rushed so many times, but I really want to be in greek life. It just frustrates me why I keep getting rejected.

I been to basically every single chapter at my school, and I been told no by all of them. I been respectful, well-dressed, confident, and so on. I wasn't being creepy. Yet, I keep getting rejected. Even the chapters that are low on members rejected me. I am that undesired, and it really hurts me emotionally. It does make me feel like there is something wrong with me.

I tried working on my social skills between rush cycles, but it didn't help at all. I still come off as hated and unlikeable to others, and I just don't know how to fix it. It frustrates me when people say things like "there is a chapter for everyone", yet I been told no by everyone.

I am going to be a senior next year, so it is all over for me. It is just so frustrating when people lied to me and told me that joining greek life was a great way to make friends or improve your social skills or whatever only when that wasn't the case in practice.
When it comes to thinking about "what could be the reason?" it's hard to say without us knowing you personally. Two questions --

- Do you have any friends in any of the fraternity chapters? After being on campus for 2-3 years, you may have encountered classmates, intramural sports teammates, kids on your dorm floor, etc that are in fraternities.

- You mentioned, "I tried working on my social skills between rush cycles, but it didn't help at all. I still come off as hated and unlikeable to others, and I just don't know how to fix it." What do you mean when you say that you tried working on your social skills? It's good that you may have noticed something to improve. What was it? What makes you think you are "hated" and "unlikeable"?
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  #8  
Old 04-06-2023, 06:30 AM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyMcFly View Post
My GPA is just fine, and I am involved in many extracurriculars.
2 out of the 5 things I mentioned probably aren't enough.
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  #9  
Old 04-06-2023, 11:29 PM
FlyMcFly FlyMcFly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by navane View Post
When it comes to thinking about "what could be the reason?" it's hard to say without us knowing you personally. Two questions --

- Do you have any friends in any of the fraternity chapters? After being on campus for 2-3 years, you may have encountered classmates, intramural sports teammates, kids on your dorm floor, etc that are in fraternities.

- You mentioned, "I tried working on my social skills between rush cycles, but it didn't help at all. I still come off as hated and unlikeable to others, and I just don't know how to fix it." What do you mean when you say that you tried working on your social skills? It's good that you may have noticed something to improve. What was it? What makes you think you are "hated" and "unlikeable"?
No, I don't have any friends

By working on social skills, I tried practicing talking, working on my tone, being more positive, and so on. I don't know why I am hated or unlikeable. I guess people just see me as weird or annoying to hang out with
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  #10  
Old 04-07-2023, 11:36 AM
KD4Me KD4Me is offline
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Iím sorry that rush hasnít worked out for you. Sadly, I donít think that continuing to go to fraternity events is going to result in a different outcome for you. I donít say this to be unkind, but because I know how difficult it must be to be rejected repeatedly.

Greek life is one of many places you can find friends. I think you should turn your attention to finding friends-even one good one-who will be there for you. It is great that you have been working on your social skills. If you havenít already, I suggest visiting your universityís counseling center. It could be that there are social clues that you are not picking up on that are making it more difficult for you to connect with others.

Thank you for reaching out. I hope you find a place that you feel is yours.
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  #11  
Old 04-08-2023, 01:14 PM
navane navane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyMcFly View Post
No, I don't have any friends

By working on social skills, I tried practicing talking, working on my tone, being more positive, and so on. I don't know why I am hated or unlikeable. I guess people just see me as weird or annoying to hang out with
Quote:
Originally Posted by KD4Me View Post
Greek life is one of many places you can find friends. I think you should turn your attention to finding friends-even one good one-who will be there for you. It is great that you have been working on your social skills. If you havenít already, I suggest visiting your universityís counseling center. It could be that there are social clues that you are not picking up on that are making it more difficult for you to connect with others.

Fly, I agree with what KD4Me said in her post. You seem to be aware that you have difficulty connecting with others and it looks like you might struggle with social cues and situations. Have you ever been tested for Asperger's? It's possible you could be on the spectrum. Knowing something like that could be very helpful and freeing for you. Definitely go to your student health or counseling center to see if this might be the case. There are a lot of things that can help!
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  #12  
Old 04-08-2023, 04:54 PM
FlyMcFly FlyMcFly is offline
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Originally Posted by navane View Post
Fly, I agree with what KD4Me said in her post. You seem to be aware that you have difficulty connecting with others and it looks like you might struggle with social cues and situations. Have you ever been tested for Asperger's? It's possible you could be on the spectrum. Knowing something like that could be very helpful and freeing for you. Definitely go to your student health or counseling center to see if this might be the case. There are a lot of things that can help!
My school's counseling is horrible. I tried to get help there numerous times, but it never worked out in the end. My state doesn't really have any accessible resources for autism testing either. I can't find a place to get tested even after years of intense research
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  #13  
Old 04-09-2023, 08:28 AM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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Contact your state affiliate of the Autism Society. There is one in every state.
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