Being in a sorority while being gay

[Sophiestication]

Ok, so this is a serious question that has been bothering me. I've wanted to be in a sorority for a long time. However, I'm definitely a lesbian (maybe like guys too, idk), and I'm worried that at most, if not all, universities being both would not be acceptable. I doubt I'm being super paranoid or anything. What campuses would be more accepting of this kind of thing? Thank you so much.

(I'm not trying to start crap or anything, I really do mean this)

[33girl]

Find a school to attend that suits your ACADEMIC needs first and foremost and then worry about extracurricular activities.

[johansla]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Find a school to attend that suits your ACADEMIC needs first and foremost and then worry about extracurricular activities.

Preach!

But really if you want to join a sorority, the one that is right for you and you can be comfortable in will be okay with it. If they're not, then they're not right for you. I know for me, I'd be 100% for taking a woman with a different sexual orientation if she was very open about it because my chapter is really diverse and I love that no matter what race or creed my sisters are, they're great women. Your choice of who you like to spend time with romantically shouldn't play a role in whether or not we think you'd a make a loyal, positive sister. Honestly, sexuality really isn't focused on during sorority recruitment anyways since the whole boys/booze/bills area is touchy so we stray away from it.

Focus on strengthening your personal self first, though--if you're still questioning what kind of label you want to identify as in regards to your orientation, you may need to test the waters first before being really boldly out. Bisexuality is still not even fully accepted in the LBGTQ community so really focus on yourself now and settle into what you are before really coming out with "it" no matter what "it" is.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by johansla

Preach!

But really if you want to join a sorority, the one that is right for you and you can be comfortable in will be okay with it. If they're not, then they're not right for you. I know for me, I'd be 100% for taking a woman with a different sexual orientation if she was very open about it because my chapter is really diverse and I love that no matter what race or creed my sisters are, they're great women. Your choice of who you like to spend time with romantically shouldn't play a role in whether or not we think you'd a make a loyal, positive sister. Honestly, sexuality really isn't focused on during sorority recruitment anyways since the whole boys/booze/bills area is touchy so we stray away from it.

Focus on strengthening your personal self first, though--if you're still questioning what kind of label you want to identify as in regards to your orientation, you may need to test the waters first before being really boldly out. Bisexuality is still not even fully accepted in the LBGTQ community so really focus on yourself now and settle into what you are before really coming out with "it" no matter what "it" is.

I can't IMAGINE this coming up in recruitment.

OP, from a Midwesterner's perspective, if you are on a campus that is generally welcoming and supportive of the GLBT community, Greek life on that campus will probably also be welcoming and supportive of gay or lesbian members. I'm old enough to be your mom and I knew a bunch of gay or lesbian Greeks when I was in college.

Mileage may vary from campus to campus, but it's not a hard question to check out when you are doing campus tours. Every campus should have a coordinator of student life who can answer your questions.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by KDCat

I can't IMAGINE this coming up in recruitment.

OP, from a Midwesterner's perspective, if you are on a campus that is generally welcoming and supportive of the GLBT community, Greek life on that campus will probably also be welcoming and supportive of gay or lesbian members. I'm old enough to be your mom and I knew a bunch of gay or lesbian Greeks when I was in college.

Mileage may vary from campus to campus, but it's not a hard question to check out when you are doing campus tours. Every campus should have a coordinator of student life who can answer your questions.

Agree 100%

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Isn't that part of the problem, though? The risk that it wouldn't come up in recruitment, and then she could find herself in an unwelcoming situation once she comes out to her chapter?

I'd like to think we are all progressive and welcoming, but sexual orientation is one of those things upon which it's still (legally and) socially acceptable to openly discriminate, usually justified by some sort of religious beliefs.

[KDCat]

That's why I would ask someone at the student life office. I can see a campus where GLBT is totally fine, except in some pockets of campus life.

She could also ask about it at the women's center, if they have one.

[Sophiestication]

Thank you so much for the replies! I'll look at more liberal colleges, which I've mostly been doing. It's hard though because I could get a full scholarship to schools like Bama or Ole Miss but I'm guessing they're not as accepting.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Isn't that part of the problem, though? The risk that it wouldn't come up in recruitment, and then she could find herself in an unwelcoming situation once she comes out to her chapter?

I'd like to think we are all progressive and welcoming, but sexual orientation is one of those things upon which it's still (legally and) socially acceptable to openly discriminate, usually justified by some sort of religious beliefs.

That's definitely my big worry. I wouldn't bring it up because I wouldn't want people to focus on it, which could lead me into a bad situation. I guess my best bet is to talk to people who go to the colleges.

I really appreciate the replies!

[DubaiSis]

If it's very important to you (and I'm questioning that since you don't seem to be 100% certain of your sexuality as you've described it here), then I wouldn't bring it up during round 1 or 2 of rush, but addressing it at round 3 is ok. If they have a problem with it, then they don't want to invite you to preference, but it is too serious of an issue to be discussing with 400 girls crammed in an insanely loud room.

I'm picturing the bad sitcom where you are sitting there during rush, screaming just to be heard by the girl sitting inches away from you, and just as you say I'M GAY the room goes quiet. The parties are much smaller after the first round or two, so at least THAT problem would be diminished. But be aware, the likelihood is you will befuddle the girl you're talking to, so mention it if you feel you must, but try to move on quickly. She doesn't have independent decision making authority so if it's an issue with the chapter, it will need to be discussed later. By bringing it up, you did your job. Then try to move on. If she wants to talk about it great, but remember, the rules of discretion still apply, so ladylike and no details that might be offensive to someone overhearing the conversation, and more than likely out of context.

[Sophiestication]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

If it's very important to you (and I'm questioning that since you don't seem to be 100% certain of your sexuality as you've described it here), then I wouldn't bring it up during round 1 or 2 of rush, but addressing it at round 3 is ok. If they have a problem with it, then they don't want to invite you to preference, but it is too serious of an issue to be discussing with 400 girls crammed in an insanely loud room.

I'm picturing the bad sitcom where you are sitting there during rush, screaming just to be heard by the girl sitting inches away from you, and just as you say I'M GAY the room goes quiet. The parties are much smaller after the first round or two, so at least THAT problem would be diminished. But be aware, the likelihood is you will befuddle the girl you're talking to, so mention it if you feel you must, but try to move on quickly. She doesn't have independent decision making authority so if it's an issue with the chapter, it will need to be discussed later. By bringing it up, you did your job. Then try to move on. If she wants to talk about it great, but remember, the rules of discretion still apply, so ladylike and no details that might be offensive to someone overhearing the conversation, and more than likely out of context.

Oh, definitely. Trust me, my anxiety-fueled brain has enough sitcom scenarios already thought up. From what y'all have said, I think if I went to a liberal school I could just assume acceptance and not make a big deal about it, because I wouldn't want others to make a big deal out of it.

From looking around, it seems like University of Minnesota is pretty accepting and has a greek system (also I have family up there). Does anyone know anything about the climate at that school?

[ASTalumna06]

While I agree that you shouldn't bring it up until a later round of recruitment (if you bring it up at all), I wouldn't TRY to bring it up. Let the conversation flow naturally. And know your audience. If you're talking to a sister and she seems uninterested, awkward, shy (yes, even sisters can have a hard time with conversation), then I would hold off. However, if you find yourself really connecting with the sister you're talking to, and the conversation "leads" that way, you MIGHT mention it.

And in my opinion, if the chapters are large enough - especially if they're over 100 members - I probably wouldn't mention it at all. In a chapter that big, you certainly won't be best friends with everyone, and you're bound to find at least a handful of girls (and probably more) who will be accepting and will become your good friends.

I think you're better off putting your faith in 100+ sisters than you are with one sister you talk to during Round 3 of recruitment who might find a way to keep you out of her chapter altogether, based on nothing more than your sexual orientation.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by Sophiestication

Ok, so this is a serious question that has been bothering me. I've wanted to be in a sorority for a long time. However, I'm definitely a lesbian (maybe like guys too, idk), and I'm worried that at most, if not all, universities being both would not be acceptable. I doubt I'm being super paranoid or anything. What campuses would be more accepting of this kind of thing? Thank you so much.

(I'm not trying to start crap or anything, I really do mean this)

QFP

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Sophiestication

From looking around, it seems like University of Minnesota is pretty accepting and has a greek system (also I have family up there). Does anyone know anything about the climate at that school?

The Twin Cities are pretty gay these days. I don't know much about the Greek system, but the chapters there are large enough that I think you could probably just ignore the haters.

[angels&angles]

I went to a school that's pretty conservative. Most gay members were in the closet when they rushed/while they were in school. That being said, even on such a conservative campus, with some VERY traditional Greek life (I would call is SEC-like, although that's only from what I've read here), I was surprised by how accepting everyone was of the members who came out. In my chapter, we had a girl who was dragged kicking and screaming out of the closet (her girlfriend outed her--she was not happy about it). It didn't really change anything.

I would clean up your facebook, but perhaps leave a few clues to your sexual orientation--join the LGBTQ group, indicate your preferences, and leave it at that. Actives will probably check your social media, and that may be enough. If you go to a school with deferred recruitment (rush is not at the beginning of school, but in the middle of the fall/in the spring/beginning of sophomore year), you will have time to get to know the actives before recruitment, and if you are discreet but not in the closet, they will all know your sexuality before rush and you won't need to bring it up at all.

With THAT being said, be aware that if you do join a sorority in a deferred recruitment system, you may be questioned and/or limited in who you date/hook up with. At my school, ALL freshman girls were considered PNMs during fall semester, and we had specific rules about how we could interact with them. Hooking up and/or dating would be a very, very tricky thing. So that's something to think about.

Recruitment is NOT about hiding who you are, but about being the best possible version of who you are.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by angels&angles

Recruitment is about hiding who you are, but about being the best possible version of who you are.

I am sure that you didn't really mean to say this... right?