Would you date a man...

sistarisin · #1 11-08-2001, 05:30 PM

Disclaimer: This is not intended to bash anyone for their sexual orientation

I believe that some men find it acceptable to date women that have admitted to having engaged in bisexual experiences.

I am curious of your opinion whether or not you would date a man that reveals to you that he has had bisexual experiences.

I once met a guy who I absolutely clicked with. He was on point regarding: career, family, spiritual, etc. He treated me like a queen; however, he DID NOT reveal his past/present orientation. However, I strongly suspected that he may have engaged in those types of activities. At that time, I thought to myself "Self, this brotha's got it going on on all levels. He genuinely cares about you. Does it really matter what his orientation was in the past?"

Would it matter to you?

Steeltrap · #2 11-08-2001, 05:41 PM

No. I have no interest in dating someone who is bisexual. Too risky, especially in view of AIDS and hepatitis C. Also, I think these "down-low brothers" (as this is referred to in some news articles) are selfish f&^*#.

FuturePhD · #3 11-08-2001, 06:01 PM

I got the understanding from your post that the brother at one time engaged in homosexual activities but is not now bisexual or homosexual. If this is the case, I can understand forgiving, forgetting, and moving on. For me, it would be like a man who was once an alcoholic...people have weaknesses, and make mistakes. I would challenge anyone to find somebody that doesn't have a few skeletons in their closet, and we ourselves have a past littered with mistakes. But, no, if he is still a practicing bisexual then I would leave him alone (but that's not based on contracting any diseases, that's just because I think he's confused).

smlwonderdst · #4 11-12-2001, 11:07 AM

I would have to agree with what FuturePhD said. If he was honest enoungh to tell me about his past and is no longer practicing bisexuality/homosexuality or interested in it, I can deal with that. We all have things that we have been delivered from. Now, if he is still engaged in those activities I would have to let him go and just pray for him.

straightBOS · #5 11-12-2001, 12:45 PM

From what I know about alcoholism.. (watching too much Dateline), you are never truly "cured". Instead you are always a re-covering alcoholic and must be on guard against old behaviors and patterns that may return you to the bottle. Now, if I have to watch my man against sexual advances towards or from other men, then what's really going on?

Also, I am of the opinion that a bisexual is a homosexual trying to conform to society's standards. So, he may still have homosexual tendencies, but surpresses them so that he is not ostracized.. and that cannot be good for either of us.

It's hard enough to avoid the dogs, two-timers, and players... I can't see why I would add another obstacle in my road to happiness.

lovelyivy84 · #6 11-12-2001, 12:54 PM

I don't think I can make a blanket statement on this one. It would depend on the guy, and how much trust I had in him as a person, and where his head was at.

If I felt he was truly sincere, I would trust him BUT we would be using condoms CONSISTENTLY and I might ask him, MIGHT ask, to be tested (act like the brother just got outta jail, lol).

ClassyLady · #7 11-12-2001, 01:04 PM

This is a tough one.

It would really all depend.

If he is still engaging in homosexual activity, then abolutely not. No question about it.

If he was in the past, but is now only interested in women, that makes it hard to answer. First, I would insist that he be tested for every sexually transmitted disease. (But, that's not too different since I do that with all of the men I date.)
If I really liked the guy, I might try to give it a chance. But, I don't think that it would work out because it would be too hard for me to get past his past. Somewhere in the back of my mind I would always be thinking about it.
And, I would always worry about him cheating on me with another man. There would be some sexual thirsts that I could never quench for him. I can do whatever the next woman can do, but I can't be a man in the bedroom. Whenever a good looking man walked by, I would wonder if my man really wants to be with him.

HopefulProspective · #8 11-12-2001, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Steeltrap
No. I have no interest in dating someone who is bisexual. Too risky, especially in view of AIDS and hepatitis C. Also, I think these "down-low brothers" (as this is referred to in some news articles) are selfish f&^*#.

Steeltrap...I concur.

My answer is short and to the point. HELL NO.

Friendship aside...I couldn't be with a man, KNOWING he has been with another man regardless of when it happened. He could up and do a "Bill" on me...then I'd hafta kill im...

JJSP01 · #9 11-12-2001, 04:07 PM

Absolutely NOT! I could never move past it.

NOWorNEVER · #10 11-12-2001, 10:00 PM

I agree with what a lot of others have already said.....uh, NO. Not to be explicit here, but over the summer I was talking to someone who seemed like a nice guy, but I heard a rumor that he might be bisexual and decided to ask him about it. He denied swinging both ways but DID admit that while he was in a correctional facility, he let another man give him head

and THAT was TOO MUCH FOR ME, so I let him go. I can't even imagine being with someone who has actually had an intimate relationship with another MAN. Ew! And what's scary is that nowadays many black men don't even realize they could be homosexuals. According to a recent article in Essence, the "homothug," is an average black man who engages in sex with other men but doesn't admit to or is in denial to the fact that he is gay/bi. lord, lord, lord....what to do, what to do...

sequel_1913 · #11 11-13-2001, 09:35 AM

Ditto Steeltrap, Ditto!!!

Ideal08 · #12 11-13-2001, 09:56 AM

I couldn't do it. And it wouldn't have anything to do with him, personally. I just couldn't do it. First off, It's enough to wonder what women he's thinking about, looking at, hollerin' at, etc. If i have to include men, too, I'd go crazy. Second off, i'm just straight on that. Can't do it. Sorry.

sistarisin · #13 11-13-2001, 10:58 AM

Well....

In that particular situation, I simply could not get past it. Plus this guy started acting a lil neurotic. What's a kick in the azz is that he was really nice and I could really simply kick it with him. We had a really good chemistry going BUT I believe that he's in denial about a few thangs.

Now, if a guy were to be totally up front and tell me that, I still don't think that I could get past it. Funny thing is that I don't consider myself to be homophobic; yet, I would truly always worry about whether or not he was dippin with a man while we're together. The irony is that I don't necessarily have those same fears when it comes to 'hetorosexual' men. I never trust 100%; yet, I don't think it would be as significant a fear as it would be for a man that had indulged in homosexual activities in the past. Why is that I wonder?

DoggyStyle82 · #14 11-13-2001, 01:25 PM

Ladies, if I can give a male perspective. Having two gay/bisexual men in my family, I can guarantee you that the man will return to a homosexual encounter. Any man that crosses that line of sleeping with another man, then that is his basic sexual preference. Even while incarderated, that is too far of a line to cross if that is not part of your nature. I have seen my relatives wrestle with trying to maintain a heterosexual relationship only to return to cheating with men or hanging out with their "suspect" friends. A woman is just asking for trouble. If your female intuition tells you that a man's sexuality is suspect, LEAVE HIM ALONE.

FuturePhD · #15 11-13-2001, 01:47 PM

But is it just me, or are most of you saying that people can't change??? If you were a "player" back in the day, I shouldn't trust you now because you have those tendencies and may revert back to those ways? And while I've never personally had to struggle with homosexuality, there were a lot of things that I have been delivered from...and if you are honest with yourself, there are a lot of things that you regret doing or having a weakness for. If you can't trust a man to be faithful to you and only you, regardless of what his sexual preference was/is...then you don't need to be with him, point blank. Now, I have never (knowingly) been in this situation, so maybe my viewpoints would change, but I would hate to think that someone would judge me now, by the mistakes that I've made in the past. And it is one's personal perference one what they can and cannot deal with in a relationship, I can't stand a smoker, and I can't be with someone who isn't a Christian, so I understand everyone who says that they just couldn't overlook that, that's just being honest...