New and kind of left out?

#1 02-18-2010, 12:14 PM

I am a freshman and just joined a sorority for spring recruitment about a month ago. I am usually so outgoing, but I'm shy in the sorority because I look at all the other girls in the house and they are already best friends, so I don't want to butt in on that. And the 10 other new girls who joined with me are so different from me, like really shy, and I can't picture myself being friends with them. The only 3 girls who joined with me that I DO picture myself being friends with because they are my age, are already super close from high school. What if I'm spending all this money and I never even get close to these girls?

Did anyone ever have this problem? What do you recommend?

thanks

Alone in Alphaaa.

DaemonSeid · #2 02-18-2010, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by speechless10

I am a freshman and just joined a sorority for spring recruitment about a month ago. I am usually so outgoing, but I'm shy in the sorority because I look at all the other girls in the house and they are already best friends, so I don't want to butt in on that. And the 10 other new girls who joined with me are so different from me, like really shy, and I can't picture myself being friends with them. The only 3 girls who joined with me that I DO picture myself being friends with because they are my age, are already super close from high school. What if I'm spending all this money and I never even get close to these girls?
Did anyone ever have this problem? What do you recommend?

thanks

Alone in Alphaaa.

Money (and letters) can't buy you friends.

Psi U MC Vito · #3 02-18-2010, 12:19 PM

I have a wild idea for you. Trying reaching out to people. Honestly it takes works to make friends. It's not going to be OMG WE ARE BFF just because you got a bid. Make an effort to get to know the girls.

ForeverRoses · #4 02-18-2010, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by speechless10

I am a freshman and just joined a sorority for spring recruitment about a month ago. I am usually so outgoing, but I'm shy in the sorority because I look at all the other girls in the house and they are already best friends, so I don't want to butt in on that. And the 10 other new girls who joined with me are so different from me, like really shy, and I can't picture myself being friends with them. The only 3 girls who joined with me that I DO picture myself being friends with because they are my age, are already super close from high school. What if I'm spending all this money and I never even get close to these girls?

Did anyone ever have this problem? What do you recommend?

thanks

Alone in Alphaaa.

I'll bite. Joining will not automatically give you 50 best friends. You still have to work at becoming friends with people.

If you see yourself being good friends with 3 girls that are already close, then hang out with them. Do stuff with them. Just because they are close, doesn't mean they won't be your friend as well.

At some point you will get a big- they can help you meet people. Let her know how you are feeling, and they can help introduce you to people.

Make sure you attend everything that you can- socials, philanthropies, even just movie night at the house (if you have one).

Just a quick story from my own experience- I am traveling with my family this weekend to visit one of my best friends. We were in the same sorority, but did not become friends until a year after I was initiated. We started hanging out during spirit week (the week before school returns before rush starts) and have stayed close for the past 15 years. If I had dropped out after a month, I would have missed out on the past 15 years of friendship.

AOEforme · #5 02-18-2010, 12:29 PM

You should ask anyone in the house out for coffee, for dinner, for studying. No one doesn't want to be your friend: they invited you for membership

We actually just got 10 new women through spring recruitment. They are all fabulous ladies and I can't wait to get to know them! However, I can't do that if they don't come to events and talk to me. I'll ask them to dinner or coffee or to study, but they need to accept the invitations.

Join a committee and MEET people. Don't let the fact that they are bffs forever block you hanging out with them. They invited you because they like you!

P.S. You aren't spending money to get friends. If you think that, you'd be better off dropping. The money pays for various running costs of the organization, just like being on a sports team! Ask to see the dues breakdown if you are curious.

DiamondAthena · #6 02-18-2010, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

I have a wild idea for you. Trying reaching out to people. Honestly it takes works to make friends. It's not going to be OMG WE ARE BFF just because you got a bid. Make an effort to get to know the girls.

THIS.

It just seems that so many new members think that friendship is automatic and goes with the territory of being in a sorority. You're not going to make friends automatically or without effort on your part in ANY setting. You can't expect the sisters to do the work and include you all the time especially outside of the house. Find out who has common interests like major/minor and extracurricular activities and go from there. And give it time for goodness sake it's only been a month!

AnotherKD · #7 02-18-2010, 12:50 PM

One more thing in addition to the advice given above. I don't know if your sorority has 100 people or 15 people. Hell, it could have 5 people. You more than likely won't get along with every single person in it. So if you do ask someone to coffee or to watch tv or to do whatever, don't take it personally if you don't get the 100% positive reaction you're looking for. Try someone else. Some people are terse and have personalities that may seem offensive when you first meet them, but then you get to know them, and yadda yadda. Just keep your mind open and try to put yourself out there. You'll find a niche.

ree-Xi · #8 02-18-2010, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by speechless10

I just joined my sorority and I am going to all of these events and meeting all of these hottttt really nice frat guys.

But I have a boyfriend who goes here, and I love him.

Sometimes I feel left out because I can't flirt or dance or go home with any of these guys. Or they'll stop talking to me when they know I am taken.

Does any other girl have this problem?

Barbie's_Rush · #9 02-18-2010, 05:31 PM

This is just too much. I call troll or sock puppet.

33girl · #10 02-18-2010, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by speechless10

I am usually so outgoing, but I'm shy in the sorority because I look at all the other girls in the house and they are already best friends, so I don't want to butt in on that.

If they didn't want you to butt in on that, they wouldn't have given you a bid.

It's normal to feel the way you do, especially in a smaller chapter where everyone knows each other inside & out. Don't let it intimidate you. Like everyone said, go to all the events and just go over to the house/suite/whatever when it's not required and hang out as well. Your big should also be helping you through this time.

gee_ess · #11 02-18-2010, 06:25 PM

I am very confused! Ree-XI, is your QFP from another thread?

AXiDMeesh · #12 02-18-2010, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I am very confused! Ree-XI, is your QFP from another thread?

Yeah, it's from the OP's other dumbass thread.

ree-Xi · #13 02-18-2010, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I am very confused! Ree-XI, is your QFP from another thread?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AXiDMeesh

Yeah, it's from the OP's other dumbass thread.

Thanks Meesh!

I figured that:

A. maybe the reason why she's having issues not gelling with members is because she's consumed with grief that she can't do other dudes becuase she has a boyfriend

or

B. the "complaint" in the thread I QFP'd is quite Trollish.

gee_ess · #14 02-19-2010, 01:11 PM

It almost reads like a friend (or enemy) signed on using her name and is posting some trash. The two threads are worded like two different people wrote them...This one sounds legit. Weird.....

ellebud · #15 02-20-2010, 10:39 PM

I'm putting on my mommy hat: (Assuming that the OP isn't a troll but some of her questions are in a way legitimate.)

So, here goes: If you are in an exclusive loving relationship the answer is the same as if you were a married women (or man). There are hott guys out there. Look but don't touch. If you touch be prepared to lose the relationship. Period.

I think that you misstated your question about paying money for nothing. I truly don't think that the OP meant buying friends. You want to have fun. You're paying your dues and you're not having fun. Go to lunches and dinners as often as you can. Volunteer. If you don't have a Big try talking to your pledge mother. Engage people in conversation, study sessions etc.

Good luck.