THE "bottom" sorority

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Are you OTL? The OP states competitive SEC school in the oriiginal post!

I don't know what OTL means…

And sorry, I must have missed that. But again, I don't think what anyone was saying was out of line with what the OP asked. They were still responding to this:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Instead, people were responding to the OP saying that her daughter was unhappy, she's warming up to the house, and her and her sisters are trying to figure out how to bond.

[Titchou]

OTL - out to lunch

[33girl]

Originally Posted by carnation

Let's just say that on an SEC campus with houses, a chapter that is not only unhoused but is unlikely to ever be housed is going to struggle. And it has been noted that on such campuses, some of these chapters (not this one, I hope) try to market themselves as the un-sorority for girls who never would've thought of becoming Greek. Since these girls often decide that attending most sorority functions is beneath them too, it does not end well and I really feel for involved girls who are caught up in this.

ANY social sorority at ANY school that markets itself as "the alternative" but rushes with the rest of the social sororities is not going to end well. What sounds like pride and happiness to the members who say it sounds like arrogance and/or defensiveness to the rushees and other Greeks who hear it. You can be quirky, but you still have to dig the things that are basic parts of being in a sorority.

[pinksequins]

I want to offer my apologies for lack of clarity. My suggestion had not been for the whole chapter to go to dinner (holy moly and not enough tables, Batman) but following a meeting seeing if perhaps a few (1 -10) might want to go eat or do something together.

[robinseggblue]

The chapter is not gonna have a house...like ever? That sucks.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by robinseggblue

The chapter is not gonna have a house...like ever? That sucks.

Uh, no. No one said that.

[WhiteRose1912]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

Uh, no. No one said that.

Originally Posted by carnation

Let's just say that on an SEC campus with houses, a chapter that is not only unhoused but is unlikely to ever be housed is going to struggle. And it has been noted that on such campuses, some of these chapters (not this one, I hope) try to market themselves as the un-sorority for girls who never would've thought of becoming Greek. Since these girls often decide that attending most sorority functions is beneath them too, it does not end well and I really feel for involved girls who are caught up in this.

It was implied.

[ASTalumna06]

Ok, we should all stop posting. I think the OP has a few people in this thread she can private message who have experience with the SEC and perhaps know more about this particular, and seemingly special situation than the rest of us. Some of us have posted enough to out the chapter, and some of us are making statements that don't need to be made. Let's move on.

[robinseggblue]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

Uh, no. No one said that.

Then I don't get the back and forth about not having a house. Every sorority ever that has colonized needs time to figure out housing. It's expected. If they're gonna have a house soon then they'll have the same amenities the other houses have soon enough and won't be looked down on for that anymore.

I get meeting up w the entire chapter will be tricky until they move in but it's not like that's gonna be for that long. I'm guessing it shouldn't take much more than a year or so to get the house done and then they'll either be even or maybe PNMs will even think they're more attractive than other houses bc of the new house.

Granted I'm not at a SEC school and have no idea what campus this is. I also think someone mentioned that a sorority at a campus w necessary Greek housing that won't have a house will fail. Unsure whether that is talking about this campus or just a random example.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by robinseggblue

Then I don't get the back and forth about not having a house. Every sorority ever that has colonized needs time to figure out housing. It's expected. If they're gonna have a house soon then they'll have the same amenities the other houses have soon enough and won't be looked down on for that anymore.

I get meeting up w the entire chapter will be tricky until they move in but it's not like that's gonna be for that long. I'm guessing it shouldn't take much more than a year or so to get the house done and then they'll either be even or maybe PNMs will even think they're more attractive than other houses bc of the new house.

Granted I'm not at a SEC school and have no idea what campus this is. I also think someone mentioned that a sorority at a campus w necessary Greek housing that won't have a house will fail. Unsure whether that is talking about this campus or just a random example.

Look, the OP made a valid observation that because her daughter's chapter is unhoused, they find it difficult to hang out together and get to know each other. The first post in response made it sound like having a house is no big deal - that at the responder's college there were no houses and they hung out just fine. Well, that is apples and oranges. Then another poster said why can't they go to Applebee's or a campus center to meet up. Yes, they could do these things with a small group of sisters. But, in a massive chapter, this will never give them the kind of bonding they need for a strong sisterhood. It actually could likely lead to a cliquish atmosphere. I have been intimately involved with the colonization of an SEC chapter, and the transition from unhoused to housed. It presents the very challenge that the OP mentioned. (And lots of other challenges!)

I understand that you are struggling to follow the train of thought, because there is an undercurrent that isn't being posted. But please don't assume that this is just a temporary set back and everything will be great once this chapter gets a house that is newer and shinier than the others on campus. While that is sometimes or even usually the case, it isn't always, and may not be the case here.

It is just frustrating to read posters downplaying factors that are quite important. I know everyone means well, but bad advice and misinformation can result from interjecting into a situation where you have no first-hand experience.

[Sunny3]

Hello everyone,
I have been trying to post a reply, but my account will not let me. This is a test to see if I can post now.

[Sunny3]

I was amazed and thankful to everyone who took the time to write a response. There is some good advice in the posts.
I would like to clarify a few things. My daughter does go to a SEC school, and her pledge class has well over 100 girls. If you haven't already figured out which school this is, you may private message me if really interested in knowing.
My daughter is not one of those cheerleader/homecoming queen/4.0 student who has had everything she ever wanted. She was not even in the "popular clique" in high school, although she did have a great circle of friends. Like thousands of other girls across the country, she is beautiful, intelligent, and has won several athletic/scholastic awards. She actually had a higher g.p.a. than every other single girl going through recruitment from her high school. All of the others from her high school (about a dozen) got their first or second choice sorority-all chapters with former high school classmates; so something just doesn't feel right to me. She was definitely more than acquaintances with them, but not best friends. Regardless, she has moved on. She is the first person in my extended family to join a Greek organization, and before this summer, I did not even know the name of more than two sororities. Her dad and I do not care what letters she wears, we just want her to be happy.
The chapter does not have a house, but I feel certain that it will within the next five

[Sunny3]

years or so. I am not aware of any plans to begin construction, nor do I know if a suitable piece of property has even been found yet. Many of the actives live in a Greek "living center" on campus. Members of the new fraternities also reside there. There is no large, central area to have gatherings, though, and the pledges do not even have access to the building as it is locked at all times. Of course, the girls do go out in small groups. They eat dinner together/go to movies/play miniature golf etc. etc. They really need a place to spend unstructured time together, however-a place to hang out in pajamas and watch Netflix/bake cookies together/stay up all night talking etc. In addition, on this campus, not having a house truly does negatively impact recruitment.
I don't think I was very clear in my first post. I suppose what I would really like advice on is how to get my daughter to believe in herself again. Before recruitment, she

[Sunny3]

was an independent, self-confident young lady. In the span of a mere six days though, she became an emotional wreck. I do not care how many times they are told not to take it personally, being cut IS personal. In fact, it is probably one of THE most personal things ever. These girls are away from home, isolated during the day, and then told that ABC does not want you. That is enough to cause even the most confident person to question themselves. The university does a very poor job of preparing the PMN's also. They are led to believe that they actually get to choose which sorority they want, and many are shocked at the first round of cuts. On bid day, my daughter kept asking me what was wrong with her. She had become convinced that she had some major personality flaw because every sorority but one did not want her. Of course, she also started feeling inferior to the girls in the "top" sororities especially. The sad thing is, it seems like to me many of the girls join a "top" house, regardless of whether they are a good fit or not, for precisely that reason. They enjoy feeling better than everybody else. It took 18 years for my daughter to develop into the lovely young woman she is today, but only one week to break her down. We just want her to get a good education, find a good set of friends, and be happy. First, however, we have got to make her see that she is still the same wonderful young woman she was before she went through recruitment.

[FSUZeta]

Sunny,

It is not just about GPA. It is not just about HS activities, appearance, leadership, clothes, personality, reputation,etc. It is about the whole PNM and what the sorority is looking for and needs. It is about the impression the PNM makes on her rush hostess. It is about recs. It is about connections, prior acquaintances and friendships. It is about a lot of unfathomable things.

Your daughter will recover. Like other disappointments or "didn't go according to plans" events, there is really no way to prepare in advance for those bumps in the road. But you raised her right! She accepted her bid and is going about the business of making friends in her chapter.

What was it Eleanor Roosevelt said? "People can only make you feel bad about yourself if you let them", or something to that affect. It really is true and it sounds like your daughter is well on her way to getting to that place where she is enjoying herself and soon won't give a fig what others think. Soon you and she will both be feeling that her glass is half full, not half empty. It is true that things did not work out as you and she had thought, BUT, she had a sorority that wanted her in their sisterhood. They didn't have to offer her a bid, but they saw in her a girl who they felt was worthy of their friendship, loyalty, and love. That bid is a gift that I think she is starting to value, and I hope you will be able to soon too.